As some of you may know, I am a collector of taxidermy. I love it very much and I find it comforting and it gives me the sense that things don’t really die, they just become fur. But lately I have noticed a disturbing trend on eBay, my go-to source for all things deceased and preserved. Right there in the taxidermy section they have this BULLWANKY stuff that, I don’t know, you tell me – is it taxidermy?!? NO IT IS NOT. It is stuffed animals. It is plastic heads made to look like lions. Pox on you plastic lion vendors. I am fed up to here with that crap. If I wanted a stuffed animal I would go to Wal-Mart. (I would not go to Wal-Mart.) If I wanted a big rubber head that takes up half my study I would go to a party store. Here, let me show you what I mean:
Oh! Oh, and how about this! Here’s some fine fine taxidermy right here. I was tempted to bid the maximum on this one, which was $1.00.
And you know what else puts a shine on my ass, so to speak? When hunters or taxidermists make novelty items in order that we might make FUN of the living things. A favorite is to take a deer’s rectum and turn it into a bottle opener. HAHAHAHA! I’ll bet you rectum lickers are voting for McCain! There’s a million novelty items. Toads playing billiards, 7,432,680 jackelopes. Explain this to me. A rabbit is a real animal, right? And it lives and breathes, right? And sometimes they die? So isn’t it just SCREAMINGLY funny to put antlers on them?
Well, for heaven’s sakes, I feel vexed.
Here is my least favorite taxidermy of all time. GAWD.