I’m commenting first on this to see if my gravitron appears as it’s been changed. It’s right on the front page and nowhere else, which is so stupid and bogus I can’t even figure it out. Again, not an actual emergency.
LOVE LOVE LOVE. BUYING THE SONG NOW ON ITUNES. XO SFC
On April 24, 2009 at 3:25 am carrie Said:
Cirque du Bicyclettes! — I see your new gravitron. Isn’t that you at the Duke?
On April 24, 2009 at 5:43 am Maureen Said:
Is anyone still up?
(From the last post)
First of all, those Oreo bon-bons are the manifestation of delicious itself. I believe that the bulge on my right hip is directly attributable to the 42 Oreo bon-bons I ate in Durham, before and while I got drunk.
(From the new post)
Second, that bicycle video is awesome – I’ll have to make some videos of Elliot parkour-ing around the farm. That robot video was also really joyous. Thanks, Clouds. When the news shows all the bad going on, over and over, it’s good to remember how many people out there are truly kind.
I awoke this morning, did a quick cranium check, and shouted “I don’t have a headache!” AND it’s supposed to be in the 80s here all weekend. I DO wish my insurance policy covered voluntary hysterectomies.
Confession: I listen to exclusively Iodine in my car, which I am in a LOT. (I moved that adverb three times to get it in the appropriate spot). I realized yesterday that it’s because I am starving for intelligent conversation (I get that with Andy, but I mean another woman), so I let Haven talk at me in the car, and then I think Iodine thoughts at Sher (Sher, I just ordered Kate Bush’s Hounds of Love CD)
I was THRILLED that John Elder commented on my blog (well, I asked him to take a peek)
I am going to cast this comment out and see if anyone is about. Tex-a-Mex-a-Love-Child?
On April 24, 2009 at 5:44 am Maureen Said:
Haven – I see your new gravitron
Sher – You showed up as Pippi on my blog.
NOW I HAVE TO GO ALL DAY AND WAAAAAAH WAAAAAH. lol.
I am so going straight home after school to see videos and click links and bask in blogbaby love.
On April 24, 2009 at 8:54 am Amy in Ohio Said:
Maureen,
I completely understand the notion of listening to Haven equaling an intelligent conversation…
The weather is so flippin beautiful!! I am headed to Indiana tonight to relax at the lake, go for a boat ride, and meet with the cake lady ( and taste samples, yummo) and the florist to make more wedding decisions.
Is there anything better than wedding cake I ask you?
On April 24, 2009 at 8:58 am Linda Said:
Amy- what is the date of your wedding?
On April 24, 2009 at 8:58 am Cow Said:
Molly –
So you don’t pee your pants in anticipation, it is The Jets singing “You Got It All Over Him” and “I’ve Got a Crush on You”
Ask anyone in their 40s and they can probably sing you both.
On April 24, 2009 at 9:16 am Linda Said:
I don’t know The Jets. I guess I am more of a 70s “gal”
What ever happened to good old fashioned crushes? I remember these songs. Now they seem so out of place because everyone in the video is fully clothed.
I LOVED the bike video. I’m like Susanne, I want that song! And every time I watch something like this, I’m amazed at the different things they are able to do, but mostly I’m thinking about how many times they had to fall and completely fail. And then they had to get back up and try it again, because it’s the only way to ever conquer it.
As a side note, I cannot watch the videos in which they fall. Nope, not anymore.
On April 24, 2009 at 9:37 am Sarah Said:
As a graduate of Carolina Crapo Memorial Elementary School (since renovated into Town Offices), I have to say that I see no Crapo picture.
Linda~My wedding is September 12th!
“Honey it’s true, there’s just you. You must have been heaven sent , hearing me call you, went out on a limmmmmmbbbbb, and you’re all that he’s not, just look what I got…cuz you got it allllll, over him.”
Nice right Mo??? ALL FROM MEMORY PEOPLE!!!
On April 24, 2009 at 10:16 am George Stuteville Said:
That song unleashed a sweet memory for me, which I wrote about earlier this morning. Thanks for sending in, Maureen.
…and thanks, Haven, for that bike ride.
Lord, that kid is amazing…what impresses me is for him to be able to do that requires much more than balance, but blends of guts, creativity, strength and an understanding of where he is in each split second.
On April 24, 2009 at 10:17 am George Stuteville Said:
Suzanne: I think that at the moment you posted above, I was reading sections of Split.
I’m so glad this showed up. The baby got me up in the dead of night and I found it, then posted it all by myself. I no longer have a webmaster, so it’s going to be ROUGH going for a while here. This is a very good sign.
Song is GREAT — that was part of what I loved best.
OH! And you’ll all be pleased to know that Susan Boyle now has a near hairstyle, a complete and very thorough dye-job, and is wearing designer clothes. I’m banking on new boobies and a face-transplant aaaany minute now. Because we’re PURE! PURE, I tell you!
On April 24, 2009 at 12:29 pm Sarah Said:
Whoa there, Haven– working without a web net, are we?
Given your success with the avatars, it should be smooth sailing.
I wish nothing but the best for Miss Boyle…she sounds like she has sacrificed her entire life for others and she deserves a little praise. The woman can sing beautifully. I am cheesed off at the assholes and idiots who somehow equate beauty with talent (I know I don’t…I am ALWAYS SURPRISED when an attractive person is also talented.) I just hope she can keep her head clear and not go all Roseanne Barr.
Those songs from the Jets take me back to the days of CHARM NECKLACES! I had a roller skate and sunglasses with a playboy bunny! Don’t tell Mom! I used to make a girl named Erin sing “I’ve Got a Crush on You” in the lunch line.
Jarvis was HORRIFIED by the bike video. “MOMMY. That’s DANGEROUS!”
On April 24, 2009 at 3:33 pm Kimbits Said:
he can do that and I can’t lose 2 pounds?! definitely inspiring. loved the song…and speaking of music…I’M GOING TO SEE DAVE TONIGHT!!! WAHOOO! (dave matthews band w/ Avett Brothers) yep…sooo happy.
On April 24, 2009 at 3:35 pm Kimbits Said:
oh what a cute little martian-dragon thingy. sweet.
Dee, honestly? Can I ask your advice about wordpress? There are some thing I can do very adeptly, and some things that make me drool on my clothes. I’d send you presents. Well, I’d have John send you presents.
Like this: How do I make the title a different color and font size? I got the font larger but doth the color reside? Between this community I swear we could function as Doctors Without Borders.
I sent the video for EXACTLY your reason Kimbitsums. I watched it and thought — “Look at that confidence. Look at his single-minded determination. LISTEN TO THAT AWESOME SONG.”
Susan Boyle can be anything she wants to be, just as she has always been, all of her sweet, normal, kind-hearted, talented life. And now she can get devoured by sharks with seventeen set of teeth in the process. I pray for her, I honestly do, even though I wish I had that jacket.
On April 24, 2009 at 3:55 pm Hillary Said:
(Maureen!) Impressive you heard from John Elder. I just love him. He really has a true gift. I bought and read his book Don’t look me in the eye, and passed it along to my mother and sister. It can’t be a coincidence that John Elder’s mother and my mother are from the same town and I have a sister and neice that definately have asperger’s.
—by the way loved the bike video and feel sad my god given talent isn’t as cool or as entertaining as that guys.
On April 24, 2009 at 4:00 pm carrie Said:
Haven, I’m happy to help as well. As you may know, I am in the process of making a website for my best Vicki and her creations.
Boys on bikes. Yikes. How do they keep from becoming sterile? A friend has a son who has traveled the world on a skateboard. He used a plane to get over the watery bits, but what a life he’s had from 4 wheels and a board. Sadly, those boys treasure their worst accidents and so have put them all together in a reel. I’ve been able to watch it. Once.
I am bad….blogging when I shoulds’t be cleaning . . .
however,
I love the bike video. it should be an olympic sport. wow. song – wow.
kimbits – I’m waving madly!!!! You’ll enjoy Dave, he does a great live show and his musicians are chosen with care not just for their talent, but for their inner light . . . . and he can move his shoes!
where is pippi here . . . somebody knows the magic button, but not me!
Have, I changed one of my blog themes to this one and you cannot change your fonts unless you pay for the CSS upgrade.
On April 24, 2009 at 4:16 pm brendaquinkydink Said:
I love the video mucho mucho gracias and also I want the song, too!! But all the way through, I kept thinking:
‘HIS POOR MOTHER MUST BE WORRIED OUT OF HER MIND!’
I now realize I was an extremely overprotective parent. (wildly waving my hands in front of my face in panic) Heavens, I have the vapors.
(thanks for finding the cd Suzanne…I need me one of those.)
On April 24, 2009 at 4:19 pm Linda Said:
Kim- son, Sam, is going to the DMB concert tomorrow night here in Nashville. It is the first concert being held at Vanderbilt’s football stadium since Pink Floyd played there about 10 years ago. Robert Earl Keen is opening for him at 6:00 which means no one will be there to see him. I love Robert Earl Keen. Jason Maraz (sp?) is next up so all the girls will be in by that time to see him. Sam is so pysched as he is a huge fan of Dave’s. Sam and his cross country buds sing his songs when they run miles and miles.
ROTLMAO! WordPress makes you pay a fee to be able to change the CSS code. The CSS is the code that controls things like fonts, colors, backgrounds, and such.
Here’s the blog I installed into my website. I edited the CSS/PHP to look more like my website.
Haven- I read the question. Actually you asked two and sorry, but I don’t know what Caryl craves. Probably nothing because she is practically perfect in every way and just doing wonderful things for people is her own joy.
Now as for your “friend” and her comment. Please just wad that letter up into a ball and either set it on fire or flush it down the toilet. Fire might be better as you would not want to clog up the toilet. I have never known anyone to love and adore her family as much as you. You are funny. You make jokes. That is what funny people do. She just does not get humor apparently. Geez. Some people. You, my dear Haven, are the most wonderfully generous person and that extends to you sharing your love and adoration for your entire family.
Haven, I know I am not one of the ones who knows you best. BUT.
Your trusted friend is…a jerk.
I’m sorry. I know I should NOT be judgemental, but one of the things Amber and I dissected on the way home was how sweet the John/Haven interaction was Wednesday night. You sat very close together and looked snuggly and cute, and you did indeed tell me that you felt even being OUT with John was boasting because he was so perfect.
The FIRST thing I told my mother about the reading was precisely this:
“Mama, Haven was giving AB a lovely intro when her baby, named after AB, shouted out, “Hey, Mama!” (or the like) and she stopped what she was saying and said hey back and waved and it was so cute and so real and she so obviously loves her family.”
You have never said one even remotely unkind thing about your family.
It seems to me that some people like to wound just for the sake of wounding and this person knows that, for some reason, you worry deeply (is there Virgo in your chart?) about whether or not you love your family enough.
Carrie is right. If John and Kat are shrugging it off…your daughter was with you well before John. If anyone would call “bullshit,” I’m sure she would.
Also–that line about no one around you can serve you well enough? Well **shuffles feet** um, anyone one of us would strip naked (or some other equally embarrassing thing) and do a dance if you just but asked. That’s just how much we love you. That’s how much you’ve touched our lives. And I believe I just sent you an email a day or two ago confirming that. So chin up, Haven. Your friend needs a drink. Or a Xanax. Or both.
If I could add one thing to my above post, it would be this:
Haven, your books gave me hope when I had none. Someone who was not herself a Lure to Truth, Beauty, and Goodness wouldn’t be capable of bringing about such a thing.
Ok, I know that I’m fairly brand spanking new here, but I think that this friend is ridiculous.
Haven, you are one of the most selfless people of whom I have ever known. And I think that because you are that way, others want to do things for you, just to be around you. That’s how it seems to me.
I need the blog babies help. I’m in crisis at Mayo Clinic right now. Its 8:45 pm and hubby has been asleep from stress for over and hour. I need kind words and common sense help. Please read my blog post and get back to me. I need help from anyone who knows a Neurologist who works @ Mayo STAT!!!
Thank you, thank you. MY college BFF is not answering her phone. (She’s an infant mental health specialist, but can talk any crazy person down.) I need help asap.
Hello Haven and Blog Babies. I have lurked here for some time but am shy and have recently been in “Mayday, Mayday, Woman Down” mode, which doesn’t provide very good fodder for a good introduction. I have also never subscribed to anything like this in my life and feel odd about doing so. However, I am undoubtedly one of you, down to Little House and Anne of Green Gables and Johnny Cash and the like. The more I check in to see what you’re doing, the more I’m convinced that there’s nothing left but to accept this odd affiliation of wonderful souls and insert myself accordingly.
Am writing tonight because I finally have something to offer. Read this in the New York Times and thought, “Oh, Haven and the Blog Babies will like this.” So here it is…
Jenny, that is the most excellent link I’ve seen all day, since the bicycle one anyway. Thanks for sharing. and WELCOME out of lurk!
On April 24, 2009 at 11:09 pm Jenny Said:
Oh, I’m so glad you liked it! You’ve all given me so many funny and wonderful things to think about that it’s nice to have something to reciprocate.
I so look forward to knowing you all.
On April 24, 2009 at 11:14 pm Kittery Said:
Jenny, you have the most awesome avatar.
On April 24, 2009 at 11:16 pm George Said:
Jenny,
You are most welcome here in this special place and thanks so much for the gift link. I am not sure, but I think the same author covered the Inauguration in a similar fashion. Just wonderful!
God help me, I’m afeared. There is a wild animal making claw/nibbling sounds right behind the sheetrock wall of my bedroom. While I’m not AS phobic about four legged animals with long tails and teeth as I am about spiders – I’m still not pleased.
Also, my kitten Lily (who is a mad huntress) is going to spend the entire night awake, staring at said corner, poised for action, just waiting for it to pop out so she can break its little neck and plop it on my pillow as a gift.
Crap.
’she’ is not your friend. if ’she’ ever was, she is no longer the definition of a friend.
she is FOE.
I want to kick some ass and beat her to a pulp. this is poison. poison to you and your family. that is enough.
sorry doesn’t cut it.
this might be too close to home for me, because I know how this feels . . . and I have never cried the river of tears as I did the day my ‘person’ defiled me by saying I should leave my husband and kids, that I was a bad mother and wife. I was accused of tearing apart an entire family, this generation and the last and the future.
It is bullshit. I smells to high heaven, don’t fall for it.
You can drop and break something in a minute. It may take hours or days to repair it. And no matter how great that “super glue” may be, it is never, exactly the same as it was before. And people usually take even more time to heal than things.
On April 25, 2009 at 2:29 am katemckinneycake Said:
I didn’t want to say anything on the blog but yes…this is incredibly disturbing. Frightening. If it happened to me I would do EXACTLY what Haven is doing. I would cry and cry for days. I would not stop dissecting it in my mind for one second. I would constantly be on the verge of vomiting. Why would someone make such an accusation? Especially in such an insane, crucial time in her life? Haven has deadlines we cannot conceive of on top of the normal life responsibilities of marriage and family, which can be enough to make anyone crack. Anyone who has been near her for two seconds KNOWS how she praises John as thoroughly as a person can before falling into idol worship, her love for Gus is as sunny and tender as a mother’s love can be, how she is by nature a hermit, a recluse but yet she opened her life, her home, her BARN to all of us who visited (one cannot underestimate the crucial-ness of this.)Her heart is as open as it can possibly be, and by rights she should be able to close it to us, but she chose not to. The more she loves, the more she is loved, and I don’t believe for one second that her family gets the scraps. No way.
Haven, take heart my dear. You are not like Frankenstein in this group. You are UNDERSTOOD.
This from a November posting . . . regarding my previous situation . . .
“Somehow, while being attacked repeatedly I knew that I was undergoing one of the biggest ‘tests’ of my life. Testing my own soul and that my reaction to the accusations would be my best witness.
While conversing, I remained deadly calm. But out of face-to-face I was on a crying jag for months. This is no joke or exaggeration.
I was accused of every foul thing in the world. I did not recognize me in this person’s descriptions. I knew it was not so. So I held onto that and I was completely prepared to cut off the relationship, but left the “ball” or “sword” in said person’s court.
I never lobbed one back.
After months I got an apology. To this day I know that it was all about what was stirred up in that person’s life and nothing that I was exhibiting. In the end it was pure projection.
It damaged the relationship, but I have gained a lot of respect from the individual because I did not get down in the mud with them.
Maintain your honesty and your dignity. But do not lower your standards. That is conflicting advise, but I mean it that way.
If it is ultimately abusive, then you have the right to cut it off, at least temporarily. It is impossible to have a rational conversation with an irrational being.”
this is why I am in time warp . . . been there, done that and it still tears my heart to shreds to this day.
This past week I worked on the “EAT YOUR WORDS” installation – it is the one where I take the mean emails, print them on colored paper, shred them and collage them onto play ‘food’ so that the ACCUSER can “EAT [their] words”
It has been almost 2 years, and I still cry about it.
I am trying to clean . . . but I ‘got my panties in a wad’ over this one!
I almost know how Don felt win this same thing happened to me. I thought he would kill this said person. Wow – wanting to defend a loved one is a powerful thing, and a helpless thing.
ok….I have a party in 12 hours and haven’t slept in . . . forever….
you all beat this idiot’s ass for me ok, I will be taking a leave of absence for hosting, but send them to Nashville and Linda and I can work on kickboxing practice.
Which is a very immature attitude I know . . .
night night, or morning, or whatever it is, wherever you are!
Kittery – I hope the living beings have settled down in your walls . . . yikes, heebie jeebies on that one . . . reminds me of the mice that used to run through the heat vents all along the floor/wall of the trailers . . . their nails on the metal and wood . . . then i would open a drawer and there would be a dead mouse . . . and they would be left there for months . . .
Jenny, welcome — and please come back and visit often — we all need each other in a crazy mean-o world like this one. Also, I love the name Jenny. But that’s rather beside the point. You have great taste in music and reading, and that’s as much what this blog about as anything else. Kindness and JOHNNY CASH, and then some other stuff also good but mostly JOHNNY CASH.
JOIN AND SIN FREELY!
xoxox
On April 25, 2009 at 10:03 am Linda Said:
Welcome Jenny! My fabulous mentalist’s name is Jenny so you are like a friend already
Sher- I have been talking about how cool and awesome you are to my family for months – and of course you have met Sam and he thinks you rock too. So, this morning I told Phil I was going over to your house tonight for a little gathering you are having. He paused and then said, “who is Sher? I have never heard of her before.” I said, “the beautiful encaustic she gave me in Durham is hanging in the hall.”
Have I ever mentioned before that I don’t think my husband hears a single thing I say? Needless to say, I did not invite him to join me tonight. I am in desperate need of some time out of the house.
Good morning, Haven dear!
Kittery- did the pest in the wall go away?
Amy Gigi- How are you? I am sorry I was not here last night for you.
On April 25, 2009 at 10:07 am norabarnacle Said:
Jenny…
I said all those same things when I first posted here, and my close friends are still agog that I burst out of my introverted home bound bubble to take part in this extravaganza of openess and sharing with Total Strangers. Jaws were dropped when they heard I was going to actually show up to meet these people In Person.
My big secret is that I cried on the way to the Washington Duke Inn, socially stressed and talked through the one mile from my house to the Inn by my loving daughter…It was SO worth it, and now, even though I am still Some insecure whenever I open my mouth to speak here, it just gets easier and better.
On April 25, 2009 at 10:22 am Linda Said:
Sherrill NoraB – you should not be stressed about talking here because you are a dear sweet soul and we all love you. So, talk away girlfriend!
On April 25, 2009 at 10:24 am norabarnacle Said:
Haven…
Is this (former) friend of yours a local person?
Given the ties and webs that bind people here in Durham, I am wondering if I could possibly know or know of this bad example of humankind.
Not to be too mysterious, I do know a woman here in Durham who is entirely capable of this kind of behavior. She was at your reading at the Regulator for Couch, the one where Margaret Sartor and I joked around with you about daycare for your unhatched chick…You mentioned her first name somewhere in your talk,(“my friend _____”) and I have always hoped that is wasn’t actually her you were referring to.
On April 25, 2009 at 10:27 am norabarnacle Said:
Linda…All teared up here now reading your kind words…and best of all I BELIEVE you!
NoraB – I’m so glad you came to meet everyone. You were so welcoming to us and helped us in every way you could so that we could see the lemurs! Your daughter was just fabulous to support you that way and give you encouragement. Sometimes we need a little push (I always need more than a little push).
My own social anxiety manifests in weird ways. I talk on the phone all day as part of my job, so when I get home, no phones for me. I refuse to be the one to order pizza. Ever.
The only reason I was able to show my face is because I had Molly with me. She must have been exhausted from sticking so close. I have to be in someone’s company for awhile first, before I’m comfortable. I hope we all get to see each other again soon!
Hello Jenny! I love how you just came running up to the front! I wish I had the nerve to do that way back in the beginning, but I was too scared! Now that I’ve met everyone, that just seems silly. Oh, and I loved the link!
I just realized that my icon is no longer purple. I actually added a picture of myself, but it seems like an infamous problem now that pics don’t show up.
On April 25, 2009 at 10:37 am norabarnacle Said:
GFTG/Amy…
I am feeling so bad for your plight…I do know a woman at the Mayo Clinic (actually she is a friend of my ex-husband-the-drummer, but she has been to my house for dinner). She is a lawyer FOR the Clinic, and I don’t know what help she could be…I am going to check with Robert, just in case…
I wish you were at Duke instead…I have some high up connections there…I hope the guy who answered you on your blog can help you. Love to you.
On April 25, 2009 at 10:42 am norabarnacle Said:
Amber…
It is so obvious how much Molly loves you and values your friendship, I’m sure she just embraced that possible exhaustion as a way to show her love. Like my sweet daughter Kate.
On April 25, 2009 at 10:50 am norabarnacle Said:
I’m just posting my self silly this morning!
But I wanted to comment to Sher, that when I was little in the dark ages, and got taken to the movies to see Bambi, I can still remember how amazed I was to hear “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all” come from Flower’s baby skunk voice. I thought my MOM had originated that sentiment, because I had heard her say it so often!
I hope your Party is great, and you and Linda give each other hugs for me…
Sherril, you are a sweet bit of lovely, it was WONDERFUL to meet you, I am so glad you conquered your social anxiety, and I ADORE your daughter…she is a true beauty, inside and out. You made me think of me and my own mother (Cheryl and Kate!)…it is wonderful to see a mother and daughter connecting so.
On April 25, 2009 at 10:56 am Sarah Said:
Amber,
I think one of the sweetest (and funniest) parts of The Story of Amber and Molly Meeting Haven is that both you and Molly mentioned not being able to eat or talk for a while after Haven entered. Later, both of you mentioned that Molly eventually finished her dinner and yours. I don’t know why I find that so funny, but I really do– all the more since you both mentioned it, as a throwaway matter-of-factness.
It reminds me of the old Peanuts cartoon in which Charlie Brown and Linus are watching Snoopy with one of his snowman friends. The sun comes out, the snowman melts, and Snoopy is bereft. Yet, as Charlie Brown comments, “I notice he wasn’t too sensitive to eat the carrot.”
Nora B.,
I believe you posted something here recently (but probably pages and pages ago, in blog time) about grief, and the pressure of others to Move On, or maybe it was the difficulty people have when something is hard, and they need the grieving one to feel better Soon so that their own discomfort is relieved? [Does that sound familiar At All?] I wanted to get back to that one, but on rushed the stream. Uhm, whatever you said way back when [hopefully I'm remembering aright that you're the one who said it] sent me on a worthy ramble in my own heart.
Sarah…
That was me…thanks for connecting with me about it. It feels good to contribute to the thought processes that are, as you said, rushing like a stream here.
“not too sensitive to eat the carrot” is getting added to my lexicon of wryness…
I badly need to learn the bold/italics skills…so I can stop Capitalizing Everything For Emphasis.
On April 25, 2009 at 11:23 am Sarah Said:
Nora,
Capitalizing for emphasis will always have a place, as proved out by luminaries such as Dickinson and Milne long before Al Gore invented the internets.
If you’d like, I can send you Carrie’s oh-so-clear instructions for italics and boldnesses. I’m here: vollehutte At gmail.com.
Sher, you CRACK me up. Now I want to go all ghetto on this friend of Haven’s. Listen up ye he dares insult and make up horrible lies about our fair maiden:
I may have 30 disease, but I can STILL kick your ass. I used to be a bouncer in the biggest bar in Michigan. I’m mean, low down, and vengeful when I need to be. You better write Haven a letter of appology, or I’m going to go grab a lead pipe, hunt you down, and smack you repeatedly with it.
Nora,
I’ll take any help I can get. Thank you so much for offering to check with that friend! I came to Mayo because the leading specialist in Autonomic disorders works there.
Linda, I’m a bit better, but stuck in my hotel eating truffles and peeing into a jug. Hubby snuck out to got to the bookstore because being around a mopey sick person stinks.
Also, thanks for all the blog baby love that you asll sent to me. It helped to wake up and read such nice things from you.
I was supposed to be blog-free today but I couldn’t stay away.
Has anyone heard back from Gigi? She is having a very bad time at the Mayo Clinic. Send her e-mails, she is having a melt-down.
Jenny – Welcome, welcome. Come into the light. There is peace and serenity in the light. Join all us former lurkers and enjoy. So, do you lean toward Little House or Anne?
NoraBarnacles!!!! You are so stinking cute. I just love you. POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST. OR–you can email me and I will post it for you. It would be the written version of how I made Amber be my friend. I am SO glad you came. SO SO SO SO SO Glad.
Amber–don’t be a goose, you silly girl. You never exhaust me. You *only* ever lift me up. And also, don’t lie. Most people say “awhile” and mean an hour or at most a week. You say “awhile” and it means 4 semesters. I’m just saying…
Sarah–I once had to give up food for 2 weeks (Rob broke up with me the First Time, and every time I tried to eat, I threw it right back up, so I just quit for awhile.) Now, I’m like, “Eh, pass me the bacon.” Food makes me happy. So, I eat. lol. That may also be why I am not so slowly starting to spread…Also, Amber would never have come if I hadn’t, but I’d like to remind her that I would never have posted here if she hadn’t told me to.
So, it’s like I explained to Haven in 2 different conversations at Durham. Amber is the boss of me. And I am the boss of Amber. It’s really just like Haven and Augusten…except we get stuff done. (since they’re always joking about how they only encourage one another’s codependence. <— Did I come anywhere near to spelling that correctly?)
Amy. WOW! THAT SUCKS MAJOR, SWEATY BALLS. That is how my sister would say it, and she’d be RIGHT. I am praying for you. If I had any money, I would send it. Prayer’s the best I got, so I will send that instead.
Kate and Sher–can I just have you? You don’t have to be my aunt or my sister or anything. I just want to have full access to you anytime I want.
And where, pray-tell, is KATHLEEN!?!?!?!?!?! Um, we spend 2 beautiful nights together and then…(sob, sniffle, sob) nothing. No calls, no notes (sob, sniffle, sob). I feel so…alone and used…
And Maureen. Is there any end to her Goodness? No, I tell you there is not.
Maureen, I don’t have my glasses on, and the last post you made, when I read it, I saw, “I was composting…” and I just couldn’t figure out how that had anything to do with Amy. lol.
I would love to get all puffy chested and say that I’ll travel all the way to NC to get all ninja on the offender, but let’s be real here – I’m a big f’n baby!
I would just run away crying.
I got into a “fight” once, in high school, with some snobby bitch on my bus, and all I could do was hold her wrists (so she wouldn’t hit me) and turn my face all red. The only good part was, 30 people piled into the office behind me, when I was in there getting threatened with suspension for turning my face all red.
I was a bartender, briefly, at a dive bar where I played pool. The first sign of trouble I cowered behind the bar with the cord stretched to it’s full length, so I could call 911 without being seen by the big mean people fighting.
Yep. I’m a big f’n baby, but I can type fighting words. lol
MOLLY…YES. You can have me. PLEASE. Call, email, WHATEVER.
On April 25, 2009 at 2:12 pm carylhayes Said:
I am in San Francisco with Jack, spending quality time together. After a wonderful evening spent shopping, visiting City Lights Bookstore, and watching two movies in our room, we are driving up to see Suzanne and Pablo. In two hours the meeting will take place. We are so excited, and I will post everything, including pictures tomorrow night.
GFTG- I am not sure what is going on, but you are in my prayers.
Jenny, a big hug and welcome. You have found something amazing here and we are blessed to have you.
Happy weekend to all of my lovelies here. xoxo
Caryl – Enjoy that sweet red-headed boy and hello hello to Suzanne and Pablo
Molly – Those poems were a treat. Billy Collins looks startling like my dad (sorry he’s dead, but glad he’s sober – Augusten B) – the Irish thing. Speaking of which, Andy and I have been watching back-to-back episodes of Ballykissangel off Netflix, and my desire to go to Ireland has become a dull ache. My long-delayed honeymoon perhaps?
Maureen – Thank you for the shout out. I’m better, but still stressed.
Molly – Yes, it does suck. I emailed the media dude from Mayo. I hope he will help me.
Caryl – I’m at Mayo Clinic for my Dysautonomic, which screws up my whole nervous system. I have permanent nerve damage in two nerves so far. Mayo was supposed to start me in Neurology and Rheumatology. Instead, they started me out in Allegies. I’m here in a hotel room w/my husband, and they brought me here during the week when almost all of their Neurologists are on a medical conference. I have appointments with two different types of neurologists in Mid May. I’m off on a medical leave only until May 12th. No way I can afford to stay here this long, emotionally, financially, work or family wise. My hubby is leaving next weekend. I also had to cancel several other specialists because all of a sudden my BCBS may not pay for the consultation fees. And I’m feeling worse, and more confused than normal. Stressed, and forced to pee into a bucket for 24 hours. Because I may have Cushings Syndrome, which can be caused by a tumor, meaning oh yeah, maybe I have cancer in addition to the 30 other big and small medical conditions I have. And there is no ice cream to be found (Everything is open like M-F until 5pm) within walking distance. WTF?
Everyone – Sorry to go on and on about this, but hubby is again in a sleep crisis, I don’t want to call anyone back home because of the costs, and nothing good is on tv.
On April 25, 2009 at 5:06 pm Kittery Said:
Yeah Molly! You tell Kathleen. I friended her on Facebook THE NIGHT I GOT BACK from Durham. Has she responded? No. I fear she may have played both of us.
(So Kathleen, if you’re reading this, shape up! We miss you!) <3
On April 25, 2009 at 5:20 pm Jenny Said:
Hello, everyone.
Thank you so much, Jim, Spirit, Kittery, George, Molly, Kate, Sher, Nora, Amber, Linda, and Haven for such a beautiful welcome! You are dear and good and I am delighted by all of you. It will be nice to be here.
Ghetto Girl, I can help with things neurologic. I will contact you at your blog and we will try to pare things down to a more manageable scope.
Maureen, I am a Little-House leaner, but I read both Little House and Anne series until the covers came off and the guts of those books broke apart into little pamphlet-sized segments.
Haven, I am sorry and troubled to hear about what happened with your friend. It is one thing to get that sort of feedback from someone who doesn’t know you, but another thing entirely to receive such a message from someone you love and respect. My guess is that this doesn’t make sense to you because there isn’t sense to be made of the visible parts. The reality-checks you’ve received should be enough to convince you that her comments aren’t in keeping with what is actual and true. I think there is something very, very wrong in your friend’s life which could explain her behavior- you just don’t know what it is yet, and that’s why things don’t make sense. If you care to continue contact with this person who has hurt you, the answer will unfold over time. But Sher had it right with the YIELD/STOP paradigm. You get to decide whether and when this person gets to come back, and you can’t ever, ever give her the power to define you. She has lost her privileges in that respect.
Sher, I loved your YIELD/STOP post so much that I copied and pasted it into a Word document so I can find it easily in the future. I am so, so glad that you failed to destroy yourself in those darkest moments. You are a bright light.
Blog Babies, I think my Word document will soon fill to bursting with the collective wisdom and loveliness of this group.
On April 25, 2009 at 6:53 pm carrie Said:
Oh, Jenny, Jenny, Jenny — I am so glad you came out of lurk mode — you are some smart. You had it exactly right: 1) there is no sense to be made of the visible parts, and 2) once someone’s leveled a world of hurt on someone they call a friend, they lose privileges. — A big warm welcome to you.
GiGi — just read your post on your blog. I’m so sorry for all you’re going through right now. You’re in my prayers.
Sher and Linda — I am beside myself that I do not live in Nashville this very night. Sher, I hope your party is everything you want it to be.
Sarah! I’m so proud! (“…wasn’t too sensitive to eat the carrot.” Snork!)
Jenny, way to come out here and be able to offer me advice right off the bat.
Side note: They have a Laura Inglas Wilder hotspot here in MN …. her bubby’s church. Now, if it was her house or her school, we’d be in the car lickity split.
Oh, Jenny, I wanted to say that I hope you get over the idea soon that you have to have something *stunning* to say before you can say it. When I first started posting, I wrote all of them in Word first.
On April 25, 2009 at 9:22 pm Sarah Said:
… and by the time I got here, Molly was rushing into the room yelling,
“OH HELL YES!”
and sometimes,
“OH HELL NO!”
(though I maybe should have added more exclamation points, for accuracy’s sake?)
with such a rush of exuberance and fresh air, it brought breath to me.
(I mean, I love Molly for her heart and treasure her more articulate expressions of her self and perspectives, but, man, that “OH HELL YES!” was just what I needed.)
So after crying and crying and crying about this (as Caryl and I agreed, our immediate go-to position is to assume the person is right: I really am a horrible mother and hate my husband no one can ever do enough for me, etc., even while my children themselves are standing in front of me saying “Whoa, crazy woman who loved us like a jaguar, and my husband is telling me he’d walk on burning coals for me) my former friend made an extreme tactical error. She lives way way out of town in a subdivision and she told me, in an insufferable tone, that she’d be happy to explain all the ways I’m . . . what, a failure etc., because I’m “dark” and “hip” and living a completely false life and my work life is so skewed I’m going to starve to death. And basically I’m just false at every turn. I said, “I CANNOT DRIVE,” as if I would FUCKING drive out to her house so I could sit like a peasant on her floor so she could patronize me anyway. She wrote back, “Oh, I think you can drive when you want to, I’ve noticed.” I had no idea what she was talking about. I didn’t even drive to Indiana when Delonda was having surgery. She meant when I went to pick up Polaris (she had, apparently, kept notes). Now if that is not the creepiest shit I’ve ever heard in my life I don’t know what is. I had to double my medication, get permission from my neurologist, and call 75 times on the way home. But I should drive in the dark to listen to her tell me how superior she is to be because I work to support my children and she does not.
And that’s when I got it. I don’t have to be mad. You don’t have to be mad. (Although Amanda — damn is that a smart one — guessed it in one, and it’s no one who regularly posts here.) Her kids will be gone someday, and so will mine, and I’ll still have a career. And not only that, chances are, I’ll become more and more like my mother. And Former Friend who dared say I treat my son as if he makes my skin crawl? YOU ARE GOING TO TURN INTO YOUR MOTHER, TOO. And if that’s not the worst fate I can imagine for any human being, I pray to cease imagining. No WONDER you turned on me the way you did. You saw me on stage, with a career. And your sweet precious children will leave home, no matter how you try to prevent it. After that, your model for womanhood is one of the worst I’ve ever seen.
Your wolf should meet a young lady retriever named Casey who has eaten my glasses, 2 pairs of shoes, a garbage pail, a GLASS Christmas ornament…AND who just stole my used tissue.
Haven, that person sounds like she spends so much time examining the lives of others she has no idea what a horrible person she is. She needs a great big mirror, on wheels, so she can look in that mirror every time she opens her awful mouth.
I’m glad you’re identifying her as “former friend.”
On April 25, 2009 at 11:04 pm Sarah Said:
Molly,
It’s most certainly a compliment. I just thought I’d toss it in there, after reading that you used to compose your posts in Word. It’s not always the more obvious (or obviously praiseworthy) aspects of ourselves that mean the most to someone else at a given time. Ah, the manifold grace of God, reflected through our prism’d selves.
And no, I didn’t censor you; while your more frequent swear words might work their magic on others, it was definitely “HELL NO.” Like that. Except when it was “OH HELL YES!”
But I’m glad you liked it so well. It’s a day to be cherished when you learn you brought something good to another’s life.
On April 25, 2009 at 11:37 pm Mary Lou Said:
Can y’all stand another lurker coming out today?
Haven, I’ve been reading each of your books as soon as they came out, ever since Zippy. When Zippy was new I bought 10 copies, and gave 9 away to dear friends. I have since bought more in paperback and gave away a copy just today to a friend from childhood (we grew up in southwestern Ohio) who so needs to know your work.
I’ve only been reading the blog a few weeks but feel as if I know you all. I wanted so badly to come to Durham but I could not get off work.
Haven, I do not know why this hurtful person has said these horrible things about you, and obviously I wasn’t there at the event, but anyone who has read your books has to know you are not capable of what this person has accused you of.
I’ve been far and away many days, but I wanted to pop in and wave frantically to the new folks. HI NEW FOLKS!!!
Also to say to Sarah: WHERE IS YOUR BLOG? I love the way you write and express yourself. It is magic.
To GFTG: So sorry for what you are going through. I hope you have peace and answers, both.
I am on page 5 of a 15-page research paper on Audre Lorde’s mother as represented in Zami. and the main character of the novel The Joys of Motherhood. This happens to be due at NINE in the MORNING. TOMORROW.
Fiance Dave has already brewed a pot of coffee for me.
And I picked up my wedding gown today.
And I am getting married in THREE weeks.
And I should get back to typing that claw-my-eyes-out-with-a-spork paper.
I like your avatar Mary Lou, it looks like a vampire arrow with e brain wig.
On April 26, 2009 at 12:20 am shanna Said:
GFTG, I am SO sorry you’re in the thick of it. You will be in my thoughts and prayers (and I’m not a huge pray-er, so I think God always gets a little excited when I check in).
We are all here because we love good GREAT writing, so I am going to shamelessly proselytize the book I’ve read/listened to three times in the last few weeks. It’s called The Help by Kathryn Stockett, and it is about a white woman and two black maids in 1962 Mississippi. It is a novel I feel too deeply passionate about to talk about much, but if anyone else has read or does read it I would LOOOOOVE to discuss it with you. I am pasting below the excerpt that is posted on the author’s website, in order to whet your appetite and seduce you all.
Excerpt from The Help.
Two days later, I sit in my parent’s kitchen, waiting for dusk to fall. I give in and light another cigarette even though last night the surgeon general came on the television set and shook his finger at everybody, trying to convince us that smoking will kill us. But Mother once told me tongue kissing would turn me blind and I’m starting to think it’s all just a big plot between the surgeon general and Mother to make sure no one ever has any fun.
At eight o’clock that same night, I’m stumbling down Aibileen’s street as discreetly as one can carrying a fifty-pound Corona typewriter. I knock softly, already dying for another cigarette to calm my nerves. Aibileen answers and I slip inside. She’s wearing the same green dress and stiff black shoes as last time.
I try to smile, like I’m confident it will work this time, despite the idea she explained over the phone. “Could we . . . sit in the kitchen this time?” I ask. “Would you mind?”
“Alright. Ain’t nothing to look at, but come on back.”
The kitchen is about half the size of the living room and warmer. It smells like tea and lemons. The black-and-white linoleum floor has been scrubbed thin. There’s just enough counter for the china tea set. I set the typewriter on a scratched red table under the window. Aibileen starts to pour the hot water into the teapot.
“Oh, none for me, thanks,” I say and reach in my bag. “I brought us some Co-Colas if you want one.” I’ve tried to come up with ways to make Aibileen more comfortable. Number One: Don’t make Aibileen feel like she has to serve me.
“Well, ain’t that nice. I usually don’t take my tea till later anyway.” She brings over an opener and two glasses. I drink mine straight from the bottle and seeing this, she pushes the glasses aside, does the same.
I called Aibileen after Elizabeth gave me the note, and listened hopefully as Aibileen told me her idea–for her to write her own words down and then show me what she’s written. I tried to act excited. But I know I’ll have to rewrite everything she’s written, wasting even more time. I thought it might make it easier if she could see it in type-face instead of me reading it and telling her it can’t work this way.
We smile at each other. I take a sip of my Coke, smooth my blouse. “So . . .” I say.
Aibileen has a wire-ringed notebook in front of her. “Want me to . . .just go head and read?”
“Sure,” I say.
We both take deep breaths and she begins reading in a slow, steady voice.
“My first white baby to ever look after was named Alton Carrington Speers. It was 1924 and I’d just turned fifteen years old. Alton was a long, skinny baby with hair fine as silk on a corn . . .”
I begin typing as she reads, her words rhythmic, pronounced more clearly than her usual talk. “Every window in that filthy house was painted shut on the inside, even though the house was big with a wide green lawn. I knew the air was bad, felt sick myself . . .”
“Hang on,” I say. I’ve typed wide greem. I blow on the typing fluid, retype it. “Okay, go ahead.”
“When the mama died, six months later,” she reads, “of the lung disease, they kept me on to raise Alton until they moved away to Memphis. I loved that baby and he loved me and that’s when I knew I was good at making children feel proud of themselves . . .”
I hadn’t wanted to insult Aibileen when she told me her idea. I tried to urge her out of it, over the phone. “Writing isn’t that easy. And you wouldn’t have time for this anyway, Aibileen, not with a full-time job.”
“Can’t be much different than writing my prayers every night.”
It was the first interesting thing she’d told me about herself since we’d started the project, so I’d grabbed the shopping pad in the pantry. “You don’t say your prayers, then?”
“I never told nobody that before. Not even Minny. Find I can get my
point across a lot better writing em down.”
“So this is what you do on the weekends?” I asked. “In your spare time?” I liked the idea of capturing her life outside of work, when she wasn’t under the eye of Elizabeth Leefolt.
“Oh no, I write a hour, sometimes two ever day. Lot a ailing, sick peoples
in this town.”
I was impressed. That was more than I wrote on some days. I told her we’d try it just to get the project going again.
Aibileen takes a breath, a swallow of Coke, and reads on.
She backtracks to her first job at thirteen, cleaning the Francis the First silver service at the governor’s mansion. She reads how on her first morning, she made a mistake on the chart where you filled in the number of pieces so they’d know you hadn’t stolen anything.
“I come home that morning, after I been fired, and stood outside my house with my new work shoes on. The shoes my mama paid a month’s worth a light bill for. I guess that’s when I understood what shame was and the color of it too. Shame ain’t black, like dirt, like I always thought it was. Shame be the color of a new white uniform your mother ironed all night to pay for, white without a smudge or a speck a work-dirt on it.”
Aibileen looks up to see what I think. I stop typing. I’d expected the stories to be sweet, glossy. I realize I might be getting more than I’d bargained for. She reads on.
“. . . so I go on and get the chiffarobe straightened out and before I know it, that little white boy done cut his fingers clean off in that window fan I asked her to take out ten times. I never seen that much red come out a person and I grab the boy, I grab them four fingers. Tote him to the colored hospital cause I didn’t know where the white one was. But when I got there, a colored man stop me and say, Is this boy white? The typewriter keys are clacking like hail on a roof. Aibileen is reading faster and I am ignoring my mistakes, stopping her only to put in another page. Every eight seconds, I fling the carriage aside.
“And I says Yessuh, and he say, Is them his white fingers? And I say, Yessuh, and he say, Well you better tell them he your high yellow cause that colored doctor won’t operate on a white boy in a Negro hospital. And then a white policeman grab me and he say, Now you look a here–”
She stops. Looks up. The clacking ceases.
“What? The policeman said look a here what?”
“Well, that’s all I put down. Had to catch the bus for work this morning.”
I hit the return and the typewriter dings. Aibileen and I look each other straight in the eye. I think this might actually work.
Hi Mary Lou! Welcome! It’s so nice to have all these new people.
Haven – Good for you on that bolt of clarity about the former friend.
When I was in the midst of anxiety counseling, I read something that completely changed my outlook on people like that:
20% of people will love you, no matter what you do
20% of people will hate you, no matter what you do
The rest can go either way
I used to spend ENORMPUS (that was a typo, but I like it: I’ll let it stand) amounts of time obsessing over people who disliked me or disliked what I did and trying so hard to change myself to get them to like me – to no avail.
Once I accepted the truth of those percentages, I realized what a waste of my time and energy it was to think about and court those 20% who were NEVER going to like me for whatever reason: their own agendas, their own issues, just crankiness. Then I could just RELEASE that whole thing. (Not that I can always remember this in the midst of a day)
I also learned a lot about people by milking cows. Most cows are very pleasant about it, they even enjoy it. A very few will kick because they were born mean. Some kick because something hurts – it’s the COW not me. But I did know that if they kicked me, it wasn’t because of ME, because I try very hard to be very and quiet when I’m milking. If there is PAIN involved, maybe I can help; maybe I can’t. But I did learn to get out of the way.
Sarah – HELL YES on that about Molly Bug. We love you, Bug!
Amanda and Shanna – Thanks you so much for your thoughts.
Mary Lou – I have to say this, because its funny. When I read your post, I instanly thought , oh, how cool is it that Mary Lou Retton is on here. Sigh. I’m such a dork, but I’m blaming it on my vision issues. That and my frequent typos. Welcome, and let me give you a OH HELL YES.
Oh my was it wonderful to visit Sher at her very own home last night. I got to meet her very adorable and totally nice husband, Don. He is even cuter in person than in photos. Sher’s children are all beautiful too. Claire is just as I imagined her. A little Zippy. Dylan and Lauren are both dark haired and gorgeous. Sher has more cool friends than you can shake a stick at. She gave us a tour of her studio and showed us how to make encaustics. I had to smile at the young girl who was there with her mom whom I presume was a neighbor. To say that she is in AWE of Sher would be an understatement.
Of course we talked about Haven and our wonderful blog baby friends and we hope Sher’s friend, Jean, will join us. So, Jean, if you are reading this, HELLO! Nice to meet you! Jean is an talented artist too and her husband is groovy and cool and takes beautiful photos of birds. He gave Sher one of a magnificent whooping crane with a red face.
Haven- thank you for creating this space – thank you for your writing, for being friends with Augusten, for being so generous and smart and gorgeous. My life has definitely been changed for the better by knowing you and all my Blog Baby friends.
Off to church now. It is another beautiful sunny day in Nashville. xoxo
Ok, after catching up on 36 hours of ‘non-blog’ time . . .I am breathless and recovering from re-crying and – yes, Dee – Hell to the Yes – ’tis brilliant.
GiGi – I have to spend some quality time with Claire today, but would love to be on your support list . . . can talk anytime and I will call you where ever you happen to be (I am on cingular/at&T, but have unlimited home long distance . . . give the number to call and I will do so . . . sher dot fick at live dot com or sherfickart at gmail dot com . . . note – they all feed into one email, so any one’s you use get to me.
Sherrill – you were on top form yesterday, I am so with you posting again and again – you know that is my format, too – you are an angel of love and welcomeness – - I am almost horrified that everyone had such nervousness about our Durham meeting or fear of posting – does this mean I am a exhibitionist for not being nervous about any of that – - – it seems wrong somehow . . . in fact I felt most awkward with the ‘fan club’ references because I know that we are so much more than that – to Haven and to each other. An inner circle of love and light . . . and I am so happy, happy that Mary Lou (& Jenny) chose to jump in.
And, yes, Linda – Jean better join us because she is a perfect fit, too!
Now, as to Kathleen – she must be really busy, because I can’t believe she teased us with a fling and then dropped us like hot potatoes . . .
Maureen . . . yes the Cow analogy – wow, that is so in tune with this situation. And also reiterates one of my mottos or life creeds – all lessons for us can be found in nature
off to entertain my Zippy, who is wearing the turtle whistle around her neck that Linda brought her – she will not be parted from it!
Last I heard, my darling sis is off to organize and run an inter-state, inter-national, inter-galactic book festival in Texas to celebrate great gains in reading scores and the power of books. She is also on a deep, deep difficult rooting-out of past badnesses and is emerging triumphant. Send good blog vibes her way. I am sure she will reappear when the dust settles. She does think you’re all the cat’s pajamas.
I am just back from the swim team banquet, clinging to my hope that I am an OK mom. I do try. I always feel a little slouchy when I am around other parents.
It is actually HOT here! I see leaves!
On April 26, 2009 at 5:10 pm Matt (in Nebraska) Said:
Matt, your going to send Haven off the cliff, you know she has a deep fear of mustard, right?
On April 26, 2009 at 6:46 pm Sarah Said:
Dee & GftG,
How much of Bouncing relies on, you know, actually Bouncing, and how much can be accomplished by simply looking the part?
Amanda,
How’d that 9am deadline go, especially after taking a station break to inform us of yet another book worth pursuing?
I’ve thought of you often since you hit the one-month-to-go mark. Your wedding date happens to coincide with the day my sheets and towels turn 22, and was long one of my favorite days of the year. I trust you will keep it well.
I also thought of you last week end when, navigating tricky social waters, I decided the best approach would be to aim for Inconspicuous, with Formidable as my ready fall-back. I seem to have unwittingly accomplished Invisible….
So, with Invisibility as my newly-revealed superpower, I think it might just be time to head to Space Camp– and am counting on you to enjoy the reference.
No, no Blog. But I did just discover this line from John Berryman:
“I am the girl who knows better but.”
Such lines deserve air and light.
That, and I recently unearthed footage of me at 7 or 8 years old running a drink stand, attempting to sell juice.
Indoors.
At my younger sister’s birthday party.
Should I or someone else figure out how to transfer such footage to spreadable media? I will post be toast.
Thanks for your kind words.
~ S.
On April 26, 2009 at 7:08 pm Sarah Said:
…and I once again mistyped a line right in front of me, which should read,
“I am the girl who does know better but.”
Which of course is fitting, in this instance. Even though I’ve now ruined the whole effect. Sorry, Mr. Berryman.
Since here I am again, I will also post this in memory of Bea Arthur, whom I suddenly miss in a way that surprises me:
“Walter, if you lay one hand on that kid then all your friends will be dressed in black and driving with their lights on.”
It is a magical evening here on the farm. The peepers and toads are loud outside the window, and there is a gorgeous thin, slim crook of a moon. A heifer calf was just born.
the peepers are singing their sweet songs in unison, with the occasional solo. i LOVE it. i sit on the porch and just listen. mo, i totally agree with you on the beauty. peepers are spring to me.
today is was well over 80 degrees in CT and i was HOT. i believe i was complaining about being cold not that long ago. the grass is always greener
haven, that malicious creeper will get what is coming. karma is like that. i truly believe that very bad things happen to bad people. when bad things happen to good people who don’t deserve it, the good take the “hit” in stride, and keep on going. that person is a bad egg. if anyone ever questioned my motherhood or devotion to my husband, well, it could be a “time to kill”. just thinking of it is making me furious. at any rate, fuck that. just fuck it. worse, bigger, messier and smellier that bullshit, elephant shit. blue whale shit?
i miss you guys. i have to get a root canal and i am freaking out. i would seriously rather go into labor. i BEGGED to be knocked out, but no–no way, they won’t do it. oh, cool. let me just hang out here, WIDE AWAKE, while you vacuum out my nerve. why do teeth even nerves? should that have evolved out? i don’t have a tail.
On April 26, 2009 at 10:24 pm Mary Lou Said:
Y’all are just so cool.
I am going to look for _The Help_, it sounds like a good read.
I do not know how to make an avatar on here, I think I was randomly assigned whatever.
Steph–while I fully admit to not being afraid of the dentist one little bit (please don’t everyone shoot me), I found my root canal to be PLEASANT because when it was over, my tooth didn’t hurt. I was HAPPY.
Plus, the dope you up big time, and I’m a fan of legal dope.
molly, i am almost positive that i get novocaine only. if i am doped, i would be just fine. oh god, i am not gonna sleep tonight. between the sox and the yanks playing and this friggin tooth. yes, it does KILL right now, so i am looking forward to no more pain.
ok, so i am a red sox fanatic. jacoby ellesbury straight out stole home, while we were playing the yankees. so, if you have any interest: http://soxanddawgs.com/2009/04/26/video-jacoby-ellsbury-steals-home/
i know you don’t really know me, but imagine a 32 year old JUMPING and screaming. what is it about the sox? i dunno.
Make time. It’s what my teaching partner in NH used to do–ACTUALLY–her dentist WOULD NOT SEE HER if she didn’t already having 2 Valium in her. That’s the God’s honest truth.
Bed time!
Love you all!
On April 26, 2009 at 11:09 pm norabarnacle Said:
Sher…
There is not one thing wrong with you for not being a wimpy basketcase!!
It’s the sheer good spirited and creative audacity of people like you who help lure the shy and retiring into the light…We are all different, and one of the amazing things about this little universe we have going on here is how you all make the effort to “see the light” in everyone here…a very Quakerly skill…
night night. sox sweep yanks. yesssssssssssssssssssss
On April 26, 2009 at 11:25 pm Sarah Said:
Steph,
Well, that sure hit the spot! Thanks for posting the link to Ellsbury’s steal.
Yesterday I watched my son’s baseball team lose 14-0 (against a rassnfrassn stacked team in a supposedly equitable town league), but got home in time to watch the Red Sox win in the early evening. They’re rarely on TV down thisaway, so it was a treat. I was thinking you were out there somewhere, watching too!
i am headed out to my root canal. i am actually shaking. i must be a child. people hate the dentist, right?
On April 27, 2009 at 8:50 am Linda Said:
Steph- I am with you totally on the fear and utter dread of anything dental. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers right now that it will not hurt one single bit.
On April 27, 2009 at 8:52 am Amy in Ohio Said:
I am thinking of you Steph, be brave!!!
Hello Babies! I hate being gone for an entire weekend and missing out on all of the fun! I am off to email GfromG and send her my well wishes and hugs.
On April 27, 2009 at 9:21 am shanna Said:
Shit, I was out of town at the Festival of Books this weekend and it’s too late now, but STEPH WHY oh WHY are you going to a dentist that won’t medicate you if you’re terrified? I’ve had a couple of BAD experiences that–combined with my generally neurotic demeanor–have given me utter dental terror. Once I didn’t go to the dentist for oh, I don’t know, 8 years, because I JUST COULDN’T WRAP MY MIND AROUND IT. STEPH, BETTER LIVING THROUGH CHEMISTRY.
On April 27, 2009 at 9:24 am shanna Said:
Not sure where you live, Steph, but hopefully in a large enough area where you have a choice of dentists. Google “sedation dentists” in your area. I personally am a big fan of nitrous oxide, in fact, I won’t open my mouth at the dentist until I am strapped in and breathing it deeply, even for cleanings and exams, but that’s just me. Some people prefer oral sedation because they can take it beforehand. Don’t suffer, buttercup. There’s no need.
There is a billboard on I-96 just before Grand Rapids that claims Sedation Dentistry is like “a day at the beach.” I don’t believe it.
I’m terrified of the dentist because of the sadist my mother took me too as a child. However, back when I had dental insurance I did find a guy that was both gentle he was very funny. It still wasn’t anywhere near like going to the beach.
happy news to report. i am ok after the root canal. no joke, i needed about 10 times the normal amount of novocaine, and i was visibly shaking when the dentist was in the room. it was over pretty quickly. no meds though at all. i am a little scared about what it will feel like after the numbness goes away…although i am sure it can’t be worse than the infected nerve! thanks for all the kind thoughts. the nightmare-inducing part is over, although i have to go back for some “gentle shaping” and then a crown. no dental insurance, so all and all it should cost about $2000. jeepers! and i am a brusher, rinser and flosser! with or without sedation meds, i don’t think a dental visit is EVER even close to a day at the beach. hand to god, i would rather a pap. on that note, happy monday!
shanna, you are totally right. i actually have panic attacks about the dentist. i am gonna find one who will help me out. too bad i saw your post after the root canal!
On April 27, 2009 at 11:36 am George Stuteville Said:
I have such confidence in my dentist that the last time I needed a filling, I asked her to do it without novacaine.
“Are you sure, George?”
“Yeah, what the hell. Just do it, Margaret. You got the magic touch.”
“This has got to be a first…but it’s your teeth.”
“How bad can it be? Besides, I hate the stupid, fat way my lip feels when I get that stuff, Margaret.”
So, she did it.
I swear, it didn’t hurt at all…well, maybe just a little at first when she took a sharp pick-like instrument and started probing the dimensions of the cavity.
But it wasn’t nearly as bad as when she accidentally pushed the drill bit into my tooth a tad too deeply but it is a good thing that my sense of smell isn’t so well developed because I could have gotten a touch nauseous after noticing the cloud of smoke coming from my mouth along with the scent of burnt bone.
Fortunately, it didn’t go on too long, so it was bearable. I was surprised to see a tooth on my lap, however.
Packing the filling turned out to be…interesting…especially when she tightened the little metal from around my tooth a turn too much, causing the tooth the crack.
It was a small crack, though, and just needed a few laser cuts that were filled in with the stuff dentists use. I think she went through a tablespoon of it…
And really about the only problem was mopping up the blood after she finished, but the Red Cross did a good job of it and even managed to salvage a couple of pints for their blood bank.
I guess there is some advantage to my dentist being located so near the State Department because I did notice that CIA agents had appeared and were taking notes to forward over to Dick Cheney. I was glad that I hadn’t taken drugs, because if I had mentioned the CIA part, someone would have accused me of being under the influence, which I most assuredly was not.
And…that afternoon, I was able to join my Toastmasters meeting and participate. I did lose a couple of points on my pronunciation.
I must be a freak. I love going to the dentist. It helps that my dentist is HYSTERICALLY funny, but also I’ve never had a bad experience. And dude, I have had some SCREWED UP stuff going on in my mouth, trust me. I’m surprised I’m not in a medical journal. I did once hallucinate the Matrix while under nitrous oxide, and I had never even SEEN the Matrix. Weird.
My kids were afraid of the dentist too, because of Finding Nemo, but they aren’t now. I hope that doesn’t change after J gets his steel crown.
On April 27, 2009 at 12:05 pm George Stuteville Said:
Actually, I love going to my dentist.
I especially love it when she is working on the side of my mouth opposite to her. She leans in really close, giving me an earful of her bosom. It’s kinda perverse on my part, but, hey, I’m a guy.
And when I told her that I didn’t want the shot of novacaine, her actual comment was: “It’s such a little prick.”
To which I said, hey, you’re my dentist, not my doc!”
On April 27, 2009 at 12:44 pm carylhayes Said:
Oh George, you made my Monday.
We would have said ” thats what she says” but I like yours much better.
xoxo
On April 27, 2009 at 1:13 pm Vanessa Said:
George–you are a bad boy for posting all that cringe-inducing stuff. And a naughty boy in general. Hilarious!
Steph–I missed you before your appt. but I was going to say that the fear of the root canal was worse than the actual event for me. It’s really a glorified filling and I was MUCH happier when the tooth no longer hurt. It gets a little sore when the stuff wears off but I just took a few ibuprofen. Hope your day goes well.
On April 27, 2009 at 1:27 pm Jenny Said:
George! My goodness, you’re not nearly so effusive about your foot doctor.
Haven, it is heartening to see you’ve figured out a soul-reclaiming stance with regard to this painful, friend-delivered blow. Am curious- how does Quakerism handle such things? My woefully superficial knowledge of Quakers includes some idea that they are pacifists. However, being a pacifist doesn’t mean you can’t be furious, and a person SHOULD be furious sometimes. Being a good person means we have to draw the line somewhere, and hold firm on what we will and will not tolerate.
I so love Delonda’s line about whether or not something is ‘the hill you want to die on,’ and that line crosses my mind quite a bit when I’m in an uproar about something. Rarely, rarely, rarely, though, the answer to that question is ‘Yes. Absolutely, Yes. I will damn well die on this hill if that’s what it takes.’
But how does one do that and still remain a pacifist without simply relinquishing oneself for the slaughter?
Sher, you have shared stories in which you seem to have walked that line rather well. Did those experiences leave you with any overarching rules-to-live-by that you can share?
I love that your name is a homonym for ’share.’ That seems about right.
On April 27, 2009 at 1:40 pm Linda Said:
George. hahahahahahaha
So, my son went to the Dave Matthews concert on Saturday night. He said “everyone” was smoking pot around him and he went on to describe several older couples with joints that were ginormous. LOL He showed me the size with his hands, you know, like fish. I don’t think I would have ever in a million years told my mother about the people smoking pot around me when I was 16. Actually, the only people I was ever around who smoked pot when I was 16 were my sister and her friends, so couldn’t go there.
I am so thankful my kids do not drink or smoke pot. I am really hopeful that seeing me deal with my recovery has made them more mindful of the ill effects of mind altering stuff. At least for now. I love my kids.
Oh, Jenny . . . . my rules to live by grow every day with each experience.
After my last soul crushing experience (almost 2 years ago). . . . it was major life rules creation . . . here are some exerpts from an email I sent Haven after her Friend/Foe experience.
“ok. I wish I had recorded the words you spoke to me the night we discussed my ++++++++’s emails.
This situation is eerily close to that so I want to reiterate what you told me regarding my own broken heart at being abused emotionally.
This person will not hear or accept the truth. They are getting something out of sabotaging you. To lure you in and then sucker punch you again and again. How many cheeks is a person supposed to have.
Although, if you were the 3 headed monster said individual assumes, you would have at least 6 cheeks, plus 2 more on your lovely derriere – but sounds like they have used all those cheeks and that you have
‘turned it’ enough.
That is not the definition of a friend. If you feel the need to again and again be defending your life choices with this person, if you do not feel nurtured by this person, if you feel you must justify
yourself to this person . . .
that is an enemy of your heart.
I really understand the pain of the betrayal. This person has no space in your inner circle. You have spiritually outgrown the relationship, or – they have spiritually devolved.
Perhaps what you believe a friend is has been projected onto this person. Because as your pureness of heart comes naturally, it might be what you believe motivates others? In other words, perhaps you are projecting that this is a ‘friend’ when in fact, that is not the case.
What this is is a beautiful gift . . . I have done this many times in my life with not just ‘friends’ but ‘family’.
We assume that everybody is motivated by the same things we are – goodness, purity, integrity. and THEY assume we are motivated by the same things they
are – jealousy, offense, and hatred fed by disappointment.
This isn’t just judgment. It is damnation at the highest (actually, the lowest) level.
Feel the pain because it is how you will finally be able to disconnect and become emotionally independent [from that parasitic relationship]. . . perhaps you have as high a pain tolerance as I have developed over the years, but at some point these relationships end up being hair shirts and, really, self-flagellation is so out-dated!
If you remember, I finally came to the conclusion in my emails to my +++++++ that I didn’t recognize the person she was speaking of. It was
coming from her alone. It is this person’s issue. Not yours. I did learn so much about myself and I feel I am so much stronger and that I
cherish my true chosen family even dearer than before . . . so, yes, there is a lesson here, but it isn’t that you put on the ‘hair shirt’ of this person’s accusations.
This person is trying to burn your house down from the inside. Please don’t let them in to do you, or your family, any further damage.
In being so miserable – that is hurting your family. that is what finally led me to putting the skids on my own toxic relationship with my +++++++ . . . I could no longer let it effect me so negatively – we
are the foundation of the love in the family and to us, you, me = unstable and insecure scares the bejesus out of kids. It is painful, to be so raw and torn apart and to doubt yourself and the genuine love
you have for your family and they have for you.
As Zippy would say:
“Pshaw!”
. . . you know everybody has your back, and several have the wings, and many lead at your front with their shields and swords drawn.
Me, I have my lance, and will be wherever there is a breach in the line . . .
If thy right hand offend thee . . .
I have felt and really understand this pain, so don’t belittle your emotions, it is devastating, but try to get to the core of where this is emanating from . . . I don’t believe it is from you.
Ok . . . , hello – I asked Don the same thing
when my ++++++++ told me I should leave him and the kids because I was a terrible mother and wife (and that I should run and off be an artist)
- – - he said “she’s crazy” and I think you said, later “she’s insane,
she can’t hear the truth” . . .
So, please – look in the mirror and see the reflection that your loved ones see, not this smeared, demonized version that someone else is
projecting from their twisted vision.
so – after billions of tears and words . . . it really comes down to just a few simple things.
1. perhaps I should let individuals earn my trust as I tend to freely give it – to check the authenticity and provenance before labeling someone ‘genuine’ . . . because so few really are.
2. I should never allow myself to be the doormat. Although I was bred to be a doormat, that no longer has a place in my life.
3. Relationships should be 2 way streets, if I constantly feel taken advantage of, judged, condemned, then it is not a 2 way – it is a one way in which I VOLUNTEER myself to be abused. The only cure is OUT.
4. Emotional abuse is just as damaging, or more damaging, than physical and sexual abuse. This is very true in my life.
5. If someone criticizes me – I first check the source: a) do I respect this person and their own work ethic/world view/etc. b) if not, then I discard the critique, or c) if I do respect them and believe they are speaking from a pure heart, I will question myself and see where I am not communicating efficiently. Sometimes I just tend to ‘assume’ that someone understands my motivations – - that leads to major misunderstanding.
1. I have a zit in my eyebrow.
2. I’ve decided under clothing is too confining – I refuse to wear any pieces of underclothing while alone in my home. there.
3. I became so afraid while reading George’s story that he was channeling James Frey.
4. Thank God PIPPI finally appeared, literally WEEKS after I changed my ‘gravatar’
5. I love leftover party food . .. have gained 2 pounds since Saturday.
Ouchy to zits in eyebrows…the only thing worse? One IN your nose.
On April 27, 2009 at 4:04 pm brendaquinkydink Said:
Welcome to the Newbies!!
After reading through all the above posts since Friday all I have to say is my brain kept playing the soundtrack for what you all mean to me and it was that old song about how:
“Tis a Gift to be Simple,
Tis a gift to be FREE,
Tis a gift to come round where you ought to be,
To turn, to turn shall be our delight
Until turning, turning, we come round right.”
I have no control of my brain and very little censoring goes on up there…You all shine for me..thanks for being there all of you.
Haven..I am in that formation Sher was talking about wherever you need me.
Still hoping for positive things for Gigi
Sher: Undies at home? I think not.
George leaves me agog, just agog (and Magog too)
Nora…your light is really really bright, I see it clearly from here.
Molly Bug! I have your magnet here in my office..it says..DUDE-WTF!
Steph and Kate and Maureen and Kittery and Amy and Particles and anybody else I am too scatterbrained to mention but love reading your stuff…LOL
Lunchtime over. Too sad.
On April 27, 2009 at 4:20 pm brendaquinkydink Said:
See, now that song is stuck in my head for the rest of the day, I swear.
Just like Molly.
On April 27, 2009 at 4:53 pm Amy in Ohio Said:
~George, you are the greatest.
~ I adore the dentist for what it is. I mean, would I rather go to, say, the gyno than the dentist? It would be a toss up. But I like having squeaky clean teeth when I leave.
~Caryl, I believe you are a fan of The Office after reading your above comment. That is my 1001 reason to love you.
~ I emailed GfromG and haven’t heard anything back, here’s hoping she is okay.
On April 27, 2009 at 5:03 pm George Stuteville Said:
Yeah…as Sarah would say, let’s hold GfromG up to the love and light. Bug, too, root canal is never much fun.
…that letter writer of last week, too. She needs a dose of good karma from this big, strong blog….maybe more than a dose…maybe a transfusion!
Sher: Hope your open house was not good, but GREAT, Linda’s description sounded like it was.
Carrie: what about that good good news?
Caryl and Brenda: glad my perversity gave you a chuckle…I really do like it when my dentist gives me an earful! I try to come in with at least one cavity during each of my checkups.
Suzanne: thanks, and you know why.
Jenny: Who is James Frey? Didn’t he used to be a writer?
On April 27, 2009 at 6:13 pm Jenny Said:
BrendaQD, that was a sweet song. Thank you!
George, James Frey was a writer. He wrote a memoire about some personal travails that turned out to be a bit, um, exaggerated.
Note that I was not making such comparison myself, but merely pointing out that Sher did.
James Frey claimed to have root canals and all manner of horrifying dental work done sans numbing or anything (because he was a recovering addict) . . . that is about where I divorced myself from his book (about 1/3 the way through) . . . this was while it was still a ‘hit’ from Oprah and before the fall out . . . it never rang true or hit me anywhere in my heart or soul . . . that is a good indicator for me!
my bizarre collection of friends saturday night . . . somebody said I was a ‘collector of people’ . . . that was fun!
Linda – I just opened my hostess gift from you – oo la la – I am so excited! And you chose those things BEFORE you saw my house??? To all – 3 amazing handcrafted birie windchimes . . . in my colors . . . adorably artsy!
I think they will go right outside the studio door so I can hear them while I work
On April 27, 2009 at 8:12 pm george Said:
James Frey…I remember all that now. He was a lyin’ sumbitch and I basically wrote him off as the revelations came off.
Geez, Sher, hope I wasn’t channeling him.
That said, all the nitrous I’ve huffed was no where near a dentist’s office.
On April 27, 2009 at 8:13 pm Vanessa Said:
I believe my boyfriend/traveling companion (George) was being ironical.
On April 27, 2009 at 8:13 pm Vanessa Said:
Darn…George was posting just as I was!
On April 27, 2009 at 8:40 pm Brendaquinkydink Said:
What fun…thanks y’all, I just got home and got to listen to all the youtube stuff you had posted ’cause I’m home and not at work so no i.t. nazi’s here!! Loved them.
Gotta go make my mom a lanyard.
On April 27, 2009 at 8:42 pm george Said:
Vannie:
No, I was lying, in which case, I guess I was channeling the esteemed fictionalist, Mr. Frey.
On April 27, 2009 at 8:42 pm Jenny Said:
George, I got the distinct impression that no-one really thought you were anything like James Frey. That’s what made the comparison so funny.
Steph, I was watching the Yanks/Sox game, too, and I couldn’t believe my eyes! I used to live in Boston and loved the Sox while I was there. I never could quite forgive them for getting rid of Nomar, however.
My great-grandfather played in the major leagues from 1923-1924, and he once brought Babe Ruth home for dinner. My grandfather was a little boy at the time and his primary memory of that dinner is that “Babe Ruth sure ate a lot for a guest.”
On April 27, 2009 at 8:45 pm george Said:
Jenny: you’re right…I can’t resist a bit of self-deprecation.
that WAS a heck of game. God I love the sox.
On April 27, 2009 at 8:50 pm Jenny Said:
I WOULD love them if I weren’t still missing Garciapara and a bit suspicious of ‘you kill us,’ who looks like the kind of person who spends his free time wearing a white hood.
On April 27, 2009 at 9:33 pm Sarah Said:
Steph,
Thanks for letting us know how you were feeling last night, and that you’re okay after your dentist appointment. How’s now? I’m so sorry things got so hard in the hours leading up to it– the salutary effects of Ellsbury’s steal and the Sox win notwithstanding! Thanks again for posting that link.
A couple years back I had six root canals and crowns, with fittings, etc. in succession, requiring a steady stream of 11 1-to-2 hour appointments by the time everything was taken apart and fitted back together. Everything took longer because I have significant jaw troubles that needed to be taken into account. There’s a fair chance I’ll need to have the rest of my teeth redone over time, in balanced sets, in hopes of preserving them and further stabilizing my fragile jaw.
I wanted to post something encouraging for you last night, but ended up sitting here stricken all over again, my hand over my mouth (literally and figuratively). Not much help, that! I am glad others stepped up to the plate on your behalf.
My one bit of practical advice: if you ever have even the slightest sense that an endodontist is upset with your primary dentist and wants to prove a point to him, with you being Exhibit A? Do not let him near your mouth with his ice-cold cotton swabbie thing. Trust me on this one.
George: i, too, love the sox (do i bring them up a lot?) they just won again. oh, and yes-the only nitrous i have been involved with was recreational and certainly not at the dentist. and upon reading up on the blog, i came across the fact that your dentist is well endowed. unfortunately, my dentist is also busty, but male. so it is GROSS, not even a little hot. but if he were a she-it wouldn’t be so bad at all.
sarah: you are a brave woman who must be made of steel or something stronger. my jaw is killing me, but the relief from the nerve pain is amazing. i hope your teeth get better. i still don’t get why we need nerves in them. my tongue can tell me what temp my beverage/food is. i even asked the dentist–he launched into a way bigger explanation than i was prepared for–of course, i couldn’t talk back as i had a “dental dam” in my mouth. anyway, nerves grow in utero and then your teeth know where to come in–he could have just said that.
vanessa: thanks for the advice, i only had one moment of lurching, screaming pain. seriously, i jumped and almost knocked whatever horrible drill the dentist was holding
jenny: i said this once, and i will say it a million times more: I LOVE THE RED SOX. love them. i am sorry to say, i was so sad when nomar left–but then we won. i am torn there. my brother cannot believe i gave up on “nomah hit a homah”–we still fight about it. i have read a lot about nomar’s whiney ways, injuries, etc. i dunno. i am quick to turn–call me fickle–i love baseball for baseball–not money. manny being gone is A-OK with me. and johnny damon can eat a fart. i love that he was the final out in the sweep yesterday. working on not being so vengeful
sher: zit eyebrows kill, kate: nose ones too. i especially hate a zit IN my ear and—this one is new as of last week–directly on my bra line under my armpit. awful.
and to everyone who loves the dentist, i am in awe. you go.
linda, you are an example of a life changed and setting the example for your children. i am proud of you for your sobriety and your kids rock. i mean it–you are a GREAT mom and have given your kids the gift of you. my husband will be sober 3 yrs on july 13 and i am acutely aware of just what a gift he has given himself and our family.
1.) I had to have my impacted bottom wisdom teeth removed when I was 18 or 19. As the doctor was trying to fit his hands et al in my mouth, he huffed a bit, stared down at me in frustration and said, “You have the smallest mouth I have ever seen on a grown woman.”
Ask Amber. And any Baby who met me in Durham. I do not have a small mouth (a little, weird, squeaky voice maybe, but not a small mouth).
2.) Nitrous + Demerol = great. They told me to bring a CD player, so I didn’t have to listen as they drilled and cut and ripped and vacuumed, so I did. I brought one of my favorite shows Into The Woods. I plugged it in, put on the mask, and about 10 minutes later, started singing along. With the dental dam in my mouth. And the doctor’s hands. And the drill. He told me to stop, and I agreed. Then I started to hum. Then I started to sing. Again.
The doctor and I had this “fight” for a good 2 hours.
It’s hard to stop me from singing SOBER. It’s something else together when drugged. Or drunk. Just ask Amber. I was on my VERY best behavior in Durham in Kate/Sher’s room. lol.
Ok. I have to go to bed. But I will leave you with this last youtube. It’s one of my favorite TV moments of all time, and my nephew Liam and I sing this to one another frequently.
MichaelT, i like the tigers, but the sox are not dirty. they are dirt dogs.
On April 28, 2009 at 10:00 am George Stuteville Said:
ALL: Our friend Amy, the Girl from the Ghetto, is having a really tough time. Let’s try to send her some blog karma, love, and light. Here’s what she wrote: http://thegirlfromtheghetto.wordpress.com/
MichaelT: The Sox are sublime and will prove it in June. But in all honesty, I am glad to see the Tigers as tough as they are. Detroit needs some sort of uplifting, for God’s sake. I have a special place in my heart for Detroit. My family was among the thousands of hillbillies who migrated up there in the 40s and 50s in search of work. I remember going to Kindergarten there. Also, one of the best books I have ever read, The Dollmaker, by Harriett Arnow, was set in Detroit. I think Harriett is one of the best and most uncelebrated American writers. Unfortunately and unfairly, she is now generally dismissed by scholars as a “regional” writer.” That would be like saying Faulkner is a regional writer. Dollmaker is great and her other major book, Hunter’s Horn, is mythic. When it comes to rendering Appalachian characters, she is unparalleled, more complex than Erskine Caldwell’s people of Tobacco Road or God’s Little Acre. I do think she influenced Sharyn McCrumb, however, who is the finest writer of Appalachia.
(Gack, where did that rant come from?)
On April 28, 2009 at 10:07 am norabarnacle Said:
George…
I discovered last night that your Durham friend Jeffry’s daughter Emily is a friend of my daughter Kate’s!
We were driving down Chapel Hill Road to Thrift World (one of our regular mother/daughter stops) and I pointed out Jeffry walking to his new/old greenhouse, and she said yeah, that’s Emily’s Dad…
Turns out she is a Friend’s schooler like my kids…Since everyone at CFS is on a Quakerly first name basis, from the Principal to the three year olds, it’s entirely possible for a parent to know who someone is for years without actually tuning in to what their last name is!
Kate says she is a really cool girl.
On April 28, 2009 at 10:30 am George Stuteville Said:
Nora: When I think of the most compassionate, human, loving acts that I have ever witnessed, it was this one:
Jeff and his family were up in DC visiting me and my family. That whole week, my son had what I now think is Legionnaires disease or diphtheria, but at the time I was calling it the puke cough.
He was about nine, old enough to be dazzled by the coolness and beauty of Em, who was about 13.
Anyway, we go to this restaurant in Old Town. My son is trying so hard to be so cool himself. Then he goes into a coughing fit and hurls all over the table.
We all explode from our chairs, trying to get out of the way…by then, my son, a mess of vomit and tears because he was so embarrassed, bolts into the bathroom.
I start mopping up and apologizing to the other diners. My son, sticks his head out of the bathroom and says, “Dad.”
Em says to me: “I’ll go in there.”
A few minutes later, they come out. My son is cleaned up and frankly, Em is looking a bit on the green side herself.
He sits down and immediately buries his face in his arms, but Em sits down right next to him and throws an arm over his shoulders and says stuff that makes him chcukle, then giggle, then laugh out loud.
I am telling you, Nora, that at the moment, my heart was breaking for my son, but it was also breaking from easily one of the most selfless, gutty, compassionate, sweet, and thoroughly human acts I have ever seen.
———
I really wanted to get down to Durham and see the greenhouse, the blog sisters, and, of course, Haven.
———
The friend’s school sounds like a great place for kids. My oldest son went to a Quaker day care in his formative years and he is so much more a true peacenik than I’ll ever be since I am just another redneck hippie like a lot of ‘em are down there.
———
Another argument to move to Durham. If I could work for The Sun magazine and get paid decently, it would sure be enticing.
On April 28, 2009 at 11:30 am norabarnacle Said:
What a sweet(and messy) story!
And (not to take away from Emily’s unique wonderfulness) SO like the majority of the
lovely humans that are nurtured at Carolina Friends School…
Most of the children I have looked after in my home based daycare have either been staff children, or future students, and I’ve been one lucky woman to have such people around me all these (27!) years. I guess I qualify as Quaker daycare! Lots of consensus, conflict resolution, and looking for the light going on with me and my babies!
Durham is Nothing if not Eclectic…Plenty of room for the redneck hippie and the peaceniks alike! I myself try to spend equal time in both camps…
The Sun!!
Part of the fabric of life! Always seems to be on the verge of extinction, but still truckin…
On April 28, 2009 at 11:34 am norabarnacle Said:
Oh yes…and I LOVE The Dollmaker…
Don’t know why I’ve not read Hunter’s Horn, but I will now!
On April 28, 2009 at 12:17 pm George Stuteville Said:
Nora: The Hunter’s Horn — to me, anyway — is the hillbilly version of Moby Dick. I have always loved Harriett Arnow. Sometimes The Sun is a bit too heavy for me, I will admit this. …and truly, Durham is eclectic. I have always thought I could auger into some sort of a niche down there, but never been able to find it.
My mother watched kids for a living…she would have never called it daycare, but that’s what it was. She did it for about 30 years, too. Maybe more. No telling how many kids have come through her house. At one point she was watching the children of children she had watched. I am in awe of her and all the lives she has shaped.
On April 28, 2009 at 1:24 pm carylhayes Said:
Nora. I keep meaning to get in touch with you, everyday when I am on here catching up I leave with you on my mind. Perhaps your ears were burning this weekend..I was with Suzanne and speaking of you with such reverence, I missed you at once. You are a treasure and one of my biggest delights while in Durham.
On April 28, 2009 at 1:48 pm norabarnacle Said:
Just came back into the room from tucking up my kids for a nap, and now am flushed with a rosy glow due to Caryl’s oh my goodness life affirming praise…
It puts negative stressful worries about swine flu, universal health care and what to make for dinner in perspective to hear someone you respect speak so sweetly about one’s self.
I just had an epiphany – am working on the EAT YOUR WORDS installation today and it is rather upsetting, so I read back to some sweet and nice postings where people were nice to me or someone else and I have decided to do the yin-yang piece for it . . .
YOU CAN EAT IT TOO – it will be a fabulous paper mache cake covered in ‘heartsweetening’ words . . .
so now all you NICE/sweet people get to be a part of that piece !!!!
Everybody’s ears were burning this weekend – Linda and I probably made everybody sick talking about our wonderful BB’s . . . and they were jealous, too!
But your ours, all ours! You are like the little nest in the tree outside my window that I get to peak in on and cheep, cheep with and I just want to crawl right in and share your worms!
On April 28, 2009 at 2:22 pm norabarnacle Said:
You Can Eat It Too will be a perfect psyche balancing statement! For you as well as your audience…
Maybe some worms on the cake?
On April 28, 2009 at 2:23 pm Amy in Ohio Said:
So last night I had the oddest dream that I must share.
I found myself in a huge room filled with all kinds of paper and paints, aisles and aisles of them. Haven was there and I ran over to her because I was finally able to meet her. I kept hugging her, just completely gushing over her and then I realized we were supposed to be in Sher’s studio!
I dream of the blog babies! Amazing.
On April 28, 2009 at 2:34 pm Linda Said:
Sher- seriously, sometimes I don’t want to tell people about this site, purely out of selfishness. Is that bad? I will tell them about Haven’s books all day and night, but mention this blog? Not so much.
Ha – Linda, it is true! Let them find us on their own. I once told somebody about it then made them promise not to get on there, because this was my “SAFE” place. Luckily that person can barely turn their lights on, let alone find an author’s blog . . . I hope!
worms on the cake, maybe I will put worms in the apples on EAT YOUR WORDS . . . the cake is going to be a thing of beauty and joy . . .
A in O – I hope that was not only a dream, but a foretelling . . . you and Haven and any blog babies, in my studio – oh yes . . . and Linda can tell you there are WALLS of paper and paints in there!
I must must get back to work my dears . . . only a bit before the babies get home . . .
On April 28, 2009 at 2:52 pm norabarnacle Said:
I meant the worms you want to share with the blogbaby birds in the nest outside!
Not icky bad worms!
I see the difficulty in representing this good worms vs. bad worms concept though!
On April 28, 2009 at 3:23 pm Linda Said:
Sher- tell everyone about your piece you are getting ready to send out. The one with the pill bottles covered with cloth because as you can see I cannot do it justice. Y’all- it is divine. Something you could look at for hours and continue to find something new you did not see before. Sher is a genius, I tell you. Talk about making lemonade from lemons. Sher can make diamonds from mud. That was a pretty pitiful analogy but you get the idea.
On April 28, 2009 at 3:27 pm Amy in Ohio Said:
“Sher can make diamonds from mud”-I love that Linda!
oh – my . . . everybody, if you go to my blog (click my name above my comment) and look for TAKE CARE Exhibition, my piece is “Coping Skills” that is what Linda is talking about . . .
Oh my.
BB’s if you did not receive an email from me today, please send me one so I have your email address . . . I am trying to compile a somewhat updated list of BB’s names, addresses, real names, blog addresses, contact . . . then I will share it with everybody . . .
I have 5 million emails that go to one account, but you can use:
sher dot fick at yahoo dot com
or
sherfickart at gmail dot com
um, I’m supposed to be working . . . oops
On April 28, 2009 at 7:30 pm Brendaquinkydink Said:
On April 28, 2009 at 7:31 pm Brendaquinkydink Said:
see…my attempt to paste a youtube link in here did the same thing Bug’s did? DUDE!!??
On April 28, 2009 at 7:37 pm Brendaquinkydink Said:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buHmE_8UmJA
okay, go to youtube and key in first i.t. and it’s the one about the monks transitioning from scrolls to books and needing i.t. help with the book…made me laugh. I watched it 4 times. Anyone figured out why it’s doing that?
I posted it on my facebook site, which I am almost able to do without i.t. help.
I’m so far behind, I was just able to catch up with everyone.
I know I’m late, but I have a dentist story! I had a filling on Thursday, and my brain was telling me that I was fine, it didn’t hurt, and I wasn’t scared, but my body didn’t listen and I was SHAKING in the chair. Lol, I feel like a total nutcase. More evidence to the fact, my shoulder started to hurt on Sunday night (from sleeping wrong or something) and I reached over with my right hand to massage it.
I immediately flashed back to age 12, making the same motion for the same pain (localized in left shoulder only) and finding a lump by my collarbone. So all day yesterday I was a basket case. Every little thing made me tear up and I KNEW I was overreacting.
Apparently, sometimes self awareness isn’t enough.
What’s up with the YouTube links?
On April 28, 2009 at 7:51 pm Amy in Ohio Said:
Hey babies~
I just heard from our beloved Girl from the Ghetto and she asked that I pass on that SHE HAS GOOD NEWS!
She didn’t elaborate on that as she is exhausted, but I wanted to share as I know we are all praying for her and sending healing vibes her way.
Um hello people, I think we can literally perform miracles here.
On April 28, 2009 at 7:52 pm Amy in Ohio Said:
Alright, I am off to watch my boyfriend Adam Lambert shake his groove thang.
I am exhausted and may not even be able to make it through American Idol. Saw the WORLD’S LEADING EXPERT in Dysautonomia today, praise the lord. Will expand later, must get offline immediatly… good news, not the chronic autoimmune kind. Hope all of you are ok and thanks to EVERYONE whoes emailed, commented here or on my own blog. Love you guys but I need my bed NOW!
brenda, steph, michael t, dee, shanna, amber, sarah, vanessa,and all you I can’t think of because my brain is burned by melting wax . . . some of you are on facebook, but I am really wanting those email contacts . . . really! I BEG you! And I promise, only good things will come to you
And I’m feelin gooooood, I love him, I really do.
I need to figure out how to make Mr. Adam Lambert my best friend…hmmm…..
I’m off to bed you wonderful people, early morning tomorrow.
Amy in Oh – we can no longer tutor young men . . . it is a sad thing, I think. Is 16 the legal age???
On April 28, 2009 at 10:32 pm Jenny Said:
Sher, I emailed, too.
I laughed when you called Adam “my boyfriend,” since that is exactly what I call him, too.
As you can see, he and I are on a first-name basis.
Really, though. I haven’t seen anyone this talented in such a long, long, time. He’s this wonderful cross between Elvis and Freddy Mercury (from Queen) and Rob Halford (from Judas Priest). Halford, by the way, Mr. Judas Priest himself, had a 5-octave range that puts some opera stars to shame!
AND, he was the first metal god to come out of the closet, which was an extremely brave thing for him to do while working that venue. Ironic that so many overly-macho, homophobic metal acts followed in his footsteps, never knowing WHY they were wearing make-up and leather pants.
But my, my, my, Adam Lambert is something to watch.
Do you think he’d be nice to have dinner with, though? I can’t quite make up my mind.
Since we’re doing youtube here’s 10 books reviewed by a guy who drinks too much caffeine.
On April 28, 2009 at 11:48 pm Brendaquinkydink Said:
Sher, I emailed also.
Spirit! how did you attach the youtube?
And the Spirit Bless GIGI.
Goodnight sweet princes and princesses.
On April 29, 2009 at 1:00 am diannedear Said:
Spirit
Who is that speed review guy? I love him! How do I get it?
Haven
What is going on? You left your baggie of milk chocolate devils over here. I’m going to post the photo of you from last winter in my kitchen. In it you are wearing your Elvis Costello-y reading glasses, pink pajamas, and that hat I crocheted when I was nine. You have that look. Would that work as an intervention?
Girl from the Ghetto my heart is with you. You are Salt of the Earth and you are loved.
George thanks I will check that out on amazon.
I truly wish we could go to a game together on a nice warm Sat afternoon with a couple hotdogs and maybe a brew or 3. I thought you lived out east… are you in chicago ?
My stepfather was from the “hills” near lawerenceburgh TN and moved up here in the 60’s for work as well now I am thinking about moving south for work
just another cyclical situation I suppose.
I only have net access on sun mon and tue until I replace my PC that has burned up the mothership.
I shall return on Monday eve.
So I go to my class last night and because I was sick one day and PUT A HOLE IN MY FOOT (perhaps you remember) another day, I have to write thir really long paper due today at 5. I got 2000 words last night but I had to quite at 1.30 because I get up at 5.15. WAAAAAAAAAH.
Ok. Enough whining.
GiGi–love and prayers, love and prayers. Looking forward to an update.
Dianedear–hey! Looking forward to that picture!
Everybody–you rock. Just saying. Maybe you forgot, but you are awesome. I hope you have a good days. Those of you one your way to bed, please send a couple of hours to me! Perhapsh we could time/sleep-share? PLease?
LOVE YOU!
On April 29, 2009 at 7:00 am MichaelT Said:
back up for a bit you can have the next couple hours of sleep I am missing Molly
That’s Hank Green his brother John Green writes YA novels. They became youtube famous when they decided to communicate a whole year via video blogs. They would take turns; one day John would do one and the next day Hank would respond. It was actually brilliant marketing for John Green’s books. They have legends of fans all over the world. They call themselves “The Vlog Brothers” and started a grassroots movement to embrace nerdiness called, “Nerdfighters.” Hank writes really funny songs, I think I posted one months ago called “People who Love Giraffes who love Giraffes”.
Here they are: Warning you could end up watching videos for hours.
Well, I woke up sobbing AGAIN — this is how long now, eight years? I have no concept of time — and then I read as many of these posts as I could and realized, Jesus, look what’s happening to Gigi, and Mollie endured one of my worst fears in the world — dental pain — OH BUT DO I HAVE A STORY ABOUT WHAT I DID ONCE IN A DENTAL CHAIR, O LAWD — and I’m still sobbing because what happened between me and my former friend is unfathomable. It simply can’t have occurred, I’ve tried SO HARD. And I understand attacking someone for doing something TO YOU, but attacking someone for doing her WORK TOO HARD??? And in the meanest possible way? I know I should shut up about it and stop crying about it but it just makes me want to hurl like George’s son, and I’m the only Quaker in the house so I’d just have to clean it up myself. Of course the dogs would eat it but then I’d just throw up again.
Haven- my daughter have chosen Carleton College in Northfield, Minnesota for her undergraduate education. I have never been to Minnesota. Ever. But, Garrison Keilor is from there so it must be ok. Lots of Lutherans, yes? And, Unitarians, it seems.
On April 29, 2009 at 12:03 pm Maureen Said:
Haven – Oh, do not cry! We love you!
To maybe help, here is an excerpt from A Not Entirely Benign Procedure by Perri Klass, who had written these wonderful essays about Harvard Med School and then someone started sending her anonymous letters accusing her of PLAGIARIZING what had been her own personal medical-school experience. She is upset by this but finds solace in Dorothy Parker’s book Gaudy Night when the heroine finds an unpleasant drawing:
“It was neither sane nor healthy; it was, in fact, a nasty, dirty and lunatic scribble.
“Harriet stared at it for a little time in disgust, while a number of questions formed themselves in her mind. Then she took it upstairs with her into the nearest lavatory, dropped it in and pulled the plug on it. That was the proper fate for such things, and there was an end of it.”
If this fails to soothe, may I suggest Kate Bush singing “Big Sky”?
On April 29, 2009 at 12:04 pm carolinkansas Said:
Linda-
(I’ve been blurking again here)
I have been to Minnesota many times and I have even seen the Carleton campus in Northfield…it is beautiful! My brother-in-law lived in Northfield for a time (pre-family connections) and a friend from my Youth Group at church (Presbyterian) in high school went there for college. I am sure she made an outstanding choice, but she probably cannot take too many warm clothes! Brrrrrr… Minnesotans are unfailingly nice, liberal, polite, hard-working with great imaginations and a lot of creativity (it helps in surviving those winters!) I hope she loves it!
On April 29, 2009 at 12:09 pm carolinkansas Said:
And please don’t cry, Haven…well, actually do it if it makes you feel better (sometimes that happens), but the cretin who wrote you such a horrible thing does not deserve to have that power over your life. I cannot imagine ever saying such things to ANYONE as they did to you…how disturbed they must be.
On April 29, 2009 at 12:14 pm Linda Said:
Maureen- YES! Right from the start I thought the best place for that letter was in the toilet!
“if you’re blessed with a talent, utilize it to the fullest, be true to yourself and stay humble” -gift of gab
you are. you do. and you are a great mother, wife, friend, PERSON.
xo, steph
On April 29, 2009 at 1:07 pm norabarnacle Said:
It seems like I should be able to do Something to Help, being just minutes away…
(Except here and now I will admit that I Do Not Drive. I am unAmerican, I know…But I have accommodating children…)
If you need to throw up, I could be available for clean up, being a sort of a Quaker. As a person who spends her days with 0-5 year olds, I am used to the products of the bodily functions.
I could bake you a pound cake and leave it on the porch…
Do your grocery shopping for you…
Plant a tree in your honor…
Organize a candlelight vigil outside the House of the Enemy…
I’m going for trying to make you laugh…But I am holding your metaphorical hand also…
I have a little book called The Centering Book: Awareness Activities for Children, Parents, and Teachers…(got it at a Durham Friends Meeting yard sale). It says:
Side-Stepping Negative Energy
Young people receive a lot of verbal hostility from parents, teachers and peers. Hardly a day passes in which someone doesn’t tell them to sit down, shut up, eat their beans, go jump in a lake, or not to do that again as long as they live. Often, these demands are made in angry and hurtful ways.
It helps to regard anger as negative energy. Some types of negative energy are best side stepped. For example, the negative energy of a bullet is better ducked than confronted. The best way to defend against a hostile attack is to step aside and let the attacker fall on his face through his own negative energy. This way is best because it requires us to expend much less energy than we would if we resisted and fought back. If we resist, we are likely to “catch” the force of his negative energy, and we must then do something with this force. Most often. we throw it back in the form of our own negative energy Then we are responding on the same level as our attacker, which makes it possible we will be defeated.
Things to do when people say bad things to you:
Imagine the bad thing is like a breeze that you can feel go by you.
Imagine the bad thing is like an arrow that sails by as you step aside.
Ask,” Are you sure you’re mad at the right person?”
Say, “It hurts when I get yelled at.”
For the very youngest children, Imagine you are a duck, and the bad thing is water that rolls off your back.
Sherrill – that was heavenly – it is printable and saveable! Wow.
Haven Kimmel.
Perhaps I need to drive to Durham, somehow bypass the tricky gate, jump over Iorek, crawl through your vintage window .. . . all to take you by your shoulders (even though thou art 3 ft. taller than I) and say, perhaps I need to get on a chair and look you in the eye . . .
“This is not something your INTELLECT can wrap around, so stop it. It cannot be reasoned out because it is unreasonable. To move on you must accept, as difficult as it is – SHE MEANT YOU HARM. She intended to hurt you. Stop trying to make sense of it. This is her f#*$) up issue – whose core is mostly judgment, sabotage, and jealousy. Actually think of it as a compliment – she is so torn up by your success that she has to attempt to place you LOWER THAN HERSELF. Also, she was a bitch and a snot to all of us blog babies . . . very condescending and sending out messages of “HAVEN, BELONGS TO ME.’ I was offended. And she has really bad taste in clothing, so come on . . . shoulders squared, Zippy. What would Zippy do????”
Hum, apparently that was a rant and I doubt if it was constructive.
Also, I followed this posting “how is your mouth feeling?” which just made me giggle.
linda, thanks for asking! much better!!! no more nerve pain. my jaw was sore yesterday, but NOTHING like the pain i was experiencing beforehand…it was not fun though i have to go back for some “sculpting” next week. then probably a crown a few weeks after that.
On April 29, 2009 at 1:46 pm Linda Said:
How is your mouth feeling today, Sher? LOL
On April 29, 2009 at 1:46 pm Linda Said:
Apparently Sam and Lauren are now friends on Facebook.
Linda, my mouth is in pain because I have been gritting my teeth over this thing with Haven’s Enemy of the Soul. I am giving myself a headache, no kidding.
I can add sugared strawberries and homemade whipped cream with a dash of vanilla to the pound cake . . .
then we would have some great strawberry shortcake!
On April 29, 2009 at 2:14 pm Maureen Said:
I confess. I have been unfaithful. I attended a book club with LIVE PEOPLE last night. By a weird set of circumstances, I cyber-met a woman who works at Colgate who invited me to join her Catholic women’s book club. I was so stinkin’ happy after spending time with all of you guys in Durham that I realized how starved I was for actual physical friends (I have none in Chenango County – it’s why my sister must move here).
So, I went and they were a lovely group of women but not nearly as outrageously outrageous, bold, funny, creative, and intelligent as you guys.
So, no danger. They don’t measure up to what we have here … (leans back against pillow, takes a leisurely puff of post-coital cigarette)
Since we are youtube festing: I must send you this, along with the note. This is from Joey Piscopo, the son of my dear friend, Nancy Hayes (and, yes, Joe Piscopo) . . .
Hey hey-
Here’s the next installment of ridiculocity courtesy of The Gee Company- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwRAbby6ldw
What’d ya get when you mix two parts Osama Bin Laden with one part Howard Stern? THE TERRORIST HOWARD STERN.
Let us know what you think!
Also, thanks again to everyone who voted for ShamWow on atom.com!
We just signed the distribution contracts with Atom. The sketch should be on Comedy Central in a week or so.
We’ll let you know!
Hope this works for you all . . . Sham Wow guy is great, too
On April 29, 2009 at 2:25 pm norabarnacle Said:
Molly, from the first contact with you, I’ve felt the instinct that it would be a nice thing to have you nearby…I have pretty strong feelings that you are sort of daughterly in my mind, and I would pick you out to be a friend with my own sweet Kate, as she has sometimes struggled with the female friend concept,had some bad luck with less-than truehearted girls…Your true heart is clear and obvious.
I think I am finding myself getting comfortable with a kind of mom role here too…being a bit older than most of you, and watching you going through some of the stages of life that I have gone through (young children, teenagers, new relationships, career choices, etc.). Often when you are all cavorting and commiserating with each other, I feel a fondness and desire to nurture you all like a mom…
Not that I suffer from ageism! In my Real Other Life, I am close to people of many different ages, and I believe I can feel motherlike, and still be a regular friend also! Maybe this can be my contribution to our collective web of familyness and wellbeing.
Maureen – it hurts to laugh because I have given myself a headache . . . but LOL . . . I could only picture the AIRPLANE scene where the pilot lights a cigarette after the blowup doll . . .
Yippee Sherrill, I do that mother hen thing too . . . I feel I am in my ‘coming into my crony stage’ – even though I have young kids, etc. but my soul, it is old and I hope, wise beyond my physical years . . . I think I have packed 150 years (and many lifetimes) of experience into the wee 41 years I have this lifetime.
Not that I can’t be an idiot in my own life, mind you . . . ok . . . off to refill my migraine prescription before I am rolling on the floor in a ball . . . .
On April 29, 2009 at 2:53 pm Maureen Said:
NoraSherrill – Ah, a mom-away-from-mom! I am always seeking one. I also accept you as peer and friend, with great gladness.
Sher – Don’t you love Airplane? Cracks me up EVERY TIME. So I am on this Kate Bush blitz, and I just downloaded the piano sheet music to “And Dream of Sheep”. I hope your migraine meds work fast!
Off to get Tristan …
On April 29, 2009 at 3:39 pm Amy in CA Said:
Hi Blog Babies, I’ve been lurking and listening to all of you over the past few months while I was in Europe and other parts unknown. My work overseas was wonderful and horrible depending on the day and the country. I’m really just glad to be back.
We now have at least 3 Amys and some new friends here, so I’ve changed my WordPress name from Amy to Amy in CA to make it easier to differentiate between me and my smart, adorable sister Amy in Ohio.
I’m compelled to post today about the hateful comments from Haven’s former friend. Haven, I think this is so difficult for you because the normal human reaction is “oh yeah, well your Mother’s ugly and wears army boots”. I saw above that you sort of got that one out of your system. Most people would be content with that. But not you. Damn your big heart and brain.
So here’s my two cents. This woman is hurting deeply and striking out at you over bitterness, envy, self-hatred . . who knows what. I’m echoing Sher and others here. Seeing you on stage, meeting some of your ‘fan club’, watching your adoring husband and children, it just put her over the edge and she reacted horribly and in a way that she knows she can never come back from. As much as you are hurting I can only imagine what she is going through. You have an embarrassment of riches. She is ill. Forgive her with love. She doesn’t deserve forgiveness or love and probably wouldn’t ask for it. Give it anyway. And never let her near you again because your Quaker heart does not need any more of this crap.
On April 29, 2009 at 3:45 pm brendaquinkydink Said:
HAVEN!! LOL LOL LOL
My suggestion is that you go right ahead and throw up and then clean it all up in your Quakerly manner into a nice little package and SEND IT to your ex-friend.
I’ll be more than happy to send you a decorative little box just for this purpose.
On April 29, 2009 at 4:18 pm norabarnacle Said:
a mom-away-from-mom ?
by far the Funniest thing I’ve heard in a month of Sundays…
Doesn’t it feel SO good to just laugh out loud?
(note to self…do this more often!!)
Sher – I’m with you. I broke the gold seal on an Imitrex (I am only allowed a certain number of doses per month) and now my head has shrunk back to normal size.
In the spirit of youtube videos, I have to share this Kate Bush (yeah, I’m obsessed, it’s like a teenage girl crush). But this is such a happy song!
Hahaha Maureen, I love the way you were, “Kate Bush what?!” at first and now you love her.
This goes for anyone who is dealing with people who had parents that should have been spayed and neutered before they ever got a chance to reproduce their charming offspring: Some people are just damaged. For whatever reason, and they take great pleasure in trying to hurt others.
Example A: the person that was lucky enough to be considered Haven’s friend (before) – damaged – absolutely no provocation and they spew poison.
Example B: my ridiculous mother told me I was a psychopath yesterday. I think the word she was going for was sociopath, but I’m not entirely sure. Why? ‘Cause she’s damaged.
It doesn’t do any good to listen to shit. None. It just hurts you, and what is the point of that?
I’m ranting. Mainly ’cause I’m pissed and I can’t walk around with earbuds in my head constantly, but I’m doing my damndest.
BUT my point is, there is some stuff that just doesn’t merit thinking about, believing, or even considering for a millisecond. Even when it comes from people that are supposed to love us. ‘Cause … love from damaged people isn’t really love. It’s more like headgames.
Rant over. Hope it made some sense, at least.
On April 29, 2009 at 7:16 pm Amy in Ohio Said:
Hey guys, hey!! I just love reading all of your smart, witty comments. Mo, I loooooove the post coital cigarette comment…that is you at your finest my friend.
Norabarnacles~ You are too good for words. How does one become such a good person? I need your handbook, truly I do.
Hi Amy in CA!
Molly, I just emailed you.
I spent the day with insureds who lost their entire business/income to a fire. Yet, there were so sweet and positive. Really puts things into persepective..so having to count weight watchers points ( when I can barely add to boot) is really not that terrible.
On April 29, 2009 at 7:17 pm Amy in Ohio Said:
Oh Kittery~
I am listening to The Other Boleyn Girl on CD and I think of you everytime I get into my car because it is such trashy “historical” fiction!
On April 29, 2009 at 7:19 pm Kittery Said:
Hah, Amy. I’ll try my best to give you something other than bitching to remember me by.
On April 29, 2009 at 7:20 pm Amy in Ohio Said:
Haven, if you were in Ohio I would fix you a plate of really good cheese and fruit, and let you cuddle with my dogs.
That there, is the solution TO ALL HORRIBLE THINGS in life.
On April 29, 2009 at 7:21 pm Amy in Ohio Said:
Kittery!!!! Stop it! I love you for many other reasons.
Vomit-O-Gram . . . you could make millions, I can contribute, I’m vomitous today
On April 29, 2009 at 7:55 pm george Said:
Sher: I didn’t do shit today either except get in people’s way. I am soooooo distracted (in the throes of quitting smoking, inspired big time by our own Linda and others.) Thing is, I MUST focus; I HAVE to focus on a certain project. Ugh.
Kittery: I get the feeling you are wise beyond your years. I talked to a friend of mine from when I lived up in The County. We both agreed that as much as we loved Maine, it was essential to the rest of our lives that we had left it.
Brenda: I’m going to be veeeeeery careful when opening any package that may come from you.
Nora: I think I am too old to have you playing the Mom role for me…maybe we could go for cousins or something like that?
Amy in CA – yikes! I only get this way when pregnant or migrained.
On April 29, 2009 at 8:15 pm Amy in CA Said:
If I don’t eat wheat I’m fine. Too bad I didn’t have this when I was 13 and trying to ditch school!
On April 29, 2009 at 9:33 pm Linda Said:
You can do it, George! Just say the serenity prayer over and over again. I know it sounds corny but it works. I did just that today in a staff meeting when I really wanted to smack several people upside the head one right after the other. But, I did not. Because I just took a deep breath and said
God
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Seriously. It distracts me long enough to force me to breathe in and out and then I am ok. It helps me just let things go and those were the things that used to get me so stressed out that I drank.
Well, just a suggestion, but I know you can stay quit, dear George.
People who play headgames…*shakes head. I just don’t know how to. I’ve spent the last year thinking a lot about it because of Rob and trying to get over him and finding out the hard way that he was seeing someone else…and now me, with this new relationship thing? I find it all very confusing. I do not know how to be anything less than direct or to say “nothing” in that tone that means “Something” which, I think all of us ladies would agree, *really* is the same as being direct. lol.
Kittery, I think there are damaged people whose love is worth having. Now, I am thinking specifically of some people who we’ve talked about in your life who suck, and you’re absolutely right about them. But, I think we can undo some of the damage THOSE ONES inflict by loving one another. I’m damaged, but I hope I don’t cause damage, and I work hard (feels like I am constantly working) to overcome the small cruelties I sometimes wish to commit like ignoring someone who needs me because I’m just tired of their shit.
I loved AmyCa’s comments about forgiving despite the lack of asking. Good good advice, leading us back to the idea of the Lure to Truth, Beauty and Goodness.
I loved AmyCA’s other comment even more about how sending vomit is original and festive.
Also, AmyCa–it’s good to have you back.
Norabarnacles, I once read an article in Cosmo that said younger women should cultivate relationships with older women because there’s so much to be learned from them and so much support to be had. I was like, “Um, you fucking think? Do women REALLY need to be told this?” lol. Thank you for your compliments. I mostly feel like a pretty mean person who fakes it a lot (like Haven, when I’m mad, my tongue is razor sharp). BUT if you do decide to publish your handbook to life, I’d like a copy. I know I could learn a lot. And you can be motherly if you like. I would love to be Kate’s friend too. She seemed such a beautiful soul. You’ve got my email.
Kate, I’m talking Amber into bon bons at her house tomorrow. I just keep bombarding her with it. I put it in an email. I put it on a personal website her brother has for us. I’m about to go put it on her blog http://spilledpopcorn.com/blog/2009/04/. She has a foodprocessor, and I look forward to using the hell out of it tomorrow afternoon before we have Girls Night.
Sher, I keep looking and looking at my encaustic. You are so Good. Thank you.
On April 29, 2009 at 11:07 pm norabarnacle Said:
Thank goodness, George, that Someone around these parts is too old for me to be their mother…notice, there’s a difference between BE their mother, and “mother them”.
Sort of what Sher was getting at with the me too mother hen statement…when I was only 19 I made BLTs for all the hungry hippies on the front porch every night (the only thing I could cook then)…moved on to cooking lasagne in motel efficiency kitchens for
my husband’s band, and embroidering their jeans while listening to their girlfriend woes…When I needed a way to support myself and my kids, I chose home daycare, to mother other people’s kids all day, and stay at home with mine…I’m a hopeless case!
Good luck with the quitting George…
On April 29, 2009 at 11:14 pm norabarnacle Said:
Linda…
You know, I’ve heard that serenity prayer so many times, like most people I guess, and maybe I sort of thought it was a little corny. But just now reading it in your post, it suddenly seemed really different and meaningful. Not to mention just the right length to give a person time to breath.
HEY MY NEW AVATAR SHOWED UP AND MY YOUTUBE!!!!!!!!!!
On April 30, 2009 at 2:43 am Kittery Said:
Amber: Dark Tower … Stephen King? Never read ‘em.. I may have to.
George: I think you pretty much summed up Maine .. it’s beautiful, really, but .. a lifetime here? Oh boy.
Also, I know the Serenity Prayer is popular (for good reason) but I always preferred the Desiderata (it’s a lot longer, so not quite as easy to recite, but ..) parts of that are just .. perfect.
Molly: Absolutely loving other people makes it better. Why else are we all here? Also? Your new lemur ass is stupendous.
hi Linda! robert earl keen opened for dave either last year or the year before and we have LOVED him ever since! dmb was spectacular as usual but i was so impressed by the Avett Brothers – they are really amazing and SO FUN. Check ‘em out!
hope Sam has/had a fab time at the show.
sher – thank you again for the artwork. It’s on the top shelf of one of those ladder-type shelves in my bedroom and it sits on the top shelf. i love it and really appreciate your kindness and generosity.
kate – haven’t forgotten about the care bears! I have cheer bear and grumpy bear. does Alice have those?
On April 30, 2009 at 10:42 am Linda Said:
Kim- REK opened for DMB for the Vandy concert too, but it was so early that I think the crowd was pretty small. Jason Mraz was the big draw as the next act. Sam enjoyed him. Apparently Dave played from 8:15 until 11:00 when they had to end the show because of an agreement Vanderbilt has with people living in the neighbhorhood next to the stadium. I am sure that is why Robert had to go out so early.
Sam had a great time. He is going to see Deathcab for Cuties at the Ryman on Sunday. He has apparently inherited the live music bug from me.
On April 30, 2009 at 10:51 am norabarnacle Said:
Kimbits…I LOVE the Avett Brothers. and am envious you got to see them live…I play them for my toddlers almost every day… Yea NC bands!!!
Also really got a good feeling from your Stand by Me video…In light of recent conversations about age, and cross generational friendships, etc. that video was a great example of a couple of things I’ve been thinking about.
One, music is not to be lived without, and not just from famous people either…you never know when the person you just passed on the street in downtown Durham might be an amazing talent who sings in church, or to friends on the porch or Susan Boyle…
Two…You never know what that old geezer person standing in line with you at the grocery store taking forever did when she was a sprig of a girl…Danced on Broadway? Drove an ambulance in WWII? Bopped around in the mud with braids and bells in her hair at Woodstock? (personal information involved here)…
Let’s give everyone the respect they Might deserve! we all have something to contribute!
On April 30, 2009 at 11:03 am George Stuteville Said:
KIMBITS!!!!!!!!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing that remarkable video…who knows, it might be the pinnacle of my week (and I am having a damn good week already.)
i dressed up as cheer bear and my sister as sunshine bear one halloween. my mom made the costumes. i am gonna see if i can find the pics and i still have the costumes!
Those are so funny, and kind of scary. I love homemade costumes!
Linus named sissy’s Cheerbear “Poot.”
On April 30, 2009 at 11:40 am Kimbits Said:
i used to have the live music bug, Linda, but now, dmb is my one big yearly music EVENT. every year. but i will go see them until i die or they break up which would be one sad day. it would be like haven ending this blog. but let’s not think about that…
norabarnacle: AMEN. I loved what you said about music and the people we come in contact with everyday. i live in a small town now, but one of the things i miss most about living in a big city is the talent you would stumble upon every now and then just walking down the street. Are you in NC?(sorry if i have missed it… i can’t keep up) if so, Avett Bros. will be in charlotte in aug. (i think that’s what they said…i’m sure it’s on their website)
sher, you are so right…and, you haven’t experienced dmb until you’ve seen boyd tinsley wiggle his ass while playing the violin so hard that you think it’s about to catch on fire.
On April 30, 2009 at 11:40 am norabarnacle Said:
steph…off the charts cute factor alert
one of the true areas that moms show their love…Halloween costumes!
On April 30, 2009 at 11:54 am norabarnacle Said:
Kimbits… No problem with not keeping up…I sometimes wish we had a directory of where we all are!
At the reading, I was sitting next to Sher, and I said to you behind us “Are you someone I should know?” which came out kind of rudely, but you didn’t seem to take it that way…I remember you said you are from Salisbury, which stuck in my mind because myexhusbandthedrummer grew up there, and he always used to make (I mean ask) me go to a diner there that he loved when we were passing anywhere near on band trips…I can’t remember the name of it, but there was a lighthouse involved in their logo I think…
One more old person comment, and then I plan to retire(!) that subject for awhile…I don’t feel so comfortable going to live music so much anymore because I feel so conspicuous out among the youth…so many of the bands and people I like play in the small places around here like the Cat’s Cradle, etc. and I just don’t visually fit the demographic anymore (even though I have run the soundboard in most of the clubs around here, it was in a different era…I need to get more gutsy!
On April 30, 2009 at 11:55 am norabarnacle Said:
And I forgot to say that yes! I live in Durham!
On April 30, 2009 at 12:16 pm norabarnacle Said:
George…
I have been straining my brain since your post about the reunionish event you asked about, and I have the idea that it is a movable(secret location each year) get together that is by private invitation of people from the sixties with music involved that I am dimly aware of but have never attended and now wish I had so I could astoundedly find out that I had met you there!
Is that anything like what you are talking about? I should have been paying more attention all these years!
I called my exhusbandthedrummer to see what he remembers, and although he has gone several times, and played music there, he couldn’t remember what they call it…We are old hippies with many dead brain cells…
If it is the same event! Now I am intrigued, so what else can you tell me about it?
On April 30, 2009 at 12:42 pm Kimbits Said:
hmmm. i wonder if you’re talking about Beatty’s – retro 60s/70s, was famous for chicken livers & chicken pot pie night…closed now. i spent 4 yrs in chapel hill and miss this one place but i can’t remember the name of it which is driving me crazy. it was a tiny used bookstore with homemade baked goods, old board games, and they would have live music… it was kind of hidden and down a dead end alley. it’s probably not there anymore. afterall, that was in the 90s.
i know what you mean though and truthfully, i just can’t take the smoke.
Kimbits – You have made me smile so. I love this video!
I first saw it because I was “stalking” my “celebrity boyfriend” on Twitter and he sent it out. He is Kevin Rose, founder of digg.com and I love him. He does not know I exist. *sigh*
Ok, going to lay down… killer aches in the head.
On April 30, 2009 at 1:28 pm norabarnacle Said:
Kimbits…Skylight Exchange on Rosemary?
Used to be the second incarnation of the Cat’s Cradle(in the 70s…many a night spent there… now called Nightlight (no more used books…still live music)
On April 30, 2009 at 1:30 pm norabarnacle Said:
George…brain cells revived…the Boogie! It used to be called the Greenville Boogie!
Rats!
I have missed a golden opportunity to meet the famous George in my natural habitat!
That get together was started by sixty/seventy era like minded folks who had originally attended (or Not Attended, as it was the tune in/drop out arc) East Carolina University in Greenville NC…
I went and sometimes Didn’t go to school there, a surprising hotbed of alternativeness considering its eastern location(SO different over there than Chapel Hill/Durham, which everyone knows is populated by communists)…class of 71 (and 72 and 73….) I’m pretty sure they never held the Boogie there though, even in the early years…
On April 30, 2009 at 2:50 pm George Stuteville Said:
Nora: I’d bet a dollar that we know a bunch of people in common.
On April 30, 2009 at 3:01 pm norabarnacle Said:
George…
The odds seem good!
What a world!
First Haven’s vet,and now that Dark Ages of my past!
(and Eleanor of Provence!)
On April 30, 2009 at 4:26 pm Linda Said:
Kim- that video made me smile. Thank you! I am going to post it on my Facebook page right now to share the love.
Sherrill- you are never too old for live music. I really think a lot of musicians appreciate the “older” faces in the crowd (meaning me) because we are usually not drunk and are there for the love of the music. Follow your heart, girl, and go for it!
i am shaking . . . i just updated my calendar to include all the school events . . .
why do people ruin a perfectly good month, such as MAY, by packing it with picnics, field trips, book sales, teacher appreciation WEEKS!!!!, the parentally-dreaded FIELD DAY, forensics’ showcases, Lauren’s 15th!!! birthday . . . graduations
Good thing – too sick to work last night so I read half of “The Giant of Aberdeen County” – it is pretty good. Reminds me of “claudia” from the Used World and also about the tallest woman in the world.
Hi everyone. I have some news, but still finding out the rest tomorrow and then driving home, hopefully. I do have Dysautonomia and the doc thinks it the better kind, the non-autoimmunie kind. I do have Neuropathy, and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and all the other diseases they’ve told me back home. Also, I may have a rare genetic disorder that Mayo doesn’t even test for, but they took nine more vials of blood to see if I have the antibodies for it. It invloves missing collagen and there’s like 8 rare diseases and I’m not sure what I’ll hear about it tomorrow. But after spending hours in their library it sounds like I have all the symptoms. Sigh. So, good and bad news, but I’m happy to just have answers. Everyone of you blog babies was kind to me and I want to thank you all. I’m going to post my entire story on my blog sometime if anyone is curious. Mayo is amazing and I adore all of the doctors I saw there.
Now, off to random gossip. I’m glad Matt got kicked off Idol; I love 30 Rock and can not wait to see it tonight; and I’m reading an interesting book called The Know-It-All by A.J. Jacobs about a writer/editor who decides to read the entire Encyclopedia Britannica. Also, have you all heard Jon Gosselin got caught apparently cheating again on his wife? Those people ….
Haven – Are you doing ok after last weekend? I really hope so.
GiGi – yippee for more information/diagnosis . . . does this mean you get to go home??? That they were able to get all the tests done this week. I have been thinking of you and have started a prayer flag . . . will get your mailing address and send it up North soon (ask Suzanne though, it took me like 4 months to get hers’ there, but I am a bit more organized now and I bought some funky tubes for mailing them) . . . Love you! Sher
Gigi!! I will over to post on your blog in 2 shakes of a lambs tail…
I watched Rachel Getting Married today and was blown away. Ann Hathaway is brilliant. Has anyone else seen it?
Oh, I also picked up and started Speak Softly She can Hear on a whim yesterday and then I receive my beautiful present from Caryl in today’s mail, only to discover Ms. Fick listed it on her book list.
Me, Sher, we’re like this ( point to eyes, point to Sher, and repeat)
Someone’s got it in for me, they’re planting stories in the press
Whoever it is I wish they’d cut it out but when they will I can only guess.
They say I shot a man named Gray and took his wife to Italy,
She inherited a million bucks and when she died it came to me.
I can’t help it if I’m lucky.
People see me all the time and they just can’t remember how to act
Their minds are filled with big ideas, images and distorted facts.
Even you, yesterday you had to ask me where it was at,
I couldn’t believe after all these years, you didn’t know me better than that
Sweet lady.
Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your mouth,
Blowing down the backroads headin’ south.
Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your teeth,
You’re an idiot, babe.
It’s a wonder that you still know how to breathe.
I ran into the fortune-teller, who said beware of lightning that might strike
I haven’t known peace and quiet for so long I can’t remember what it’s like.
There’s a lone soldier on the cross, smoke pourin’ out of a boxcar door,
You didn’t know it, you didn’t think it could be done, in the final end he won the wars
After losin’ every battle.
I woke up on the roadside, daydreamin’ ’bout the way things sometimes are
Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin’ me see stars.
You hurt the ones that I love best and cover up the truth with lies.
One day you’ll be in the ditch, flies buzzin’ around your eyes,
Blood on your saddle.
Idiot wind, blowing through the flowers on your tomb,
Blowing through the curtains in your room.
Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your teeth,
You’re an idiot, babe.
It’s a wonder that you still know how to breathe.
It was gravity which pulled us down and destiny which broke us apart
You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn’t enough to change my heart.
Now everything’s a little upside down, as a matter of fact the wheels have stopped,
What’s good is bad, what’s bad is good, you’ll find out when you reach the top
You’re on the bottom.
I noticed at the ceremony, your corrupt ways had finally made you blind
I can’t remember your face anymore, your mouth has changed, your eyes
don’t look into mine.
The priest wore black on the seventh day and sat stone-faced while the building
burned.
I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime
turned Slowly into autumn.
Idiot wind, blowing like a circle around my skull,
From the Grand Coulee Dam to the Capitol.
Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your teeth,
You’re an idiot, babe.
It’s a wonder that you still know how to breathe.
I can’t feel you anymore, I can’t even touch the books you’ve read
Every time I crawl past your door, I been wishin’ I was somebody else instead.
Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstasy,
I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory
And all your ragin’ glory.
I been double-crossed now for the very last time and now I’m finally free,
I kissed goodbye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
You’ll never know the hurt I suffered nor the pain I rise above,
And I’ll never know the same about you, your holiness or your kind of love,
And it makes me feel so sorry.
Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats,
Blowing through the letters that we wrote.
Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,
We’re idiots, babe.
It’s a wonder we can even feed ourselves.
in fact i think we ALL NEED to take a mental healt break and listen to the penultimate BOB DYLAN, “Blood on the Tracks.” When my heart has been brken, Bob spoke to me in his gritty holy voice and i was strong, and saw clearly. i also lit a white candle. it works.
Dont Think Twice, It’s Allright
It ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It don’t matter, anyhow
And it ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If you don’t know by now
When your rooster crows at the breaks of dawn
Look out your window and I’ll be gone
You’re the reason I’m traveling on
Don’t think twice, it’s all right.
It ain’t no use in turning on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
And it ain’t no use in turning on your light, babe
I’m on the dark side of the road
But I wish there was somethin’ you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talking anyway
So don’t think twice, it’s all right.
It ain’t no use in calling out my name, gal
Like you never done before
It ain’t no use in calling out my name, gal
I can’t hear you any more
I’m a-thinking and a-wond’rin’ walking down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I’m told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
Don’t think twice, it’s all right.
So long honey, babe
Where I’m bound, I can’t tell
Goodbye’s too good a word, babe
So I’ll just say fare thee well
I ain’t saying you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don’t mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don’t think twice, it’s all right.
And sarah mclaughlin. SURFACING and FUMBLING TOWARD ECSTASY. that’ll heal what’s broken. OKAY, NOW I’M INSPIRED. i’m going to round up all 1000 of my cds and organize them in alphabetical order. yea! sometimes i forget the power of music, and i just spend too much time without music – preferring to listen instead to the unsavory radio station inside my head, what annie lamott calls KFUCT. ha!
On April 30, 2009 at 7:47 pm Jenny Said:
Haven, you break my heart with your grieving. I am going to compose a little letter to you, as (having never blogged before), I think what I’d like to say would take up too much space here.
The amount of love and loyalty reflected on these pages is vast. Hang in there- the world holds you dear.
On April 30, 2009 at 7:52 pm Jenny Said:
Suzanne, I so love that song! There’s a wonderful version on Dylan’s 60th anniversary album- I think it’s done by someone called “Ramblin Jack,” who does it up right with a cracked voice.
The line about it being no use to turn on the light because “I’m on the dark side of the room” just slays me every time. And the wasting of precious time- oh, and all of it.
Thank you for reminding me of that song.
On April 30, 2009 at 7:55 pm Jenny Said:
Do you know Nick Drake? “Day once dawned”? That one softens me every time.
A beautiful song from a beautiful soul. I will try to recall the lyrics so I can write them for you.
On April 30, 2009 at 7:58 pm Jenny Said:
I cheated and found it on line, and it’s called ‘From the Morning,’ so I had the title wrong, but here it is in its loveliness”
Lyrics to From The Morning :
A day once dawned, and it was beautiful
A day once dawned from the ground
Then the night she fell
And the air was beautiful
The night she fell all around.
So look and see the days
The endless coloured ways
And go play the game that you learned
From the morning.
And now we rise
And we are everywhere
And now we rise from the ground
And see she flies
And she is everywhere
See she flies all around
So look see the sights
The endless summer nights
And go play the game that you learned…
From the morning.
On April 30, 2009 at 8:06 pm Jenny Said:
OK, I clearly talk too much for a blog, and some of it’s because I’m starved to talk, and some of it’s because I’ve never done this before, and some of it’s because I get so psyched by the conversation here that I can’t help myself.
I’m embarrassed at my too-much-ness, but I must offer this link to ‘From the Morning,’ sung in Nick’s beautiful, fragile, earnest voice. And then I will cease for a while, as I think I talk too much here…
All you who are downhearted and ill-at-ease tonight, take a minute of solace with this bit of gentle loveliness:
NOT READY TO MAKE NICE by the Dixie Chicks (who know the true meaning of betrayal and denigration, my lands). If you watch SHUT and SING . . . what breaks my heart is when Emily says “If us quitting and never playing or writing again is what will give her [Natalie] peace . . . I’ll do it” . . . wow – now that, my friends, is a friend. To accept you with whatever shortcomings you have and to love you anyway – to see you with eyes of LOVE (and sacrifice) if that is what is required.
Yes. Hell to the Yes. Yes to the hell . . .
Also. let us not forget we are you tubing, so:
The video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwc5YSAc-7g
which I believe has many messages of stain, pain, sisterhood, true friendship, sorrow, and so forth. I actually balled my eyes out the first time I heard this song AFTER my big family betrayal.
Jenny – um, you are talking to the person who has been accused of having ‘VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY LONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG’ posts!
Hey Jenny!!
Sometimes I save up all of my thoughts during the day and just spew them out, all over the blog when I get home.
These people can sure can listen.
On April 30, 2009 at 8:32 pm Jenny Said:
Oh, oh, oh, thank you, Sher!
For reasons related to my being married to Satan, I have not spoken to people in any real way for four years. FOUR YEARS. Which is why I’m a little long-winded. Four years is a long time to stay quiet.
I am silently keeping my head down and planning an escape. And as I do, I find that the act of planning makes me perk up and take some interest in the world. I am desperate to talk and to once again hear the ideas and thoughts of some interesting, enthusiastic, funny, and good people.
You, Blog Babies, should take my entry here as a serious testament to your wonderfulness. It took a special group to make me enter the world again, even if it is in a ‘virtual’ way.
You make me think and care about you, and I can’t tell you what a gift that is to me.
On April 30, 2009 at 8:33 pm Linda Said:
a second school closed for a week in Nashville because of 1 kid with the swine flu in each. Oh my, i hope this does not mess with sweet daughter’s graduation. That sounds kind of selfish, but, this could be very inconvenient….
Oh, yes, I am completely safe. That is so sweet of you to ask, Jenny. But, I am also sober now, one year and almost a week sober, and coming to realize how very wrong the last 10 years have been. Which also makes me realize why I drank so long. Ugh ugh and triple ugh.
On April 30, 2009 at 9:05 pm carylhayes Said:
Jenny, my heart aches for you. Are you safe is my first question, and what can we do for you is my second? email me any time if you want to talk or need cheering up, anything. carylhayes@yahoo.com. Don’t worry, I am safe, ask any of the babies..
On April 30, 2009 at 9:06 pm carylhayes Said:
By safe I mean I am not a nut job.
On April 30, 2009 at 9:07 pm carylhayes Said:
Well, Shanna might have something to say about that.
On April 30, 2009 at 9:09 pm Jenny Said:
Linda, I’m glad you’re safe, and I’m PROUD of you being sober. SO proud. I drank like Hell for a while myself, and it became enough to raise eyebrows. Pregnant now, though, and thank God not in the least bit tempted. I don’t know what other force could have stopped me. So, you’ve reclaimed part of your soul from the bottle and will take back another chunk by venturing out on your own. You are a brave woman.
Amy, I love your posts, and I always seem to miss them by just a little bit. You make me laugh.
Um, by the way, Blog Babies, Jim Shue seems to be missing. We’ve just gotten Ghetto Girl back- can’t go about losing another.
On April 30, 2009 at 9:14 pm Jenny Said:
Caryl, thank you so much. I guess I am safe. Will either come out of this safe or dead, but wouldn’t place any bets either way. Not to be melodramatic or anything…
Things took on a whole new level of sadism once I got pregnant.
Mostly I think I will be safe. He’s afraid of getting into trouble, and I only need to make it another 5 months.
Thank you for thinking of me.
On April 30, 2009 at 9:15 pm Linda Said:
Congratulations, Jenny! Is this your first child? If that is too personal you don’t need to answer.
On April 30, 2009 at 9:21 pm Jenny Said:
No, not too personal! Yes, my first baby. I am 16 weeks, so there were inklings of boyness and the first ultrasound which cannot be confirmed until my next ultrasound, which is next Thursday.
(Caryl, does my memory serve me correct? Are you pregnant, too?)
On April 30, 2009 at 9:22 pm Jenny Said:
Linda, I love your smiling picture. You exude warmth from a 1cm square.
On April 30, 2009 at 9:27 pm Jenny Said:
Am going to make some dinner and take the doggies for a walk and crawl into bed.
It has been a pleasure talking with you all tonight.
Haven, listen to Dixie Chicks first to steel your heart, then Nick Drake to soften it enough to get some sleep. We are thinking of you.
On April 30, 2009 at 9:38 pm Linda Said:
Caryl is amazing and awesome, but I do not believe currently pregnant. LOL
On April 30, 2009 at 9:48 pm Amy in CA Said:
I can also confirm that Caryl is entirely wonderful and if she is pregnant I want to know why I wasn’t informed.
On April 30, 2009 at 9:51 pm carylhayes Said:
No, not pregnant, but would take a baby if anyone is offering. I would take many more babies.
Jenny, please email me.
On April 30, 2009 at 10:04 pm Amy in Ohio Said:
Wow, Jenny, you are a fighter. I admire your determination. I pray tomorrow is a good day for you.
On April 30, 2009 at 10:05 pm Amy in Ohio Said:
Um Caryl, would you take a 29 year old baby? I can help with the laundry:)
Sher – Well, I cancelled my Cardiology consult and am skipping the two day Fibromyalgia workshops, but we think we are free tomorrow! I’d love if you made me something, thanks so much. And no hurry, my lord, we are all busy with lives outside of HAVENLAND. Hey, I was at the Mall of America and saw the cutest little store filled with mini barn animals. I thought of both you and Haven and knew you’d both have the time of your lives in that store. They had these horses that I used to collect and had no idea each horse was like $40 or so. Of course I threw those out too when I got married. It made me even more sad than losing my original Little House on the Prairie books. Sigh.
Amy in Ohio – I haven’t seen Rachel getting married, but have loved Ms. Hathaway once I saw her in Ella Enchanted. Just love her. I just read you hadn’t heard back from me via email and it made me feel bad. Some nights here I’ve been going to bed at 9:00pm, when I usually go to bed at 3:00pm. I’m sorry not to keep everyone posted. I’m just done and hopfully going home tomorrow.
Amy in CA – I’m sorry to hear you have celiac disease. My doctor told me I had it once, but it turned out that I didn’t. I learned alot about it that week and all I can say is I’m so sorry for you.
Jenny – I grew up in a domestic violence home, and was a victim of d.v. in my very first high school relationship. And I volunteered for a D.V. organization (Called Haven, how cool is that?) If you EVER need any advice or resources, just email me. Seriously. Because EVERY type of woman can end up dead and it would be a shame for one more woman to die tragically. Don’t make me all crazy worrying.
George – I just saw that you posted a link to my blog. Goodness, you people are awesome.
Also, if I missed responding to anyone on here I’m so sorry. This sounds so lame, but my eyes are doing crazy stuff since I have this lattice degeneration. I have blur spots, and floaters and have trouble reading and being online after awhile.
Hi Caryl – How about a 38 year old lady with some health issues and big medical bills? I’m ready to go to California, my mom grew up there! I miss you, by the way.
On April 30, 2009 at 10:54 pm jimshue Said:
Jenny (and everyone else) I’m here. Been working on a post about amputating harmful relationships. Seems to be a recurring theme around these parts. Jenny, what you are attempting is one of the bravest, most courageous, and terrifying thing you most likely will ever do. You have the support of all of us here.
Gigi – I’ve been thinking of you a lot and wondering/hoping that you would find the medical answers you so desperately need. It sounds like you are on the right track.
And Sher? You have to be one of the most brave woman here. The crap you’ve been through and still have such light pouring out of you soul is just incredible.
This is just a short list of the people who inspire me and that I admire.
George, thank you for what you posted here. I have created a wonderful family with God’s help. The best that I could have ever hoped for. A friend of mine reminded me just last week that luck had absolutely nothing to do with it. It was smart choices on my part that led me to where I am today. And from where I came from, that in itself is a miracle.
On April 30, 2009 at 11:19 pm Amy in CA Said:
Thanks for the shout out GFTG. Celiac is really not a big deal – I just don’t eat anything with gluten. It’s only a problem if it goes undiagnosed. The only thing I still miss is good sourdough bread. Preferably eaten in San Francisco on the wharf with crab cocktails and California chardonnay.
I’m so glad for your good medical news. The Mayo Clinic does some amazing work – you’re in good hands there.
Much clapping of hands – Jim Shue our Adorable and Royal Sockmonkeyness made an appearance . . . clap. clap. clap.
realized at the end of the day that if I removed the headband, bobby pins and butterfly clips out of my hair/head, it actually eased the headacher pressure, all except for the knife stabbing and twisting in my right eye . . . but it was BETTER . . .
so, why did I have those in my hair . . . because I pretended to be pulled together (without doing the wash/blowdry) for a late lunch meeting . . . I went for “oh, I’ve been in the studio” look . . . not so sure if I fooled anybody though!!!
Things are looking up here because I just, tonight, taught Claire how to give me a foot massage!
I also took her shopping for her 5 million ‘volunteer’ items for upcoming school events and we ran into her 1st grade teacher at the Dollar Tree . . .
claire said “I can’t believe Mrs. Bell goes shopping!” After chatting with her a few minutes, and going on our separate ways . . . claire kept up a running commentary . . .
“Mommy, she’s in the candy aisle . . .
Mommy, now she is in the pet aisle . . .
. . . blah . . .
“Mommy, now she is CHECKING OUT”
“MOMMY, NOW SHE IS GONE!”
(I think to myself, thank Jesus, because the whole store knew where Mrs. Bell was!)
Made it to the post office today . . . . so I am possibly back on track.
The Mall of America. I. could. never. step. foot. in. there.
oh, my . . . Claire stories, when Dylan was a baby, and actually up until he was in school I kept a journal of his days . . .
“dylan and Mommy went here . . . so and so visited . . . it was minute in detail . . . ”
I’ve been trying to do more of a record for Claire, especially the funny things.
Yesterday she had 3 friends over (all girls, all 6) . . . they were playing ’school’ and it was ‘reading time’ . . . claire was the teacher
“Now, children it is reading time, please hold your hands in your laps, please keep your eyes pealed forward at me, listen with your ears . . . we will ask questions later . . . today our author is going to Haven Kimmel, all Haven Kimmel, who is also Zippy from a Girl Named Zippy . . . do you want to hear Orville or the treehouse book?” . . . I was dying, but it was too close for me to get up and get the camcorder . . . lost opportunities
On May 1, 2009 at 12:14 am Kittery Said:
Jenny, Caryl is correct, she is not a nutjob. I will also add that she is made of incredible.
Also, I hope you’re okay.
Think that’s my two cents for the evening .. that and, hi Jim.
On May 1, 2009 at 12:33 am carylhayes Said:
Amy in Ohio. Rachel Getting Married was superb, Anne Hathaway acted her socks off in that movie. I cried and cringed my way through it and I highly recommend it to everyone. I watched it in a hotel room with Peter and Charlie snoring next to me and Jack on his computer and he looked up once to ask if I was okay and just let me go on with my hysterics.
disappeared to do paperwork . . . now off for migraine meds . . . but look for me on Ovation TV if you have it . . .they just requested a bunch of images . . . yippee.
things I learned today:
1. do not wear headbands while migraining
2. snails do not survive overnight in the bug catcher jar
3. my daughter turns 15 in only 17ish days
4. if forgot my son only celebrates soltices and samhain and I forgot to get him anything for may day tomorrow.
5. it is not a good thing to leave the garage door open during a monsoon.
see, you learn something new EVERYDAY@!
On May 1, 2009 at 1:46 am shanna Said:
I can attest that Caryl is NOT crazy, although she might be a baby stealer.
On May 1, 2009 at 3:02 am Kittery Said:
Dylan celebrates May Day? Gah. If I lived anywhere near you, I would totally do the May Basket thing. !!
On May 1, 2009 at 6:35 am Kittery Said:
No one’s up? Guess it’s time for me to go to bed, then.
Jenny, pack your shit. You need a ride? There are blog babies EVERYWHERE. We can work something out. What state do you live in? What are the major cities near you?
Afraid of getting in trouble only lasts so long.
On May 1, 2009 at 7:23 am Linda Said:
Jenny- there are waves and waves of prayers for courage, strength, safety, and happiness going out to you and the little one inside of you today. We love you!
I was tossing and turning all night thinking that perhaps I sounded flippant about escaping my current situation when really mine is just discontent, boredom, frustration… no physical abuse or emotional abuse because there is not a whole lot of anything going on. I was not trying to be silly, especially if there is a chance your situation is dangerous. So, please know, you are in my thoughts and prayers and are all here for you if you need us. Haven knows more than an army of thousands, and when combined with the wisdom of George, Jim, Caryl, Sher, Maureen, Gigi, Kittery, Molly, Kate, Sherril, AmyO and many others the strength is just astounding!
On May 1, 2009 at 8:41 am Jenny Said:
I know that strength is astounding. I know I continue to say it, but you are all such a delightful gift in the middle of what has been a chasm of darkness. I’ve gone from feeling utterly alone to feeling connected to the world, which is a transformative thing.
Linda, I did not think you were being flippant. There are lots of ways for a person’s spirit to die, and the specifics of the external circumstances don’t necessarily make my situation harder. In my mind, leaving this situation isn’t nearly as difficult as thinking about how to forge a new life out of the ashes. That’s where my courage fails me, and we’re in the same boat there.
Molly- can’t pack and go. Need my job and health insurance, can’t afford to live on my own, hubby is de facto boss. I put my student loans into forbearance so I can bank a little money to live on when the time comes, which is why I’m on a 5-month plan.
GG, thank you. I may call upon your DV experience. One problem is things stop short of actual physical assault- more like terrorizing- threatening to report our car stolen if I try to leave for my mother’s, screaming 2 inches from my face, blocking my access to the phone, blocking my exit from the apartment, and, when that makes me hysterical, calling 911 and having them send an ambulance to take me for a psych-eval if I scream loud enough for the neighbors to hear. Which he can do, because he’s a psychiatrist. I was evaluated and released by ER personnel both times that happened, but to be taken away by police and EMS in front of the neighbors is a horrible, horrible thing. We lived in faculty housing, so the neighbors are also my colleagues. I am a psychologist, for God’s sake. This is not supposed to happen to me…
So that’s the tricky part- he never actually HITS me, so DV charges would be my word versus his, and he is a master of credibility.
So that’s the thing. I need to keep my head down, blinders on, keep moving quietly towards the door.
Jim and Kittery, glad to see you back.
Amy, you are fun.
Caryl, I will write to you when I need it.
Blog Babies, I do not want to monopolize this forum with my own troubles. I’ve been living this way for years, and my life is immeasurably BETTER now that I have both you and a plan, so do not fear. I will call upon you when I need support, but I am weary of thinking about my own troubles. Your cheerful dialogue is AOK with me and makes me happy. Go to it!
On May 1, 2009 at 8:56 am Linda Said:
Just checking in before I head out to an exciting planned giving seminar for most of the day. It is May, so that means thunderstorms in Tennessee. whoo hoo
Jenny, don’t beat yourself up. We all get into messes that “could never happen to me.”
You’re already loved here.
Also, Caryl is the opposite of Nutjob. Caryl is Wonderfulness Embodied in a tiny little body with the biggest heart ever.
On May 1, 2009 at 9:49 am Kimbits Said:
Nora – yes! Skylight Exchange – Thank you!
Sher – i’m on 2nd day of migraine. yesterday, i took 2 aspirin, 2 tylenol, 1 ibuprophen, and then 1 maxalt (my prescription) and i still have it today. hope your’s is gone.
Girl – i love your blog. will write more to you soon. i am thinking about you.
On May 1, 2009 at 9:55 am Amy in Ohio Said:
Gigi,
Oh my, do not even spend one second feeling badly about not writing me back!
Caryl, I knew you would have watched Rachel Getting Married! You are my movie guru. I almost ordered The Wrestler but I’m not ready for that yet.
Jenny, everything I would have wanted to say has already been said, so just hear it all over again now
Kittery had my favorite description of Caryl so far – “she is made of incredible.” Yes, indeed.
AmyO – I tried to see Rachel Getting Married. Really, I did. But for some reason, and this rarely ever happens, it was making me sick. The jiggly camera… I just couldn’t take it. I stepped out of the theater, called my brother, said “Are you at a computer?” (which is the most ridiculous question to ask my brother, b/c yes, he is), and made him look up the length. I was less than halfway through. I had to leave, but it is on my list at the library and I hope to have it next week! What I saw of it was captivating.
So Molly came over yesterday and we set in on making Kate’s bon bons. I have to say, it went pretty well. The food processer almost gave up its life, but in the end did just what we wanted it to.
We set to rolling up the innards and dipping them in almond bark with a speed that was a glory to behold. We were making them to take to our weekly girls’ dinner/wine/gossip/movie get-together.
Our friend Tasha called to cancel on us because of some domestic un-tranquility, and she sounded so upset that Molly said “We have to get over there now!”
She immediately took all of the Oreo mixture left in the bowl, rolled it into a ball, and coated it in Almond Bark.
It was the size of a giant meatball.
But it made Tasha laugh and that was all we needed.
I am currently making Chai on my stove and my house smells HEAVENLY.
On May 1, 2009 at 10:30 am George Stuteville Said:
This is none of my business because I don’t know the specifics.
But, Jenny, from what you have related, y opinion, Jenny…take the car, go to your Mom’s and ride out your pregnancy and divorce as best you can, meaning from your own safe and peaceful place. It’s a mess now, but you’ll be ok and probably will still be within the COBRA time-frame before your insurance expires.
When you’re in the car, give him a call and tell him to go fuck himself and then say you are praying for him…that’ll trigger a bout of cognitive dissonance, which will delay his calling the cops.
Jenny, I’ve been around cops to know that they’ll roll their eyes and think what a wimp your husband is if he calls them to report the car missing and his pregnant wife stole it…they’ll be tempted to take him around to the back of the apartment and kick his ass for him.
You are being bullied in every way: gender, professionally, socially, and, of course, mentally and frankly, I suspect there has been some physical stuff too.
On May 1, 2009 at 11:53 am norabarnacle Said:
I just want to add my voice to the chorus of support for you Jenny…
I have no firsthand knowledge or experience with domestic violence that can tell me what “advice” to give, but I feel the need to say I would trust George’s perspective, and I’m stricken to realize that if something did happen to you, HOW WOULD WE KNOW ?
You might not feel comfortable telling us where you are, but remember what was said above…we are all over the place! Room can be found! I’m in Durham…I love babies!
On May 1, 2009 at 11:55 am norabarnacle Said:
And please don’t feel in the least like you are monopolizing this space with your problems…although I can understand the comfort in having a place to speak about calmer and happier things too…
On May 1, 2009 at 1:01 pm Amy in Ohio Said:
Amber, the camera motion is bad, but the movie is so worth it!
Jenny, listen to George. He is all knowing.
(((Jenny))) I don’t really have anything to offer since I’ve never, my entire adult life, been “married” or lived with for that matter anyone but my daughter.
I was in a very brief verbally abusive relationship once, because I thought I could help her but any help I could have given her certainly wasn’t a very good pay-off for all the abuse I took in such a short time. I left her with a list of everything that I defined as abusive, and she was dumb-founded. A great (almost) acronym for denial is, Don’t Even kNOw I’m A Lair, that includes lying and being blind to our own (in that case hers) abusive behavior.
I grew up with a verbally, sometimes physically, abusive step-father. It’s taken me years of work, in sobriety, to get beyond living as a victim. It was a long unlearning process. Today I can recognize much faster when I’m becoming a victim, and I run like hell with a good dose of ‘Go Fuck Yourself’, as George said.
Rachel Getting Married:
I didn’t mind the wonky camera work, but I got really confused about overuse of diversity. I’m all for diversity, but they over did it and made it seem too forced. It was, however, a great portrayal of recovery and family dysfunction. I about jumped out of my seat when she slapped her mother. How many times have I -wanted- to slap my mother, only to end up with nothing but hurt feelings or a bruised ego?
On May 1, 2009 at 2:32 pm Kittery Said:
Jenny, sometimes I can be smart/helpful and sometimes I can be funny, so depending on what you need – feel free to email me and I’ll try to help/chat …
political_performance@yahoo.com <– that’s my ‘junk’ one, I’ll write you back with my real one. Seriously, anytime. I’m not joking. ‘Kay?
On May 1, 2009 at 2:34 pm Amy in CA Said:
Jenny, I’m going to ask an old, old question. What advice would you give your daughter in similar circumstances? Would you tell her to stay with her nightmare of a husband even one more day? Would you tell her that her job is more important than her well-being?
You’re moveable now. In a few months it will be more difficult. When the baby is born, harder still and that’s if everything goes perfectly. In the first few months of life both you and your baby will be more vulnerable than you can imagine. Think about that. I can guarantee that your sadistic husband is.
George is so right. There will be a way to deal with the finances. God and the Universe (not to mention the ranks here) will conspire to protect you but only if you make the first move.
PS: Caryl lives near me. She may be the most insightful and giving person I know. And she’s the one person I’d go to if I needed to reclaim my power. Give her a call.
On May 1, 2009 at 2:42 pm Amy in CA Said:
I debated so long before pressing ‘Submit’ on my last post. Now I’m already asking forgiveness for its preachy-ness.
Jenny, it was sent from a place of love and fear.
On May 1, 2009 at 2:51 pm Kittery Said:
Amy, that didn’t seem preachy to me..
“George is so right. There will be a way to deal with the finances. God and the Universe (not to mention the ranks here) will conspire to protect you but only if you make the first move.”
SO TRUE. I was in a situation once, and it got so bad, I left with the clothes on my back. Nothing else. And it wasn’t easy. Sometimes it was horrible, but it was the right thing to do. I got help and it’s amazing the doors that open up once you take the step and escape.
Well Jenny . . . as you seem to be extremely intelligent and living with a plan . . . I just want to add a few more items to contemplate during your process of evaluation . . .
Psychological bullying is abuse and you know that. now that you recognize it, you won’t be so easy to fool.
I love the tidbit about considering what it would be for your daughter if she were in the same situation. that was brilliant. And also, do not under estimate your vulnerability as a pregnant woman or as a newly delivered woman . . . somedays you will be happy to have food and 30 minutes of uninterrupted sleep – that is all.
So, my queries are the 5/5/5:
In listing your options: 1, staying until after the birth; 2, leaving before the birth; or 3, leaving today. make notes how each of these choices would effect you:
In 5 days; 5 months; 5 years.
You have much more to consider now than your own safety. My past situation really reached the physical abuse (besides restraint) . . . but it is abuse nonetheless.
If you call the police before you leave . . . and relay the threats that he has promised – he will be committing perjury and manipulation of law enforcement, which is not viewed lightly. In the very least, go on the offensive right now . . . stay a few steps ahead of him.
Your career and your life might be less ‘comfortable’ or ‘financially secure’ if you leave now or soon, but that cannot compete with the stability of safety you will provide for yourself and your child.
I agree it will be more difficult to leave once the baby is born. I have been pregnant 5 times, I have 3 living children. Do not underestimate the responsibilities and physical impact of motherhood. Be the mother this child needs NOW . . . set up a life of safety for his/her future. If this man makes you feel insance and helpless and fearful, imagine the games he will play with this child – who is more vulnerable in every way.
I reiterate all the support given before. These are wise people.
Also, during my first posting I spewed forth all manner of incest and sexual abuse in my history . . . these souls here just absorb it and move forward and help you/me/each other move forward.
Even with the migraine, I made up for my lack of accomplishment this week by doing a new blog posting on my site (yippee!), editing artwork photos, communicating with long ignored family and friends via email, and general catch up – - – thus going to bed at 4:30 a.m. – but I feel ‘ahead’ today, instead of behind, as usual.
this bodes well for the weekend . . . new artwork and new entry . . . http://www.sherfickart.typepad.com . .. no views of “Eat Your Words” yet, because it is very ’seminal’ right now.
Happy Birthday, Kittery – I didn’t know . . . but am celebrating anyway – what a perfect natal day . . . I have 2 friends with this bd, now 3!
On May 1, 2009 at 4:06 pm Maureen Said:
Hi everyone –
This must have been the week of blog baby migraines, because I had one too – actually a sinu-migraine. I seem to be pulling out of it.
Jenny – Hi. So sorry about your situation. My sister was in a similar situation a few years ago, but more passive-aggressive in nature. Please know we are all here for you and feel free to vent or blab at great length if you need to. We all have.
Sher, I’m not sure .. I did the best I could by sending May Basket Flair on Facebook .. you should’ve gotten one… if you didn’t, it’s ’cause Facebook is disagreeable.
On May 1, 2009 at 4:14 pm carylhayes Said:
The words of wisdom coming from this blog are astounding, and even more so because they come from a real place of compassion. Knowing I have all of you in my corner should anything happen to me fills me with awe. That said, Jenny please read all of these posts more than once. You may be regretting the moment you opened yourself up to us by sharing your pain but you did so for a reason. You already knew the answer but had no one to tell you that you were right. Until now. You need to go, listen to George’s every word. If you are hoping that once you have the baby you will have finally found the courage to leave, it doesn’t work that way. You will not know the fear of being alone until you face it alone with your child. Go now, while this baby is just an idea and a dream, go before you bring one moment of pain or sadness onto him or her. The resources out there are endless, and your new found support here is daily. I come from a long line of women who don’t stay. Please listen to me.
My heart is thrilled to be celebrating Beltane with Others!
One of my passionate obsessions is Arthurian legend in it’s Right and Proper time frame (5th century/no armor please)…and all this Mayness lands me right back into one of my forever favorite books, The Mists of Avalon (and I’m not ashamed to admit it!)
And a Happy Birthday to you Kittery!
You say it’s your birthday
It’s my birthday too, yeah
They say it’s your birthday
We’re gonna have a good time
I’m glad it’s your birthday
Happy birthday to you.
Yes we’re going to a party party
Yes we’re going to a party party
Yes we’re going to a party party
I would like you to dance (Birthday)
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance (Birthday)
I would like you to dance (Birthday)
Dance
I would like you to dance (Birthday)
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance (Birthday)
I would like you to dance (Birthday)
Dance
You say it’s your birthday
Well it’s my birthday too, yeah
You say it’s your birthday
We’re gonna have a good time
I’m glad it’s your birthday
Happy birthday to you.
it’s Not my birthday too No, but I do LOVE this song, and we sing it here for all toddler birthdays, because it’s my sacred duty to preach the gospel of Beatles to the young…
On May 1, 2009 at 4:37 pm Amy in Ohio Said:
Kittery, Kittery, Kittery, Happy Birthday Sista!
Goooooooooooooooooo Kittery!
( I have medicine head and obviously, I need to leave the office pronto.)
Kate–bonbons=divine. It was like you were right there with us, directing. Amber did a better job twirling in the almond bark than I did. Mine kinda looked like a cat had coughed them up. They still taste good though…
On May 1, 2009 at 4:45 pm spilledpopcorn Said:
Yay Nora! I once hauled a cd player into class and had it all ready for Ms Molly’s entrance, blasting this song as she walked into the room.
You’re so awesome.
On May 1, 2009 at 4:47 pm Amber Said:
Grr… I’m trying to figure out wordpress… I finally got my picture to show up… trying out the name now…
On May 1, 2009 at 4:48 pm Amber Said:
Woot! It worked.
On May 1, 2009 at 4:50 pm Sarah Said:
Hey, yo Kittery–
Happy Birthday!
~~
I first read this Blog earlier in the day on my Palm T|X, without my glasses on. I for sure thought Molly wrote to Jenny, “Pack your shirt.” I was going to write, “And, pants, please; I think you’re going to want pants,” until I remembered that pants are optional. At least, they are if one is staying in a hotel in Pennsylvania while on a business trip. This I learned from Amy in Ohio.
Then I put my glasses on. Oh, wait, that’s not SHIRT. Never mind.
~~
One day after spending time here with all of you, I got off the computer and walked into our kitchen where my kids were conversing together at the table. They suddenly stopped talking all at the same time, and I realized they were staring at me. I was pretty sure I was dressed (but did a quick check), so asked, “… what?”
My 17-year-old son answered, haltingly, “I don’t know. It’s just that… you’re so happy.”
After which I went into the other room and burst into tears.
Y’all are good for me.
~ S.
On May 1, 2009 at 4:52 pm Kittery Said:
“My 17-year-old son answered, haltingly, “I don’t know. It’s just that… you’re so happy.”
Awww. I love Us.
On May 1, 2009 at 4:59 pm norabarnacle Said:
Sarah…Your burst into tears story has me all teary too
because I Get It!
Now I’m going out on the porch with 5 little people, where we are going to sing Birthday real loud…and it’s NOT OUR BIRTHDAY!!!
Kittery – I did send ecards for Beltane and did a posting about it on my blog . . . haven’t logged onto Facebook today . . . because . . . I have stalkers there . . . . will go anyway!
Esp. if a Maybasket is awaiting me.
Ok . . . word from Haven is this is going to be a great day and night for her . . . spending it with Kat Mountain Biking and having a Slumber Party . . . so all those good wishes are being fulfilled.
I think one reason I am so enamoured of Beltane is what the rituals symbolize.
We get this day to enact, if we chose, the burning of the old ‘heaviness’ which buried us in the winter months by burning “wicker man” . . . as the old burns off we enact fertility (spiritually as well as physically) . . . renewal and rebirth. this is vital because the cumulative effect of the long buried sorrows and pains . . . we just get to dance and scream it all out . . .
On May 1, 2009 at 5:04 pm carylhayes Said:
Kittery baby, happy happy day to you. Gifts are forthcoming but I will have to leave my house to send them. That anyone ever recieves anything from me is a small miracle. Love to you so much on this and every day!
Sarah . . . yep, I am happier for this blog, too. It does all that soul nourishing . . . I think, in fact, that we are unprogrammed quakers, because I swear, the sacred silence . . . as we listen . . .then we share . . .
i switched my gravatar, but it won’t show up for a month or so, perhaps in time for memorial day!
On May 1, 2009 at 5:09 pm Sarah Said:
The Belief-o-matic thingy keeps telling me I’m Quaker, even though I keep telling it I fully intend to Hit.
~ S.
On May 1, 2009 at 5:15 pm Kittery Said:
Good grief. I adore you all. You know the best part? Durham was my birthday present. Hah. So darlings – you are my gift. Not just today, either.
Sher, your blog post made me cry ..
And, you say you have stalkers on Facebook, do you know you can block them? I just found that out today and I blocked my sister! (A small gift from the Universe, methinks.)
also, my husband, the gorgeous Donny, asks me nightly ‘how are the bloggers?” He gets it. I don’t even make him talk to me when he doesn’t want to anymore . . . I just poke him once in while to make sure he is alive . . . no pressure, now he just has to talk when he wants to!
well, see I am being stalked via some of my friends sites . . . basically I have to block their pages for it to work . .. very frustrating.
plus, I am pretty public (you say ‘no shit’) . . . so it is par for the course, it is just whether I want to deal with on this still hangover migraine day . . . also I could get dressed, put on makeup, fix my hair and Donny will take me out tonight . . . but is it worth it?
On May 1, 2009 at 5:32 pm shanna Said:
Jenny, YES. Listen to what is being here. Especially THIS:
“You need to go, listen to George’s every word. If you are hoping that once you have the baby you will have finally found the courage to leave, it doesn’t work that way. You will not know the fear of being alone until you face it alone with your child. Go now, while this baby is just an idea and a dream, go before you bring one moment of pain or sadness onto him or her.”
This is SUCH wisdom that I am astounded, even though I have had the blessing of meeting Caryl in person and knowing her grace and strength. She is CHANNELING THE TRUTH here, from where I do not know, but I KNOW THE TRUTH WHEN I HEAR IT.
Any problem that can be solved by money (job, insurance, etc.) is not a big picture problem. The real problems are the lack of care for your emotional health and the wellbeing of the baby you are carrying inside of you. You will NOT look back on this situation and say “well at least I kept my job/insurance.” You just won’t.
Talk about it here. Reach out personally to the people who have extended their hands to you. Take the help that is being offered. You will be safe.
there is nothing scarier or more dangerous than an intelligent abuser. they use their twisted viewposts to, literally, drive you insane and to incapacitate your self-determination.
read THEIR EYES WERE WATCHING GOD . . . oh baby, that girl grew her some self-determination cahoonis(s)(sp?)
On May 1, 2009 at 5:37 pm brendaquinkydink Said:
Happy Birthday and Happy Beltane!! And Happy Friday and Sarah and Nora hugs to you both you make me happy, too.
Jenny…listen to George..I am so afraid for you..my daughter was in a ‘verbally’ abusive situation but it became physical and her family (us and my brother) physically intervened and moved her out.
She could not or would not move on her own..a condition I still don’t understand emotionally but realize is common among abused women. I worry that he can read this blog too and know what you are saying and I worry for your physical safety…my daughter has little cameras in her apartment now…have you considered that so you have proof of the verbal abuse…
Just get the hell out now before the baby is born because that child will for sure be used as a weapon to control you. I will worry about you like you mother must worry…and I am a champion just ask my family. These blog babies will do anything to help you. Oh, and please befriend the police…they see what goes on…George is right, right, right!!
That’s my rant.
I’m putting your husband’s name in our Friday burn out the evil box right now..extra powerful because it is Beltane!
P.S. Glad y’all liked the vomit comment…I was serious…I am mailing her a decorative little box.
Positive energies your way
Brenda (in Arizona, Jenny, if that’s anywhere near you)
On May 1, 2009 at 5:41 pm George Stuteville Said:
Jenny: I apologize if I sounded presumptuous, but I was sincere in what I wrote. You’re right, who would have ever thought that a psychologist and a psychiatrist would get into a mess like this? There is no rhyme nor reason for it, and all the introspection and evaluation would probably render very little insight except that when you and your husband are together, there may be love, but there is also potential for pain, anguish, constant anger, and a general dissolution of the spirit that will affect everyone in the vicinity of the relationship. What would you tell your daughter to do in this instance is the best possible advice.
Kittery: Happy Birthday to you, young lady.
Linda: I’m now on day five of not smoking. I am listening to my MP3 each night which I have loaded with these “hypnosis” tracks with really dreamy music, nature sounds and imbedded subliminal messages. It’s kinda cool, but God only knows what they are whispering…I know I can do this..but your kinda inspiration helps, believe me.
Suzanne: About your NPR thing, have you seen or read Julie and Julia? It was a blog turned book and now I hear the movie is out or will be soon with Meryl Streep as Julia Child.
Anyway, peoples….I am now going to go on a long bike ride or hit some golf balls. I feel the need for some physical stuff after all this mental stuff…
On May 1, 2009 at 6:00 pm George Stuteville Said:
…and Sher: thanks so much for that e-card…
truly, you guys are real blessing. last night when I took my ride, i ended up at a little bench on the banks of the potomac, about five miles south of mount vernon. i sit there and can watch herons and sea hawks and ducks and Canada geese and fish breaking water and beavers.
i think about the ghosts of indians and runaway slaves escaping from the auction blocks and their chains in old town alexandria…i wonder if george washington ever rode in this close to the water to fetch his horses a drink…i think about the river and the boats that have been up and down it…
it’s with those thoughts i sit, breathing hard and sweating from my ride, sipping water, sweating, hearing the current of the river as it rushes away from the banks, leaving behind a field of mud, smell of sulphur…
i hear the voices of people on the trail walking behind me…a word or a laugh, a couple new in love, another couple so tired of love, a woman jogger grunting, a child saying wait up…
i strain to hear the voices of the ghosts…i know they’re there and i dare them to talk…tell me their lives
…and then, then i pray…thanking the divine for every thing, for each molecule and each nanosecond of time, and for my own miniscule place in it…i leave confident that the divine knows our needs and cares very much …and that is all i need…
the ghosts can talk to me tomorrow, the tidal current can return, the walkers and runners and hikers on the trail can go home and sleep and come back later, as i will…
I am also in a very thankful mood for this blog and what it has brought to my life. Life-saving is really NOT too strong a word. Life-changing, spirit-opening, affirming, GOOD.
Sarah – How amazing your kids were so struck by your so noticeable HAPPINESS. My 13-year-old son just walked in and said, “Let me guessing, you’re blogging.” To which I replied “These are my FRIENDS. You know how you have friends at school? These are MY friends.”
It is sheer serendipity that brings people here.
I was at the book store AND the library today and had some book items to bring up:
Elizabeth Berg’s new book was in the book store. Is Norwich, NY way behind and this has been out for a while? I almost bought it, but then hoped it would be at the library, which it was but I’m tenth on the waiting list.
I also got book called the Sakiad by Brian Hall, who also wrote a book about Frost and one about Lewis and Clark (Happy for Your Company?). He will be my workshop leader at the Colgate Writing Workshop at the end of June. Anybody familiar with him?
I’m chillin’. Going to look for a good instant play on Netflix.
I’m with you on that, Kittery. I previewed the V.R. rendition and decided to go with this one.
Speaking of which, any theatrical endeavors in the works for you?
On May 1, 2009 at 6:44 pm Kittery Said:
Not right now .. there’s a Shakespeare Reduced thingy (I can’t even remember the details, how pitiful) that I’d like to do, but I don’t know if I can. G&S decides in two days whether there’s going to be a summer reprise of Pirates, so… I’ll let ye know when I find out.
Okay. I’m a little annoyed. I gave my father a list of FIVE movies to rent. Three that I wanted to see, two alternatives. I got ONE. The very last one on my list. Whyyyyyyyyy.
We’re going back after dinner so I can scout out my 6-10 options.
On May 1, 2009 at 7:40 pm Amber Said:
Kittery, have you seen Synecdoche, New York? I don’t know what to do with it… maybe it will make more sense once it is over, lol
On May 1, 2009 at 8:07 pm Kittery Said:
I have not, Amber. I’ll add it to the LONG LIST of movies I want to see that this town DOES NOT offer.
:: beleaguered sigh ::
MOLLY: TWO TANKTOPS AND SOME SOCKS. I said, “thanks for Durham.” :: another beleaguered sigh ::
blog babies’ hook ups . . . let’s all post our travel plans for the summer and see if they coincide with any BB locales:
me: St. Louis sometime in June?
Cashiers, NC, July 24 – 30
Destin, FL – first week of August?
Perhaps a run on NYC in july?
Also, Nashville house (actually Spring Hill) is open with lots of room from Jun 16 – Aug 4 . . . as the teens and Claire will be mostly at the Shorehouse over the Summer.
should have titled that posting – Meet Me in St. Louis!
On May 1, 2009 at 8:31 pm Amber Said:
Kittery – this is what I have Netflix for, though our library is really trying to outdo itself. They have lots of good movies now.
You can now download (a very limited supply) audiobooks from home! I don’t even have to drive over there. Though I think there are only 12 titles to choose from right now
As for the title I mentioned above, I couldn’t make it through. It was far too abstract for my brain today. I might make another run at it tomorrow. I loved Charlie Kaufman’s Adaptation, but this one is just too much at this particular time.
And… you can never have too many socks!
On May 1, 2009 at 8:33 pm Amber Said:
Sher, my travel plans this summer include these very exciting locations:
the north side of Columbus
the east side of Columbus (work)
Waverly Hall, GA
I am beside myself with glee.
On May 1, 2009 at 8:40 pm carylhayes Said:
Boston to drop Stephany off at Harvard the weekend of June 19th.
A beach house somewhere for a week, TBD
On May 1, 2009 at 9:07 pm Mary Lou Said:
Sarah, LOVE that story.
Jenny, listen to the blog babies. Please let us know if we can help you in any way. There may not be any physical abuse yet, but generally it will escalate.
Love the sense of community here.
On May 1, 2009 at 9:20 pm Amy in Ohio Said:
Amber, your travels sound so exotic:) I will not be anywhere besides Indiana and Ohio this summer ( with a few jaunts into Michigan) as I am hoarding vacation days for the honeymoon. So….if anyone will be in Negril, Jamaica over Thanksgiving, we should do a meet up! ( Sarah, again no pants for me)
Mo~ What E. Berg book ya talkin about?
Oh! You will all love this…so I was driving in an unfamiliar area today to go on an inspection for wind damage to an insured’s home and I started thinking alot about the blog, particuarly Jenny and how hard things must be for her and how I am so very happy, she found us. I noticed a sign to my right and I slowed to read it as it was in the middle of a field, and it just seemed to be so out of place. What did it read?
” Quaker friends meeting place.”
We are everywhere.
I just returned from seeing Sunshine Cleaning. I give it four stars.
Happy Birthday Kittery.
On May 1, 2009 at 9:33 pm Amber Said:
I loved Sunshine Cleaning! It wasn’t all what I expected it to be. I’m still working on my write up because I’m trying to peg it. It doesn’t quite fit a box, which is a good thing in this case.
eh hem, if, say a few blog babies would decide to drive from, say, columbus GA to say, TN, they could stay at Sher’s house, spend days in the studio AND eat bed and breakfast type food and drink good italian wine in the nighttime . . . I’m just saying . . . a long weekend . . . just something to keep in mind
On May 1, 2009 at 10:57 pm Brendaquinkydink Said:
Also, thanks Sher, for the ecard!!
I will be in Iowa City, Iowa (River City for y’all) the last two weeks of August. I would love to see any of you.
Amy!! of course no pants in Jamaica!! Lucky girl.
lol, B.
On May 1, 2009 at 11:37 pm Linda Said:
And, if certain Columbus, Georgia girls happen to be at the Fick Family B&B in Spring Hill, I will check on live music that weekend and we will have a girls night out to see some cute and talented musicians. There are bound to be some somewhere in town whichever weekend you choose.
Good for you, George! Hey- are you going to see Leonard Cohen when he is in Columbia, MD? My kids dad is flying up to go with this sister, the sister who works at the Folger Shakespeare Library. You would like both of them so if you are going I will introduce you.
Greetings blog babies…spicy, brown, exotic babies! This is the best place to get a baby IMHO. Already toilet trained, erudite, and not missing the funny bone.
Just wanted to pop in and give my love to you all and say welcome dear Jenny. Sweetheart, listen to everybody. Marriage does not have to be that way. Take care of yourself and your little one. I will pray for you.
I just got back from the most transformative evening out with a dear friend. All we did was talk, well, that and drink wine, sit on the balcony on the first nice day of the spring … I was in a mood. I feel like I just planned my next two years. As much giddiness as I left with, I’ve had this underlying dread since reading you, Jenny. I haven’t stopped thinking about you all day. Or all week, for that matter, since your first post and mayday.
When I lived in NYC, I volunteered a couple different ways for Safe Haven there — and as all those women in the shelter, and the director, and the literature, said, “violence always escalates.” — That you are compelled to keep quiet for four years when you have such a sit-up-and-take-notice voice and worldview … to rob you of your most essential self in that way? This, before you ever get to where you say it hasn’t gotten physical. Blocking your egress? Not just invading but shredding your personal space by screaming two inches from your face? — physical abuse is not just around the corner, it has unpacked in the guest room.
You describe classic abuse symptoms. Manipulation is elemental, abuse’s semaphore. Two of the most effective techniques: 1) isolating you and stripping you of resources (though now you are lousy with them, even if you weren’t before you posted here), and 2) blocking your exit — blocking access to the phone, physically preventing you from leaving, or doing things like taking your keys, etc. Which, by the way? His provoking you to hysteria and then calling the police smells like a systematic strategy to discredit you and eventually wreck your practice or get you dismissed from your job, as then you will be so dependent on him you will “never” have a way out. Smells I tell you.
Brenda’s comment that your child may become a weapon (a quick test: how do the words “custody battle” affect you?) seems so much more likely if you stay till after delivery, the thought just that much more terrifying because of the damage it will do to both you and your child, staying with this man. For you, if you stay, your husband will most certainly see very early on that your child means more to you than anything, and will rightly assess that those dread words are an ironclad tool to keep you there. Abuse is abuse — no child gets through a childhood where it is present without trauma, and it’s not such a surprise when we start adult life repeating the dynamic we’re comfortable with. — AmyO is dead on: it will be more difficult to leave — not less — when your child is born.
There’s so much wisdom and assistance for you here, Jenny, concrete and practical help. You know something has to be done, you know it means upheaval, and you’re rightly exhausted at what’s ahead. But as fatigued as you are now, these are some patient, tolerant, attentive mothers, and if they say 30 minutes of sleep (Sher, I have to believe that it’s true), take them at their word. The first year, it’s possible you will be just trying to drag yourself and your baby through each Olympic-record sleep-deprived day without falling apart. No time for relocation research or the push of energy it takes to plan logistics (here is where BBs come in extra helpful). Your pregnancy seems an especial blessing: you have the push of before baby/after baby realities to motivate. AmyO’s comments were so spot on: what would you tell your daughter (or son) to do; and that the first few months after your baby is born you will be more vulnerable than you thought possible — and guarantee you that he knows it. Sher knows more about abuse and emotional manipulation than anyone should ever have to, and has written with insight and strength on the subject in the archives of this blog. Caryl is a master tactician. Here is strategic and material help — just ask. Even if you don’t know what you’re asking for yet. You need every assistance offered and every advantage that strategy can give you.
Your misfortune is you live with someone not averse to telling lies. And does he plant them with just the tiniest detail of truth, so that no one but those who know your heart knows the truth from a pack of lies that carry the ring of plausibility? (And if he’s following the template, he’s attempted to or succeeded in isolating you so completely that there aren’t that many that do know your heart.) You are right to begin to plan: you need a strategy (ahem, Caryl again) and move quick move soon and curtail if you can indications that you are readying to do so. — Sher said something that seemed very proactive, which was to warn the police, who have a vested interest in treating even a whiff of DV seriously, what will be coming. Also, a computer not available to your husband would be better for browsing (including here), research, or emailing. If that isn’t an option, clear your history each time you finish a browsing session, make your password REALLY secure, check he hasn’t installed a password-detection program (a free download, btw)etc. — be a step ahead of him.
Your most definitive mayday was on May Day Eve; maybe you were being dry, but you know it’s no idle 911. You said something else that truly chilled me from head to toe. “Will either come out of this safe or dead, but wouldn’t place any bets either way…things took on a whole new level of sadism once I got pregnant.” This. Jenny, a friend from high school miscarried late in her pregnancy after her husband kicked her repeatedly in the uterus. Please, please do not underestimate his rage or think you are (or he is) in control of it.
I thought so long before I decided to post this. Tried to edit it down. Took comfort in the fact that you will now know the breadth and length that long-winded can reach. Please forgive me, Jenny, if this seems all intrusive; it’s that what you’ve described is so worrying and I know too much to take it casually. Please let us know how you are. xoxxo C
On May 2, 2009 at 6:17 am carrie Said:
And Jenny, I love what you wrote Haven: “Being a good person means we have to draw the line somewhere, and hold firm on what we will and will not tolerate.” The act of saying it? To us, here? It’s the most courageous move of the courageous moves that will be required of you in the near future. Because once you’ve said it, you can’t go back to it’s alright.
I’ll email you with an email address; anything in my power to help, please know I will…
On May 2, 2009 at 6:19 am carrie Said:
Happy Birthday (and a day) to you!
Happy Birthday (and a day) to you!
Happy Birthday (and a day) dearest Kitterrrryyyyy…
Happy Birthday (and a day) to you!
Jenny – Have you told us where you are located? Are there any blog babies anywhere near you? Maybe you need a “witness,” someone who can stop by periodically and see what your husband is doing? We are scattered throughout the country, so chances are good there is someone not too far away.
Summer plans:
Northwest Connecticut – within driving range of Stephanie?
IF I convince my sister to move here, I have already plotted our cross-country route, with several sacred places along the way: Grand Canyon, Georgia O’Keefe’s ranch, Rocky Ridge Farm, Willa Cather’s house, HA! I needed a Tennessee location and now I have one.
Also – NYC is a four-hour drive – I can get there easily, Sher
Northampton, MA the week of July 15
Glad you had such a good night out with your friend. I SOOOOOOOOO miss that here. I have realized how isolated I have become due to living in the country and really having ended up in a job where I don’t really have any colleagues.
I have been thinking about you because I know you are an artist and also own that Chris Madden Room of Her Own book. I have my eyes on this little shed down the road for my own spot. My arty side has been re-awakened by everyone here, especially you and Sher. I was an English/Art double major in college but completely dropped the art side of myself.
On May 2, 2009 at 6:50 am carrie Said:
I know! I think that made it funnier! — I am so happy that you are looking for kindred spirits in your proximity. Best of course would be if your sister would just see reason and move next door.
Man, I wish she would. She IS my best friend (after my husband, of course). But my husband is my best friend because he is my OPPOSITE and my sis and I are like spirit clones.
On May 2, 2009 at 6:52 am carrie Said:
Time to pick it up again. — I think of you in that little shack all the time, since you first mentioned it. I feel like my life is charmed, since the specter of actually having a studio of my own has heaved realistically into view (George, my good news is still in counteroffer limbo — but this or something better: it will happen in the perfect time. Thank you so much for asking, sorry for the delay in response). I SEE you there, Mo. Tell me what you’d do in there?
On May 2, 2009 at 6:55 am carrie Said:
Spirit clones smooth down all which is sticking up in cowlicks (like Haven always says — Cows: always funny).
So, what do your next two years look like? My hubby and I are also planning our next two years. I have been offered a job as an adjunct at a local college which would involve a DRASTIC pay cut but a better schedule. I need a clarity committee to help me figure it out. Andy and I are meeting with our counselor (she’s new and awesome and is helping us sort out the Asperger’s from the not). We are at the 20-year mark of the farm, and I think the weight of that is weighing on us both.
Wow! Did you get a financial break-through? Are you on your way to your own studio? Too cool!
In my shed, I would write, do some arty stuff just for relaxation, do monk-like stuff, because I have a complete thing for monasteries. Kind of Thomas Mertony but also an escape from the Land of Much Aspergers (husband and two of my boys) and listen to weird music. I am on this total Kate Bush overdose, well, at least Hounds of Love.
On May 2, 2009 at 7:00 am carrie Said:
Wow. WOW. Those are big changes on the horizon, Mo. I thought you’d ruled out the adjunct position. And a counselor to help you sort out Asperger’s from the not? BRILLIANT. I’m so so happy for you I cannot stand it.
I can’t tell you what exactly my next two years are like, but they have to do with raising a lot of cash (or finding a studio owner who will record on spec — CDs can be $20-30K to record, and that’s on a budget), starting to establish a virtual storefront, and learning some new software to enable the first two. All my favorite things.
Cows ARE funny and they are also sweet and grounding. I almost wish I were milking again. I miss the cows. Eight years ago, I switched to part-time teaching and did the morning milking. I was in GREAT shape and Andy was calmer because I was in the barn. The problem was how tired I was by the afternoon when I was supposed to be teaching and also I was milking when the boys were getting ready for school.
When we expanded and put in the mobile home for an employee, I went back to full-time teaching. But I have hit major burn-out on that front.
I had ruled out the adjunct thing, but I am reconsidering. I really thought I was on the brink of selling my book for at least SOME money that might allow a year of … I don’t know what except being home more.
Then my ersatz agent dumped me and I have been very despondent. Trying go back to much querying, but I am still a bit demoralized by the whole thing.
Exciting about the potential CD and everything else! Have you seen the movie Once? I LOVE that movie and the soundtrack and the whole story of how those two have now taken off. Oh, I wish such things for you.
On May 2, 2009 at 7:06 am carrie Said:
Financial breakthroughs in every way, thanks, one of which was that brother and sis-in-law are looking to buy a house/shop and want me to rent it. There is a standalone garage which they have offered to plumb for gas (so I don’t have to keep buying propane) and build a ventilation system, and cut windows where I want them, for the natural light. The counteroffer is still outstanding, but if not this one, then the next — the circumstances will not change. It will be the end of summer at the earliest, but I will have a studio WHERE I LIVE. I am, as they say, over the moon.
Ah – the mighty turkey hunters – Andy and Elliot – have returned. I must make the providers some breakfast.
It was AWESOME chatting with you. Have you been to sleep? I’ll catch up with you later.
Bye, Carrie!!! Congratulations!!!
On May 2, 2009 at 7:11 am carrie Said:
Oh, Maureen, and I wish such things for you, too! Your book is needed; I’m with everyone else that says your perfect agent is still out there. I love your blog and I love who you are so I love to read you. Almost doesn’t matter what you are writing about. I know it is just a matter of time before you are published.
So have you made an offer on the shed? You need a refuge. No matter how much you adore your family, you need oasis. Kate and quiet.
I’m commenting first on this to see if my gravitron appears as it’s been changed. It’s right on the front page and nowhere else, which is so stupid and bogus I can’t even figure it out. Again, not an actual emergency.
NOPE. This stupid crapo picture.
LOVE LOVE LOVE. BUYING THE SONG NOW ON ITUNES. XO SFC
Cirque du Bicyclettes! — I see your new gravitron. Isn’t that you at the Duke?
Is anyone still up?
(From the last post)
First of all, those Oreo bon-bons are the manifestation of delicious itself. I believe that the bulge on my right hip is directly attributable to the 42 Oreo bon-bons I ate in Durham, before and while I got drunk.
(From the new post)
Second, that bicycle video is awesome – I’ll have to make some videos of Elliot parkour-ing around the farm. That robot video was also really joyous. Thanks, Clouds. When the news shows all the bad going on, over and over, it’s good to remember how many people out there are truly kind.
I awoke this morning, did a quick cranium check, and shouted “I don’t have a headache!” AND it’s supposed to be in the 80s here all weekend. I DO wish my insurance policy covered voluntary hysterectomies.
Confession: I listen to exclusively Iodine in my car, which I am in a LOT. (I moved that adverb three times to get it in the appropriate spot). I realized yesterday that it’s because I am starving for intelligent conversation (I get that with Andy, but I mean another woman), so I let Haven talk at me in the car, and then I think Iodine thoughts at Sher (Sher, I just ordered Kate Bush’s Hounds of Love CD)
I was THRILLED that John Elder commented on my blog (well, I asked him to take a peek)
I am going to cast this comment out and see if anyone is about. Tex-a-Mex-a-Love-Child?
Haven – I see your new gravitron
Sher – You showed up as Pippi on my blog.
Hey 80s people. Is this not the song for Molly Bug?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe5rg05ZQNs&feature=related
This would also do:
Brothers and sisters, say AMEN!
I CAN’T SEE THE VIDEO AT SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOW I HAVE TO GO ALL DAY AND WAAAAAAH WAAAAAH. lol.
I am so going straight home after school to see videos and click links and bask in blogbaby love.
Maureen,
I completely understand the notion of listening to Haven equaling an intelligent conversation…
The weather is so flippin beautiful!! I am headed to Indiana tonight to relax at the lake, go for a boat ride, and meet with the cake lady ( and taste samples, yummo) and the florist to make more wedding decisions.
Is there anything better than wedding cake I ask you?
Amy- what is the date of your wedding?
Molly –
So you don’t pee your pants in anticipation, it is The Jets singing “You Got It All Over Him” and “I’ve Got a Crush on You”
Ask anyone in their 40s and they can probably sing you both.
I don’t know The Jets. I guess I am more of a 70s “gal”
What ever happened to good old fashioned crushes? I remember these songs. Now they seem so out of place because everyone in the video is fully clothed.
I LOVED the bike video. I’m like Susanne, I want that song! And every time I watch something like this, I’m amazed at the different things they are able to do, but mostly I’m thinking about how many times they had to fall and completely fail. And then they had to get back up and try it again, because it’s the only way to ever conquer it.
As a side note, I cannot watch the videos in which they fall. Nope, not anymore.
As a graduate of Carolina Crapo Memorial Elementary School (since renovated into Town Offices), I have to say that I see no Crapo picture.
http://www.gofranconia.com/images/crapobldg1.jpg
~ S.
Linda~My wedding is September 12th!
“Honey it’s true, there’s just you. You must have been heaven sent , hearing me call you, went out on a limmmmmmbbbbb, and you’re all that he’s not, just look what I got…cuz you got it allllll, over him.”
Nice right Mo??? ALL FROM MEMORY PEOPLE!!!
That song unleashed a sweet memory for me, which I wrote about earlier this morning. Thanks for sending in, Maureen.
…and thanks, Haven, for that bike ride.
Lord, that kid is amazing…what impresses me is for him to be able to do that requires much more than balance, but blends of guts, creativity, strength and an understanding of where he is in each split second.
Suzanne: I think that at the moment you posted above, I was reading sections of Split.
I’m so glad this showed up. The baby got me up in the dead of night and I found it, then posted it all by myself. I no longer have a webmaster, so it’s going to be ROUGH going for a while here. This is a very good sign.
Song is GREAT — that was part of what I loved best.
xoxo
OH! And you’ll all be pleased to know that Susan Boyle now has a near hairstyle, a complete and very thorough dye-job, and is wearing designer clothes. I’m banking on new boobies and a face-transplant aaaany minute now. Because we’re PURE! PURE, I tell you!
Whoa there, Haven– working without a web net, are we?
Given your success with the avatars, it should be smooth sailing.
~ S.
No longer have a webmaster?
::::Dee raising hand. I’m available.
What, NO WEBMASTER!!!!! Now that sux, really sux!
Oh I’m so glad I didn’t mention it first. Yes, Miss Susan seems to be quite comfortable in her new jacket and Burberry scarf…
I wish nothing but the best for Miss Boyle…she sounds like she has sacrificed her entire life for others and she deserves a little praise. The woman can sing beautifully. I am cheesed off at the assholes and idiots who somehow equate beauty with talent (I know I don’t…I am ALWAYS SURPRISED when an attractive person is also talented.) I just hope she can keep her head clear and not go all Roseanne Barr.
Those songs from the Jets take me back to the days of CHARM NECKLACES! I had a roller skate and sunglasses with a playboy bunny! Don’t tell Mom! I used to make a girl named Erin sing “I’ve Got a Crush on You” in the lunch line.
Going to watch Havenly’s video now.
I have never ridden a bike two feet, much less what those lads are doing. Kudos to them!
Jarvis was HORRIFIED by the bike video. “MOMMY. That’s DANGEROUS!”
he can do that and I can’t lose 2 pounds?! definitely inspiring. loved the song…and speaking of music…I’M GOING TO SEE DAVE TONIGHT!!! WAHOOO! (dave matthews band w/ Avett Brothers) yep…sooo happy.
oh what a cute little martian-dragon thingy. sweet.
i immediately bought the song on the video AND THE CD “CEASE TO BEGIN”, which is amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing.
Dee, honestly? Can I ask your advice about wordpress? There are some thing I can do very adeptly, and some things that make me drool on my clothes. I’d send you presents. Well, I’d have John send you presents.
Like this: How do I make the title a different color and font size? I got the font larger but doth the color reside? Between this community I swear we could function as Doctors Without Borders.
I sent the video for EXACTLY your reason Kimbitsums. I watched it and thought — “Look at that confidence. Look at his single-minded determination. LISTEN TO THAT AWESOME SONG.”
Susan Boyle can be anything she wants to be, just as she has always been, all of her sweet, normal, kind-hearted, talented life. And now she can get devoured by sharks with seventeen set of teeth in the process. I pray for her, I honestly do, even though I wish I had that jacket.
(Maureen!) Impressive you heard from John Elder. I just love him. He really has a true gift. I bought and read his book Don’t look me in the eye, and passed it along to my mother and sister. It can’t be a coincidence that John Elder’s mother and my mother are from the same town and I have a sister and neice that definately have asperger’s.
—by the way loved the bike video and feel sad my god given talent isn’t as cool or as entertaining as that guys.
Haven, I’m happy to help as well. As you may know, I am in the process of making a website for my best Vicki and her creations.
Boys on bikes. Yikes. How do they keep from becoming sterile? A friend has a son who has traveled the world on a skateboard. He used a plane to get over the watery bits, but what a life he’s had from 4 wheels and a board. Sadly, those boys treasure their worst accidents and so have put them all together in a reel. I’ve been able to watch it. Once.
I am bad….blogging when I shoulds’t be cleaning . . .
however,
I love the bike video. it should be an olympic sport. wow. song – wow.
kimbits – I’m waving madly!!!! You’ll enjoy Dave, he does a great live show and his musicians are chosen with care not just for their talent, but for their inner light . . . . and he can move his shoes!
where is pippi here . . . somebody knows the magic button, but not me!
Haven, it depends on which template you’re using whether you can change your fonts or not.
However, something I could do is install the actual wordpress software onto your web-server and redo the php code to match your website.
First things first though, letem go check out your template and see if the header fonts can be changed.
Have, I changed one of my blog themes to this one and you cannot change your fonts unless you pay for the CSS upgrade.
I love the video mucho mucho gracias and also I want the song, too!! But all the way through, I kept thinking:
‘HIS POOR MOTHER MUST BE WORRIED OUT OF HER MIND!’
I now realize I was an extremely overprotective parent. (wildly waving my hands in front of my face in panic) Heavens, I have the vapors.
(thanks for finding the cd Suzanne…I need me one of those.)
Kim- son, Sam, is going to the DMB concert tomorrow night here in Nashville. It is the first concert being held at Vanderbilt’s football stadium since Pink Floyd played there about 10 years ago. Robert Earl Keen is opening for him at 6:00 which means no one will be there to see him. I love Robert Earl Keen. Jason Maraz (sp?) is next up so all the girls will be in by that time to see him. Sam is so pysched as he is a huge fan of Dave’s. Sam and his cross country buds sing his songs when they run miles and miles.
Please, those who know me best, go back to Cranky post and read the question I just posted before I lose the remainder of my mind.
Dee, what you said sounded like, “Beep boop beepity boop blunderbuss beep.”
Haven,
this may help
http://carolynecooper.com/news/beginners-guide-to-wordpress-27
also, so funny, my husband posted this video on his website today. Kismet!
ROTLMAO! WordPress makes you pay a fee to be able to change the CSS code. The CSS is the code that controls things like fonts, colors, backgrounds, and such.
Here’s the blog I installed into my website. I edited the CSS/PHP to look more like my website.
http://particlesofspirit.net/blog/
Haven- I read the question. Actually you asked two and sorry, but I don’t know what Caryl craves. Probably nothing because she is practically perfect in every way and just doing wonderful things for people is her own joy.
Now as for your “friend” and her comment. Please just wad that letter up into a ball and either set it on fire or flush it down the toilet. Fire might be better as you would not want to clog up the toilet. I have never known anyone to love and adore her family as much as you. You are funny. You make jokes. That is what funny people do. She just does not get humor apparently. Geez. Some people. You, my dear Haven, are the most wonderfully generous person and that extends to you sharing your love and adoration for your entire family.
I can’t read or even comprehend anything I’m attempting to read from sobbing. My sweet little Gus, if he knew such a thing had been said, my god.
Haven, I know I am not one of the ones who knows you best. BUT.
Your trusted friend is…a jerk.
I’m sorry. I know I should NOT be judgemental, but one of the things Amber and I dissected on the way home was how sweet the John/Haven interaction was Wednesday night. You sat very close together and looked snuggly and cute, and you did indeed tell me that you felt even being OUT with John was boasting because he was so perfect.
The FIRST thing I told my mother about the reading was precisely this:
“Mama, Haven was giving AB a lovely intro when her baby, named after AB, shouted out, “Hey, Mama!” (or the like) and she stopped what she was saying and said hey back and waved and it was so cute and so real and she so obviously loves her family.”
You have never said one even remotely unkind thing about your family.
It seems to me that some people like to wound just for the sake of wounding and this person knows that, for some reason, you worry deeply (is there Virgo in your chart?) about whether or not you love your family enough.
Carrie is right. If John and Kat are shrugging it off…your daughter was with you well before John. If anyone would call “bullshit,” I’m sure she would.
Also–that line about no one around you can serve you well enough? Well **shuffles feet** um, anyone one of us would strip naked (or some other equally embarrassing thing) and do a dance if you just but asked. That’s just how much we love you. That’s how much you’ve touched our lives. And I believe I just sent you an email a day or two ago confirming that.
So chin up, Haven. Your friend needs a drink. Or a Xanax. Or both.
No one says it better than Molly. There you go.
Thank you, Kate.
If I could add one thing to my above post, it would be this:
Haven, your books gave me hope when I had none. Someone who was not herself a Lure to Truth, Beauty, and Goodness wouldn’t be capable of bringing about such a thing.
Ok, I know that I’m fairly brand spanking new here, but I think that this friend is ridiculous.
Haven, you are one of the most selfless people of whom I have ever known. And I think that because you are that way, others want to do things for you, just to be around you. That’s how it seems to me.
Haven, as a True Fan of Johnny Cash, you have probably heard this song before. But it is too wonderful not to share.
I need the blog babies help. I’m in crisis at Mayo Clinic right now. Its 8:45 pm and hubby has been asleep from stress for over and hour. I need kind words and common sense help. Please read my blog post and get back to me. I need help from anyone who knows a Neurologist who works @ Mayo STAT!!!
http://thegirlfromtheghetto.wordpress.com/2009/04/24/ive-come-undone-at-the-mayo-clinic/
Thank you, thank you. MY college BFF is not answering her phone. (She’s an infant mental health specialist, but can talk any crazy person down.) I need help asap.
I cry everytime I watch that video. Seriously.
Hello Haven and Blog Babies. I have lurked here for some time but am shy and have recently been in “Mayday, Mayday, Woman Down” mode, which doesn’t provide very good fodder for a good introduction. I have also never subscribed to anything like this in my life and feel odd about doing so. However, I am undoubtedly one of you, down to Little House and Anne of Green Gables and Johnny Cash and the like. The more I check in to see what you’re doing, the more I’m convinced that there’s nothing left but to accept this odd affiliation of wonderful souls and insert myself accordingly.
Am writing tonight because I finally have something to offer. Read this in the New York Times and thought, “Oh, Haven and the Blog Babies will like this.” So here it is…
http://kalman.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/23/may-it-please-the-court/?em
I especially like the reader’s comment to the author wherein he states that if the author were his neighbor, he’d weed her garden for free.
It is nice to meet you.
Ok, I wrote two comments on here an hour ago and neither showed. I hope nothing weird is going on w/my wireless network.
I’m frustrated and stressed here at Mayo. After reading what Haven is dealing with, I feel even worse.
If you would like to hear the whole jacked up story, come to my blog. Its like 3,000 words so I’m not saying the whole thing here.
http://thegirlfromtheghetto.wordpress.com/2009/04/24/ive-come-undone-at-the-mayo-clinic/
Hi Jenny! Glad to make your acquaintance!
Jenny, that is the most excellent link I’ve seen all day, since the bicycle one anyway. Thanks for sharing. and WELCOME out of lurk!
Oh, I’m so glad you liked it! You’ve all given me so many funny and wonderful things to think about that it’s nice to have something to reciprocate.
I so look forward to knowing you all.
Jenny, you have the most awesome avatar.
Jenny,
You are most welcome here in this special place and thanks so much for the gift link. I am not sure, but I think the same author covered the Inauguration in a similar fashion. Just wonderful!
Jenny, thank you.
Welcome home.
Welcome, Jenny!
God help me, I’m afeared. There is a wild animal making claw/nibbling sounds right behind the sheetrock wall of my bedroom. While I’m not AS phobic about four legged animals with long tails and teeth as I am about spiders – I’m still not pleased.
Also, my kitten Lily (who is a mad huntress) is going to spend the entire night awake, staring at said corner, poised for action, just waiting for it to pop out so she can break its little neck and plop it on my pillow as a gift.
Crap.
Yippee – a newly outed lurker!!! 3 Kudos for Jenny!
J is for Juicy Fruit Gum.
E is for Easy Bake Ovens
N is for Nike
N is for Nestle Quik
Y is for Y not – — Jenny!
just lost my comment regarding this situation….it might be a good thing because I am going
berserk, in the scottish highlands way.
Ok.
Haven – the answer to the question is
NO.
You are not that person ’she’ described.
’she’ is not your friend. if ’she’ ever was, she is no longer the definition of a friend.
she is FOE.
I want to kick some ass and beat her to a pulp. this is poison. poison to you and your family. that is enough.
sorry doesn’t cut it.
this might be too close to home for me, because I know how this feels . . . and I have never cried the river of tears as I did the day my ‘person’ defiled me by saying I should leave my husband and kids, that I was a bad mother and wife. I was accused of tearing apart an entire family, this generation and the last and the future.
It is bullshit. I smells to high heaven, don’t fall for it.
um, correction, I intended to say
“IT smells to high heaven” not “I smells to high heaven” . . . I just took a bath, so I know I do NOT smell to high heaven . . .
You can drop and break something in a minute. It may take hours or days to repair it. And no matter how great that “super glue” may be, it is never, exactly the same as it was before. And people usually take even more time to heal than things.
I didn’t want to say anything on the blog but yes…this is incredibly disturbing. Frightening. If it happened to me I would do EXACTLY what Haven is doing. I would cry and cry for days. I would not stop dissecting it in my mind for one second. I would constantly be on the verge of vomiting. Why would someone make such an accusation? Especially in such an insane, crucial time in her life? Haven has deadlines we cannot conceive of on top of the normal life responsibilities of marriage and family, which can be enough to make anyone crack. Anyone who has been near her for two seconds KNOWS how she praises John as thoroughly as a person can before falling into idol worship, her love for Gus is as sunny and tender as a mother’s love can be, how she is by nature a hermit, a recluse but yet she opened her life, her home, her BARN to all of us who visited (one cannot underestimate the crucial-ness of this.)Her heart is as open as it can possibly be, and by rights she should be able to close it to us, but she chose not to. The more she loves, the more she is loved, and I don’t believe for one second that her family gets the scraps. No way.
Haven, take heart my dear. You are not like Frankenstein in this group. You are UNDERSTOOD.
This from a November posting . . . regarding my previous situation . . .
“Somehow, while being attacked repeatedly I knew that I was undergoing one of the biggest ‘tests’ of my life. Testing my own soul and that my reaction to the accusations would be my best witness.
While conversing, I remained deadly calm. But out of face-to-face I was on a crying jag for months. This is no joke or exaggeration.
I was accused of every foul thing in the world. I did not recognize me in this person’s descriptions. I knew it was not so. So I held onto that and I was completely prepared to cut off the relationship, but left the “ball” or “sword” in said person’s court.
I never lobbed one back.
After months I got an apology. To this day I know that it was all about what was stirred up in that person’s life and nothing that I was exhibiting. In the end it was pure projection.
It damaged the relationship, but I have gained a lot of respect from the individual because I did not get down in the mud with them.
Maintain your honesty and your dignity. But do not lower your standards. That is conflicting advise, but I mean it that way.
If it is ultimately abusive, then you have the right to cut it off, at least temporarily. It is impossible to have a rational conversation with an irrational being.”
this is why I am in time warp . . . been there, done that and it still tears my heart to shreds to this day.
This past week I worked on the “EAT YOUR WORDS” installation – it is the one where I take the mean emails, print them on colored paper, shred them and collage them onto play ‘food’ so that the ACCUSER can “EAT [their] words”
It has been almost 2 years, and I still cry about it.
Also – you guilty ass – you are probably stalking HAVEN right now – here, on this very blog.
Guess what – Haven may be hurt right now, but
WE
can see right through to your evil heart. You are self-serving. You should be ashamed of yourself. Get your own life and leave Haven alone.
Perhaps you need to re-learn a few rules of civilized society:
1. IF YOU CAN’T SAY SOMETHING NICE, DON’T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.
2. MIND YOUR OWN BEESWAX
Sher. I love you.
Hugs and Italian wine for Sher, methinks.
some people need to reverse the size of their mouths and their assholes, so the majority of the shit comes out the right end.
it seemed apropos of ….something!
I am trying to clean . . . but I ‘got my panties in a wad’ over this one!
I almost know how Don felt win this same thing happened to me. I thought he would kill this said person. Wow – wanting to defend a loved one is a powerful thing, and a helpless thing.
ok….I have a party in 12 hours and haven’t slept in . . . forever….
you all beat this idiot’s ass for me ok, I will be taking a leave of absence for hosting, but send them to Nashville and Linda and I can work on kickboxing practice.
Which is a very immature attitude I know . . .
night night, or morning, or whatever it is, wherever you are!
Kittery – I hope the living beings have settled down in your walls . . . yikes, heebie jeebies on that one . . . reminds me of the mice that used to run through the heat vents all along the floor/wall of the trailers . . . their nails on the metal and wood . . . then i would open a drawer and there would be a dead mouse . . . and they would be left there for months . . .
Jenny, welcome — and please come back and visit often — we all need each other in a crazy mean-o world like this one. Also, I love the name Jenny. But that’s rather beside the point. You have great taste in music and reading, and that’s as much what this blog about as anything else. Kindness and JOHNNY CASH, and then some other stuff also good but mostly JOHNNY CASH.
JOIN AND SIN FREELY!
xoxox
Welcome Jenny! My fabulous mentalist’s name is Jenny so you are like a friend already
Sher- I have been talking about how cool and awesome you are to my family for months – and of course you have met Sam and he thinks you rock too. So, this morning I told Phil I was going over to your house tonight for a little gathering you are having. He paused and then said, “who is Sher? I have never heard of her before.” I said, “the beautiful encaustic she gave me in Durham is hanging in the hall.”
Have I ever mentioned before that I don’t think my husband hears a single thing I say? Needless to say, I did not invite him to join me tonight. I am in desperate need of some time out of the house.
Good morning, Haven dear!
Kittery- did the pest in the wall go away?
Amy Gigi- How are you? I am sorry I was not here last night for you.
Jenny…
I said all those same things when I first posted here, and my close friends are still agog that I burst out of my introverted home bound bubble to take part in this extravaganza of openess and sharing with Total Strangers. Jaws were dropped when they heard I was going to actually show up to meet these people In Person.
My big secret is that I cried on the way to the Washington Duke Inn, socially stressed and talked through the one mile from my house to the Inn by my loving daughter…It was SO worth it, and now, even though I am still Some insecure whenever I open my mouth to speak here, it just gets easier and better.
Sherrill NoraB – you should not be stressed about talking here because you are a dear sweet soul and we all love you. So, talk away girlfriend!
Haven…
Is this (former) friend of yours a local person?
Given the ties and webs that bind people here in Durham, I am wondering if I could possibly know or know of this bad example of humankind.
Not to be too mysterious, I do know a woman here in Durham who is entirely capable of this kind of behavior. She was at your reading at the Regulator for Couch, the one where Margaret Sartor and I joked around with you about daycare for your unhatched chick…You mentioned her first name somewhere in your talk,(“my friend _____”) and I have always hoped that is wasn’t actually her you were referring to.
Linda…All teared up here now reading your kind words…and best of all I BELIEVE you!
NoraB – I’m so glad you came to meet everyone. You were so welcoming to us and helped us in every way you could so that we could see the lemurs! Your daughter was just fabulous to support you that way and give you encouragement. Sometimes we need a little push (I always need more than a little push).
My own social anxiety manifests in weird ways. I talk on the phone all day as part of my job, so when I get home, no phones for me. I refuse to be the one to order pizza. Ever.
The only reason I was able to show my face is because I had Molly with me. She must have been exhausted from sticking so close. I have to be in someone’s company for awhile first, before I’m comfortable. I hope we all get to see each other again soon!
Hello Jenny! I love how you just came running up to the front! I wish I had the nerve to do that way back in the beginning, but I was too scared! Now that I’ve met everyone, that just seems silly. Oh, and I loved the link!
I just realized that my icon is no longer purple.
I actually added a picture of myself, but it seems like an infamous problem now that pics don’t show up.
GFTG/Amy…
I am feeling so bad for your plight…I do know a woman at the Mayo Clinic (actually she is a friend of my ex-husband-the-drummer, but she has been to my house for dinner). She is a lawyer FOR the Clinic, and I don’t know what help she could be…I am going to check with Robert, just in case…
I wish you were at Duke instead…I have some high up connections there…I hope the guy who answered you on your blog can help you. Love to you.
Amber…
It is so obvious how much Molly loves you and values your friendship, I’m sure she just embraced that possible exhaustion as a way to show her love. Like my sweet daughter Kate.
I’m just posting my self silly this morning!
But I wanted to comment to Sher, that when I was little in the dark ages, and got taken to the movies to see Bambi, I can still remember how amazed I was to hear “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all” come from Flower’s baby skunk voice. I thought my MOM had originated that sentiment, because I had heard her say it so often!
I hope your Party is great, and you and Linda give each other hugs for me…
Sherril, you are a sweet bit of lovely, it was WONDERFUL to meet you, I am so glad you conquered your social anxiety, and I ADORE your daughter…she is a true beauty, inside and out. You made me think of me and my own mother (Cheryl and Kate!)…it is wonderful to see a mother and daughter connecting so.
Amber,
I think one of the sweetest (and funniest) parts of The Story of Amber and Molly Meeting Haven is that both you and Molly mentioned not being able to eat or talk for a while after Haven entered. Later, both of you mentioned that Molly eventually finished her dinner and yours. I don’t know why I find that so funny, but I really do– all the more since you both mentioned it, as a throwaway matter-of-factness.
It reminds me of the old Peanuts cartoon in which Charlie Brown and Linus are watching Snoopy with one of his snowman friends. The sun comes out, the snowman melts, and Snoopy is bereft. Yet, as Charlie Brown comments, “I notice he wasn’t too sensitive to eat the carrot.”
Nora B.,
I believe you posted something here recently (but probably pages and pages ago, in blog time) about grief, and the pressure of others to Move On, or maybe it was the difficulty people have when something is hard, and they need the grieving one to feel better Soon so that their own discomfort is relieved? [Does that sound familiar At All?] I wanted to get back to that one, but on rushed the stream. Uhm, whatever you said way back when [hopefully I'm remembering aright that you're the one who said it] sent me on a worthy ramble in my own heart.
~ S.
Any mention of “Peanuts” warms my heart.
Carrie!
I made italics!
Boldly!
~ S.
Sarah…
That was me…thanks for connecting with me about it. It feels good to contribute to the thought processes that are, as you said, rushing like a stream here.
“not too sensitive to eat the carrot” is getting added to my lexicon of wryness…
I badly need to learn the bold/italics skills…so I can stop Capitalizing Everything For Emphasis.
Nora,
Capitalizing for emphasis will always have a place, as proved out by luminaries such as Dickinson and Milne long before Al Gore invented the internets.
If you’d like, I can send you Carrie’s oh-so-clear instructions for italics and boldnesses. I’m here: vollehutte At gmail.com.
~ S.
Sher, you CRACK me up. Now I want to go all ghetto on this friend of Haven’s. Listen up ye he dares insult and make up horrible lies about our fair maiden:
I may have 30 disease, but I can STILL kick your ass. I used to be a bouncer in the biggest bar in Michigan. I’m mean, low down, and vengeful when I need to be. You better write Haven a letter of appology, or I’m going to go grab a lead pipe, hunt you down, and smack you repeatedly with it.
Nora,
I’ll take any help I can get. Thank you so much for offering to check with that friend! I came to Mayo because the leading specialist in Autonomic disorders works there.
Linda, I’m a bit better, but stuck in my hotel eating truffles and peeing into a jug. Hubby snuck out to got to the bookstore because being around a mopey sick person stinks.
Also, thanks for all the blog baby love that you asll sent to me. It helped to wake up and read such nice things from you.
I was supposed to be blog-free today but I couldn’t stay away.
Has anyone heard back from Gigi? She is having a very bad time at the Mayo Clinic. Send her e-mails, she is having a melt-down.
Jenny – Welcome, welcome. Come into the light. There is peace and serenity in the light. Join all us former lurkers and enjoy. So, do you lean toward Little House or Anne?
Gotta get to the dump before it closes … later
Oop – Hi Gigi! I was composing that above when you commented. Don’t you just hate that? Now I look silly …
NoraBarnacles!!!! You are so stinking cute. I just love you. POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST. OR–you can email me and I will post it for you. It would be the written version of how I made Amber be my friend. I am SO glad you came. SO SO SO SO SO Glad.
Amber–don’t be a goose, you silly girl. You never exhaust me. You *only* ever lift me up. And also, don’t lie. Most people say “awhile” and mean an hour or at most a week. You say “awhile” and it means 4 semesters. I’m just saying…
Sarah–I once had to give up food for 2 weeks (Rob broke up with me the First Time, and every time I tried to eat, I threw it right back up, so I just quit for awhile.) Now, I’m like, “Eh, pass me the bacon.” Food makes me happy. So, I eat. lol. That may also be why I am not so slowly starting to spread…Also, Amber would never have come if I hadn’t, but I’d like to remind her that I would never have posted here if she hadn’t told me to.
So, it’s like I explained to Haven in 2 different conversations at Durham. Amber is the boss of me. And I am the boss of Amber. It’s really just like Haven and Augusten…except we get stuff done.
(since they’re always joking about how they only encourage one another’s codependence. <— Did I come anywhere near to spelling that correctly?)
Amy. WOW! THAT SUCKS MAJOR, SWEATY BALLS. That is how my sister would say it, and she’d be RIGHT. I am praying for you. If I had any money, I would send it. Prayer’s the best I got, so I will send that instead.
Kate and Sher–can I just have you? You don’t have to be my aunt or my sister or anything. I just want to have full access to you anytime I want.
And where, pray-tell, is KATHLEEN!?!?!?!?!?! Um, we spend 2 beautiful nights together and then…(sob, sniffle, sob) nothing. No calls, no notes (sob, sniffle, sob). I feel so…alone and used…
And Maureen. Is there any end to her Goodness? No, I tell you there is not.
Haven. Chin up.
Love, Molly
Maureen, I don’t have my glasses on, and the last post you made, when I read it, I saw, “I was composting…” and I just couldn’t figure out how that had anything to do with Amy. lol.
I would love to get all puffy chested and say that I’ll travel all the way to NC to get all ninja on the offender, but let’s be real here – I’m a big f’n baby!
I would just run away crying.
I got into a “fight” once, in high school, with some snobby bitch on my bus, and all I could do was hold her wrists (so she wouldn’t hit me) and turn my face all red. The only good part was, 30 people piled into the office behind me, when I was in there getting threatened with suspension for turning my face all red.
I was a bartender, briefly, at a dive bar where I played pool. The first sign of trouble I cowered behind the bar with the cord stretched to it’s full length, so I could call 911 without being seen by the big mean people fighting.
Yep. I’m a big f’n baby, but I can type fighting words. lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56Iq3PbSWZY
Billy Collins makes me happy.
And for mothers everywhere–it is a wry, universal truth:
MOLLY…YES. You can have me. PLEASE. Call, email, WHATEVER.
I am in San Francisco with Jack, spending quality time together. After a wonderful evening spent shopping, visiting City Lights Bookstore, and watching two movies in our room, we are driving up to see Suzanne and Pablo. In two hours the meeting will take place. We are so excited, and I will post everything, including pictures tomorrow night.
GFTG- I am not sure what is going on, but you are in my prayers.
Jenny, a big hug and welcome. You have found something amazing here and we are blessed to have you.
Happy weekend to all of my lovelies here. xoxo
Caryl – Enjoy that sweet red-headed boy and hello hello to Suzanne and Pablo
Molly – Those poems were a treat. Billy Collins looks startling like my dad (sorry he’s dead, but glad he’s sober – Augusten B) – the Irish thing. Speaking of which, Andy and I have been watching back-to-back episodes of Ballykissangel off Netflix, and my desire to go to Ireland has become a dull ache. My long-delayed honeymoon perhaps?
Maureen – Thank you for the shout out. I’m better, but still stressed.
Molly – Yes, it does suck. I emailed the media dude from Mayo. I hope he will help me.
Caryl – I’m at Mayo Clinic for my Dysautonomic, which screws up my whole nervous system. I have permanent nerve damage in two nerves so far. Mayo was supposed to start me in Neurology and Rheumatology. Instead, they started me out in Allegies. I’m here in a hotel room w/my husband, and they brought me here during the week when almost all of their Neurologists are on a medical conference. I have appointments with two different types of neurologists in Mid May. I’m off on a medical leave only until May 12th. No way I can afford to stay here this long, emotionally, financially, work or family wise. My hubby is leaving next weekend. I also had to cancel several other specialists because all of a sudden my BCBS may not pay for the consultation fees. And I’m feeling worse, and more confused than normal. Stressed, and forced to pee into a bucket for 24 hours. Because I may have Cushings Syndrome, which can be caused by a tumor, meaning oh yeah, maybe I have cancer in addition to the 30 other big and small medical conditions I have. And there is no ice cream to be found (Everything is open like M-F until 5pm) within walking distance. WTF?
Everyone – Sorry to go on and on about this, but hubby is again in a sleep crisis, I don’t want to call anyone back home because of the costs, and nothing good is on tv.
Yeah Molly! You tell Kathleen. I friended her on Facebook THE NIGHT I GOT BACK from Durham. Has she responded? No. I fear she may have played both of us.
(So Kathleen, if you’re reading this, shape up! We miss you!)
<3
Hello, everyone.
Thank you so much, Jim, Spirit, Kittery, George, Molly, Kate, Sher, Nora, Amber, Linda, and Haven for such a beautiful welcome! You are dear and good and I am delighted by all of you. It will be nice to be here.
Ghetto Girl, I can help with things neurologic. I will contact you at your blog and we will try to pare things down to a more manageable scope.
Maureen, I am a Little-House leaner, but I read both Little House and Anne series until the covers came off and the guts of those books broke apart into little pamphlet-sized segments.
Haven, I am sorry and troubled to hear about what happened with your friend. It is one thing to get that sort of feedback from someone who doesn’t know you, but another thing entirely to receive such a message from someone you love and respect. My guess is that this doesn’t make sense to you because there isn’t sense to be made of the visible parts. The reality-checks you’ve received should be enough to convince you that her comments aren’t in keeping with what is actual and true. I think there is something very, very wrong in your friend’s life which could explain her behavior- you just don’t know what it is yet, and that’s why things don’t make sense. If you care to continue contact with this person who has hurt you, the answer will unfold over time. But Sher had it right with the YIELD/STOP paradigm. You get to decide whether and when this person gets to come back, and you can’t ever, ever give her the power to define you. She has lost her privileges in that respect.
Sher, I loved your YIELD/STOP post so much that I copied and pasted it into a Word document so I can find it easily in the future. I am so, so glad that you failed to destroy yourself in those darkest moments. You are a bright light.
Blog Babies, I think my Word document will soon fill to bursting with the collective wisdom and loveliness of this group.
Oh, Jenny, Jenny, Jenny — I am so glad you came out of lurk mode — you are some smart. You had it exactly right: 1) there is no sense to be made of the visible parts, and 2) once someone’s leveled a world of hurt on someone they call a friend, they lose privileges. — A big warm welcome to you.
GiGi — just read your post on your blog. I’m so sorry for all you’re going through right now. You’re in my prayers.
Sher and Linda — I am beside myself that I do not live in Nashville this very night. Sher, I hope your party is everything you want it to be.
Sarah! I’m so proud! (“…wasn’t too sensitive to eat the carrot.” Snork!)
Carrie – thank you so much!
Jenny, way to come out here and be able to offer me advice right off the bat.
Side note: They have a Laura Inglas Wilder hotspot here in MN …. her bubby’s church. Now, if it was her house or her school, we’d be in the car lickity split.
Oh, Jenny, I wanted to say that I hope you get over the idea soon that you have to have something *stunning* to say before you can say it. When I first started posting, I wrote all of them in Word first.
… and by the time I got here, Molly was rushing into the room yelling,
“OH HELL YES!”
and sometimes,
“OH HELL NO!”
(though I maybe should have added more exclamation points, for accuracy’s sake?)
with such a rush of exuberance and fresh air, it brought breath to me.
(I mean, I love Molly for her heart and treasure her more articulate expressions of her self and perspectives, but, man, that “OH HELL YES!” was just what I needed.)
~ S.
Sarah, I’m just not sure if that’s actually a compliment or not? lol.
I do say “hell yes” and “hell no” a lot. Occasionally about the same thing.
“A foolish consistency”…and all that jazz.
Also, Sarah censored me. Frequently it’s “fuck” as opposed to just “hell.”
I grew up Army and blame my love of swear words on that. 
So after crying and crying and crying about this (as Caryl and I agreed, our immediate go-to position is to assume the person is right: I really am a horrible mother and hate my husband no one can ever do enough for me, etc., even while my children themselves are standing in front of me saying “Whoa, crazy woman who loved us like a jaguar, and my husband is telling me he’d walk on burning coals for me) my former friend made an extreme tactical error. She lives way way out of town in a subdivision and she told me, in an insufferable tone, that she’d be happy to explain all the ways I’m . . . what, a failure etc., because I’m “dark” and “hip” and living a completely false life and my work life is so skewed I’m going to starve to death. And basically I’m just false at every turn. I said, “I CANNOT DRIVE,” as if I would FUCKING drive out to her house so I could sit like a peasant on her floor so she could patronize me anyway. She wrote back, “Oh, I think you can drive when you want to, I’ve noticed.” I had no idea what she was talking about. I didn’t even drive to Indiana when Delonda was having surgery. She meant when I went to pick up Polaris (she had, apparently, kept notes). Now if that is not the creepiest shit I’ve ever heard in my life I don’t know what is. I had to double my medication, get permission from my neurologist, and call 75 times on the way home. But I should drive in the dark to listen to her tell me how superior she is to be because I work to support my children and she does not.
And that’s when I got it. I don’t have to be mad. You don’t have to be mad. (Although Amanda — damn is that a smart one — guessed it in one, and it’s no one who regularly posts here.) Her kids will be gone someday, and so will mine, and I’ll still have a career. And not only that, chances are, I’ll become more and more like my mother. And Former Friend who dared say I treat my son as if he makes my skin crawl? YOU ARE GOING TO TURN INTO YOUR MOTHER, TOO. And if that’s not the worst fate I can imagine for any human being, I pray to cease imagining. No WONDER you turned on me the way you did. You saw me on stage, with a career. And your sweet precious children will leave home, no matter how you try to prevent it. After that, your model for womanhood is one of the worst I’ve ever seen.
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
BRAVA, HAVEN!!! BRAVA!!!
Thank you, Miss Molly. It came to me while trying to rescue a plastic pony out of a wolf’s mouth. But whatever it takes.
xoxo
You’re welcome.
Your wolf should meet a young lady retriever named Casey who has eaten my glasses, 2 pairs of shoes, a garbage pail, a GLASS Christmas ornament…AND who just stole my used tissue.
Haven, that person sounds like she spends so much time examining the lives of others she has no idea what a horrible person she is. She needs a great big mirror, on wheels, so she can look in that mirror every time she opens her awful mouth.
I’m glad you’re identifying her as “former friend.”
Molly,
It’s most certainly a compliment. I just thought I’d toss it in there, after reading that you used to compose your posts in Word. It’s not always the more obvious (or obviously praiseworthy) aspects of ourselves that mean the most to someone else at a given time. Ah, the manifold grace of God, reflected through our prism’d selves.
And no, I didn’t censor you; while your more frequent swear words might work their magic on others, it was definitely “HELL NO.” Like that. Except when it was “OH HELL YES!”
~ S.
Sarah, you’re so dear.
Now I wonder what I was “hell no”-ing!
But I’m glad you liked it so well.
It’s a day to be cherished when you learn you brought something good to another’s life.
Can y’all stand another lurker coming out today?
Haven, I’ve been reading each of your books as soon as they came out, ever since Zippy. When Zippy was new I bought 10 copies, and gave 9 away to dear friends. I have since bought more in paperback and gave away a copy just today to a friend from childhood (we grew up in southwestern Ohio) who so needs to know your work.
I’ve only been reading the blog a few weeks but feel as if I know you all. I wanted so badly to come to Durham but I could not get off work.
Haven, I do not know why this hurtful person has said these horrible things about you, and obviously I wasn’t there at the event, but anyone who has read your books has to know you are not capable of what this person has accused you of.
–Mary Lou Hutson, in Charlotte
OH HELL YES, MARY LOU!
Glad you came on out.
I’ve been far and away many days, but I wanted to pop in and wave frantically to the new folks. HI NEW FOLKS!!!
Also to say to Sarah: WHERE IS YOUR BLOG? I love the way you write and express yourself. It is magic.
To GFTG: So sorry for what you are going through. I hope you have peace and answers, both.
I am on page 5 of a 15-page research paper on Audre Lorde’s mother as represented in Zami. and the main character of the novel The Joys of Motherhood. This happens to be due at NINE in the MORNING. TOMORROW.
Fiance Dave has already brewed a pot of coffee for me.
And I picked up my wedding gown today.
And I am getting married in THREE weeks.
And I should get back to typing that claw-my-eyes-out-with-a-spork paper.
I like your avatar Mary Lou, it looks like a vampire arrow with e brain wig.
GFTG, I am SO sorry you’re in the thick of it. You will be in my thoughts and prayers (and I’m not a huge pray-er, so I think God always gets a little excited when I check in).
Ha! Shanna! I love you, you kill me.
We are all here because we love
goodGREAT writing, so I am going to shamelessly proselytize the book I’ve read/listened to three times in the last few weeks. It’s called The Help by Kathryn Stockett, and it is about a white woman and two black maids in 1962 Mississippi. It is a novel I feel too deeply passionate about to talk about much, but if anyone else has read or does read it I would LOOOOOVE to discuss it with you. I am pasting below the excerpt that is posted on the author’s website, in order to whet your appetite and seduce you all.Excerpt from The Help.
Two days later, I sit in my parent’s kitchen, waiting for dusk to fall. I give in and light another cigarette even though last night the surgeon general came on the television set and shook his finger at everybody, trying to convince us that smoking will kill us. But Mother once told me tongue kissing would turn me blind and I’m starting to think it’s all just a big plot between the surgeon general and Mother to make sure no one ever has any fun.
At eight o’clock that same night, I’m stumbling down Aibileen’s street as discreetly as one can carrying a fifty-pound Corona typewriter. I knock softly, already dying for another cigarette to calm my nerves. Aibileen answers and I slip inside. She’s wearing the same green dress and stiff black shoes as last time.
I try to smile, like I’m confident it will work this time, despite the idea she explained over the phone. “Could we . . . sit in the kitchen this time?” I ask. “Would you mind?”
“Alright. Ain’t nothing to look at, but come on back.”
The kitchen is about half the size of the living room and warmer. It smells like tea and lemons. The black-and-white linoleum floor has been scrubbed thin. There’s just enough counter for the china tea set. I set the typewriter on a scratched red table under the window. Aibileen starts to pour the hot water into the teapot.
“Oh, none for me, thanks,” I say and reach in my bag. “I brought us some Co-Colas if you want one.” I’ve tried to come up with ways to make Aibileen more comfortable. Number One: Don’t make Aibileen feel like she has to serve me.
“Well, ain’t that nice. I usually don’t take my tea till later anyway.” She brings over an opener and two glasses. I drink mine straight from the bottle and seeing this, she pushes the glasses aside, does the same.
I called Aibileen after Elizabeth gave me the note, and listened hopefully as Aibileen told me her idea–for her to write her own words down and then show me what she’s written. I tried to act excited. But I know I’ll have to rewrite everything she’s written, wasting even more time. I thought it might make it easier if she could see it in type-face instead of me reading it and telling her it can’t work this way.
We smile at each other. I take a sip of my Coke, smooth my blouse. “So . . .” I say.
Aibileen has a wire-ringed notebook in front of her. “Want me to . . .just go head and read?”
“Sure,” I say.
We both take deep breaths and she begins reading in a slow, steady voice.
“My first white baby to ever look after was named Alton Carrington Speers. It was 1924 and I’d just turned fifteen years old. Alton was a long, skinny baby with hair fine as silk on a corn . . .”
I begin typing as she reads, her words rhythmic, pronounced more clearly than her usual talk. “Every window in that filthy house was painted shut on the inside, even though the house was big with a wide green lawn. I knew the air was bad, felt sick myself . . .”
“Hang on,” I say. I’ve typed wide greem. I blow on the typing fluid, retype it. “Okay, go ahead.”
“When the mama died, six months later,” she reads, “of the lung disease, they kept me on to raise Alton until they moved away to Memphis. I loved that baby and he loved me and that’s when I knew I was good at making children feel proud of themselves . . .”
I hadn’t wanted to insult Aibileen when she told me her idea. I tried to urge her out of it, over the phone. “Writing isn’t that easy. And you wouldn’t have time for this anyway, Aibileen, not with a full-time job.”
“Can’t be much different than writing my prayers every night.”
It was the first interesting thing she’d told me about herself since we’d started the project, so I’d grabbed the shopping pad in the pantry. “You don’t say your prayers, then?”
“I never told nobody that before. Not even Minny. Find I can get my
point across a lot better writing em down.”
“So this is what you do on the weekends?” I asked. “In your spare time?” I liked the idea of capturing her life outside of work, when she wasn’t under the eye of Elizabeth Leefolt.
“Oh no, I write a hour, sometimes two ever day. Lot a ailing, sick peoples
in this town.”
I was impressed. That was more than I wrote on some days. I told her we’d try it just to get the project going again.
Aibileen takes a breath, a swallow of Coke, and reads on.
She backtracks to her first job at thirteen, cleaning the Francis the First silver service at the governor’s mansion. She reads how on her first morning, she made a mistake on the chart where you filled in the number of pieces so they’d know you hadn’t stolen anything.
“I come home that morning, after I been fired, and stood outside my house with my new work shoes on. The shoes my mama paid a month’s worth a light bill for. I guess that’s when I understood what shame was and the color of it too. Shame ain’t black, like dirt, like I always thought it was. Shame be the color of a new white uniform your mother ironed all night to pay for, white without a smudge or a speck a work-dirt on it.”
Aibileen looks up to see what I think. I stop typing. I’d expected the stories to be sweet, glossy. I realize I might be getting more than I’d bargained for. She reads on.
“. . . so I go on and get the chiffarobe straightened out and before I know it, that little white boy done cut his fingers clean off in that window fan I asked her to take out ten times. I never seen that much red come out a person and I grab the boy, I grab them four fingers. Tote him to the colored hospital cause I didn’t know where the white one was. But when I got there, a colored man stop me and say, Is this boy white? The typewriter keys are clacking like hail on a roof. Aibileen is reading faster and I am ignoring my mistakes, stopping her only to put in another page. Every eight seconds, I fling the carriage aside.
“And I says Yessuh, and he say, Is them his white fingers? And I say, Yessuh, and he say, Well you better tell them he your high yellow cause that colored doctor won’t operate on a white boy in a Negro hospital. And then a white policeman grab me and he say, Now you look a here–”
She stops. Looks up. The clacking ceases.
“What? The policeman said look a here what?”
“Well, that’s all I put down. Had to catch the bus for work this morning.”
I hit the return and the typewriter dings. Aibileen and I look each other straight in the eye. I think this might actually work.
Hi Mary Lou! Welcome! It’s so nice to have all these new people.
Haven – Good for you on that bolt of clarity about the former friend.
When I was in the midst of anxiety counseling, I read something that completely changed my outlook on people like that:
20% of people will love you, no matter what you do
20% of people will hate you, no matter what you do
The rest can go either way
I used to spend ENORMPUS (that was a typo, but I like it: I’ll let it stand) amounts of time obsessing over people who disliked me or disliked what I did and trying so hard to change myself to get them to like me – to no avail.
Once I accepted the truth of those percentages, I realized what a waste of my time and energy it was to think about and court those 20% who were NEVER going to like me for whatever reason: their own agendas, their own issues, just crankiness. Then I could just RELEASE that whole thing. (Not that I can always remember this in the midst of a day)
I also learned a lot about people by milking cows. Most cows are very pleasant about it, they even enjoy it. A very few will kick because they were born mean. Some kick because something hurts – it’s the COW not me. But I did know that if they kicked me, it wasn’t because of ME, because I try very hard to be very and quiet when I’m milking. If there is PAIN involved, maybe I can help; maybe I can’t. But I did learn to get out of the way.
Sarah – HELL YES on that about Molly Bug. We love you, Bug!
Love the cow analogy, Mo! Hell to the Yes! That’s exactly right!
Amanda and Shanna – Thanks you so much for your thoughts.
Mary Lou – I have to say this, because its funny. When I read your post, I instanly thought , oh, how cool is it that Mary Lou Retton is on here. Sigh. I’m such a dork, but I’m blaming it on my vision issues. That and my frequent typos. Welcome, and let me give you a OH HELL YES.
I cannot remember if I shared this with you all or not, but I think it’s hysterical.
Student: Whoa, Mrs. T. You’re friends with ENGINEERS and that WRITER AND a guy who MAKES MOVIES! (shakes head) You know Awesome People.
ME: Well, when YOU are awesome, you tend to attract awesome people. It’s a law of physics.
Student (under his breath): I thought it was “opposites attract.”
I laughed until I cried.
Hmm. The bold didn’t quite work out like I hoped…
Molly- hahahhahahahahaha that was precious.
Welcome Mary Lou!
Oh my was it wonderful to visit Sher at her very own home last night. I got to meet her very adorable and totally nice husband, Don. He is even cuter in person than in photos. Sher’s children are all beautiful too. Claire is just as I imagined her. A little Zippy. Dylan and Lauren are both dark haired and gorgeous. Sher has more cool friends than you can shake a stick at. She gave us a tour of her studio and showed us how to make encaustics. I had to smile at the young girl who was there with her mom whom I presume was a neighbor. To say that she is in AWE of Sher would be an understatement.
Of course we talked about Haven and our wonderful blog baby friends and we hope Sher’s friend, Jean, will join us. So, Jean, if you are reading this, HELLO! Nice to meet you! Jean is an talented artist too and her husband is groovy and cool and takes beautiful photos of birds. He gave Sher one of a magnificent whooping crane with a red face.
Haven- thank you for creating this space – thank you for your writing, for being friends with Augusten, for being so generous and smart and gorgeous. My life has definitely been changed for the better by knowing you and all my Blog Baby friends.
Off to church now. It is another beautiful sunny day in Nashville. xoxo
I still want to beat ‘woman with head up ass’ . . .
Ok, after catching up on 36 hours of ‘non-blog’ time . . .I am breathless and recovering from re-crying and – yes, Dee – Hell to the Yes – ’tis brilliant.
GiGi – I have to spend some quality time with Claire today, but would love to be on your support list . . . can talk anytime and I will call you where ever you happen to be (I am on cingular/at&T, but have unlimited home long distance . . . give the number to call and I will do so . . . sher dot fick at live dot com or sherfickart at gmail dot com . . . note – they all feed into one email, so any one’s you use get to me.
Sherrill – you were on top form yesterday, I am so with you posting again and again – you know that is my format, too – you are an angel of love and welcomeness – - I am almost horrified that everyone had such nervousness about our Durham meeting or fear of posting – does this mean I am a exhibitionist for not being nervous about any of that – - – it seems wrong somehow . . . in fact I felt most awkward with the ‘fan club’ references because I know that we are so much more than that – to Haven and to each other. An inner circle of love and light . . . and I am so happy, happy that Mary Lou (& Jenny) chose to jump in.
And, yes, Linda – Jean better join us because she is a perfect fit, too!
Now, as to Kathleen – she must be really busy, because I can’t believe she teased us with a fling and then dropped us like hot potatoes . . .
Maureen . . . yes the Cow analogy – wow, that is so in tune with this situation. And also reiterates one of my mottos or life creeds – all lessons for us can be found in nature
off to entertain my Zippy, who is wearing the turtle whistle around her neck that Linda brought her – she will not be parted from it!
Last I heard, my darling sis is off to organize and run an inter-state, inter-national, inter-galactic book festival in Texas to celebrate great gains in reading scores and the power of books. She is also on a deep, deep difficult rooting-out of past badnesses and is emerging triumphant. Send good blog vibes her way. I am sure she will reappear when the dust settles. She does think you’re all the cat’s pajamas.
I am just back from the swim team banquet, clinging to my hope that I am an OK mom. I do try. I always feel a little slouchy when I am around other parents.
It is actually HOT here! I see leaves!
Hi,
Just stopped by to drop off another limmerick.
Here goes:
A mustard inspector named Julie
regarded the product quite coolly
“It is yellow, tis true, but it’s not going thru
until it is stamped by yours trully.”
Matt, your going to send Haven off the cliff, you know she has a deep fear of mustard, right?
Dee & GftG,
How much of Bouncing relies on, you know, actually Bouncing, and how much can be accomplished by simply looking the part?
Amanda,
How’d that 9am deadline go, especially after taking a station break to inform us of yet another book worth pursuing?
I’ve thought of you often since you hit the one-month-to-go mark. Your wedding date happens to coincide with the day my sheets and towels turn 22, and was long one of my favorite days of the year. I trust you will keep it well.
I also thought of you last week end when, navigating tricky social waters, I decided the best approach would be to aim for Inconspicuous, with Formidable as my ready fall-back. I seem to have unwittingly accomplished Invisible….
So, with Invisibility as my newly-revealed superpower, I think it might just be time to head to Space Camp– and am counting on you to enjoy the reference.
No, no Blog. But I did just discover this line from John Berryman:
“I am the girl who knows better but.”
Such lines deserve air and light.
That, and I recently unearthed footage of me at 7 or 8 years old running a drink stand, attempting to sell juice.
Indoors.
At my younger sister’s birthday party.
Should I or someone else figure out how to transfer such footage to spreadable media? I will
postbe toast.Thanks for your kind words.
~ S.
…and I once again mistyped a line right in front of me, which should read,
“I am the girl who does know better but.”
Which of course is fitting, in this instance. Even though I’ve now ruined the whole effect. Sorry, Mr. Berryman.
Since here I am again, I will also post this in memory of Bea Arthur, whom I suddenly miss in a way that surprises me:
“Walter, if you lay one hand on that kid then all your friends will be dressed in black and driving with their lights on.”
~ S.
Amanda- I enjoyed reading that excerpt!
It is a magical evening here on the farm. The peepers and toads are loud outside the window, and there is a gorgeous thin, slim crook of a moon. A heifer calf was just born.
Aww. That sounds so nice, Mo.
Where is everyone tonight?
Sarah, you come up with the best quotes.
Amber would expect me to stick the Dorothy Parker one in again.
Instead, I’ll use one of my favorite Billy Collins.
“There is no way you are the pine-scented air.”
One time one of my brothers said:
“The oddest use I ever put to a Mark Twain book was to kill a fly with it. But I had to throw it on the fly twice.”
That’s an excellent quote. I’m going to cut and paste. You never know when you’ll need a Mark Twain anecdote.
the peepers are singing their sweet songs in unison, with the occasional solo. i LOVE it. i sit on the porch and just listen. mo, i totally agree with you on the beauty. peepers are spring to me.
today is was well over 80 degrees in CT and i was HOT. i believe i was complaining about being cold not that long ago. the grass is always greener
GiGi, hold your head up, high. you can do this. life has given you some tough stuff to get through, and you do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-6v4H4BtWI
haven, that malicious creeper will get what is coming. karma is like that. i truly believe that very bad things happen to bad people. when bad things happen to good people who don’t deserve it, the good take the “hit” in stride, and keep on going. that person is a bad egg. if anyone ever questioned my motherhood or devotion to my husband, well, it could be a “time to kill”. just thinking of it is making me furious. at any rate, fuck that. just fuck it. worse, bigger, messier and smellier that bullshit, elephant shit. blue whale shit?
i miss you guys. i have to get a root canal and i am freaking out. i would seriously rather go into labor. i BEGGED to be knocked out, but no–no way, they won’t do it. oh, cool. let me just hang out here, WIDE AWAKE, while you vacuum out my nerve. why do teeth even nerves? should that have evolved out? i don’t have a tail.
Y’all are just so cool.
I am going to look for _The Help_, it sounds like a good read.
I do not know how to make an avatar on here, I think I was randomly assigned whatever.
–ML
Steph–while I fully admit to not being afraid of the dentist one little bit (please don’t everyone shoot me), I found my root canal to be PLEASANT because when it was over, my tooth didn’t hurt. I was HAPPY.
Plus, the dope you up big time, and I’m a fan of legal dope.
molly, i am almost positive that i get novocaine only. if i am doped, i would be just fine. oh god, i am not gonna sleep tonight. between the sox and the yanks playing and this friggin tooth. yes, it does KILL right now, so i am looking forward to no more pain.
But novocaine DOES the trick.
Do you have time to ask your MD to dope you a bit?
LB, i will make time.
ok, so i am a red sox fanatic. jacoby ellesbury straight out stole home, while we were playing the yankees. so, if you have any interest:
http://soxanddawgs.com/2009/04/26/video-jacoby-ellsbury-steals-home/
i know you don’t really know me, but imagine a 32 year old JUMPING and screaming. what is it about the sox? i dunno.
Make time. It’s what my teaching partner in NH used to do–ACTUALLY–her dentist WOULD NOT SEE HER if she didn’t already having 2 Valium in her.
That’s the God’s honest truth.
Bed time!
Love you all!
Sher…
There is not one thing wrong with you for not being a wimpy basketcase!!
It’s the sheer good spirited and creative audacity of people like you who help lure the shy and retiring into the light…We are all different, and one of the amazing things about this little universe we have going on here is how you all make the effort to “see the light” in everyone here…a very Quakerly skill…
night night. sox sweep yanks. yesssssssssssssssssssss
Steph,
Well, that sure hit the spot! Thanks for posting the link to Ellsbury’s steal.
Yesterday I watched my son’s baseball team lose 14-0 (against a rassnfrassn stacked team in a supposedly equitable town league), but got home in time to watch the Red Sox win in the early evening. They’re rarely on TV down thisaway, so it was a treat. I was thinking you were out there somewhere, watching too!
~ S.
Simon Cowell embarrassed by initial reaction to Susan Boyle:
http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/wireStory?id=7425196
Will it never end?!??!
i am headed out to my root canal. i am actually shaking. i must be a child. people hate the dentist, right?
Steph- I am with you totally on the fear and utter dread of anything dental. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers right now that it will not hurt one single bit.
I am thinking of you Steph, be brave!!!
Hello Babies! I hate being gone for an entire weekend and missing out on all of the fun! I am off to email GfromG and send her my well wishes and hugs.
Shit, I was out of town at the Festival of Books this weekend and it’s too late now, but STEPH WHY oh WHY are you going to a dentist that won’t medicate you if you’re terrified? I’ve had a couple of BAD experiences that–combined with my generally neurotic demeanor–have given me utter dental terror. Once I didn’t go to the dentist for oh, I don’t know, 8 years, because I JUST COULDN’T WRAP MY MIND AROUND IT. STEPH, BETTER LIVING THROUGH CHEMISTRY.
Not sure where you live, Steph, but hopefully in a large enough area where you have a choice of dentists. Google “sedation dentists” in your area. I personally am a big fan of nitrous oxide, in fact, I won’t open my mouth at the dentist until I am strapped in and breathing it deeply, even for cleanings and exams, but that’s just me. Some people prefer oral sedation because they can take it beforehand. Don’t suffer, buttercup. There’s no need.
There is a billboard on I-96 just before Grand Rapids that claims Sedation Dentistry is like “a day at the beach.” I don’t believe it.
I’m terrified of the dentist because of the sadist my mother took me too as a child. However, back when I had dental insurance I did find a guy that was both gentle he was very funny. It still wasn’t anywhere near like going to the beach.
A day at the beach my ass
Perahps some sedation would help all my mistyping? lol
happy news to report. i am ok after the root canal. no joke, i needed about 10 times the normal amount of novocaine, and i was visibly shaking when the dentist was in the room. it was over pretty quickly. no meds though at all. i am a little scared about what it will feel like after the numbness goes away…although i am sure it can’t be worse than the infected nerve! thanks for all the kind thoughts. the nightmare-inducing part is over, although i have to go back for some “gentle shaping” and then a crown. no dental insurance, so all and all it should cost about $2000. jeepers! and i am a brusher, rinser and flosser! with or without sedation meds, i don’t think a dental visit is EVER even close to a day at the beach. hand to god, i would rather a pap. on that note, happy monday!
shanna, you are totally right. i actually have panic attacks about the dentist. i am gonna find one who will help me out. too bad i saw your post after the root canal!
I have such confidence in my dentist that the last time I needed a filling, I asked her to do it without novacaine.
“Are you sure, George?”
“Yeah, what the hell. Just do it, Margaret. You got the magic touch.”
“This has got to be a first…but it’s your teeth.”
“How bad can it be? Besides, I hate the stupid, fat way my lip feels when I get that stuff, Margaret.”
So, she did it.
I swear, it didn’t hurt at all…well, maybe just a little at first when she took a sharp pick-like instrument and started probing the dimensions of the cavity.
But it wasn’t nearly as bad as when she accidentally pushed the drill bit into my tooth a tad too deeply but it is a good thing that my sense of smell isn’t so well developed because I could have gotten a touch nauseous after noticing the cloud of smoke coming from my mouth along with the scent of burnt bone.
Fortunately, it didn’t go on too long, so it was bearable. I was surprised to see a tooth on my lap, however.
Packing the filling turned out to be…interesting…especially when she tightened the little metal from around my tooth a turn too much, causing the tooth the crack.
It was a small crack, though, and just needed a few laser cuts that were filled in with the stuff dentists use. I think she went through a tablespoon of it…
And really about the only problem was mopping up the blood after she finished, but the Red Cross did a good job of it and even managed to salvage a couple of pints for their blood bank.
I guess there is some advantage to my dentist being located so near the State Department because I did notice that CIA agents had appeared and were taking notes to forward over to Dick Cheney. I was glad that I hadn’t taken drugs, because if I had mentioned the CIA part, someone would have accused me of being under the influence, which I most assuredly was not.
And…that afternoon, I was able to join my Toastmasters meeting and participate. I did lose a couple of points on my pronunciation.
I must be a freak. I love going to the dentist. It helps that my dentist is HYSTERICALLY funny, but also I’ve never had a bad experience. And dude, I have had some SCREWED UP stuff going on in my mouth, trust me. I’m surprised I’m not in a medical journal. I did once hallucinate the Matrix while under nitrous oxide, and I had never even SEEN the Matrix. Weird.
My kids were afraid of the dentist too, because of Finding Nemo, but they aren’t now. I hope that doesn’t change after J gets his steel crown.
Actually, I love going to my dentist.
I especially love it when she is working on the side of my mouth opposite to her. She leans in really close, giving me an earful of her bosom. It’s kinda perverse on my part, but, hey, I’m a guy.
And when I told her that I didn’t want the shot of novacaine, her actual comment was: “It’s such a little prick.”
To which I said, hey, you’re my dentist, not my doc!”
Oh George, you made my Monday.
We would have said ” thats what she says” but I like yours much better.
xoxo
George–you are a bad boy for posting all that cringe-inducing stuff. And a naughty boy in general. Hilarious!
Steph–I missed you before your appt. but I was going to say that the fear of the root canal was worse than the actual event for me. It’s really a glorified filling and I was MUCH happier when the tooth no longer hurt. It gets a little sore when the stuff wears off but I just took a few ibuprofen. Hope your day goes well.
George! My goodness, you’re not nearly so effusive about your foot doctor.
Haven, it is heartening to see you’ve figured out a soul-reclaiming stance with regard to this painful, friend-delivered blow. Am curious- how does Quakerism handle such things? My woefully superficial knowledge of Quakers includes some idea that they are pacifists. However, being a pacifist doesn’t mean you can’t be furious, and a person SHOULD be furious sometimes. Being a good person means we have to draw the line somewhere, and hold firm on what we will and will not tolerate.
I so love Delonda’s line about whether or not something is ‘the hill you want to die on,’ and that line crosses my mind quite a bit when I’m in an uproar about something. Rarely, rarely, rarely, though, the answer to that question is ‘Yes. Absolutely, Yes. I will damn well die on this hill if that’s what it takes.’
But how does one do that and still remain a pacifist without simply relinquishing oneself for the slaughter?
Sher, you have shared stories in which you seem to have walked that line rather well. Did those experiences leave you with any overarching rules-to-live-by that you can share?
I love that your name is a homonym for ’share.’ That seems about right.
George. hahahahahahaha
So, my son went to the Dave Matthews concert on Saturday night. He said “everyone” was smoking pot around him and he went on to describe several older couples with joints that were ginormous. LOL He showed me the size with his hands, you know, like fish. I don’t think I would have ever in a million years told my mother about the people smoking pot around me when I was 16. Actually, the only people I was ever around who smoked pot when I was 16 were my sister and her friends, so couldn’t go there.
I am so thankful my kids do not drink or smoke pot. I am really hopeful that seeing me deal with my recovery has made them more mindful of the ill effects of mind altering stuff. At least for now. I love my kids.
Oh, Jenny . . . . my rules to live by grow every day with each experience.
After my last soul crushing experience (almost 2 years ago). . . . it was major life rules creation . . . here are some exerpts from an email I sent Haven after her Friend/Foe experience.
“ok. I wish I had recorded the words you spoke to me the night we discussed my ++++++++’s emails.
This situation is eerily close to that so I want to reiterate what you told me regarding my own broken heart at being abused emotionally.
This person will not hear or accept the truth. They are getting something out of sabotaging you. To lure you in and then sucker punch you again and again. How many cheeks is a person supposed to have.
Although, if you were the 3 headed monster said individual assumes, you would have at least 6 cheeks, plus 2 more on your lovely derriere – but sounds like they have used all those cheeks and that you have
‘turned it’ enough.
That is not the definition of a friend. If you feel the need to again and again be defending your life choices with this person, if you do not feel nurtured by this person, if you feel you must justify
yourself to this person . . .
that is an enemy of your heart.
I really understand the pain of the betrayal. This person has no space in your inner circle. You have spiritually outgrown the relationship, or – they have spiritually devolved.
Perhaps what you believe a friend is has been projected onto this person. Because as your pureness of heart comes naturally, it might be what you believe motivates others? In other words, perhaps you are projecting that this is a ‘friend’ when in fact, that is not the case.
What this is is a beautiful gift . . . I have done this many times in my life with not just ‘friends’ but ‘family’.
We assume that everybody is motivated by the same things we are – goodness, purity, integrity. and THEY assume we are motivated by the same things they
are – jealousy, offense, and hatred fed by disappointment.
This isn’t just judgment. It is damnation at the highest (actually, the lowest) level.
Feel the pain because it is how you will finally be able to disconnect and become emotionally independent [from that parasitic relationship]. . . perhaps you have as high a pain tolerance as I have developed over the years, but at some point these relationships end up being hair shirts and, really, self-flagellation is so out-dated!
If you remember, I finally came to the conclusion in my emails to my +++++++ that I didn’t recognize the person she was speaking of. It was
coming from her alone. It is this person’s issue. Not yours. I did learn so much about myself and I feel I am so much stronger and that I
cherish my true chosen family even dearer than before . . . so, yes, there is a lesson here, but it isn’t that you put on the ‘hair shirt’ of this person’s accusations.
This person is trying to burn your house down from the inside. Please don’t let them in to do you, or your family, any further damage.
In being so miserable – that is hurting your family. that is what finally led me to putting the skids on my own toxic relationship with my +++++++ . . . I could no longer let it effect me so negatively – we
are the foundation of the love in the family and to us, you, me = unstable and insecure scares the bejesus out of kids. It is painful, to be so raw and torn apart and to doubt yourself and the genuine love
you have for your family and they have for you.
As Zippy would say:
“Pshaw!”
. . . you know everybody has your back, and several have the wings, and many lead at your front with their shields and swords drawn.
Me, I have my lance, and will be wherever there is a breach in the line . . .
If thy right hand offend thee . . .
I have felt and really understand this pain, so don’t belittle your emotions, it is devastating, but try to get to the core of where this is emanating from . . . I don’t believe it is from you.
Ok . . . , hello – I asked Don the same thing
when my ++++++++ told me I should leave him and the kids because I was a terrible mother and wife (and that I should run and off be an artist)
- – - he said “she’s crazy” and I think you said, later “she’s insane,
she can’t hear the truth” . . .
So, please – look in the mirror and see the reflection that your loved ones see, not this smeared, demonized version that someone else is
projecting from their twisted vision.
You are well-loved, you love well.”
so – after billions of tears and words . . . it really comes down to just a few simple things.
1. perhaps I should let individuals earn my trust as I tend to freely give it – to check the authenticity and provenance before labeling someone ‘genuine’ . . . because so few really are.
2. I should never allow myself to be the doormat. Although I was bred to be a doormat, that no longer has a place in my life.
3. Relationships should be 2 way streets, if I constantly feel taken advantage of, judged, condemned, then it is not a 2 way – it is a one way in which I VOLUNTEER myself to be abused. The only cure is OUT.
4. Emotional abuse is just as damaging, or more damaging, than physical and sexual abuse. This is very true in my life.
5. If someone criticizes me – I first check the source: a) do I respect this person and their own work ethic/world view/etc. b) if not, then I discard the critique, or c) if I do respect them and believe they are speaking from a pure heart, I will question myself and see where I am not communicating efficiently. Sometimes I just tend to ‘assume’ that someone understands my motivations – - that leads to major misunderstanding.
in other news:
1. I have a zit in my eyebrow.
2. I’ve decided under clothing is too confining – I refuse to wear any pieces of underclothing while alone in my home. there.
3. I became so afraid while reading George’s story that he was channeling James Frey.
4. Thank God PIPPI finally appeared, literally WEEKS after I changed my ‘gravatar’
5. I love leftover party food . .. have gained 2 pounds since Saturday.
Linda – Claire is STILL wearing the turtle whistle!
Yes, yes, yes, Sher (points 1-5).
1 and 2 especially easy to ‘know’, but so hard to put into practice…
Damn it! Sher’s FIRST 1-5 list.
Kittery – LOL
Thank you, Sher. These are beautiful insights. I am sorry they had to be so hard-won, but oh how lovely they have made you.
I can’t wait to hear what George says about channeling James Frey.
Sher, I wrote that beautiful part before I read about the zit and no undies.
See – I always have to balance my spiritual epiphanies with zit stories . . . it keeps me balanced!
the other way I could say no underclothing is that I stay in ‘pj’ type clothing until 4 pm . . .
off to the studio . . .
Have a good day, Sher!
Ouchy to zits in eyebrows…the only thing worse? One IN your nose.
Welcome to the Newbies!!
After reading through all the above posts since Friday all I have to say is my brain kept playing the soundtrack for what you all mean to me and it was that old song about how:
“Tis a Gift to be Simple,
Tis a gift to be FREE,
Tis a gift to come round where you ought to be,
To turn, to turn shall be our delight
Until turning, turning, we come round right.”
I have no control of my brain and very little censoring goes on up there…You all shine for me..thanks for being there all of you.
Haven..I am in that formation Sher was talking about wherever you need me.
Still hoping for positive things for Gigi
Sher: Undies at home? I think not.
George leaves me agog, just agog (and Magog too)
Nora…your light is really really bright, I see it clearly from here.
Molly Bug! I have your magnet here in my office..it says..DUDE-WTF!
Steph and Kate and Maureen and Kittery and Amy and Particles and anybody else I am too scatterbrained to mention but love reading your stuff…LOL
Lunchtime over. Too sad.
See, now that song is stuck in my head for the rest of the day, I swear.
Just like Molly.
~George, you are the greatest.
~ I adore the dentist for what it is. I mean, would I rather go to, say, the gyno than the dentist? It would be a toss up. But I like having squeaky clean teeth when I leave.
~Caryl, I believe you are a fan of The Office after reading your above comment. That is my 1001 reason to love you.
~ I emailed GfromG and haven’t heard anything back, here’s hoping she is okay.
Yeah…as Sarah would say, let’s hold GfromG up to the love and light. Bug, too, root canal is never much fun.
…that letter writer of last week, too. She needs a dose of good karma from this big, strong blog….maybe more than a dose…maybe a transfusion!
Sher: Hope your open house was not good, but GREAT, Linda’s description sounded like it was.
Carrie: what about that good good news?
Caryl and Brenda: glad my perversity gave you a chuckle…I really do like it when my dentist gives me an earful! I try to come in with at least one cavity during each of my checkups.
Suzanne: thanks, and you know why.
Jenny: Who is James Frey? Didn’t he used to be a writer?
BrendaQD, that was a sweet song. Thank you!
George, James Frey was a writer. He wrote a memoire about some personal travails that turned out to be a bit, um, exaggerated.
Note that I was not making such comparison myself, but merely pointing out that Sher did.
I, of course, was appalled.
James Frey claimed to have root canals and all manner of horrifying dental work done sans numbing or anything (because he was a recovering addict) . . . that is about where I divorced myself from his book (about 1/3 the way through) . . . this was while it was still a ‘hit’ from Oprah and before the fall out . . . it never rang true or hit me anywhere in my heart or soul . . . that is a good indicator for me!
my bizarre collection of friends saturday night . . . somebody said I was a ‘collector of people’ . . . that was fun!
Linda – I just opened my hostess gift from you – oo la la – I am so excited! And you chose those things BEFORE you saw my house??? To all – 3 amazing handcrafted birie windchimes . . . in my colors . . . adorably artsy!
I think they will go right outside the studio door so I can hear them while I work
James Frey…I remember all that now. He was a lyin’ sumbitch and I basically wrote him off as the revelations came off.
Geez, Sher, hope I wasn’t channeling him.
That said, all the nitrous I’ve huffed was no where near a dentist’s office.
I believe my boyfriend/traveling companion (George) was being ironical.
Darn…George was posting just as I was!
What fun…thanks y’all, I just got home and got to listen to all the youtube stuff you had posted ’cause I’m home and not at work so no i.t. nazi’s here!! Loved them.
Gotta go make my mom a lanyard.
Vannie:
No, I was lying, in which case, I guess I was channeling the esteemed fictionalist, Mr. Frey.
George, I got the distinct impression that no-one really thought you were anything like James Frey. That’s what made the comparison so funny.
Steph, I was watching the Yanks/Sox game, too, and I couldn’t believe my eyes! I used to live in Boston and loved the Sox while I was there. I never could quite forgive them for getting rid of Nomar, however.
My great-grandfather played in the major leagues from 1923-1924, and he once brought Babe Ruth home for dinner. My grandfather was a little boy at the time and his primary memory of that dinner is that “Babe Ruth sure ate a lot for a guest.”
Jenny: you’re right…I can’t resist a bit of self-deprecation.
that WAS a heck of game. God I love the sox.
I WOULD love them if I weren’t still missing Garciapara and a bit suspicious of ‘you kill us,’ who looks like the kind of person who spends his free time wearing a white hood.
Steph,
Thanks for letting us know how you were feeling last night, and that you’re okay after your dentist appointment. How’s now? I’m so sorry things got so hard in the hours leading up to it– the salutary effects of Ellsbury’s steal and the Sox win notwithstanding! Thanks again for posting that link.
A couple years back I had six root canals and crowns, with fittings, etc. in succession, requiring a steady stream of 11 1-to-2 hour appointments by the time everything was taken apart and fitted back together. Everything took longer because I have significant jaw troubles that needed to be taken into account. There’s a fair chance I’ll need to have the rest of my teeth redone over time, in balanced sets, in hopes of preserving them and further stabilizing my fragile jaw.
I wanted to post something encouraging for you last night, but ended up sitting here stricken all over again, my hand over my mouth (literally and figuratively). Not much help, that! I am glad others stepped up to the plate on your behalf.
My one bit of practical advice: if you ever have even the slightest sense that an endodontist is upset with your primary dentist and wants to prove a point to him, with you being Exhibit A? Do not let him near your mouth with his ice-cold cotton swabbie thing. Trust me on this one.
I hope you’re feeling better, all the way around.
~ S.
BrenQD, you are so sweet and i love that song.
George: i, too, love the sox (do i bring them up a lot?) they just won again. oh, and yes-the only nitrous i have been involved with was recreational and certainly not at the dentist. and upon reading up on the blog, i came across the fact that your dentist is well endowed. unfortunately, my dentist is also busty, but male. so it is GROSS, not even a little hot. but if he were a she-it wouldn’t be so bad at all.
sarah: you are a brave woman who must be made of steel or something stronger. my jaw is killing me, but the relief from the nerve pain is amazing. i hope your teeth get better. i still don’t get why we need nerves in them. my tongue can tell me what temp my beverage/food is. i even asked the dentist–he launched into a way bigger explanation than i was prepared for–of course, i couldn’t talk back as i had a “dental dam” in my mouth. anyway, nerves grow in utero and then your teeth know where to come in–he could have just said that.
vanessa: thanks for the advice, i only had one moment of lurching, screaming pain. seriously, i jumped and almost knocked whatever horrible drill the dentist was holding
jenny: i said this once, and i will say it a million times more: I LOVE THE RED SOX. love them. i am sorry to say, i was so sad when nomar left–but then we won. i am torn there. my brother cannot believe i gave up on “nomah hit a homah”–we still fight about it. i have read a lot about nomar’s whiney ways, injuries, etc. i dunno. i am quick to turn–call me fickle–i love baseball for baseball–not money. manny being gone is A-OK with me. and johnny damon can eat a fart. i love that he was the final out in the sweep yesterday. working on not being so vengeful
sher: zit eyebrows kill, kate: nose ones too. i especially hate a zit IN my ear and—this one is new as of last week–directly on my bra line under my armpit. awful.
and to everyone who loves the dentist, i am in awe. you go.
linda, you are an example of a life changed and setting the example for your children. i am proud of you for your sobriety and your kids rock. i mean it–you are a GREAT mom and have given your kids the gift of you. my husband will be sober 3 yrs on july 13 and i am acutely aware of just what a gift he has given himself and our family.
total joke George . . . it was the no pain killer/dentist connection ONLY . . .
So I have 2 funny dental things.
1.) I had to have my impacted bottom wisdom teeth removed when I was 18 or 19. As the doctor was trying to fit his hands et al in my mouth, he huffed a bit, stared down at me in frustration and said, “You have the smallest mouth I have ever seen on a grown woman.”
Ask Amber. And any Baby who met me in Durham. I do not have a small mouth (a little, weird, squeaky voice maybe, but not a small mouth).
2.) Nitrous + Demerol = great. They told me to bring a CD player, so I didn’t have to listen as they drilled and cut and ripped and vacuumed, so I did. I brought one of my favorite shows Into The Woods. I plugged it in, put on the mask, and about 10 minutes later, started singing along. With the dental dam in my mouth. And the doctor’s hands. And the drill. He told me to stop, and I agreed. Then I started to hum. Then I started to sing. Again.
The doctor and I had this “fight” for a good 2 hours.
It’s hard to stop me from singing SOBER. It’s something else together when drugged. Or drunk. Just ask Amber. I was on my VERY best behavior in Durham in Kate/Sher’s room. lol.
Ok. I have to go to bed. But I will leave you with this last youtube. It’s one of my favorite TV moments of all time, and my nephew Liam and I sing this to one another frequently.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kk1Y4xo4XJ4
I honestly can’t say how much I miss my sister’s boys.
BUT. It’s a happy youtube! Enjoy! Sleep well (whenever you lay your heads down!)
Love you!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kk1Y4xo4XJ4
hmm, where the link should be above is a big blank space…
And there it is again.
I give up!
Good night, you queens/kings of New England etc!
GEORGE
Your Sox are dirty and they will have to contend with the Tigers
Its almost all we have left for this summer in Michigan and we are cornered nimals here.
once upon a time someone said
“I am not afraid of you and I will kick your ass”
But since I know we would have a really good time together I will get you a ticket if you want to come
See your Sox June 2-4
GEORGE
Your Sox are dirty and they will have to contend with the Tigers
Its almost all we have left for this summer in Michigan and we are cornered animals here.
once upon a time someone said
“I am not afraid of you and I will kick your ass”
But since I know we would have a really good time together I will get you a ticket if you want to come
See your Sox June 2-4
I am mad my link never showed up.
It was Bert and Ernie “Dance Myself to Sleep.” If you need a giggle, then you should youtube that. It’s darling.
Later today there will be a slide show of the official White House photographer’s work of the Obama’s first 100 days in office . . .
http://www.whitehouse.gov not sure what time it is being posted though
I made the mistake while searching that of reading a proported ‘headline’ and read “Why does my sweat smell like cheese?”
I hereby rest my case. Ubiquitous ‘news’ holds no interest to me, it actually sucks the brain cells, of which I hold dearly.
MichaelT, i like the tigers, but the sox are not dirty. they are dirt dogs.
ALL: Our friend Amy, the Girl from the Ghetto, is having a really tough time. Let’s try to send her some blog karma, love, and light. Here’s what she wrote: http://thegirlfromtheghetto.wordpress.com/
MichaelT: The Sox are sublime and will prove it in June. But in all honesty, I am glad to see the Tigers as tough as they are. Detroit needs some sort of uplifting, for God’s sake. I have a special place in my heart for Detroit. My family was among the thousands of hillbillies who migrated up there in the 40s and 50s in search of work. I remember going to Kindergarten there. Also, one of the best books I have ever read, The Dollmaker, by Harriett Arnow, was set in Detroit. I think Harriett is one of the best and most uncelebrated American writers. Unfortunately and unfairly, she is now generally dismissed by scholars as a “regional” writer.” That would be like saying Faulkner is a regional writer. Dollmaker is great and her other major book, Hunter’s Horn, is mythic. When it comes to rendering Appalachian characters, she is unparalleled, more complex than Erskine Caldwell’s people of Tobacco Road or God’s Little Acre. I do think she influenced Sharyn McCrumb, however, who is the finest writer of Appalachia.
(Gack, where did that rant come from?)
George…
I discovered last night that your Durham friend Jeffry’s daughter Emily is a friend of my daughter Kate’s!
We were driving down Chapel Hill Road to Thrift World (one of our regular mother/daughter stops) and I pointed out Jeffry walking to his new/old greenhouse, and she said yeah, that’s Emily’s Dad…
Turns out she is a Friend’s schooler like my kids…Since everyone at CFS is on a Quakerly first name basis, from the Principal to the three year olds, it’s entirely possible for a parent to know who someone is for years without actually tuning in to what their last name is!
Kate says she is a really cool girl.
Nora: When I think of the most compassionate, human, loving acts that I have ever witnessed, it was this one:
Jeff and his family were up in DC visiting me and my family. That whole week, my son had what I now think is Legionnaires disease or diphtheria, but at the time I was calling it the puke cough.
He was about nine, old enough to be dazzled by the coolness and beauty of Em, who was about 13.
Anyway, we go to this restaurant in Old Town. My son is trying so hard to be so cool himself. Then he goes into a coughing fit and hurls all over the table.
We all explode from our chairs, trying to get out of the way…by then, my son, a mess of vomit and tears because he was so embarrassed, bolts into the bathroom.
I start mopping up and apologizing to the other diners. My son, sticks his head out of the bathroom and says, “Dad.”
Em says to me: “I’ll go in there.”
A few minutes later, they come out. My son is cleaned up and frankly, Em is looking a bit on the green side herself.
He sits down and immediately buries his face in his arms, but Em sits down right next to him and throws an arm over his shoulders and says stuff that makes him chcukle, then giggle, then laugh out loud.
I am telling you, Nora, that at the moment, my heart was breaking for my son, but it was also breaking from easily one of the most selfless, gutty, compassionate, sweet, and thoroughly human acts I have ever seen.
———
I really wanted to get down to Durham and see the greenhouse, the blog sisters, and, of course, Haven.
———
The friend’s school sounds like a great place for kids. My oldest son went to a Quaker day care in his formative years and he is so much more a true peacenik than I’ll ever be since I am just another redneck hippie like a lot of ‘em are down there.
———
Another argument to move to Durham. If I could work for The Sun magazine and get paid decently, it would sure be enticing.
What a sweet(and messy) story!
And (not to take away from Emily’s unique wonderfulness) SO like the majority of the
lovely humans that are nurtured at Carolina Friends School…
Most of the children I have looked after in my home based daycare have either been staff children, or future students, and I’ve been one lucky woman to have such people around me all these (27!) years. I guess I qualify as Quaker daycare! Lots of consensus, conflict resolution, and looking for the light going on with me and my babies!
Durham is Nothing if not Eclectic…Plenty of room for the redneck hippie and the peaceniks alike! I myself try to spend equal time in both camps…
The Sun!!
Part of the fabric of life! Always seems to be on the verge of extinction, but still truckin…
Oh yes…and I LOVE The Dollmaker…
Don’t know why I’ve not read Hunter’s Horn, but I will now!
Nora: The Hunter’s Horn — to me, anyway — is the hillbilly version of Moby Dick. I have always loved Harriett Arnow. Sometimes The Sun is a bit too heavy for me, I will admit this. …and truly, Durham is eclectic. I have always thought I could auger into some sort of a niche down there, but never been able to find it.
My mother watched kids for a living…she would have never called it daycare, but that’s what it was. She did it for about 30 years, too. Maybe more. No telling how many kids have come through her house. At one point she was watching the children of children she had watched. I am in awe of her and all the lives she has shaped.
Nora. I keep meaning to get in touch with you, everyday when I am on here catching up I leave with you on my mind. Perhaps your ears were burning this weekend..I was with Suzanne and speaking of you with such reverence, I missed you at once. You are a treasure and one of my biggest delights while in Durham.
Just came back into the room from tucking up my kids for a nap, and now am flushed with a rosy glow due to Caryl’s oh my goodness life affirming praise…
It puts negative stressful worries about swine flu, universal health care and what to make for dinner in perspective to hear someone you respect speak so sweetly about one’s self.
Golly
I just had an epiphany – am working on the EAT YOUR WORDS installation today and it is rather upsetting, so I read back to some sweet and nice postings where people were nice to me or someone else and I have decided to do the yin-yang piece for it . . .
YOU CAN EAT IT TOO – it will be a fabulous paper mache cake covered in ‘heartsweetening’ words . . .
so now all you NICE/sweet people get to be a part of that piece !!!!
Everybody’s ears were burning this weekend – Linda and I probably made everybody sick talking about our wonderful BB’s . . . and they were jealous, too!
But your ours, all ours! You are like the little nest in the tree outside my window that I get to peak in on and cheep, cheep with and I just want to crawl right in and share your worms!
You Can Eat It Too will be a perfect psyche balancing statement! For you as well as your audience…
Maybe some worms on the cake?
So last night I had the oddest dream that I must share.
I found myself in a huge room filled with all kinds of paper and paints, aisles and aisles of them. Haven was there and I ran over to her because I was finally able to meet her. I kept hugging her, just completely gushing over her and then I realized we were supposed to be in Sher’s studio!
I dream of the blog babies! Amazing.
Sher- seriously, sometimes I don’t want to tell people about this site, purely out of selfishness. Is that bad? I will tell them about Haven’s books all day and night, but mention this blog? Not so much.
Ha – Linda, it is true! Let them find us on their own. I once told somebody about it then made them promise not to get on there, because this was my “SAFE” place. Luckily that person can barely turn their lights on, let alone find an author’s blog . . . I hope!
worms on the cake, maybe I will put worms in the apples on EAT YOUR WORDS . . . the cake is going to be a thing of beauty and joy . . .
A in O – I hope that was not only a dream, but a foretelling . . . you and Haven and any blog babies, in my studio – oh yes . . . and Linda can tell you there are WALLS of paper and paints in there!
I must must get back to work my dears . . . only a bit before the babies get home . . .
I meant the worms you want to share with the blogbaby birds in the nest outside!
Not icky bad worms!
I see the difficulty in representing this good worms vs. bad worms concept though!
Sher- tell everyone about your piece you are getting ready to send out. The one with the pill bottles covered with cloth because as you can see I cannot do it justice. Y’all- it is divine. Something you could look at for hours and continue to find something new you did not see before. Sher is a genius, I tell you. Talk about making lemonade from lemons. Sher can make diamonds from mud. That was a pretty pitiful analogy but you get the idea.
“Sher can make diamonds from mud”-I love that Linda!
oh – my . . . everybody, if you go to my blog (click my name above my comment) and look for TAKE CARE Exhibition, my piece is “Coping Skills” that is what Linda is talking about . . .
Oh my.
BB’s if you did not receive an email from me today, please send me one so I have your email address . . . I am trying to compile a somewhat updated list of BB’s names, addresses, real names, blog addresses, contact . . . then I will share it with everybody . . .
I have 5 million emails that go to one account, but you can use:
sher dot fick at yahoo dot com
or
sherfickart at gmail dot com
um, I’m supposed to be working . . . oops
Just because we all love our books:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buHmE_8UmJA
I hope the link works.
More later when I have time to catch up on your comments.
see…my attempt to paste a youtube link in here did the same thing Bug’s did? DUDE!!??
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buHmE_8UmJA
okay, go to youtube and key in first i.t. and it’s the one about the monks transitioning from scrolls to books and needing i.t. help with the book…made me laugh. I watched it 4 times. Anyone figured out why it’s doing that?
I posted it on my facebook site, which I am almost able to do without i.t. help.
Hello all!
I’m so far behind, I was just able to catch up with everyone.
I know I’m late, but I have a dentist story! I had a filling on Thursday, and my brain was telling me that I was fine, it didn’t hurt, and I wasn’t scared, but my body didn’t listen and I was SHAKING in the chair. Lol, I feel like a total nutcase. More evidence to the fact, my shoulder started to hurt on Sunday night (from sleeping wrong or something) and I reached over with my right hand to massage it.
I immediately flashed back to age 12, making the same motion for the same pain (localized in left shoulder only) and finding a lump by my collarbone. So all day yesterday I was a basket case. Every little thing made me tear up and I KNEW I was overreacting.
Apparently, sometimes self awareness isn’t enough.
What’s up with the YouTube links?
Hey babies~
I just heard from our beloved Girl from the Ghetto and she asked that I pass on that SHE HAS GOOD NEWS!
She didn’t elaborate on that as she is exhausted, but I wanted to share as I know we are all praying for her and sending healing vibes her way.
Um hello people, I think we can literally perform miracles here.
Alright, I am off to watch my boyfriend Adam Lambert shake his groove thang.
I am exhausted and may not even be able to make it through American Idol. Saw the WORLD’S LEADING EXPERT in Dysautonomia today, praise the lord. Will expand later, must get offline immediatly… good news, not the chronic autoimmune kind. Hope all of you are ok and thanks to EVERYONE whoes emailed, commented here or on my own blog. Love you guys but I need my bed NOW!
brenda, steph, michael t, dee, shanna, amber, sarah, vanessa,and all you I can’t think of because my brain is burned by melting wax . . . some of you are on facebook, but I am really wanting those email contacts . . . really! I BEG you! And I promise, only good things will come to you
Adam Lambert . . . makes me wiggle
dog diggity . . .
I am all about the self-awareness sometimes, being overrated (all things in moderation you know!) and
YIPPE FOR OUR GIGI! and, yes, we daily create miracles here!
So glad to hear good news for Mizz Thang, GiGi!
Sher, I emailed!
okee dokey Amber . . .
And I’m feelin gooooood, I love him, I really do.
I need to figure out how to make Mr. Adam Lambert my best friend…hmmm…..
I’m off to bed you wonderful people, early morning tomorrow.
Amy in Oh – we can no longer tutor young men . . . it is a sad thing, I think. Is 16 the legal age???
Sher, I emailed, too.
I laughed when you called Adam “my boyfriend,” since that is exactly what I call him, too.
As you can see, he and I are on a first-name basis.
Really, though. I haven’t seen anyone this talented in such a long, long, time. He’s this wonderful cross between Elvis and Freddy Mercury (from Queen) and Rob Halford (from Judas Priest). Halford, by the way, Mr. Judas Priest himself, had a 5-octave range that puts some opera stars to shame!
AND, he was the first metal god to come out of the closet, which was an extremely brave thing for him to do while working that venue. Ironic that so many overly-macho, homophobic metal acts followed in his footsteps, never knowing WHY they were wearing make-up and leather pants.
But my, my, my, Adam Lambert is something to watch.
Do you think he’d be nice to have dinner with, though? I can’t quite make up my mind.
Adam post meant for Amy in Ohio.
Goodnight, everyone.
I hope I’m not talking too much.
Sweet dreams.
Since we’re doing youtube here’s 10 books reviewed by a guy who drinks too much caffeine.
Sher, I emailed also.
Spirit! how did you attach the youtube?
And the Spirit Bless GIGI.
Goodnight sweet princes and princesses.
Spirit
Who is that speed review guy? I love him! How do I get it?
Haven
What is going on? You left your baggie of milk chocolate devils over here. I’m going to post the photo of you from last winter in my kitchen. In it you are wearing your Elvis Costello-y reading glasses, pink pajamas, and that hat I crocheted when I was nine. You have that look. Would that work as an intervention?
SHER
its michaelterryjr@hotmail.com
Girl from the Ghetto my heart is with you. You are Salt of the Earth and you are loved.
George thanks I will check that out on amazon.
I truly wish we could go to a game together on a nice warm Sat afternoon with a couple hotdogs and maybe a brew or 3. I thought you lived out east… are you in chicago ?
My stepfather was from the “hills” near lawerenceburgh TN and moved up here in the 60’s for work as well now I am thinking about moving south for work
just another cyclical situation I suppose.
I only have net access on sun mon and tue until I replace my PC that has burned up the mothership.
I shall return on Monday eve.
Again all my hopes girl from the ghetto
I had to post this movie by my son. I think it’s brilliant, but of course I’m the mom.
http://lovingthetasmaniandevil.wordpress.com/movies-by-lyle/
So I go to my class last night and because I was sick one day and PUT A HOLE IN MY FOOT (perhaps you remember) another day, I have to write thir really long paper due today at 5. I got 2000 words last night but I had to quite at 1.30 because I get up at 5.15. WAAAAAAAAAH.
Ok. Enough whining.
GiGi–love and prayers, love and prayers. Looking forward to an update.
Dianedear–hey! Looking forward to that picture!
Everybody–you rock. Just saying. Maybe you forgot, but you are awesome. I hope you have a good days. Those of you one your way to bed, please send a couple of hours to me! Perhapsh we could time/sleep-share? PLease?
LOVE YOU!
back up for a bit you can have the next couple hours of sleep I am missing Molly
diannedear,
That’s Hank Green his brother John Green writes YA novels. They became youtube famous when they decided to communicate a whole year via video blogs. They would take turns; one day John would do one and the next day Hank would respond. It was actually brilliant marketing for John Green’s books. They have legends of fans all over the world. They call themselves “The Vlog Brothers” and started a grassroots movement to embrace nerdiness called, “Nerdfighters.” Hank writes really funny songs, I think I posted one months ago called “People who Love Giraffes who love Giraffes”.
Here they are: Warning you could end up watching videos for hours.
ttp://www.youtube.com/user/vlogbrothers
Oops! My crazy keyboard erased the h
http://www.youtube.com/user/vlogbrothers
Michael- George lives in Alexandria, VA, just across the river from D.C.
Well, I woke up sobbing AGAIN — this is how long now, eight years? I have no concept of time — and then I read as many of these posts as I could and realized, Jesus, look what’s happening to Gigi, and Mollie endured one of my worst fears in the world — dental pain — OH BUT DO I HAVE A STORY ABOUT WHAT I DID ONCE IN A DENTAL CHAIR, O LAWD — and I’m still sobbing because what happened between me and my former friend is unfathomable. It simply can’t have occurred, I’ve tried SO HARD. And I understand attacking someone for doing something TO YOU, but attacking someone for doing her WORK TOO HARD??? And in the meanest possible way? I know I should shut up about it and stop crying about it but it just makes me want to hurl like George’s son, and I’m the only Quaker in the house so I’d just have to clean it up myself. Of course the dogs would eat it but then I’d just throw up again.
You all are LIFE SAVING TO ME. I mean that.
We love you, Haven!
I love you back, Linda.
XOXOXOXOX Haven!
Haven- my daughter have chosen Carleton College in Northfield, Minnesota for her undergraduate education. I have never been to Minnesota. Ever. But, Garrison Keilor is from there so it must be ok. Lots of Lutherans, yes? And, Unitarians, it seems.
Haven – Oh, do not cry! We love you!
To maybe help, here is an excerpt from A Not Entirely Benign Procedure by Perri Klass, who had written these wonderful essays about Harvard Med School and then someone started sending her anonymous letters accusing her of PLAGIARIZING what had been her own personal medical-school experience. She is upset by this but finds solace in Dorothy Parker’s book Gaudy Night when the heroine finds an unpleasant drawing:
“It was neither sane nor healthy; it was, in fact, a nasty, dirty and lunatic scribble.
“Harriet stared at it for a little time in disgust, while a number of questions formed themselves in her mind. Then she took it upstairs with her into the nearest lavatory, dropped it in and pulled the plug on it. That was the proper fate for such things, and there was an end of it.”
If this fails to soothe, may I suggest Kate Bush singing “Big Sky”?
Linda-
(I’ve been blurking again here)
I have been to Minnesota many times and I have even seen the Carleton campus in Northfield…it is beautiful! My brother-in-law lived in Northfield for a time (pre-family connections) and a friend from my Youth Group at church (Presbyterian) in high school went there for college. I am sure she made an outstanding choice, but she probably cannot take too many warm clothes! Brrrrrr… Minnesotans are unfailingly nice, liberal, polite, hard-working with great imaginations and a lot of creativity (it helps in surviving those winters!) I hope she loves it!
And please don’t cry, Haven…well, actually do it if it makes you feel better (sometimes that happens), but the cretin who wrote you such a horrible thing does not deserve to have that power over your life. I cannot imagine ever saying such things to ANYONE as they did to you…how disturbed they must be.
Maureen- YES! Right from the start I thought the best place for that letter was in the toilet!
haven,
“if you’re blessed with a talent, utilize it to the fullest, be true to yourself and stay humble” -gift of gab
you are. you do. and you are a great mother, wife, friend, PERSON.
xo, steph
It seems like I should be able to do Something to Help, being just minutes away…
(Except here and now I will admit that I Do Not Drive. I am unAmerican, I know…But I have accommodating children…)
If you need to throw up, I could be available for clean up, being a sort of a Quaker. As a person who spends her days with 0-5 year olds, I am used to the products of the bodily functions.
I could bake you a pound cake and leave it on the porch…
Do your grocery shopping for you…
Plant a tree in your honor…
Organize a candlelight vigil outside the House of the Enemy…
I’m going for trying to make you laugh…But I am holding your metaphorical hand also…
I have a little book called The Centering Book: Awareness Activities for Children, Parents, and Teachers…(got it at a Durham Friends Meeting yard sale). It says:
Side-Stepping Negative Energy
Young people receive a lot of verbal hostility from parents, teachers and peers. Hardly a day passes in which someone doesn’t tell them to sit down, shut up, eat their beans, go jump in a lake, or not to do that again as long as they live. Often, these demands are made in angry and hurtful ways.
It helps to regard anger as negative energy. Some types of negative energy are best side stepped. For example, the negative energy of a bullet is better ducked than confronted. The best way to defend against a hostile attack is to step aside and let the attacker fall on his face through his own negative energy. This way is best because it requires us to expend much less energy than we would if we resisted and fought back. If we resist, we are likely to “catch” the force of his negative energy, and we must then do something with this force. Most often. we throw it back in the form of our own negative energy Then we are responding on the same level as our attacker, which makes it possible we will be defeated.
Things to do when people say bad things to you:
Imagine the bad thing is like a breeze that you can feel go by you.
Imagine the bad thing is like an arrow that sails by as you step aside.
Ask,” Are you sure you’re mad at the right person?”
Say, “It hurts when I get yelled at.”
For the very youngest children, Imagine you are a duck, and the bad thing is water that rolls off your back.
Anything I can REALLY do, just ask…
How is your mouth feeling today, Steph?
Haven–
It’s funny how you just break down,
Waiting for some sign
I pulled up to the front of your drive way
Magic soaking my spine
Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?
A little song of love.
NoraBarnacles. I wish you were near by to me too.
Sherrill – that was heavenly – it is printable and saveable! Wow.
Haven Kimmel.
Perhaps I need to drive to Durham, somehow bypass the tricky gate, jump over Iorek, crawl through your vintage window .. . . all to take you by your shoulders (even though thou art 3 ft. taller than I) and say, perhaps I need to get on a chair and look you in the eye . . .
“This is not something your INTELLECT can wrap around, so stop it. It cannot be reasoned out because it is unreasonable. To move on you must accept, as difficult as it is – SHE MEANT YOU HARM. She intended to hurt you. Stop trying to make sense of it. This is her f#*$) up issue – whose core is mostly judgment, sabotage, and jealousy. Actually think of it as a compliment – she is so torn up by your success that she has to attempt to place you LOWER THAN HERSELF. Also, she was a bitch and a snot to all of us blog babies . . . very condescending and sending out messages of “HAVEN, BELONGS TO ME.’ I was offended. And she has really bad taste in clothing, so come on . . . shoulders squared, Zippy. What would Zippy do????”
Hum, apparently that was a rant and I doubt if it was constructive.
Also, I followed this posting “how is your mouth feeling?” which just made me giggle.
linda, thanks for asking! much better!!! no more nerve pain. my jaw was sore yesterday, but NOTHING like the pain i was experiencing beforehand…it was not fun though
i have to go back for some “sculpting” next week. then probably a crown a few weeks after that.
How is your mouth feeling today, Sher? LOL
Apparently Sam and Lauren are now friends on Facebook.
Linda, my mouth is in pain because I have been gritting my teeth over this thing with Haven’s Enemy of the Soul. I am giving myself a headache, no kidding.
Oh yeah – Sam and Lauren . . .
Maureen? Score!!!!! Love the toilet story!
Sherril…POUND CAKE. Definitely.
I can add sugared strawberries and homemade whipped cream with a dash of vanilla to the pound cake . . .
then we would have some great strawberry shortcake!
I confess. I have been unfaithful. I attended a book club with LIVE PEOPLE last night. By a weird set of circumstances, I cyber-met a woman who works at Colgate who invited me to join her Catholic women’s book club. I was so stinkin’ happy after spending time with all of you guys in Durham that I realized how starved I was for actual physical friends (I have none in Chenango County – it’s why my sister must move here).
So, I went and they were a lovely group of women but not nearly as outrageously outrageous, bold, funny, creative, and intelligent as you guys.
So, no danger. They don’t measure up to what we have here … (leans back against pillow, takes a leisurely puff of post-coital cigarette)
Since we are youtube festing: I must send you this, along with the note. This is from Joey Piscopo, the son of my dear friend, Nancy Hayes (and, yes, Joe Piscopo) . . .
Hey hey-
Here’s the next installment of ridiculocity courtesy of The Gee Company-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwRAbby6ldw
What’d ya get when you mix two parts Osama Bin Laden with one part Howard Stern? THE TERRORIST HOWARD STERN.
Let us know what you think!
Also, thanks again to everyone who voted for ShamWow on atom.com!
We just signed the distribution contracts with Atom. The sketch should be on Comedy Central in a week or so.
We’ll let you know!
Thanks,
Joey P
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwRAbby6ldw
Hope this works for you all . . . Sham Wow guy is great, too
Molly, from the first contact with you, I’ve felt the instinct that it would be a nice thing to have you nearby…I have pretty strong feelings that you are sort of daughterly in my mind, and I would pick you out to be a friend with my own sweet Kate, as she has sometimes struggled with the female friend concept,had some bad luck with less-than truehearted girls…Your true heart is clear and obvious.
I think I am finding myself getting comfortable with a kind of mom role here too…being a bit older than most of you, and watching you going through some of the stages of life that I have gone through (young children, teenagers, new relationships, career choices, etc.). Often when you are all cavorting and commiserating with each other, I feel a fondness and desire to nurture you all like a mom…
Not that I suffer from ageism! In my Real Other Life, I am close to people of many different ages, and I believe I can feel motherlike, and still be a regular friend also! Maybe this can be my contribution to our collective web of familyness and wellbeing.
Maureen – it hurts to laugh because I have given myself a headache . . . but LOL . . . I could only picture the AIRPLANE scene where the pilot lights a cigarette after the blowup doll . . .
Honk, snort, laugh
Yippee Sherrill, I do that mother hen thing too . . . I feel I am in my ‘coming into my crony stage’ – even though I have young kids, etc. but my soul, it is old and I hope, wise beyond my physical years . . . I think I have packed 150 years (and many lifetimes) of experience into the wee 41 years I have this lifetime.
Not that I can’t be an idiot in my own life, mind you . . . ok . . . off to refill my migraine prescription before I am rolling on the floor in a ball . . . .
NoraSherrill – Ah, a mom-away-from-mom! I am always seeking one. I also accept you as peer and friend, with great gladness.
Sher – Don’t you love Airplane? Cracks me up EVERY TIME. So I am on this Kate Bush blitz, and I just downloaded the piano sheet music to “And Dream of Sheep”. I hope your migraine meds work fast!
Off to get Tristan …
Hi Blog Babies, I’ve been lurking and listening to all of you over the past few months while I was in Europe and other parts unknown. My work overseas was wonderful and horrible depending on the day and the country. I’m really just glad to be back.
We now have at least 3 Amys and some new friends here, so I’ve changed my WordPress name from Amy to Amy in CA to make it easier to differentiate between me and my smart, adorable sister Amy in Ohio.
I’m compelled to post today about the hateful comments from Haven’s former friend. Haven, I think this is so difficult for you because the normal human reaction is “oh yeah, well your Mother’s ugly and wears army boots”. I saw above that you sort of got that one out of your system. Most people would be content with that. But not you. Damn your big heart and brain.
So here’s my two cents. This woman is hurting deeply and striking out at you over bitterness, envy, self-hatred . . who knows what. I’m echoing Sher and others here. Seeing you on stage, meeting some of your ‘fan club’, watching your adoring husband and children, it just put her over the edge and she reacted horribly and in a way that she knows she can never come back from. As much as you are hurting I can only imagine what she is going through. You have an embarrassment of riches. She is ill. Forgive her with love. She doesn’t deserve forgiveness or love and probably wouldn’t ask for it. Give it anyway. And never let her near you again because your Quaker heart does not need any more of this crap.
HAVEN!! LOL LOL LOL
My suggestion is that you go right ahead and throw up and then clean it all up in your Quakerly manner into a nice little package and SEND IT to your ex-friend.
I’ll be more than happy to send you a decorative little box just for this purpose.
a mom-away-from-mom ?
by far the Funniest thing I’ve heard in a month of Sundays…
Doesn’t it feel SO good to just laugh out loud?
(note to self…do this more often!!)
Frova . .. yeah baby, just an hour of feeling like Ihave the swine flu/or pregnant and ta da . . . I feel almost human again
Technical Tip – free anti-virus for your home use computers at
http://www.avast.com
lots of my it friends use this . . . then do automatic updates . . .
there are some bad viruses out there this week, they are now imbedding them in real/decent websites that then spread it even further.
it = IT, as in techy….
Sher – I’m with you. I broke the gold seal on an Imitrex (I am only allowed a certain number of doses per month) and now my head has shrunk back to normal size.
In the spirit of youtube videos, I have to share this Kate Bush (yeah, I’m obsessed, it’s like a teenage girl crush). But this is such a happy song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C88yb-OVNmw
Scream along with her at the end!
Hahaha Maureen, I love the way you were, “Kate Bush what?!” at first and now you love her.
This goes for anyone who is dealing with people who had parents that should have been spayed and neutered before they ever got a chance to reproduce their charming offspring: Some people are just damaged. For whatever reason, and they take great pleasure in trying to hurt others.
Example A: the person that was lucky enough to be considered Haven’s friend (before) – damaged – absolutely no provocation and they spew poison.
Example B: my ridiculous mother told me I was a psychopath yesterday. I think the word she was going for was sociopath, but I’m not entirely sure. Why? ‘Cause she’s damaged.
It doesn’t do any good to listen to shit. None. It just hurts you, and what is the point of that?
I’m ranting. Mainly ’cause I’m pissed and I can’t walk around with earbuds in my head constantly, but I’m doing my damndest.
BUT my point is, there is some stuff that just doesn’t merit thinking about, believing, or even considering for a millisecond. Even when it comes from people that are supposed to love us. ‘Cause … love from damaged people isn’t really love. It’s more like headgames.
Rant over. Hope it made some sense, at least.
Hey guys, hey!! I just love reading all of your smart, witty comments. Mo, I loooooove the post coital cigarette comment…that is you at your finest my friend.
Norabarnacles~ You are too good for words. How does one become such a good person? I need your handbook, truly I do.
Hi Amy in CA!
Molly, I just emailed you.
I spent the day with insureds who lost their entire business/income to a fire. Yet, there were so sweet and positive. Really puts things into persepective..so having to count weight watchers points ( when I can barely add to boot) is really not that terrible.
Oh Kittery~
I am listening to The Other Boleyn Girl on CD and I think of you everytime I get into my car because it is such trashy “historical” fiction!
Hah, Amy. I’ll try my best to give you something other than bitching to remember me by.
Haven, if you were in Ohio I would fix you a plate of really good cheese and fruit, and let you cuddle with my dogs.
That there, is the solution TO ALL HORRIBLE THINGS in life.
Kittery!!!! Stop it! I love you for many other reasons.
Kittery -
“Even when it comes from people that are supposed to love us. ‘Cause … love from damaged people isn’t really love. It’s more like headgames.”
that is brilliant. wise. you have some head on your shoulders. yes. you must, always, consider the source.
oh – cheese with honey and brown sugar . . .
what i accomplished today.
n.o.t.h.i.n.g.
Thankee Sher.
Amy? May I come to Ohio and eat cheese and fruit and cuddle with puppies? We can watch a *real* movie about the Boleyns/Tudors too.
I just read Brenda’s comment. Ok. Screw forgiveness. Sending vomit in a decorative container is much more festive and original.
Kittery, I would be honored!
Can you imagine sending someone vomit??? That would be awesome.
Amy, I adore you.
Vomit-O-Gram . . . you could make millions, I can contribute, I’m vomitous today
Sher: I didn’t do shit today either except get in people’s way. I am soooooo distracted (in the throes of quitting smoking, inspired big time by our own Linda and others.) Thing is, I MUST focus; I HAVE to focus on a certain project. Ugh.
Kittery: I get the feeling you are wise beyond your years. I talked to a friend of mine from when I lived up in The County. We both agreed that as much as we loved Maine, it was essential to the rest of our lives that we had left it.
Brenda: I’m going to be veeeeeery careful when opening any package that may come from you.
Nora: I think I am too old to have you playing the Mom role for me…maybe we could go for cousins or something like that?
I love when conversations turn to vomit.
Kittery, your “Thankee Sher” reminds me of The Dark Tower. Oh, how I wish I had never read them so that I could read them again for the first time.
I have Celiac and can pretty much vomit at will.
Amy in CA – yikes! I only get this way when pregnant or migrained.
If I don’t eat wheat I’m fine. Too bad I didn’t have this when I was 13 and trying to ditch school!
You can do it, George! Just say the serenity prayer over and over again. I know it sounds corny but it works. I did just that today in a staff meeting when I really wanted to smack several people upside the head one right after the other. But, I did not. Because I just took a deep breath and said
God
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Seriously. It distracts me long enough to force me to breathe in and out and then I am ok. It helps me just let things go and those were the things that used to get me so stressed out that I drank.
Well, just a suggestion, but I know you can stay quit, dear George.
People who play headgames…*shakes head. I just don’t know how to. I’ve spent the last year thinking a lot about it because of Rob and trying to get over him and finding out the hard way that he was seeing someone else…and now me, with this new relationship thing? I find it all very confusing. I do not know how to be anything less than direct or to say “nothing” in that tone that means “Something” which, I think all of us ladies would agree, *really* is the same as being direct. lol.
Kittery, I think there are damaged people whose love is worth having. Now, I am thinking specifically of some people who we’ve talked about in your life who suck, and you’re absolutely right about them. But, I think we can undo some of the damage THOSE ONES inflict by loving one another. I’m damaged, but I hope I don’t cause damage, and I work hard (feels like I am constantly working) to overcome the small cruelties I sometimes wish to commit like ignoring someone who needs me because I’m just tired of their shit.
I loved AmyCa’s comments about forgiving despite the lack of asking. Good good advice, leading us back to the idea of the Lure to Truth, Beauty and Goodness.
I loved AmyCA’s other comment even more about how sending vomit is original and festive.
Also, AmyCa–it’s good to have you back.
Norabarnacles, I once read an article in Cosmo that said younger women should cultivate relationships with older women because there’s so much to be learned from them and so much support to be had. I was like, “Um, you fucking think? Do women REALLY need to be told this?” lol. Thank you for your compliments. I mostly feel like a pretty mean person who fakes it a lot (like Haven, when I’m mad, my tongue is razor sharp). BUT if you do decide to publish your handbook to life, I’d like a copy. I know I could learn a lot. And you can be motherly if you like.
I would love to be Kate’s friend too. She seemed such a beautiful soul. You’ve got my email.
Kate, I’m talking Amber into bon bons at her house tomorrow. I just keep bombarding her with it. I put it in an email. I put it on a personal website her brother has for us. I’m about to go put it on her blog
http://spilledpopcorn.com/blog/2009/04/. She has a foodprocessor, and I look forward to using the hell out of it tomorrow afternoon before we have Girls Night.
Sher, I keep looking and looking at my encaustic. You are so Good. Thank you.
Thank goodness, George, that Someone around these parts is too old for me to be their mother…notice, there’s a difference between BE their mother, and “mother them”.
Sort of what Sher was getting at with the me too mother hen statement…when I was only 19 I made BLTs for all the hungry hippies on the front porch every night (the only thing I could cook then)…moved on to cooking lasagne in motel efficiency kitchens for
my husband’s band, and embroidering their jeans while listening to their girlfriend woes…When I needed a way to support myself and my kids, I chose home daycare, to mother other people’s kids all day, and stay at home with mine…I’m a hopeless case!
Good luck with the quitting George…
Linda…
You know, I’ve heard that serenity prayer so many times, like most people I guess, and maybe I sort of thought it was a little corny. But just now reading it in your post, it suddenly seemed really different and meaningful. Not to mention just the right length to give a person time to breath.
HEY MY NEW AVATAR SHOWED UP AND MY YOUTUBE!!!!!!!!!!
Amber: Dark Tower … Stephen King? Never read ‘em.. I may have to.
George: I think you pretty much summed up Maine .. it’s beautiful, really, but .. a lifetime here? Oh boy.
Also, I know the Serenity Prayer is popular (for good reason) but I always preferred the Desiderata (it’s a lot longer, so not quite as easy to recite, but ..) parts of that are just .. perfect.
Molly: Absolutely loving other people makes it better. Why else are we all here?
Also? Your new lemur ass is stupendous.
Just because I don’t want to be the only I know with this burned into my brain all day…
Nora: do you, by any chance, go to a reunion that is held there in the vicinity around Memorial Day? If so, there is a good chance we have met.
dear haven, we will always stand by you
http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=2539741%3E
Dee, I have seen that happen IN REAL LIFE!
hi Linda! robert earl keen opened for dave either last year or the year before and we have LOVED him ever since! dmb was spectacular as usual but i was so impressed by the Avett Brothers – they are really amazing and SO FUN. Check ‘em out!
hope Sam has/had a fab time at the show.
sher – thank you again for the artwork. It’s on the top shelf of one of those ladder-type shelves in my bedroom and it sits on the top shelf. i love it and really appreciate your kindness and generosity.
kate – haven’t forgotten about the care bears! I have cheer bear and grumpy bear. does Alice have those?
Kim- REK opened for DMB for the Vandy concert too, but it was so early that I think the crowd was pretty small. Jason Mraz was the big draw as the next act. Sam enjoyed him. Apparently Dave played from 8:15 until 11:00 when they had to end the show because of an agreement Vanderbilt has with people living in the neighbhorhood next to the stadium. I am sure that is why Robert had to go out so early.
Sam had a great time. He is going to see Deathcab for Cuties at the Ryman on Sunday. He has apparently inherited the live music bug from me.
Kimbits…I LOVE the Avett Brothers. and am envious you got to see them live…I play them for my toddlers almost every day… Yea NC bands!!!
Also really got a good feeling from your Stand by Me video…In light of recent conversations about age, and cross generational friendships, etc. that video was a great example of a couple of things I’ve been thinking about.
One, music is not to be lived without, and not just from famous people either…you never know when the person you just passed on the street in downtown Durham might be an amazing talent who sings in church, or to friends on the porch or Susan Boyle…
Two…You never know what that old geezer person standing in line with you at the grocery store taking forever did when she was a sprig of a girl…Danced on Broadway? Drove an ambulance in WWII? Bopped around in the mud with braids and bells in her hair at Woodstock? (personal information involved here)…
Let’s give everyone the respect they Might deserve! we all have something to contribute!
KIMBITS!!!!!!!!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing that remarkable video…who knows, it might be the pinnacle of my week (and I am having a damn good week already.)
Nora: See my question to you above.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5zlf2cxj98&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fperezhilton%2Ecom%2F&feature=player_embedded
so awesome.
Kimbits…you rock!!!!
Alice has cheer bear but NOT grumpy bear and OH YES, she needs him (Grumpy bear was always my favorite. What a weird kid!)
katharinemckinney@gmail.com
i dressed up as cheer bear and my sister as sunshine bear one halloween. my mom made the costumes. i am gonna see if i can find the pics and i still have the costumes!
i found it. here is the facebook link:
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=236996&id=674329801
so funny.
Those are so funny, and kind of scary. I love homemade costumes!
Linus named sissy’s Cheerbear “Poot.”
i used to have the live music bug, Linda, but now, dmb is my one big yearly music EVENT. every year. but i will go see them until i die or they break up which would be one sad day. it would be like haven ending this blog. but let’s not think about that…
norabarnacle: AMEN. I loved what you said about music and the people we come in contact with everyday. i live in a small town now, but one of the things i miss most about living in a big city is the talent you would stumble upon every now and then just walking down the street. Are you in NC?(sorry if i have missed it… i can’t keep up) if so, Avett Bros. will be in charlotte in aug. (i think that’s what they said…i’m sure it’s on their website)
sher, you are so right…and, you haven’t experienced dmb until you’ve seen boyd tinsley wiggle his ass while playing the violin so hard that you think it’s about to catch on fire.
steph…off the charts cute factor alert
one of the true areas that moms show their love…Halloween costumes!
Kimbits… No problem with not keeping up…I sometimes wish we had a directory of where we all are!
At the reading, I was sitting next to Sher, and I said to you behind us “Are you someone I should know?” which came out kind of rudely, but you didn’t seem to take it that way…I remember you said you are from Salisbury, which stuck in my mind because myexhusbandthedrummer grew up there, and he always used to make (I mean ask) me go to a diner there that he loved when we were passing anywhere near on band trips…I can’t remember the name of it, but there was a lighthouse involved in their logo I think…
One more old person comment, and then I plan to retire(!) that subject for awhile…I don’t feel so comfortable going to live music so much anymore because I feel so conspicuous out among the youth…so many of the bands and people I like play in the small places around here like the Cat’s Cradle, etc. and I just don’t visually fit the demographic anymore (even though I have run the soundboard in most of the clubs around here, it was in a different era…I need to get more gutsy!
And I forgot to say that yes! I live in Durham!
George…
I have been straining my brain since your post about the reunionish event you asked about, and I have the idea that it is a movable(secret location each year) get together that is by private invitation of people from the sixties with music involved that I am dimly aware of but have never attended and now wish I had so I could astoundedly find out that I had met you there!
Is that anything like what you are talking about? I should have been paying more attention all these years!
I called my exhusbandthedrummer to see what he remembers, and although he has gone several times, and played music there, he couldn’t remember what they call it…We are old hippies with many dead brain cells…
If it is the same event! Now I am intrigued, so what else can you tell me about it?
hmmm. i wonder if you’re talking about Beatty’s – retro 60s/70s, was famous for chicken livers & chicken pot pie night…closed now. i spent 4 yrs in chapel hill and miss this one place but i can’t remember the name of it which is driving me crazy. it was a tiny used bookstore with homemade baked goods, old board games, and they would have live music… it was kind of hidden and down a dead end alley. it’s probably not there anymore. afterall, that was in the 90s.
i know what you mean though and truthfully, i just can’t take the smoke.
george – you’re so sweet.
Kimbits – You have made me smile so. I love this video!
I first saw it because I was “stalking” my “celebrity boyfriend” on Twitter and he sent it out. He is Kevin Rose, founder of digg.com and I love him. He does not know I exist. *sigh*
Ok, going to lay down… killer aches in the head.
Kimbits…Skylight Exchange on Rosemary?
Used to be the second incarnation of the Cat’s Cradle(in the 70s…many a night spent there… now called Nightlight (no more used books…still live music)
George…brain cells revived…the Boogie! It used to be called the Greenville Boogie!
Kevin Rose is so, so hot.
Nora: Yep! I have been able to see Mike Lightnin Wells, Purple School Bus, the Boomers…
Yay, Kate!
Rats!
I have missed a golden opportunity to meet the famous George in my natural habitat!
That get together was started by sixty/seventy era like minded folks who had originally attended (or Not Attended, as it was the tune in/drop out arc) East Carolina University in Greenville NC…
I went and sometimes Didn’t go to school there, a surprising hotbed of alternativeness considering its eastern location(SO different over there than Chapel Hill/Durham, which everyone knows is populated by communists)…class of 71 (and 72 and 73….) I’m pretty sure they never held the Boogie there though, even in the early years…
Nora: I’d bet a dollar that we know a bunch of people in common.
George…
The odds seem good!
What a world!
First Haven’s vet,and now that Dark Ages of my past!
(and Eleanor of Provence!)
Kim- that video made me smile. Thank you! I am going to post it on my Facebook page right now to share the love.
Sherrill- you are never too old for live music. I really think a lot of musicians appreciate the “older” faces in the crowd (meaning me) because we are usually not drunk and are there for the love of the music. Follow your heart, girl, and go for it!
i am shaking . . . i just updated my calendar to include all the school events . . .
why do people ruin a perfectly good month, such as MAY, by packing it with picnics, field trips, book sales, teacher appreciation WEEKS!!!!, the parentally-dreaded FIELD DAY, forensics’ showcases, Lauren’s 15th!!! birthday . . . graduations
my migraine is being revived.
Good thing – too sick to work last night so I read half of “The Giant of Aberdeen County” – it is pretty good. Reminds me of “claudia” from the Used World and also about the tallest woman in the world.
Hi everyone. I have some news, but still finding out the rest tomorrow and then driving home, hopefully. I do have Dysautonomia and the doc thinks it the better kind, the non-autoimmunie kind. I do have Neuropathy, and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and all the other diseases they’ve told me back home. Also, I may have a rare genetic disorder that Mayo doesn’t even test for, but they took nine more vials of blood to see if I have the antibodies for it. It invloves missing collagen and there’s like 8 rare diseases and I’m not sure what I’ll hear about it tomorrow. But after spending hours in their library it sounds like I have all the symptoms. Sigh. So, good and bad news, but I’m happy to just have answers. Everyone of you blog babies was kind to me and I want to thank you all. I’m going to post my entire story on my blog sometime if anyone is curious. Mayo is amazing and I adore all of the doctors I saw there.
Now, off to random gossip. I’m glad Matt got kicked off Idol; I love 30 Rock and can not wait to see it tonight; and I’m reading an interesting book called The Know-It-All by A.J. Jacobs about a writer/editor who decides to read the entire Encyclopedia Britannica. Also, have you all heard Jon Gosselin got caught apparently cheating again on his wife? Those people ….
Haven – Are you doing ok after last weekend? I really hope so.
GiGi – yippee for more information/diagnosis . . . does this mean you get to go home??? That they were able to get all the tests done this week. I have been thinking of you and have started a prayer flag . . . will get your mailing address and send it up North soon (ask Suzanne though, it took me like 4 months to get hers’ there, but I am a bit more organized now and I bought some funky tubes for mailing them) . . . Love you! Sher
For Haven: the Little Nash Rambler . . .
http://videos.streetfire.net/video/Little-Nash-Rambler_143469.htm
Gigi!! I will over to post on your blog in 2 shakes of a lambs tail…
I watched Rachel Getting Married today and was blown away. Ann Hathaway is brilliant. Has anyone else seen it?
Oh, I also picked up and started Speak Softly She can Hear on a whim yesterday and then I receive my beautiful present from Caryl in today’s mail, only to discover Ms. Fick listed it on her book list.
Me, Sher, we’re like this ( point to eyes, point to Sher, and repeat)
here we must refer to the master:
bob dylan.
IDIOT WIND
Someone’s got it in for me, they’re planting stories in the press
Whoever it is I wish they’d cut it out but when they will I can only guess.
They say I shot a man named Gray and took his wife to Italy,
She inherited a million bucks and when she died it came to me.
I can’t help it if I’m lucky.
People see me all the time and they just can’t remember how to act
Their minds are filled with big ideas, images and distorted facts.
Even you, yesterday you had to ask me where it was at,
I couldn’t believe after all these years, you didn’t know me better than that
Sweet lady.
Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your mouth,
Blowing down the backroads headin’ south.
Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your teeth,
You’re an idiot, babe.
It’s a wonder that you still know how to breathe.
I ran into the fortune-teller, who said beware of lightning that might strike
I haven’t known peace and quiet for so long I can’t remember what it’s like.
There’s a lone soldier on the cross, smoke pourin’ out of a boxcar door,
You didn’t know it, you didn’t think it could be done, in the final end he won the wars
After losin’ every battle.
I woke up on the roadside, daydreamin’ ’bout the way things sometimes are
Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin’ me see stars.
You hurt the ones that I love best and cover up the truth with lies.
One day you’ll be in the ditch, flies buzzin’ around your eyes,
Blood on your saddle.
Idiot wind, blowing through the flowers on your tomb,
Blowing through the curtains in your room.
Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your teeth,
You’re an idiot, babe.
It’s a wonder that you still know how to breathe.
It was gravity which pulled us down and destiny which broke us apart
You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn’t enough to change my heart.
Now everything’s a little upside down, as a matter of fact the wheels have stopped,
What’s good is bad, what’s bad is good, you’ll find out when you reach the top
You’re on the bottom.
I noticed at the ceremony, your corrupt ways had finally made you blind
I can’t remember your face anymore, your mouth has changed, your eyes
don’t look into mine.
The priest wore black on the seventh day and sat stone-faced while the building
burned.
I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime
turned Slowly into autumn.
Idiot wind, blowing like a circle around my skull,
From the Grand Coulee Dam to the Capitol.
Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your teeth,
You’re an idiot, babe.
It’s a wonder that you still know how to breathe.
I can’t feel you anymore, I can’t even touch the books you’ve read
Every time I crawl past your door, I been wishin’ I was somebody else instead.
Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstasy,
I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory
And all your ragin’ glory.
I been double-crossed now for the very last time and now I’m finally free,
I kissed goodbye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
You’ll never know the hurt I suffered nor the pain I rise above,
And I’ll never know the same about you, your holiness or your kind of love,
And it makes me feel so sorry.
Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats,
Blowing through the letters that we wrote.
Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,
We’re idiots, babe.
It’s a wonder we can even feed ourselves.
in fact i think we ALL NEED to take a mental healt break and listen to the penultimate BOB DYLAN, “Blood on the Tracks.” When my heart has been brken, Bob spoke to me in his gritty holy voice and i was strong, and saw clearly. i also lit a white candle. it works.
Dont Think Twice, It’s Allright
It ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It don’t matter, anyhow
And it ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If you don’t know by now
When your rooster crows at the breaks of dawn
Look out your window and I’ll be gone
You’re the reason I’m traveling on
Don’t think twice, it’s all right.
It ain’t no use in turning on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
And it ain’t no use in turning on your light, babe
I’m on the dark side of the road
But I wish there was somethin’ you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talking anyway
So don’t think twice, it’s all right.
It ain’t no use in calling out my name, gal
Like you never done before
It ain’t no use in calling out my name, gal
I can’t hear you any more
I’m a-thinking and a-wond’rin’ walking down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I’m told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
Don’t think twice, it’s all right.
So long honey, babe
Where I’m bound, I can’t tell
Goodbye’s too good a word, babe
So I’ll just say fare thee well
I ain’t saying you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don’t mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don’t think twice, it’s all right.
SHER — love, love, love your 2 eat your words/you can eat them too encaustic concepts. just brilliant. xoooxo SFC
and of course, if you can listen to NEIL YOUNG, LIVE AT MASSEY HALL, that always heals a body….
And sarah mclaughlin. SURFACING and FUMBLING TOWARD ECSTASY. that’ll heal what’s broken. OKAY, NOW I’M INSPIRED. i’m going to round up all 1000 of my cds and organize them in alphabetical order. yea! sometimes i forget the power of music, and i just spend too much time without music – preferring to listen instead to the unsavory radio station inside my head, what annie lamott calls KFUCT. ha!
Haven, you break my heart with your grieving. I am going to compose a little letter to you, as (having never blogged before), I think what I’d like to say would take up too much space here.
The amount of love and loyalty reflected on these pages is vast. Hang in there- the world holds you dear.
Suzanne, I so love that song! There’s a wonderful version on Dylan’s 60th anniversary album- I think it’s done by someone called “Ramblin Jack,” who does it up right with a cracked voice.
The line about it being no use to turn on the light because “I’m on the dark side of the room” just slays me every time. And the wasting of precious time- oh, and all of it.
Thank you for reminding me of that song.
Do you know Nick Drake? “Day once dawned”? That one softens me every time.
A beautiful song from a beautiful soul. I will try to recall the lyrics so I can write them for you.
I cheated and found it on line, and it’s called ‘From the Morning,’ so I had the title wrong, but here it is in its loveliness”
Lyrics to From The Morning :
A day once dawned, and it was beautiful
A day once dawned from the ground
Then the night she fell
And the air was beautiful
The night she fell all around.
So look and see the days
The endless coloured ways
And go play the game that you learned
From the morning.
And now we rise
And we are everywhere
And now we rise from the ground
And see she flies
And she is everywhere
See she flies all around
So look see the sights
The endless summer nights
And go play the game that you learned…
From the morning.
OK, I clearly talk too much for a blog, and some of it’s because I’m starved to talk, and some of it’s because I’ve never done this before, and some of it’s because I get so psyched by the conversation here that I can’t help myself.
I’m embarrassed at my too-much-ness, but I must offer this link to ‘From the Morning,’ sung in Nick’s beautiful, fragile, earnest voice. And then I will cease for a while, as I think I talk too much here…
All you who are downhearted and ill-at-ease tonight, take a minute of solace with this bit of gentle loveliness:
ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2JjJPDz3EE
Music. Yes.
My chosen theme in my betrayal days was
NOT READY TO MAKE NICE by the Dixie Chicks (who know the true meaning of betrayal and denigration, my lands). If you watch SHUT and SING . . . what breaks my heart is when Emily says “If us quitting and never playing or writing again is what will give her [Natalie] peace . . . I’ll do it” . . . wow – now that, my friends, is a friend. To accept you with whatever shortcomings you have and to love you anyway – to see you with eyes of LOVE (and sacrifice) if that is what is required.
Yes. Hell to the Yes. Yes to the hell . . .
Also. let us not forget we are you tubing, so:
The video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwc5YSAc-7g
which I believe has many messages of stain, pain, sisterhood, true friendship, sorrow, and so forth. I actually balled my eyes out the first time I heard this song AFTER my big family betrayal.
Jenny – um, you are talking to the person who has been accused of having ‘VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY LONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG’ posts!
Chill, type and we will all respond!
oh great – now WORDPRESS decides to turn off the embedding feature . . .
jeebus:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwc5YSAc-7g
trying it the old way…
nope….guess I am screwed
Hey Jenny!!
Sometimes I save up all of my thoughts during the day and just spew them out, all over the blog when I get home.
These people can sure can listen.
Oh, oh, oh, thank you, Sher!
For reasons related to my being married to Satan, I have not spoken to people in any real way for four years. FOUR YEARS. Which is why I’m a little long-winded. Four years is a long time to stay quiet.
I am silently keeping my head down and planning an escape. And as I do, I find that the act of planning makes me perk up and take some interest in the world. I am desperate to talk and to once again hear the ideas and thoughts of some interesting, enthusiastic, funny, and good people.
You, Blog Babies, should take my entry here as a serious testament to your wonderfulness. It took a special group to make me enter the world again, even if it is in a ‘virtual’ way.
You make me think and care about you, and I can’t tell you what a gift that is to me.
a second school closed for a week in Nashville because of 1 kid with the swine flu in each. Oh my, i hope this does not mess with sweet daughter’s graduation. That sounds kind of selfish, but, this could be very inconvenient….
Jenny, I am planning my escape too…
Linda, are you safe?
Write to me:
jennwoehr@nyc.rr.com
We will help each other.
magic.
Oh, yes, I am completely safe. That is so sweet of you to ask, Jenny. But, I am also sober now, one year and almost a week sober, and coming to realize how very wrong the last 10 years have been. Which also makes me realize why I drank so long. Ugh ugh and triple ugh.
Jenny, my heart aches for you. Are you safe is my first question, and what can we do for you is my second? email me any time if you want to talk or need cheering up, anything. carylhayes@yahoo.com. Don’t worry, I am safe, ask any of the babies..
By safe I mean I am not a nut job.
Well, Shanna might have something to say about that.
Linda, I’m glad you’re safe, and I’m PROUD of you being sober. SO proud. I drank like Hell for a while myself, and it became enough to raise eyebrows. Pregnant now, though, and thank God not in the least bit tempted. I don’t know what other force could have stopped me. So, you’ve reclaimed part of your soul from the bottle and will take back another chunk by venturing out on your own. You are a brave woman.
Amy, I love your posts, and I always seem to miss them by just a little bit. You make me laugh.
Um, by the way, Blog Babies, Jim Shue seems to be missing. We’ve just gotten Ghetto Girl back- can’t go about losing another.
Caryl, thank you so much. I guess I am safe. Will either come out of this safe or dead, but wouldn’t place any bets either way. Not to be melodramatic or anything…
Things took on a whole new level of sadism once I got pregnant.
Mostly I think I will be safe. He’s afraid of getting into trouble, and I only need to make it another 5 months.
Thank you for thinking of me.
Congratulations, Jenny! Is this your first child? If that is too personal you don’t need to answer.
No, not too personal! Yes, my first baby. I am 16 weeks, so there were inklings of boyness and the first ultrasound which cannot be confirmed until my next ultrasound, which is next Thursday.
(Caryl, does my memory serve me correct? Are you pregnant, too?)
Linda, I love your smiling picture. You exude warmth from a 1cm square.
Am going to make some dinner and take the doggies for a walk and crawl into bed.
It has been a pleasure talking with you all tonight.
Haven, listen to Dixie Chicks first to steel your heart, then Nick Drake to soften it enough to get some sleep. We are thinking of you.
Caryl is amazing and awesome, but I do not believe currently pregnant. LOL
I can also confirm that Caryl is entirely wonderful and if she is pregnant I want to know why I wasn’t informed.
No, not pregnant, but would take a baby if anyone is offering. I would take many more babies.
Jenny, please email me.
Wow, Jenny, you are a fighter. I admire your determination. I pray tomorrow is a good day for you.
Um Caryl, would you take a 29 year old baby? I can help with the laundry:)
I would take you Amy.
Thank you Caryl.
I am really worried about Jenny.
Sher – Well, I cancelled my Cardiology consult and am skipping the two day Fibromyalgia workshops, but we think we are free tomorrow! I’d love if you made me something, thanks so much. And no hurry, my lord, we are all busy with lives outside of HAVENLAND. Hey, I was at the Mall of America and saw the cutest little store filled with mini barn animals. I thought of both you and Haven and knew you’d both have the time of your lives in that store. They had these horses that I used to collect and had no idea each horse was like $40 or so. Of course I threw those out too when I got married. It made me even more sad than losing my original Little House on the Prairie books. Sigh.
Amy in Ohio – I haven’t seen Rachel getting married, but have loved Ms. Hathaway once I saw her in Ella Enchanted. Just love her. I just read you hadn’t heard back from me via email and it made me feel bad. Some nights here I’ve been going to bed at 9:00pm, when I usually go to bed at 3:00pm. I’m sorry not to keep everyone posted. I’m just done and hopfully going home tomorrow.
Amy in CA – I’m sorry to hear you have celiac disease. My doctor told me I had it once, but it turned out that I didn’t. I learned alot about it that week and all I can say is I’m so sorry for you.
Jenny – I grew up in a domestic violence home, and was a victim of d.v. in my very first high school relationship. And I volunteered for a D.V. organization (Called Haven, how cool is that?) If you EVER need any advice or resources, just email me. Seriously. Because EVERY type of woman can end up dead and it would be a shame for one more woman to die tragically. Don’t make me all crazy worrying.
George – I just saw that you posted a link to my blog. Goodness, you people are awesome.
Also, if I missed responding to anyone on here I’m so sorry. This sounds so lame, but my eyes are doing crazy stuff since I have this lattice degeneration. I have blur spots, and floaters and have trouble reading and being online after awhile.
Hi Caryl – How about a 38 year old lady with some health issues and big medical bills? I’m ready to go to California, my mom grew up there! I miss you, by the way.
Jenny (and everyone else) I’m here. Been working on a post about amputating harmful relationships. Seems to be a recurring theme around these parts. Jenny, what you are attempting is one of the bravest, most courageous, and terrifying thing you most likely will ever do. You have the support of all of us here.
Gigi – I’ve been thinking of you a lot and wondering/hoping that you would find the medical answers you so desperately need. It sounds like you are on the right track.
And Sher? You have to be one of the most brave woman here. The crap you’ve been through and still have such light pouring out of you soul is just incredible.
This is just a short list of the people who inspire me and that I admire.
George, thank you for what you posted here. I have created a wonderful family with God’s help. The best that I could have ever hoped for. A friend of mine reminded me just last week that luck had absolutely nothing to do with it. It was smart choices on my part that led me to where I am today. And from where I came from, that in itself is a miracle.
Thanks for the shout out GFTG. Celiac is really not a big deal – I just don’t eat anything with gluten. It’s only a problem if it goes undiagnosed. The only thing I still miss is good sourdough bread. Preferably eaten in San Francisco on the wharf with crab cocktails and California chardonnay.
I’m so glad for your good medical news. The Mayo Clinic does some amazing work – you’re in good hands there.
Much clapping of hands – Jim Shue our Adorable and Royal Sockmonkeyness made an appearance . . . clap. clap. clap.
realized at the end of the day that if I removed the headband, bobby pins and butterfly clips out of my hair/head, it actually eased the headacher pressure, all except for the knife stabbing and twisting in my right eye . . . but it was BETTER . . .
so, why did I have those in my hair . . . because I pretended to be pulled together (without doing the wash/blowdry) for a late lunch meeting . . . I went for “oh, I’ve been in the studio” look . . . not so sure if I fooled anybody though!!!
Things are looking up here because I just, tonight, taught Claire how to give me a foot massage!
I also took her shopping for her 5 million ‘volunteer’ items for upcoming school events and we ran into her 1st grade teacher at the Dollar Tree . . .
claire said “I can’t believe Mrs. Bell goes shopping!” After chatting with her a few minutes, and going on our separate ways . . . claire kept up a running commentary . . .
“Mommy, she’s in the candy aisle . . .
Mommy, now she is in the pet aisle . . .
. . . blah . . .
“Mommy, now she is CHECKING OUT”
“MOMMY, NOW SHE IS GONE!”
(I think to myself, thank Jesus, because the whole store knew where Mrs. Bell was!)
Made it to the post office today . . . . so I am possibly back on track.
The Mall of America. I. could. never. step. foot. in. there.
give me a flea market, thrift store any day!
I love Claire stories!
oh, my . . . Claire stories, when Dylan was a baby, and actually up until he was in school I kept a journal of his days . . .
“dylan and Mommy went here . . . so and so visited . . . it was minute in detail . . . ”
I’ve been trying to do more of a record for Claire, especially the funny things.
Yesterday she had 3 friends over (all girls, all 6) . . . they were playing ’school’ and it was ‘reading time’ . . . claire was the teacher
“Now, children it is reading time, please hold your hands in your laps, please keep your eyes pealed forward at me, listen with your ears . . . we will ask questions later . . . today our author is going to Haven Kimmel, all Haven Kimmel, who is also Zippy from a Girl Named Zippy . . . do you want to hear Orville or the treehouse book?” . . . I was dying, but it was too close for me to get up and get the camcorder . . . lost opportunities
Jenny, Caryl is correct, she is not a nutjob. I will also add that she is made of incredible.
Also, I hope you’re okay.
Think that’s my two cents for the evening .. that and, hi Jim.
Amy in Ohio. Rachel Getting Married was superb, Anne Hathaway acted her socks off in that movie. I cried and cringed my way through it and I highly recommend it to everyone. I watched it in a hotel room with Peter and Charlie snoring next to me and Jack on his computer and he looked up once to ask if I was okay and just let me go on with my hysterics.
disappeared to do paperwork . . . now off for migraine meds . . . but look for me on Ovation TV if you have it . . .they just requested a bunch of images . . . yippee.
things I learned today:
1. do not wear headbands while migraining
2. snails do not survive overnight in the bug catcher jar
3. my daughter turns 15 in only 17ish days
4. if forgot my son only celebrates soltices and samhain and I forgot to get him anything for may day tomorrow.
5. it is not a good thing to leave the garage door open during a monsoon.
see, you learn something new EVERYDAY@!
I can attest that Caryl is NOT crazy, although she might be a baby stealer.
Dylan celebrates May Day? Gah. If I lived anywhere near you, I would totally do the May Basket thing. !!
No one’s up? Guess it’s time for me to go to bed, then.
Jenny, pack your shit. You need a ride? There are blog babies EVERYWHERE. We can work something out. What state do you live in? What are the major cities near you?
Afraid of getting in trouble only lasts so long.
Jenny- there are waves and waves of prayers for courage, strength, safety, and happiness going out to you and the little one inside of you today. We love you!
I was tossing and turning all night thinking that perhaps I sounded flippant about escaping my current situation when really mine is just discontent, boredom, frustration… no physical abuse or emotional abuse because there is not a whole lot of anything going on. I was not trying to be silly, especially if there is a chance your situation is dangerous. So, please know, you are in my thoughts and prayers and are all here for you if you need us. Haven knows more than an army of thousands, and when combined with the wisdom of George, Jim, Caryl, Sher, Maureen, Gigi, Kittery, Molly, Kate, Sherril, AmyO and many others the strength is just astounding!
I know that strength is astounding. I know I continue to say it, but you are all such a delightful gift in the middle of what has been a chasm of darkness. I’ve gone from feeling utterly alone to feeling connected to the world, which is a transformative thing.
Linda, I did not think you were being flippant. There are lots of ways for a person’s spirit to die, and the specifics of the external circumstances don’t necessarily make my situation harder. In my mind, leaving this situation isn’t nearly as difficult as thinking about how to forge a new life out of the ashes. That’s where my courage fails me, and we’re in the same boat there.
Molly- can’t pack and go. Need my job and health insurance, can’t afford to live on my own, hubby is de facto boss. I put my student loans into forbearance so I can bank a little money to live on when the time comes, which is why I’m on a 5-month plan.
GG, thank you. I may call upon your DV experience. One problem is things stop short of actual physical assault- more like terrorizing- threatening to report our car stolen if I try to leave for my mother’s, screaming 2 inches from my face, blocking my access to the phone, blocking my exit from the apartment, and, when that makes me hysterical, calling 911 and having them send an ambulance to take me for a psych-eval if I scream loud enough for the neighbors to hear. Which he can do, because he’s a psychiatrist. I was evaluated and released by ER personnel both times that happened, but to be taken away by police and EMS in front of the neighbors is a horrible, horrible thing. We lived in faculty housing, so the neighbors are also my colleagues. I am a psychologist, for God’s sake. This is not supposed to happen to me…
So that’s the tricky part- he never actually HITS me, so DV charges would be my word versus his, and he is a master of credibility.
So that’s the thing. I need to keep my head down, blinders on, keep moving quietly towards the door.
Jim and Kittery, glad to see you back.
Amy, you are fun.
Caryl, I will write to you when I need it.
Blog Babies, I do not want to monopolize this forum with my own troubles. I’ve been living this way for years, and my life is immeasurably BETTER now that I have both you and a plan, so do not fear. I will call upon you when I need support, but I am weary of thinking about my own troubles. Your cheerful dialogue is AOK with me and makes me happy. Go to it!
Just checking in before I head out to an exciting planned giving seminar for most of the day. It is May, so that means thunderstorms in Tennessee. whoo hoo
Jenny, don’t beat yourself up. We all get into messes that “could never happen to me.”
You’re already loved here.
Also, Caryl is the opposite of Nutjob. Caryl is Wonderfulness Embodied in a tiny little body with the biggest heart ever.
Nora – yes! Skylight Exchange – Thank you!
Sher – i’m on 2nd day of migraine. yesterday, i took 2 aspirin, 2 tylenol, 1 ibuprophen, and then 1 maxalt (my prescription) and i still have it today. hope your’s is gone.
Girl – i love your blog. will write more to you soon. i am thinking about you.
Gigi,
Oh my, do not even spend one second feeling badly about not writing me back!
Caryl, I knew you would have watched Rachel Getting Married! You are my movie guru. I almost ordered The Wrestler but I’m not ready for that yet.
Jenny, everything I would have wanted to say has already been said, so just hear it all over again now
Kittery had my favorite description of Caryl so far – “she is made of incredible.” Yes, indeed.
AmyO – I tried to see Rachel Getting Married. Really, I did. But for some reason, and this rarely ever happens, it was making me sick. The jiggly camera… I just couldn’t take it. I stepped out of the theater, called my brother, said “Are you at a computer?” (which is the most ridiculous question to ask my brother, b/c yes, he is), and made him look up the length. I was less than halfway through. I had to leave, but it is on my list at the library and I hope to have it next week! What I saw of it was captivating.
So Molly came over yesterday and we set in on making Kate’s bon bons. I have to say, it went pretty well. The food processer almost gave up its life, but in the end did just what we wanted it to.
We set to rolling up the innards and dipping them in almond bark with a speed that was a glory to behold. We were making them to take to our weekly girls’ dinner/wine/gossip/movie get-together.
Our friend Tasha called to cancel on us because of some domestic un-tranquility, and she sounded so upset that Molly said “We have to get over there now!”
She immediately took all of the Oreo mixture left in the bowl, rolled it into a ball, and coated it in Almond Bark.
It was the size of a giant meatball.
But it made Tasha laugh and that was all we needed.
I am currently making Chai on my stove and my house smells HEAVENLY.
This is none of my business because I don’t know the specifics.
But, Jenny, from what you have related, y opinion, Jenny…take the car, go to your Mom’s and ride out your pregnancy and divorce as best you can, meaning from your own safe and peaceful place. It’s a mess now, but you’ll be ok and probably will still be within the COBRA time-frame before your insurance expires.
When you’re in the car, give him a call and tell him to go fuck himself and then say you are praying for him…that’ll trigger a bout of cognitive dissonance, which will delay his calling the cops.
Jenny, I’ve been around cops to know that they’ll roll their eyes and think what a wimp your husband is if he calls them to report the car missing and his pregnant wife stole it…they’ll be tempted to take him around to the back of the apartment and kick his ass for him.
You are being bullied in every way: gender, professionally, socially, and, of course, mentally and frankly, I suspect there has been some physical stuff too.
I just want to add my voice to the chorus of support for you Jenny…
I have no firsthand knowledge or experience with domestic violence that can tell me what “advice” to give, but I feel the need to say I would trust George’s perspective, and I’m stricken to realize that if something did happen to you, HOW WOULD WE KNOW ?
You might not feel comfortable telling us where you are, but remember what was said above…we are all over the place! Room can be found! I’m in Durham…I love babies!
And please don’t feel in the least like you are monopolizing this space with your problems…although I can understand the comfort in having a place to speak about calmer and happier things too…
Amber, the camera motion is bad, but the movie is so worth it!
Jenny, listen to George. He is all knowing.
I note that it is quite hard for me to follow George. He is ever wise. So I sit quietly and let someone else go first
(((Jenny))) I don’t really have anything to offer since I’ve never, my entire adult life, been “married” or lived with for that matter anyone but my daughter.
I was in a very brief verbally abusive relationship once, because I thought I could help her but any help I could have given her certainly wasn’t a very good pay-off for all the abuse I took in such a short time. I left her with a list of everything that I defined as abusive, and she was dumb-founded. A great (almost) acronym for denial is, Don’t Even kNOw I’m A Lair, that includes lying and being blind to our own (in that case hers) abusive behavior.
I grew up with a verbally, sometimes physically, abusive step-father. It’s taken me years of work, in sobriety, to get beyond living as a victim. It was a long unlearning process. Today I can recognize much faster when I’m becoming a victim, and I run like hell with a good dose of ‘Go Fuck Yourself’, as George said.
Rachel Getting Married:
I didn’t mind the wonky camera work, but I got really confused about overuse of diversity. I’m all for diversity, but they over did it and made it seem too forced. It was, however, a great portrayal of recovery and family dysfunction. I about jumped out of my seat when she slapped her mother. How many times have I -wanted- to slap my mother, only to end up with nothing but hurt feelings or a bruised ego?
Jenny, sometimes I can be smart/helpful and sometimes I can be funny, so depending on what you need – feel free to email me and I’ll try to help/chat …
political_performance@yahoo.com <– that’s my ‘junk’ one, I’ll write you back with my real one. Seriously, anytime. I’m not joking. ‘Kay?
Jenny, I’m going to ask an old, old question. What advice would you give your daughter in similar circumstances? Would you tell her to stay with her nightmare of a husband even one more day? Would you tell her that her job is more important than her well-being?
You’re moveable now. In a few months it will be more difficult. When the baby is born, harder still and that’s if everything goes perfectly. In the first few months of life both you and your baby will be more vulnerable than you can imagine. Think about that. I can guarantee that your sadistic husband is.
George is so right. There will be a way to deal with the finances. God and the Universe (not to mention the ranks here) will conspire to protect you but only if you make the first move.
PS: Caryl lives near me. She may be the most insightful and giving person I know. And she’s the one person I’d go to if I needed to reclaim my power. Give her a call.
I debated so long before pressing ‘Submit’ on my last post. Now I’m already asking forgiveness for its preachy-ness.
Jenny, it was sent from a place of love and fear.
Amy, that didn’t seem preachy to me..
“George is so right. There will be a way to deal with the finances. God and the Universe (not to mention the ranks here) will conspire to protect you but only if you make the first move.”
SO TRUE. I was in a situation once, and it got so bad, I left with the clothes on my back. Nothing else. And it wasn’t easy. Sometimes it was horrible, but it was the right thing to do. I got help and it’s amazing the doors that open up once you take the step and escape.
Well Jenny . . . as you seem to be extremely intelligent and living with a plan . . . I just want to add a few more items to contemplate during your process of evaluation . . .
Psychological bullying is abuse and you know that. now that you recognize it, you won’t be so easy to fool.
I love the tidbit about considering what it would be for your daughter if she were in the same situation. that was brilliant. And also, do not under estimate your vulnerability as a pregnant woman or as a newly delivered woman . . . somedays you will be happy to have food and 30 minutes of uninterrupted sleep – that is all.
So, my queries are the 5/5/5:
In listing your options: 1, staying until after the birth; 2, leaving before the birth; or 3, leaving today. make notes how each of these choices would effect you:
In 5 days; 5 months; 5 years.
You have much more to consider now than your own safety. My past situation really reached the physical abuse (besides restraint) . . . but it is abuse nonetheless.
If you call the police before you leave . . . and relay the threats that he has promised – he will be committing perjury and manipulation of law enforcement, which is not viewed lightly. In the very least, go on the offensive right now . . . stay a few steps ahead of him.
Your career and your life might be less ‘comfortable’ or ‘financially secure’ if you leave now or soon, but that cannot compete with the stability of safety you will provide for yourself and your child.
I agree it will be more difficult to leave once the baby is born. I have been pregnant 5 times, I have 3 living children. Do not underestimate the responsibilities and physical impact of motherhood. Be the mother this child needs NOW . . . set up a life of safety for his/her future. If this man makes you feel insance and helpless and fearful, imagine the games he will play with this child – who is more vulnerable in every way.
I reiterate all the support given before. These are wise people.
Also, during my first posting I spewed forth all manner of incest and sexual abuse in my history . . . these souls here just absorb it and move forward and help you/me/each other move forward.
May Day – Beltane – re-birth, re-newal.
It is in the air.
Even with the migraine, I made up for my lack of accomplishment this week by doing a new blog posting on my site (yippee!), editing artwork photos, communicating with long ignored family and friends via email, and general catch up – - – thus going to bed at 4:30 a.m. – but I feel ‘ahead’ today, instead of behind, as usual.
this bodes well for the weekend . . . new artwork and new entry . . . http://www.sherfickart.typepad.com . .. no views of “Eat Your Words” yet, because it is very ’seminal’ right now.
“May Day – Beltane – re-birth, re-newal.”
My birthday!
Happy Birthday, Kittery – I didn’t know . . . but am celebrating anyway – what a perfect natal day . . . I have 2 friends with this bd, now 3!
Hi everyone –
This must have been the week of blog baby migraines, because I had one too – actually a sinu-migraine. I seem to be pulling out of it.
Jenny – Hi. So sorry about your situation. My sister was in a similar situation a few years ago, but more passive-aggressive in nature. Please know we are all here for you and feel free to vent or blab at great length if you need to. We all have.
Wow… Happy Birthday Kittery!!
how would one do a virtual May Pole or Bonfire?
Hey Kit-Kat! Happy birthday!!
Thanks, ladies!
Sher, I’m not sure .. I did the best I could by sending May Basket Flair on Facebook .. you should’ve gotten one… if you didn’t, it’s ’cause Facebook is disagreeable.
The words of wisdom coming from this blog are astounding, and even more so because they come from a real place of compassion. Knowing I have all of you in my corner should anything happen to me fills me with awe. That said, Jenny please read all of these posts more than once. You may be regretting the moment you opened yourself up to us by sharing your pain but you did so for a reason. You already knew the answer but had no one to tell you that you were right. Until now. You need to go, listen to George’s every word. If you are hoping that once you have the baby you will have finally found the courage to leave, it doesn’t work that way. You will not know the fear of being alone until you face it alone with your child. Go now, while this baby is just an idea and a dream, go before you bring one moment of pain or sadness onto him or her. The resources out there are endless, and your new found support here is daily. I come from a long line of women who don’t stay. Please listen to me.
Happy Birthday Kittery !!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KITTERY!!!!!!!!!
My heart is thrilled to be celebrating Beltane with Others!
One of my passionate obsessions is Arthurian legend in it’s Right and Proper time frame (5th century/no armor please)…and all this Mayness lands me right back into one of my forever favorite books, The Mists of Avalon (and I’m not ashamed to admit it!)
And a Happy Birthday to you Kittery!
You say it’s your birthday
It’s my birthday too, yeah
They say it’s your birthday
We’re gonna have a good time
I’m glad it’s your birthday
Happy birthday to you.
Yes we’re going to a party party
Yes we’re going to a party party
Yes we’re going to a party party
I would like you to dance (Birthday)
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance (Birthday)
I would like you to dance (Birthday)
Dance
I would like you to dance (Birthday)
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance (Birthday)
I would like you to dance (Birthday)
Dance
You say it’s your birthday
Well it’s my birthday too, yeah
You say it’s your birthday
We’re gonna have a good time
I’m glad it’s your birthday
Happy birthday to you.
it’s Not my birthday too No, but I do LOVE this song, and we sing it here for all toddler birthdays, because it’s my sacred duty to preach the gospel of Beatles to the young…
Kittery, Kittery, Kittery, Happy Birthday Sista!
Goooooooooooooooooo Kittery!
( I have medicine head and obviously, I need to leave the office pronto.)
Kate–bonbons=divine. It was like you were right there with us, directing. Amber did a better job twirling in the almond bark than I did. Mine kinda looked like a cat had coughed them up. They still taste good though…
Yay Nora! I once hauled a cd player into class and had it all ready for Ms Molly’s entrance, blasting this song as she walked into the room.
You’re so awesome.
Grr… I’m trying to figure out wordpress… I finally got my picture to show up… trying out the name now…
Woot! It worked.
Hey, yo Kittery–
Happy Birthday!
~~
I first read this Blog earlier in the day on my Palm T|X, without my glasses on. I for sure thought Molly wrote to Jenny, “Pack your shirt.” I was going to write, “And, pants, please; I think you’re going to want pants,” until I remembered that pants are optional. At least, they are if one is staying in a hotel in Pennsylvania while on a business trip. This I learned from Amy in Ohio.
Then I put my glasses on. Oh, wait, that’s not SHIRT. Never mind.
~~
One day after spending time here with all of you, I got off the computer and walked into our kitchen where my kids were conversing together at the table. They suddenly stopped talking all at the same time, and I realized they were staring at me. I was pretty sure I was dressed (but did a quick check), so asked, “… what?”
My 17-year-old son answered, haltingly, “I don’t know. It’s just that… you’re so happy.”
After which I went into the other room and burst into tears.
Y’all are good for me.
~ S.
“My 17-year-old son answered, haltingly, “I don’t know. It’s just that… you’re so happy.”
Awww. I love Us.
Sarah…Your burst into tears story has me all teary too
because I Get It!
Now I’m going out on the porch with 5 little people, where we are going to sing Birthday real loud…and it’s NOT OUR BIRTHDAY!!!
HA! we are so subversive here in Durham…
Kittery – I did send ecards for Beltane and did a posting about it on my blog . . . haven’t logged onto Facebook today . . . because . . . I have stalkers there . . . . will go anyway!
Esp. if a Maybasket is awaiting me.
Ok . . . word from Haven is this is going to be a great day and night for her . . . spending it with Kat Mountain Biking and having a Slumber Party . . . so all those good wishes are being fulfilled.
I think one reason I am so enamoured of Beltane is what the rituals symbolize.
We get this day to enact, if we chose, the burning of the old ‘heaviness’ which buried us in the winter months by burning “wicker man” . . . as the old burns off we enact fertility (spiritually as well as physically) . . . renewal and rebirth. this is vital because the cumulative effect of the long buried sorrows and pains . . . we just get to dance and scream it all out . . .
Kittery baby, happy happy day to you. Gifts are forthcoming but I will have to leave my house to send them. That anyone ever recieves anything from me is a small miracle. Love to you so much on this and every day!
Sarah . . . yep, I am happier for this blog, too. It does all that soul nourishing . . . I think, in fact, that we are unprogrammed quakers, because I swear, the sacred silence . . . as we listen . . .then we share . . .
perhaps we are in virtual meeting.
amber has become a wordpress maestro!
i switched my gravatar, but it won’t show up for a month or so, perhaps in time for memorial day!
The Belief-o-matic thingy keeps telling me I’m Quaker, even though I keep telling it I fully intend to Hit.
~ S.
Good grief. I adore you all. You know the best part? Durham was my birthday present. Hah. So darlings – you are my gift. Not just today, either.
Sher, your blog post made me cry ..
(A small gift from the Universe, methinks.)
And, you say you have stalkers on Facebook, do you know you can block them? I just found that out today and I blocked my sister!
Intent is different that Act.
Don’t forget that Delonda slapped Bob first on one cheek. Then on the other, because that was the Christian way.
Sarah, you bring me joy. I’m glad you’re getting something back.
also, my husband, the gorgeous Donny, asks me nightly ‘how are the bloggers?” He gets it. I don’t even make him talk to me when he doesn’t want to anymore . . . I just poke him once in while to make sure he is alive . . . no pressure, now he just has to talk when he wants to!
well, see I am being stalked via some of my friends sites . . . basically I have to block their pages for it to work . .. very frustrating.
plus, I am pretty public (you say ‘no shit’) . . . so it is par for the course, it is just whether I want to deal with on this still hangover migraine day . . . also I could get dressed, put on makeup, fix my hair and Donny will take me out tonight . . . but is it worth it?
Jenny, YES. Listen to what is being here. Especially THIS:
“You need to go, listen to George’s every word. If you are hoping that once you have the baby you will have finally found the courage to leave, it doesn’t work that way. You will not know the fear of being alone until you face it alone with your child. Go now, while this baby is just an idea and a dream, go before you bring one moment of pain or sadness onto him or her.”
This is SUCH wisdom that I am astounded, even though I have had the blessing of meeting Caryl in person and knowing her grace and strength. She is CHANNELING THE TRUTH here, from where I do not know, but I KNOW THE TRUTH WHEN I HEAR IT.
Any problem that can be solved by money (job, insurance, etc.) is not a big picture problem. The real problems are the lack of care for your emotional health and the wellbeing of the baby you are carrying inside of you. You will NOT look back on this situation and say “well at least I kept my job/insurance.” You just won’t.
Talk about it here. Reach out personally to the people who have extended their hands to you. Take the help that is being offered. You will be safe.
also.
there is nothing scarier or more dangerous than an intelligent abuser. they use their twisted viewposts to, literally, drive you insane and to incapacitate your self-determination.
read THEIR EYES WERE WATCHING GOD . . . oh baby, that girl grew her some self-determination cahoonis(s)(sp?)
Happy Birthday and Happy Beltane!! And Happy Friday and Sarah and Nora hugs to you both you make me happy, too.
Jenny…listen to George..I am so afraid for you..my daughter was in a ‘verbally’ abusive situation but it became physical and her family (us and my brother) physically intervened and moved her out.
She could not or would not move on her own..a condition I still don’t understand emotionally but realize is common among abused women. I worry that he can read this blog too and know what you are saying and I worry for your physical safety…my daughter has little cameras in her apartment now…have you considered that so you have proof of the verbal abuse…
Just get the hell out now before the baby is born because that child will for sure be used as a weapon to control you. I will worry about you like you mother must worry…and I am a champion just ask my family. These blog babies will do anything to help you. Oh, and please befriend the police…they see what goes on…George is right, right, right!!
That’s my rant.
I’m putting your husband’s name in our Friday burn out the evil box right now..extra powerful because it is Beltane!
P.S. Glad y’all liked the vomit comment…I was serious…I am mailing her a decorative little box.
Positive energies your way
Brenda (in Arizona, Jenny, if that’s anywhere near you)
Jenny: I apologize if I sounded presumptuous, but I was sincere in what I wrote. You’re right, who would have ever thought that a psychologist and a psychiatrist would get into a mess like this? There is no rhyme nor reason for it, and all the introspection and evaluation would probably render very little insight except that when you and your husband are together, there may be love, but there is also potential for pain, anguish, constant anger, and a general dissolution of the spirit that will affect everyone in the vicinity of the relationship. What would you tell your daughter to do in this instance is the best possible advice.
Kittery: Happy Birthday to you, young lady.
Linda: I’m now on day five of not smoking. I am listening to my MP3 each night which I have loaded with these “hypnosis” tracks with really dreamy music, nature sounds and imbedded subliminal messages. It’s kinda cool, but God only knows what they are whispering…I know I can do this..but your kinda inspiration helps, believe me.
Suzanne: About your NPR thing, have you seen or read Julie and Julia? It was a blog turned book and now I hear the movie is out or will be soon with Meryl Streep as Julia Child.
Anyway, peoples….I am now going to go on a long bike ride or hit some golf balls. I feel the need for some physical stuff after all this mental stuff…
…and Sher: thanks so much for that e-card…
truly, you guys are real blessing. last night when I took my ride, i ended up at a little bench on the banks of the potomac, about five miles south of mount vernon. i sit there and can watch herons and sea hawks and ducks and Canada geese and fish breaking water and beavers.
i think about the ghosts of indians and runaway slaves escaping from the auction blocks and their chains in old town alexandria…i wonder if george washington ever rode in this close to the water to fetch his horses a drink…i think about the river and the boats that have been up and down it…
it’s with those thoughts i sit, breathing hard and sweating from my ride, sipping water, sweating, hearing the current of the river as it rushes away from the banks, leaving behind a field of mud, smell of sulphur…
i hear the voices of people on the trail walking behind me…a word or a laugh, a couple new in love, another couple so tired of love, a woman jogger grunting, a child saying wait up…
i strain to hear the voices of the ghosts…i know they’re there and i dare them to talk…tell me their lives
…and then, then i pray…thanking the divine for every thing, for each molecule and each nanosecond of time, and for my own miniscule place in it…i leave confident that the divine knows our needs and cares very much …and that is all i need…
the ghosts can talk to me tomorrow, the tidal current can return, the walkers and runners and hikers on the trail can go home and sleep and come back later, as i will…
I am also in a very thankful mood for this blog and what it has brought to my life. Life-saving is really NOT too strong a word. Life-changing, spirit-opening, affirming, GOOD.
Sarah – How amazing your kids were so struck by your so noticeable HAPPINESS. My 13-year-old son just walked in and said, “Let me guessing, you’re blogging.” To which I replied “These are my FRIENDS. You know how you have friends at school? These are MY friends.”
It is sheer serendipity that brings people here.
I was at the book store AND the library today and had some book items to bring up:
Elizabeth Berg’s new book was in the book store. Is Norwich, NY way behind and this has been out for a while? I almost bought it, but then hoped it would be at the library, which it was but I’m tenth on the waiting list.
I also got book called the Sakiad by Brian Hall, who also wrote a book about Frost and one about Lewis and Clark (Happy for Your Company?). He will be my workshop leader at the Colgate Writing Workshop at the end of June. Anybody familiar with him?
I’m chillin’. Going to look for a good instant play on Netflix.
May I offer Julie Andrews on behalf of the day?
Nice! I much prefer J.A. singing this song to the Vanessa Redgrave version.
I’m off to watch movies and eat Subway now.
*muah!
I’m with you on that, Kittery. I previewed the V.R. rendition and decided to go with this one.
Speaking of which, any theatrical endeavors in the works for you?
Not right now .. there’s a Shakespeare Reduced thingy (I can’t even remember the details, how pitiful) that I’d like to do, but I don’t know if I can. G&S decides in two days whether there’s going to be a summer reprise of Pirates, so… I’ll let ye know when I find out.
Okay. I’m a little annoyed. I gave my father a list of FIVE movies to rent. Three that I wanted to see, two alternatives. I got ONE. The very last one on my list. Whyyyyyyyyy.
We’re going back after dinner so I can scout out my 6-10 options.
Kittery, have you seen Synecdoche, New York? I don’t know what to do with it… maybe it will make more sense once it is over, lol
I have not, Amber. I’ll add it to the LONG LIST of movies I want to see that this town DOES NOT offer.
:: beleaguered sigh ::
MOLLY: TWO TANKTOPS AND SOME SOCKS. I said, “thanks for Durham.” :: another beleaguered sigh ::
Um, Vanessa Redgrave CAN’T SING and Julie Andrews was ROBBED of both Camelot and My Fair Lady. ROBBED, I TELL YOU.
I prefer her to both of the other usurpers and refuse to watch or listen to either movie/soundtrack.
JULIE FOREVER!!!
Socks?
Could be worse, dear.
Coulda been deodorant…
I’m sorry….at least you had Durham?
blog babies’ hook ups . . . let’s all post our travel plans for the summer and see if they coincide with any BB locales:
me: St. Louis sometime in June?
Cashiers, NC, July 24 – 30
Destin, FL – first week of August?
Perhaps a run on NYC in july?
Also, Nashville house (actually Spring Hill) is open with lots of room from Jun 16 – Aug 4 . . . as the teens and Claire will be mostly at the Shorehouse over the Summer.
should have titled that posting – Meet Me in St. Louis!
Kittery – this is what I have Netflix for, though our library is really trying to outdo itself. They have lots of good movies now.
You can now download (a very limited supply) audiobooks from home! I don’t even have to drive over there. Though I think there are only 12 titles to choose from right now
As for the title I mentioned above, I couldn’t make it through. It was far too abstract for my brain today. I might make another run at it tomorrow. I loved Charlie Kaufman’s Adaptation, but this one is just too much at this particular time.
And… you can never have too many socks!
Sher, my travel plans this summer include these very exciting locations:
the north side of Columbus
the east side of Columbus (work)
Waverly Hall, GA
I am beside myself with glee.
Boston to drop Stephany off at Harvard the weekend of June 19th.
A beach house somewhere for a week, TBD
Sarah, LOVE that story.
Jenny, listen to the blog babies. Please let us know if we can help you in any way. There may not be any physical abuse yet, but generally it will escalate.
Love the sense of community here.
Amber, your travels sound so exotic:) I will not be anywhere besides Indiana and Ohio this summer ( with a few jaunts into Michigan) as I am hoarding vacation days for the honeymoon. So….if anyone will be in Negril, Jamaica over Thanksgiving, we should do a meet up! ( Sarah, again no pants for me)
Mo~ What E. Berg book ya talkin about?
Oh! You will all love this…so I was driving in an unfamiliar area today to go on an inspection for wind damage to an insured’s home and I started thinking alot about the blog, particuarly Jenny and how hard things must be for her and how I am so very happy, she found us. I noticed a sign to my right and I slowed to read it as it was in the middle of a field, and it just seemed to be so out of place. What did it read?
” Quaker friends meeting place.”
We are everywhere.
Thanks for the e-card, Sher.
I’m going to Belt, Montana in two weeks. YAY!
&
I just returned from seeing Sunshine Cleaning. I give it four stars.
Happy Birthday Kittery.
I loved Sunshine Cleaning! It wasn’t all what I expected it to be. I’m still working on my write up because I’m trying to peg it. It doesn’t quite fit a box, which is a good thing in this case.
eh hem, if, say a few blog babies would decide to drive from, say, columbus GA to say, TN, they could stay at Sher’s house, spend days in the studio AND eat bed and breakfast type food and drink good italian wine in the nighttime . . . I’m just saying . . . a long weekend . . . just something to keep in mind
Also, thanks Sher, for the ecard!!
I will be in Iowa City, Iowa (River City for y’all) the last two weeks of August. I would love to see any of you.
Amy!! of course no pants in Jamaica!! Lucky girl.
lol, B.
And, if certain Columbus, Georgia girls happen to be at the Fick Family B&B in Spring Hill, I will check on live music that weekend and we will have a girls night out to see some cute and talented musicians. There are bound to be some somewhere in town whichever weekend you choose.
Good for you, George! Hey- are you going to see Leonard Cohen when he is in Columbia, MD? My kids dad is flying up to go with this sister, the sister who works at the Folger Shakespeare Library. You would like both of them so if you are going I will introduce you.
Greetings blog babies…spicy, brown, exotic babies! This is the best place to get a baby IMHO. Already toilet trained, erudite, and not missing the funny bone.
Just wanted to pop in and give my love to you all and say welcome dear Jenny. Sweetheart, listen to everybody. Marriage does not have to be that way. Take care of yourself and your little one. I will pray for you.
xoxo
Whoa.
http://www.chrisjordan.com/current_set2.php
I just got back from the most transformative evening out with a dear friend. All we did was talk, well, that and drink wine, sit on the balcony on the first nice day of the spring … I was in a mood. I feel like I just planned my next two years. As much giddiness as I left with, I’ve had this underlying dread since reading you, Jenny. I haven’t stopped thinking about you all day. Or all week, for that matter, since your first post and mayday.
When I lived in NYC, I volunteered a couple different ways for Safe Haven there — and as all those women in the shelter, and the director, and the literature, said, “violence always escalates.” — That you are compelled to keep quiet for four years when you have such a sit-up-and-take-notice voice and worldview … to rob you of your most essential self in that way? This, before you ever get to where you say it hasn’t gotten physical. Blocking your egress? Not just invading but shredding your personal space by screaming two inches from your face? — physical abuse is not just around the corner, it has unpacked in the guest room.
You describe classic abuse symptoms. Manipulation is elemental, abuse’s semaphore. Two of the most effective techniques: 1) isolating you and stripping you of resources (though now you are lousy with them, even if you weren’t before you posted here), and 2) blocking your exit — blocking access to the phone, physically preventing you from leaving, or doing things like taking your keys, etc. Which, by the way? His provoking you to hysteria and then calling the police smells like a systematic strategy to discredit you and eventually wreck your practice or get you dismissed from your job, as then you will be so dependent on him you will “never” have a way out. Smells I tell you.
Brenda’s comment that your child may become a weapon (a quick test: how do the words “custody battle” affect you?) seems so much more likely if you stay till after delivery, the thought just that much more terrifying because of the damage it will do to both you and your child, staying with this man. For you, if you stay, your husband will most certainly see very early on that your child means more to you than anything, and will rightly assess that those dread words are an ironclad tool to keep you there. Abuse is abuse — no child gets through a childhood where it is present without trauma, and it’s not such a surprise when we start adult life repeating the dynamic we’re comfortable with. — AmyO is dead on: it will be more difficult to leave — not less — when your child is born.
There’s so much wisdom and assistance for you here, Jenny, concrete and practical help. You know something has to be done, you know it means upheaval, and you’re rightly exhausted at what’s ahead. But as fatigued as you are now, these are some patient, tolerant, attentive mothers, and if they say 30 minutes of sleep (Sher, I have to believe that it’s true), take them at their word. The first year, it’s possible you will be just trying to drag yourself and your baby through each Olympic-record sleep-deprived day without falling apart. No time for relocation research or the push of energy it takes to plan logistics (here is where BBs come in extra helpful). Your pregnancy seems an especial blessing: you have the push of before baby/after baby realities to motivate. AmyO’s comments were so spot on: what would you tell your daughter (or son) to do; and that the first few months after your baby is born you will be more vulnerable than you thought possible — and guarantee you that he knows it. Sher knows more about abuse and emotional manipulation than anyone should ever have to, and has written with insight and strength on the subject in the archives of this blog. Caryl is a master tactician. Here is strategic and material help — just ask. Even if you don’t know what you’re asking for yet. You need every assistance offered and every advantage that strategy can give you.
Your misfortune is you live with someone not averse to telling lies. And does he plant them with just the tiniest detail of truth, so that no one but those who know your heart knows the truth from a pack of lies that carry the ring of plausibility? (And if he’s following the template, he’s attempted to or succeeded in isolating you so completely that there aren’t that many that do know your heart.) You are right to begin to plan: you need a strategy (ahem, Caryl again) and move quick move soon and curtail if you can indications that you are readying to do so. — Sher said something that seemed very proactive, which was to warn the police, who have a vested interest in treating even a whiff of DV seriously, what will be coming. Also, a computer not available to your husband would be better for browsing (including here), research, or emailing. If that isn’t an option, clear your history each time you finish a browsing session, make your password REALLY secure, check he hasn’t installed a password-detection program (a free download, btw)etc. — be a step ahead of him.
Your most definitive mayday was on May Day Eve; maybe you were being dry, but you know it’s no idle 911. You said something else that truly chilled me from head to toe. “Will either come out of this safe or dead, but wouldn’t place any bets either way…things took on a whole new level of sadism once I got pregnant.” This. Jenny, a friend from high school miscarried late in her pregnancy after her husband kicked her repeatedly in the uterus. Please, please do not underestimate his rage or think you are (or he is) in control of it.
I thought so long before I decided to post this. Tried to edit it down. Took comfort in the fact that you will now know the breadth and length that long-winded can reach. Please forgive me, Jenny, if this seems all intrusive; it’s that what you’ve described is so worrying and I know too much to take it casually. Please let us know how you are. xoxxo C
And Jenny, I love what you wrote Haven: “Being a good person means we have to draw the line somewhere, and hold firm on what we will and will not tolerate.” The act of saying it? To us, here? It’s the most courageous move of the courageous moves that will be required of you in the near future. Because once you’ve said it, you can’t go back to it’s alright.
I’ll email you with an email address; anything in my power to help, please know I will…
Happy Birthday (and a day) to you!
Happy Birthday (and a day) to you!
Happy Birthday (and a day) dearest Kitterrrryyyyy…
Happy Birthday (and a day) to you!
xooxo C
Mo — I smoke a cigarette with you…
Carrie – Are you still there?
Yes, but I don’t really smoke. That image just had me laughing so hard I was gasping for breath.
Gosh …gosh … so much to say.
Jenny – Have you told us where you are located? Are there any blog babies anywhere near you? Maybe you need a “witness,” someone who can stop by periodically and see what your husband is doing? We are scattered throughout the country, so chances are good there is someone not too far away.
Summer plans:
Northwest Connecticut – within driving range of Stephanie?
IF I convince my sister to move here, I have already plotted our cross-country route, with several sacred places along the way: Grand Canyon, Georgia O’Keefe’s ranch, Rocky Ridge Farm, Willa Cather’s house, HA! I needed a Tennessee location and now I have one.
Also – NYC is a four-hour drive – I can get there easily, Sher
Northampton, MA the week of July 15
Submitting so I can see if Carrie is still up.
Hooray! Hi Carrie – I don’t smoke either!
Glad you had such a good night out with your friend. I SOOOOOOOOO miss that here. I have realized how isolated I have become due to living in the country and really having ended up in a job where I don’t really have any colleagues.
I have been thinking about you because I know you are an artist and also own that Chris Madden Room of Her Own book. I have my eyes on this little shed down the road for my own spot. My arty side has been re-awakened by everyone here, especially you and Sher. I was an English/Art double major in college but completely dropped the art side of myself.
I know! I think that made it funnier! — I am so happy that you are looking for kindred spirits in your proximity. Best of course would be if your sister would just see reason and move next door.
Man, I wish she would. She IS my best friend (after my husband, of course). But my husband is my best friend because he is my OPPOSITE and my sis and I are like spirit clones.
Time to pick it up again. — I think of you in that little shack all the time, since you first mentioned it. I feel like my life is charmed, since the specter of actually having a studio of my own has heaved realistically into view (George, my good news is still in counteroffer limbo — but this or something better: it will happen in the perfect time. Thank you so much for asking, sorry for the delay in response). I SEE you there, Mo. Tell me what you’d do in there?
Spirit clones smooth down all which is sticking up in cowlicks (like Haven always says — Cows: always funny).
So, what do your next two years look like? My hubby and I are also planning our next two years. I have been offered a job as an adjunct at a local college which would involve a DRASTIC pay cut but a better schedule. I need a clarity committee to help me figure it out. Andy and I are meeting with our counselor (she’s new and awesome and is helping us sort out the Asperger’s from the not). We are at the 20-year mark of the farm, and I think the weight of that is weighing on us both.
Wow! Did you get a financial break-through? Are you on your way to your own studio? Too cool!
In my shed, I would write, do some arty stuff just for relaxation, do monk-like stuff, because I have a complete thing for monasteries. Kind of Thomas Mertony but also an escape from the Land of Much Aspergers (husband and two of my boys) and listen to weird music. I am on this total Kate Bush overdose, well, at least Hounds of Love.
Wow. WOW. Those are big changes on the horizon, Mo. I thought you’d ruled out the adjunct position. And a counselor to help you sort out Asperger’s from the not? BRILLIANT. I’m so so happy for you I cannot stand it.
I can’t tell you what exactly my next two years are like, but they have to do with raising a lot of cash (or finding a studio owner who will record on spec — CDs can be $20-30K to record, and that’s on a budget), starting to establish a virtual storefront, and learning some new software to enable the first two. All my favorite things.
Cows ARE funny and they are also sweet and grounding. I almost wish I were milking again. I miss the cows. Eight years ago, I switched to part-time teaching and did the morning milking. I was in GREAT shape and Andy was calmer because I was in the barn. The problem was how tired I was by the afternoon when I was supposed to be teaching and also I was milking when the boys were getting ready for school.
When we expanded and put in the mobile home for an employee, I went back to full-time teaching. But I have hit major burn-out on that front.
I had ruled out the adjunct thing, but I am reconsidering. I really thought I was on the brink of selling my book for at least SOME money that might allow a year of … I don’t know what except being home more.
Then my ersatz agent dumped me and I have been very despondent. Trying go back to much querying, but I am still a bit demoralized by the whole thing.
Exciting about the potential CD and everything else! Have you seen the movie Once? I LOVE that movie and the soundtrack and the whole story of how those two have now taken off. Oh, I wish such things for you.
Financial breakthroughs in every way, thanks, one of which was that brother and sis-in-law are looking to buy a house/shop and want me to rent it. There is a standalone garage which they have offered to plumb for gas (so I don’t have to keep buying propane) and build a ventilation system, and cut windows where I want them, for the natural light. The counteroffer is still outstanding, but if not this one, then the next — the circumstances will not change. It will be the end of summer at the earliest, but I will have a studio WHERE I LIVE. I am, as they say, over the moon.
Ah – the mighty turkey hunters – Andy and Elliot – have returned. I must make the providers some breakfast.
It was AWESOME chatting with you. Have you been to sleep? I’ll catch up with you later.
Bye, Carrie!!! Congratulations!!!
Oh, Maureen, and I wish such things for you, too! Your book is needed; I’m with everyone else that says your perfect agent is still out there. I love your blog and I love who you are so I love to read you. Almost doesn’t matter what you are writing about. I know it is just a matter of time before you are published.
So have you made an offer on the shed? You need a refuge. No matter how much you adore your family, you need oasis. Kate and quiet.
I haven’t seen Once; I will now.
Thanks, Maureen! — No, you cau