Same-Sex Marriage, and Why It’s Time To Stop Being Polite About It (Please).


I’m going to do the Questions column next, but I promised some people who were at my event last night with Frank Stacio I’d write this first.  At the end of our talk in Raleigh, I gave my four or five minute position on same-sex marriage, and started a hullabaloo – of the good kind, as the people in attendance asked me to post something on the topic.  So next week it’s Ask That Haven Person, this week, a pressing concern.  (Frank, if you have any memory what segued into that discussion of same-sex marriage I’d be obliged.)

I’ve refrained from discussing the same-sex marriage movement because I tend to respect the sensibilities of the religious (even when they’re blindingly wrong), and because I’m not a legislator – I only know what is clear to anyone with a working understanding of constitutional law, or even to someone with a television-based understanding of the judicial system.  But recently I’ve realized there are two types of people who believe they have any ground to stand on in opposing same-sex marriage:  those who honestly don’t understand the elements at work (they’re genuine, and genuinely confused), and the grotesquely cynical.  The cynical – and these are people who understand exactly why their campaigns are illegal, unethical, and not in keeping with the stewardship they righteously claim – far outnumber those who don’t understand the nature of the debate.  That isn’t new, of course; each time in our history such a matter needed to be repaired, the brutes and the liars and the corrupt rose up and tried to obscure the vision of their constituency with base appeals to fear, to sentimentality, and patriotism.  The irony escapes no one that left to his or her own devices, these are the same bigots who would destroy the actual foundation of this country.

“The preservation, propagation, and perpetuation of slavery is the vital and animating spirit of the National Government . . . slavery, slave-holding, slave-breeding, and slave-trading have formed the whole foundation of the policy of the Federal Government.”

— John Adams (Quoted in Kossuth, by Wendell Phillips)

If you find it disingenuous that I would bring up the government’s romantic claim to the necessity and sanctity of slavery in this discussion, then perhaps you fall under the category of the genuinely confused.  In fact, the Constitutional amendments that ended slavery and guaranteed the civil rights of all Americans ARE the issue here.

The XIII Amendment, which abolished slavery, was ratified in 1865.  The XIV, ratified July 9, 1868, reads (Section 1):

All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

Go ahead and read the rest of the Constitution.  What you won’t find there is any suggestion that “marriage” is Constitutionally protected; that marriage is defined by particular gender parameters; or that the system now in place is promised to anyone, let alone one man and one woman.  So let’s get that out of the way right now.

The Constitution of the United States does not declare marriage to be the fundamental right of any set of citizens.

Perhaps you’ve noticed that in the states same-sex marriage has been legalized, no Constitutional Amendment was necessary or called for.  Blinding in its self-evidence, that’s because there is nothing to amend.

Abolition, women’s suffrage, the rights of freed slaves to vote, the right of black Americans to marry, the right of black and white Americans to marry:  the Civil Rights movement proceeded on a simple and clear argument.  If the government establishes rights and privileges and grants them to one group of people while denying them to all, the government is in violation of the 14th Amendment to the Constitution and is acting illegally.

Your personal beliefs about homosexuality, about the sanctity of one man/one woman unions – your religious affiliation, what you were taught, the notions with which you are most comfortable, your reading or misreading of the Bible:  none of these are of the slightest issue.  I’m sorry, but they are not.  You are welcome to hold your beliefs as dear; you are welcome to rail about people different from you as much as you wish. If the government establishes rights and privileges and grants them to one group of people while denying them to all, the government is in violation of the 14th Amendment to the Constitution and is acting illegally.

Organizations seem to have a gift for walking through their ranks and zeroing in on a person whose jaw is both hinged and loose.  The flappy-jawed representative is then sent out to further pollute and tangle our major news organizations – news organizations that should be focusing on a single issue in regards to this question – by spouting nonsense, campfire rhetoric about how gay marriage will imperil heterosexual marriage.  The power of gay marriage to do so isn’t logical, practical, or reasonable, but imagining for a moment the nonsense contained a shred of truth? If the government establishes rights and privileges and grants them to one group of people while denying them to all, the government is in violation of the 14th Amendment to the Constitution and is acting illegally.

Perhaps you labor under the mistaken impression that the rights and privileges in question are trifling, compared to your personal feelings.  Let’s begin with the tax-break given to married couples, and the widespread practice of insurance companies to lower car insurance premiums the moment an individual becomes a two-some.  Those are Big Wrapped Gifts, and they are available to only a certain group of people.  The default inheritance right – the inheritance of both property and liquid wealth:  Big Wrapped Gift.  The ability of a married couple to make life and death decisions for one another in lieu of a Living Will, or power of attorney:  Merry Christmas, heterosexuals!  Equal weight given to both partners when questions of custody and child support arise; indeed, the very idea that two people raising a child since birth deserve equal protection when issues of custody and child support become critical:  just one group. But from my point of view, here is the big one.  Married couples are privileged when it comes to immigration, and if you think that doesn’t matter?  Ask a privileged couple with children what would happen if a Straight Prop 8 were to pass, invalidating their marriages, thus causing one of the two to be deported back to a native country.  Immigration is the huge present, sent by the Federal government; so big it’s like waking up to a bow-wrapped new mini-van in the driveway.  Heterosexual couples are given all of this if they marry drunk in Vegas, if they marry under the auspices of the Roman Catholic Church, if they marry and divorce eight times.  If the government establishes rights and privileges and grants them to one group of people while denying them to all, the government is in violation of the 14th Amendment to the Constitution and is acting illegally.

Watch those governors in the few states who have legalized gay marriage.  They don’t make long-winded speeches, they don’t offer eloquent reflections on how Only Love Makes A Family.  They appear to be ignoring their own legislators, and the group in the public square with pitchforks and torches.  They simply sign a document that grants the same rights and privileges to all, and with that signature they cease behaving illegally.  I find it very interesting to see those leaders brave enough to protect the Constitution and in doing so save the United States entire.

And for those of you who “weren’t raised that way,” or who conclude your argument against gay marriage by saying that’s just how you “feel,” you have a right to speak your mind.  But let me tell you something the loose-jawed marionettes aren’t saying.  If the United States continues to violate the civil rights of a vast number of its citizens, those citizens will suffer in the short-term, but you will lose in the end.  If the regressives and religious conservatives push this far enough, the only option will be for the State to exit the marriage game all together, and THEN we will have achieved parity.  We will all need attorneys to draw up civil unions, contracts that grant us legal rights in medical emergencies and default inheritance of wealth and property.  Tax breaks will be a thing of the past.  Your privilege will be a thing of the past, and where you’ll find yourself is in a church, desperately trying to make sacred what is no longer your sacred American right.  But you won’t be lonely – there’ll be countless thousands of gay couples doing exactly the same thing, with the same results.  So really, Focus on the Family, it’s your call.

Published in: on May 14, 2009 at 12:11 pm  Comments (814)  


  1. Sigh. My faith in human nature is repeatedly diminished by the fact that–all too frequently–the only way to make people understand the atrocity of a situation is by phrasing it in a way that personalizes it for them. That said, what a powerful post, Miss H. Two words, people: ANIMAL FARM.

  2. Shanna, it was that Opposite Girl from California who pushed me over the edge.

  3. oh, thank you. Thank you for that intelligent, eloquent post. I thank you, my partner of 17 years thanks you. Our friends and families and every single person with a brain and a heart and a willingness to use both thanks you. While I acknowledge the purported complexity of this issue, it really could not be simpler, and you’ve made that perfectly clear.

  4. Kate, what a kind thing to say. Thank you.

  5. oh lord, thank YOU. I’ve just tweeted the link and emailed it to most everyone I know. It’s preaching to the choir, but I asked that they pass it on. I’m always giving your books to people, so this is just another happiness.

  6. God above, Kate! You might singlehandedly pay for my son to take guitar lessons! You get a gold star.

  7. Great post, Haven.

  8. Thanks, Linda. I still don’t know why I said it last night. I’ve tried and tried to find the segue. All I hear is *whoooooo* as a cold wind blows through an empty room.

  9. There’s a giant church here in SD, not sure of the denomination, but the other day they had a big banner across the parking lot touting an appearance by OG. All I could muster was this: Huh. REALLY?

  10. I want to go to the church where there’ll be a special appearance by GOB, from Arrested Development. Until then, it’s the barn for me.

  11. Linda, I just a package from you. OH MY OG. That’s the single coolest thing I’ve EVER SEEN.

  12. Oh my OG. Heh.

  13. Haven- maybe you were compelled to say it simply because it needed to be said.

    Oh- I am so glad you like it. I actually got that for you at Xmas and never sent it and then forgot to bring it with me to Durham. It is my little thank you for Something Rising. xoxo

  14. I just opened all your packages and when I realized what you were doing, what had been organized, I burst into tears. Sherrill, Sher, Carrie, Steph, Brenda, Michael T., Linda — you’re all so almighty good-hearted it’s like you can reach back and heal the past. Thank you — thank you.

  15. We love you, Haven. That’s all.

  16. I’ve been a reader from the beginning. I stupidly took it personal when an e:mail I sent about some awesome taxidermy I found on Craigslist/Chicago didn’t get a response. So I stopped commenting on the blog & kept reading.

    Had to send a brief missive through my tears of gratitude if only to acknowledge what a marvelous world it would be if only there were more people like Haven Kimmel.

    Thank you for publicly issuing this blog & standing up for all of us.

  17. i contributed $ to NO ON 8 in california. it was a heartbreaking loss. but sean penn’s oscar speech for MILK really hit the nail on the head: the day is coming for equal marriage rights, and can;t nobody stop it. bless his heart.

  18. Haven, thanks for framing the discussion as you did. You’ve given us a lot to think about in a plain-spoken, direct way. Laurel (remember me from ESR?)


    And Shelly, I’m really sure I missed the Craigslist/taxidermy thing or I would have been all over it. So to speak. At any rate, sorry to have hurt your feelings and I’m glad you came back!

    Love you right back, Linda. Everyone.

  20. Yeah…I was “Carter” then. I’ve just started reading your blog – Brent’s links to it got my attention. I’m glad to be back in touch, minimalist has it is so far, at least.

  21. *You* did not hurt my feelings. I own that & how I choose to feel. But thank you, nonetheless. Truly, from the bottom of my heart.

  22. Just wanted to add my voice to the chorus of thanks. My friend Kate sent me this today and, like her, I immediately tweeted the link. I hope it goes viral because everyone in the country needs to read it. You’ve cut through the layers of emotion and ideology that obfuscate this issue and sailed right to the bottom line. Lucid, and logical and unassailably true. Thank you.

  23. “Lucid, and logical and unassailably true.”

    That’s our Haven!

  24. If we have to personalize it to bring it home, so be it. Regardless of your religious beliefs, your moral compass or upbringing, all we have to do is ask ourselves as mothers and fathers: what would we want for our gay child? The answer of course, is the same as for our heterosexual child.

  25. To me the problem is that there still seems to be some confusion about separation of church and state. !?!? What don’t they understand? Personal religious views of homosexuality are theirs to keep and nurture and let fester if they want, but those views cannot affect civil liberties as guaranteed by the Constitution. There is nothing inherent in constitutional law that gives foundation to prohibiting marriage of particular sets of people.

    Let the government issue marriage certificates to all who seek them, and let religious institutions do as they wish regarding spiritual blessing of those unions.

  26. EXACTLY PAT! That is what I meant to say but my computer typed the other thing.

  27. This is PERFECT! I have never seen my own views expressed more cogently than you have just done, Ms. Kimmel, and I thank you!

  28. Haven, your argument is so smart AND so kind.

    Linda: you said, exactly what I was going to say, I am only restating what you said.

  29. George, are you still in Vegas?

  30. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who read that and thought I just had to send it out on Twitter. I want as many people to read it as possible.

  31. yes, haven. brava!

    this is such a slippery topic because its naysayers tend to talk in broad, illogical, “moralistic” terms — and the only weapon for that kind of thinking is clear , concise REASON and the consequences THEY MAY FACE THEMSELVES if freedom and equality is withheld from any american. sadly, we must appeal not just to their humanity but to their selfishness.


    I couldn’t have said it better myself. No really, I couldn’t.

    I decided long ago that as a citizen of the United States of America I have no qualms about other citizens of the United States of America doing what it is within their rights to do. I don’t get why this is a hot-button issue. Oh wait, yes I do. But I hate it. It makes me sick.

    There, but by the grace of God, go I.

  33. Can I change my login to Katecake somehow so there will be no confusions? Or are our Gravitrons enough?

  34. Pat, curiously, I had out two books to discuss the separation of church and state, including quotations from Jefferson and Franklin — all the way up to Lincoln — that prove beyond a doubt they may have bowed to deism but they had no intention of this being an Ogotrocacy.

  35. Pat, CathyK, Janet, are you new? Welcome.

    Laurel, it’s great to hear from you. I hope you can share a little of what you’re doing these days.

    George, never admit the whole (vegas) thing.

  36. I ask, George, because I am there tonight. And what happens in Vegas, you know..

  37. My mind is boggling at the idea of a Caryl/George TRYST.

  38. CARYL seriously?! What are you doing there? Please please tell me it involves hookers and tiny swimming pools and Jay McInerney and blow. AND PHOTOGRAPHS.

  39. It should be Kate, because Pete will be there too.

  40. i’m not a regular blog commenter. in fact, i think this is the first time i’ve ever been moved to comment on the blog of someone i don’t know personally, but i appreciate what you say here so much that i had to let you know. thank you for the grace and eloquence you bring to this issue. i, personally, don’t even understand how it IS an issue when the country was founded on such principles as “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that ALL men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” amazing! thank you!

  41. Kate, it would be Too Much Pretty.

  42. Molly, thanks for joining us. I don’t know why we still have to discuss it at all, either. Frank said last night that when WUNC aired a show devoted to gay marriage the station got lots and lots of e-mail complaining about how the producers hadn’t invited anyone with a dissenting opinion. Frank’s response was that there can’t be a dissenting opinion about illegally denying a massive population the civil rights afforded to them in the Constitution.

  43. The plot THICKENS!

  44. Hey Caryl–um, I’m sorry but George is my secret blog boyfriend so nothing can happen in Vegas. Right, George?

    Haven–great post and one that may open a few eyes. Here in the Bible Belt it’s a tough conversation to have. As you say, it’s better to get married while drunk in Vegas than to be with someone you love who is of the same sex.

    Many of my gay friends in college got married to women because they wanted to do the “right thing.” And everyone is miserable.

  45. Why shouldn’t they be allowed to be as miserable as the rest of us? – HA HA 0k, I’m just kidding here;)so PLEASE don’t take that the wrong way. Having many wonderful gay friends and gay family members I’m right there with you Haven. Well said. Funny too because there’s always this perception of gays (especially gay men) as being extremely promiscuous so you would think “they” would be happy for a gay persons desire to be in an “exclusive” relationship.
    As Dr. Suess said “A person’s a person no matter how small.” and that says it all I think.

  46. Haven? HURRAH.

  47. Terri — honestly, that joke doesn’t get old. “You want to get married? Excellent. Here is some poo, and something died under the refrigerator. I think it might have been your mother.”

  48. Hurrah to VOUS, Kittery.

  49. You know what else gets me going? When people say marriage is “just a piece of paper.”

    Then why the HELL are gays so eager to get it? I swear, someone should give it to them, since so many heteros don’t know how good they have it and are all too ready to dismiss it.

    But then, I really LOVE poo and dead mothers under the fridge.

  50. Terri, I’m pretty sure “A person’s a person no matter how small” is from Free To Be You And Me. I could be wrong, but Beth and I DID recreate the entire album on my little blue tape recorder. If you’d like to know any or all of the lyrics to “William Wants A Doll,” I’m your man.

  51. You said what needed to be said.

    What I love is that by the simplicity of the message/issue – you have invalidated all that whoremongering and proselutizing . . . there is no discussion.


  52. I had to WIKIPEDIA that last comment by Haven. I think I always assumed “Free To Be You and Me” referred to Elsa the Lion. But now I am thoroughly intrigued, and also feeling the need to bone up on my 70s trivia.

  53. We saw Free to Be You and Me at a small theater in Atlanta and I cried throughout the whole thing. (sorry-I don’t have the hang of the italics/bold thing like Molly does. : )

    I’m afraid I concur that “A person’s a person” is from Horton Hears A Who because the Pro-Life groups were using it and Mrs. Geisel came out against them saying Dr. Seuss was Pro-Choice.

  54. this rant is from 10 years ago/in an Ethics class . . . but I believe it is related to these issues at hand:

    For a majority of issues in our modern day lives, relativism would be the most fair and just form of consideration. However, when applying the concepts of relativism to our supposed practice of “Separation of Church and State” we see that it has not been fairly rendered. How can we say we enforce a separation of Church and State when our currencies, court proceedings and even our Pledge of Allegiance refers to “In God We Trust”, and so on.

    This situation calls for absolute policy of Separation of Church and State. Our country was birthed with the concept that all men/[women] should have the right to worship their god[s], how and when they wanted. Through the years this message of equality has only been accepted if the individuals recognize the Judeo-Christian of “god.”

    In all fairness to the Jewish traditions, we must say that even that acceptance has limited their rights. Do they not have to swear “So Help Me God” on the King James Version of the Holy Bible when they testify in court? Thereby, swearing their honesty and forthrightness on (in their mind) a blasphemous book which declares Jesus Christ as the Messiah?

    In a country which prides itself on being the “melting pot” or “tossed salad” of international culture, how has this shortsightedness been perpetuated for so many years? We hear concerns from the politicians regarding race relations, yet no one has been able to answer the concerns of prayer in public schools and other religious related issues. Courts have upheld a student’s right to worship in their chosen manner; however, we continue to have prayers to the Christian God spoken at graduations and other public gatherings.

    What right do teachers have to force their religious and political beliefs upon their students in the public education sector? These issues have been volatile, even in our local area, but the issues remain long after the court battles cease.

    An absolute policy of Separation would take care of all of these issues. Moments of silence in which all individuals might pray to their god or gods, or individuals might choose to meditate, and atheists can talk to themselves! Dogma should be left in an individual’s mind, in their church or private home or vehicle when they appear in a public, state-sponsored event.

    An additional concern is the mixed messages our children receive upon learning of the “Separation of Church and State” in social studies and then they stand to recite the Pledge of Allegiance (which did NOT originally have the wording “under God”)! What message are we sending our children by these contradictory practices? Are we breeding judgmental, close-minded individuals or persons who will dare to “walk a mile in another’s moccasins”?

    At issue in recent years has been the unfortunate fact that certain religions might cause physical harm to those within the religion (i.e., religions which deny medical treatment or forced marriages for minors, etc). This concern is valid and should be treated in the same way as other child welfare issues are dealt with: if it is reported that a child is suffering physically or mentally, the state would investigate and upon proof, remove the child from the home. The standards of endangerment and human life and welfare should apply, absolutely, in ALL situations.

    Human beings do not have the right by virtue of their religious dogma to perpetuate pain and suffering on other human beings. We must strive to breed tolerant, caring individuals. One manner in which to accomplish this would be to enforce “Absolute Separation of Church and State”; thereby, giving respect to any individual’s choice of worship.

  55. Vanessa, I remember! “A person’s a person that way.” That’s the line in FTBU&M.

  56. Haven~you are so smart and funny. But most of all, you are compassionate and that is to be applauded.
    Please be expecting my gift this week, which is a continuation of the above said organization of gifts:)

  57. Amy in O., last night I said to John, “This chapstick tastes funny.” He said, “You got it for Christmas, from Amy in Ohio.” I looked at him, blink, blink. He said, “Five months ago.” How does he know what month it is, who tells HIM?

  58. Men are funny in that way Haven. They pay attention to the strangest details, such as the price of gasoline, bank account balances, and of course THE DATE!
    My quote of the day:

    “I love humanity but I hate people.”
    Edna St. Vincent Millay

  59. Haven, After leaving ESR following a successful Clearness Committee, I sold cars, ice cream, and books, all in about 6 months’ time. But then I found myself facing Dec. 31 with no job, so I enrolled in library school and never looked back. I’m currently in my 3rd job — at Southern Wesleyan University, near Clemson, SC, as Assistant Director of Library Services and Reference Librarian. Contact me off list for more information. I’ll be glad to share, but not so publicly. I’m on Facebook or you can find me on the web.

  60. Does chapstick go bad after a mere 5 months? If so I am in troublel.

    I know that it’s May because DING DING…it’s my biiiirthday soon.

    I would like to throw out there that it matters not if the artist, in this case Seuss, was pro-life or not. What matters is the universal truth of the statement and it’s application, regardless of intention. The issue then boils down to, do human chromosomes = humanity?

  61. Haven:

    You make a logical argument that makes complete sense. I do struggle with the belittling tone of the argument & am tired of the cutting sarcasm on both sides of the aisle. We have allowed this argument & its tone to become bitter and extremely emotional & once personalities and their failures become part of the debate, people become entrenched & unyielding. I did not admire Sean Penn’s address because he decided to make it one of denigration; shaming people seldom works in making a clear, decisive argument.

    Someone that I truly admire, who effectively fought the issue of slavery in Great Britain, is William Wilberforce. To me, he is an exceptional example of making a lucid case, defending it with vigor & yet not allowing it to become embittered with hostile attacks. His life and the tenets he lived by deserve closer examination, especially in this day.

  62. John knows where your gifts come from . . . that is amazing. Amazing.

    So let’s extend the marriage issue to me needing a group of mixed spouses . . . I need to multiply Don, but also add some wives to the mix . . . not to be silly about it . . . but I think any consentual acts between adults . . . it is all fair game.

    Where I think it gets murky religion wise is the brainwashing of children . . . I was a failed brainwashing experiment – and look what happened to me. Yikes.

    Don swore earlier in his life he would never be with someone ‘f$))%ed up’ – guess that didn’t work out so well! Actually in IL this past weekend, he and I went on a walk around Olivet (it took about 15 minutes) . . . I showed him the locations of my childhood playing . . . Devils Hill where I catapulted my bananaseat bike . . . the sewer where I waded . . . the orchards where I would steal green apples until I puked (usually in the sewer) . . . where the corn fields had been taken over by trailer parks . . . the location of my previous abode . . .

    and then, weirdly enough, the LaSallette Seminary where I played as a child has been purchased by a Catholic Boys Boarding School. We got to watch as the teachers and students all knelt before the altar in the middle of the gardens (the same altar where I was sacrificed many times, or where I came back to life as Isis, Mighty Isis) – we took pictures because it was so surreal. I think my brothers removed many of the heads and hands of the figures from the sculpture garden . . . it is a bizarre trip back in time.

  63. Tara, I completely agree. What has bothered me very much lately is how many people know the truth but tiptoe around it — do you know what I mean? Obama is tiptoe-ing, for god’s sake. All he has to do is hold a single press conference in which he outlines why it isn’t legal for us to continue to deny gays and lesbians civil rights. He’s a master at recognizing the nuances the opposition might feel, and all of that can be addressed. Just Speak The Truth.

  64. Um – I am still in a nightgown and I have leave to pick up Eldest Child.

    The day is 1/2 gone – when did this occur?

  65. Haven – send Obama your speech . . . then all he has to do is read it!

  66. Resounding quiet. Maybe I can help the discussion along. I am one of those awful people in the words of Haven that wears “magical underwear.”

  67. Tara, sometimes we simulpost and you have to scroll back up when you refresh? I am absconding due to motherhood responsibilities.

    I understand your opinions completely . . . it is the mudslinging that really ‘dirties’ the issues. Humans are so emotional . . . that they find it hard to just focus.

  68. If I wore underwear they would be ‘magical’, too. When forced, Betsey Johnson; which is, obviously, magical in their own right.

  69. Oh, Haven, I hate to disagree with you about anything dear friend, but on this we must part ways… I am a card-carrying member of facebook’s “Gay Marriage Killed the Dinosaurs.” The credo — “This group is for people who understand the grave risks of gay marriage. Some suggest gay marriage will merely undermine one of our most fundamental societal institutions, causing countless straight couples to get divorced because exclusion of gays was the only thing holding their marriage together.

    But we know better. Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. If we let liberal activist judges in Massachusetts and California set the course, the blood will run in rivers. Mixed with molten lava.”

    I’m just sayin’…

  70. I love you Brent Bill, but I must be too thick headed today, I didn’t understand your point. Can you clarify for me as I practice my Sacred Compass in the car?

  71. Ah, the “killed the dinosaurs” group is trying to point out the silliness of the arguements against gay marriage — such as reason #7 — “Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.”

    … and gay marriage killed the dinosaurs, too.

    God bless ’em…

  72. Betsy Johnson’s underwear is quite wonderful.

  73. Thank you, angel girl, for the clearest, cleanest, soundest summation of the arguments for and against and the inevitable conclusion to be drawn therefrom. The slavery analogy is one I’ve been using myself, in debating this issue, but not with half the forcefulness and authority you muster here. But I’m not going to bother debating it anymore, I’m just going to direct people to this post.

    My one and only exception is with the term “gay marriage.” I’m afraid I’m going to insist on “same-sex marriage” because gay is so subjective a term whereas same-sex is emphatically not. I prefer that legislation be as rooted in objectivity — in the observable, quantifiable world — as possible. Which is one of the reasons I oppose hate-crime laws; suddenly we’re dealing with motivations instead of actions, and that’s a slippery slope. There’s also the troubling implication that if someone bashes my head in because I’m gay, that’s a morally different (and therefore either less or more punishable) act than if he bashed it in to get my wallet. Excuse me, but as the victim, NOT REALLY SO INTERESTED IN THE HAIR-SPLITTING. We should punish the action and leave its motivations to God.

    That said?… If there are going to be hate-crime laws for some groups, they should exist for all. But I think there shouldn’t be any.

    Sorry. Don’t know where that came from. Just chatty today, I guess.

  74. This is totally off subject and I do not intend to derail discussion. I just have a funny to tell.

    I was just talking to Molly on the phone, and in my great bedroom clean today I found two cans of paint in the back of my closet. They are the disgusting color of my bedroom wall. I do not want to keep them.

    I told Molly I was trying to figure out how to discard them, since I know there are rules about those things.

    With complete seriousness, she says “All you have to do is pour them down the sewer.”

    It took me a second, then I just busted up. She so funny.

  75. Haven
    As Lee Smith would say,
    Bless Your Heart

  76. Brent – see I had total faith in your opinions, but not in my interpretation of same.

    Robert – I think this is all entwined, rights. All rights and their preservation and non-bastardization. I’m with you on your tangents and took some of my own.

    I think we qualify as intellectual intercourse today, which is my favorite kind.

    Let’s start a fluid of Haven Kimmel’s essay to be forwarded to all political people that have the power to enforce the constitution. Obama being Numero Uno.

    Campaign – Amendment 14 Enforcement.

  77. “William Wants A Doll”? Oh yes – me too.

    And this is from memory:

    Don’t dress your cat in an apron,
    Just cause she’s learning to bake
    Don’t dress your horse in pajamas
    Just cause he can’t stay awake.
    Don’t dress your ? in a muumuu
    Just cause she’s off on a cruise
    Don’t dress your whale in galoshes
    If he really prefers overshoes.
    A person should wear what she likes to,
    And not just what other folks say
    A person should be what she likes to
    A person’s a person that way.

    I think I messed up some of the animals, but, point taken. Thank you, Marlo Thomas et al.

    I just returned from New York’s lovely capitol, Albany, where our House recently passed a gay marriage bill, and it is headed to the Senate. If it passes there, the Governor will sign it, since it’s his bill.

    Haven, you have said the very obvious, which seems to escape most everyone. I live in redneck country, so you can guess what the opinion is out here. Civics teacher that I am, when my blood starts boiling, I just trot out an old miscegenation law and say “And did you know that THIS used to be standard practice, too?”

    The bumper sticker I so badly want would say

    But, perhaps more Quakerly, would be a bumper sticker that says
    If the government establishes rights and privileges and grants them to one group of people while denying them to all, the government is in violation of the 14th Amendment to the Constitution and is acting illegally.

    Or, to shorten it some
    This is YOUR church. This is OUR government. Any questions?

    Haven,(Jack Black, School of Rock) “Nailed it!”

  78. Robert- thanks for making the clarifying point about “same-sex marriage.” Marriage equity is a good way to phrase it too, I think. My father calls my mom his “life partner”. That pretty much sums it up. Everyone should be able to choose their own life partner and have it equally recognized. It is so simple. It just boggles my mind that people have a problem with allowing everyone to choose the person they love.

  79. {{{HAVEN!!}}OUR ROCK
    You are almighty welcome for the package…we had an almighty good time putting it together. We love you and appreciate what you do and most importantly how well you say your piece, speak your mind, kick your heels together, put your hands on your hips….

    OG…any relation to Magog?
    Amy in O…I love that quote by Edna St. Vincent Millay!
    That’s going on my email signature for awhile I think.
    SHER:”Humans are so emotional . . . that they find it hard to just focus.” Ain’t it the me where we go to be changed into Vulcans?
    Linda and Nora and Amber…Howdy do and I agree with you.
    Vanessa and Caryl..Doesn’t George realize he has a whole groupy of girlfriends here?
    And Salut to all y’all new people up there above me and welcome home.

  80. Bravo, Haven! What a wonderful explanation. I wish I could memorize it. I will be forwarding your blog to many of my friends, gay or not. Thank you for your insight, clarity, and wisdom!

    Martha (Bennie’s wife 🙂
    Hagerstown, IN (but close to Mooreland!)

  81. Gay marriage killed the Dinos is really funny in a way personally I dont care who screws who however I must say that with either heterosexuals or homosexuals its a bit annoying to see people french kissing in public. I mean kissing is one thing but ya know I had my niece out at the mall buying and there was a couple of 30 somethings goin at it it was uncomfortable. Rights of people should be up held I am just cautions that some peoples “rights” are a pain in the ass to others.

    I know this has nothing to do with gay marriage personally I don care who does it I dont care if you worship a golden goat in your back yard for that matter just don’t tell me I have to activly participate.

  82. Or we forward this to editors of major dailies, the NYTimes Sunday opinion page, for a start. A more cogent, economical, clearsighted argument I’ve never read. Take all emotion out of it with the exception of our passion for our Constitution and its equitable application across the board, show all those jacked-up prohibitions for the illegal, execrable crimes against the body politic that they are, and it is thoroughly, unquestionably, simply unanswerable.

    While this is unresolved, any pause in the conversation can be considered acceptable segue.

    Og love you, Haven.

  83. P.S. I have always been puzzled over religious fanatics who tout the marriage as “sacred” (which it is, to me, as well) but forget that it’s not actually legal and official until the government puts its seal of approval on it. For so many people, it’s not “sacred” until it’s official. So it’s actually a government thing, in reality, for those who need that piece of paper for it to be official, true, sanctified. Oddly, people are like that about divorces, too, making judgments about people who date before a divorce is final, even though that, like marriage, is a thing in the heart, not on a piece of paper.

  84. Carrie – brilliant. Use the assbackwards media.

    oh yeah!!!!!

  85. And this covers the whole ‘freedom’ issue. Freedom of choice in religion, relationships, politics, etc. One group’s freedom to choose cannot hinder another’s freedom of choice.

  86. Bravo Martha.

  87. I am going to watch Sam run the mile race in the state sectional race that is the qualifier for the state competition. He was so excited just to make it this far. He likely won’t make it to state this year, but he is only in 10th grade so this does bode well for him next year.

    Sorry, just needed to throw a little Sam update in there for his loyal fans. hehehe

  88. Caryl!!!!!!!

    I am in Vegas, we are closing this show. I am sitting with the production crew now on an AV check for the afternoon program.

  89. Robert, my True Love — am in the process of changing all the applicable phrases to “same-sex.” Thank you.

    Linda, if Sam ever needs a second mother I’m rightchere.

    Martha, it’s so astonishingly good to hear the voice of someone like you coming from my hometown. It makes me teary, to be honest.

  90. I thought the “person” line came from “Horton Hears a Who” but maybe Dr. Suess plagarized it!! Anyway, no matter where it came from I think it gets to the point of this debate. And nice line about the poo and mother-in-law. As they say “Be careful what you wish for – you just might get it.”

  91. Having made the requisite changes, I think we must all agree that same-sex marriage killed the dinosaurs. However, it made the penguins super happy!

  92. I am laughing so hard I swear…I was so anxious to read a new writing by our Haven that I neglected, until just now to read the quote by J.Edgar Hoover at the top…oh my Lord, I might pee my pants.

  93. HAVEN did you get the Twain book ?

  94. MICHAEL! I mentioned you in the comment above!

    Admittedly, it took me three days to understand who sent it. Your name was up in a tinety corner and looked a little bit like a bar code. But I THANK YOU, WONDERFUL MT!

    Brenda, thank goodness someone notices those banner quotations.

  95. Oh good Haven I missed the comment yes we were sneaky hehe

    I was told not to read that story when I was 10 or so then my parent didn’t lock it up so of course I read it. The mysterious Stranger is a awesome story enjoy !

  96. George, we get in tonight and we’ll be there until Saturday noon. Anyway we can meet up for a quicky? Drink that is. I will email you my phone #.

  97. I am not liking the sound of that, Miss Caryl.

    But yes, we do share George–I believe we are his internet harem.

    Point of clarification: Was killing the dinosaurs a good thing or a bad thing? Maybe same-sex marriage was right on way back then…

    : )

  98. And, J. Edgar Hoover should know! : )
    (better smiley?)

  99. Nope. I’m feeling computer illiterate.

  100. sometimes when I see the quote change at the top of the blog, I know Haven is cooking up something new!!!

  101. I telegraph my intentions, Miz Fick.

  102. Yay! Please tell me that the BBs will be part-aying all night. I need you guys to keep me sane while I ponder life’s big questions and clean out my pantry.

  103. Haven, this whole post goes in the category of often thought but ne’er so well expressed.

    AMEN, sister.

    My husband teaches in a seminary and one of his colleagues has been known to make the point you made at the end: that maybe what needs to happen here is for the government to get out of the recognizing marriage business. That usually shuts up whoever is arguing whilst they think about what that would mean.

  104. Thanks, Mary Lou Got Married. CONFIDENTIAL: I have experts on your question, but I do in fact need a visual to determine, um, legality. Alas, the webmaster is out of commission so you’ll have to send it to me. I can’t post my e-mail address because doing so gives rise to ferocious amounts of Farm Porn. So to speak. If you write to any of the Gen 1 Blog Babies, they can give you the address. Is that insanely roundabout?

  105. Kate Cake — this is Amanda Clouds wedding weekend!!!

  106. THAT’S RIGHT!! Well, we shall have to party hardy here in her honor, since we shan’t be there otherwise.

  107. Haven, thank you for writing this. I know I already said that but I’ve been thinking about it all day. I have grieved, because I know that most people I know are too short-sighted to recognize what you have put forth so plainly.

  108. I’m reading two gorgeous gorgeous poems in the ceremony, and Kat & John are providing music for the Cloudy nuptials. I’m wondering what might keep Baby Augusten quiet — mini-wax? Organic peanut butter? A clamp?

  109. Kate, I’m glad it didn’t turn out to be alienating or too pointed. I’m sorry you’re the only set of eyes on the team.

  110. Giant Lollipop. Sher swears by the kind that are like a huuuuge jawbreaker on a stick.

    Alice stayed quiet through part of your reading by dropping gummy bears and pretzels into a bottle of Sobe Lifewater.

    You should post the poems so we can get a taste of what Ms. Clouds ceremony is like…I’m getting all teary just thinking of it!

  111. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Haven.

    Knew I admired you at ESR…knew I loved your books…even more enamored after this entry.

    Thank you.

  112. Ok, this is what I have been thinking of. From the strictest Judeo-Christian thought process possible, aren’t we to render unto Caesar’s that which is Caeser’s and to God’s that which is God? I know in Germany the state ceremony is conducted completely separately from a religious ceremony.

    How insecure do you have to be to feel that your holy one flesh union is any way compromised by someone else’s union? Did Christians line the streets to protest the union of say, Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee? If not, then can we please give a pass to some of our nearest and dearest who just want to live and love and raise a family according to their bliss?

    To those who say it will open the door to polygamy, incest, pederasty, pedophilia, and bestiality…only one of those is a possibility, because of the fact that marriage is meant to be between consenting adults. I realize that there are exceptions to this rule where parent’s can grant permission for their “children” to get married, but that’s a whole other can of worms. Ultimately, I think it’s grasping at straws.

    I just want to tell any person of “faith,” to please go back and read your bible. Nowhere does it say that we are to be the world’s judge and jury. We are simply called to love.

  113. sometimes I think – what bible are they reading?

    but it is all interpretation and removing isolated phrases from the context as a whole . . . I can’t write right or elucidate . . . i need another sugar cookie.

  114. Sher, don’t you say cookies!!!

    I bought one of those evil 5 quart buckets of crappy Neapolitan ice cream tonight, which is really 1 gallon ice cream and 1 quart air (hey…I doos MATH!) It made for some VERY sticky children.

  115. Christen — were we at ESR together? Are you related to my most beloved John and Ann?

    I find that as the years pass I can remember EVERYONE’S first name from those three seminary years, but we so seldom used last names they’ve floated off into the ether.

    That said, this afternoon Jim Shue called and when I answered the phone I said, “SOCK!” It’s not only NOT his last name, it is nowhere present in his legal moniker.

  116. Before someone leaps in, the reason there’s no religious element to the German marriage ceremony (or wasn’t — I’m sure this has changed considerably) is because of German Nationalism. The State WAS Og.

  117. My friend was married in Germany…15 years ago? And they had a state ceremony. They celebrated their anniversary in America by having a church ceremony.

    It might be a bad example, but I still think it’s a good idea.

  118. Haven, this is one of the most lovely and lucid arguments I have read on this subject.

    It’s creepy-brilliant isn’t it, though–to get people behind banning same-sex marriage, they had to be convinced that something precious was at stake. And voila, the argument that same-sex marriage will in some way diminish, threaten, damage, or eradicate heterosexual marriage. I would be interested to hear a lovely and lucid argument for how exactly that will happen, but I’m afraid I won’t come across it.

    But, not to fear–Miss California’s “protecting marriage,” so I’m sure everything will be fine. Phew.

  119. Also, I realize I made some sweeping statements about the Bible. But my point was that it was written to a specific group of people who had been born into a faith or chosen to belong to it. Whether or not a “Christian” can also be a homosexual is another discussion entirely (and I say, yes. DUH.) but it does bear repeating that any rules in the Bible pertain to humans who have chosen a certain path, and it’s senseless to attempt to impose those rules on the populace.

  120. Yes — sorry, Kate — I didn’t mean to suggest there’s something inherently wrong with a secular service. John and I had one and I wrote it. I could no more be married under the auspices of a religious authority than I could dip myself into a mustard-rabies-dead mice hot tub.

    But if you read the reasoning of the Third Reich, who instituted the practice, I think you’ll feel a chill in your heezy.

  121. You have a point there.

  122. Erin, in all seriousness, do you think loveliness and lucidity are available when one is lying? I think the two are mutually exclusive.

  123. Not sure how or why that posted above your comment, Haven, but I meant it in response to the mutually exclusive part.

  124. Similar to Kate’s point: a common argument against SSM is “Where does it end? People will be allowed to marry their animals next.” How on earth do people make that leap? We’re talking about two adults who want to make a commitment, maybe raise a family and possibly even adopt a lucky child who wouldn’t otherwise have a loving home.

    It’s sad that so much is done in the name of religion. Since I’m Jewish I have friends who truly believe that I will go to Hell. I’m happy to go wherever God saw fit to send my grandma.

  125. Erin, I’m going to set down my bag full of DUH. You were quite clear about how the argument can’t be made. I need more coffee — does coffee have anti-oxidants and all that new stuff, that new fungal stuff?

  126. Thank you so much. Oh, that the world saw it the same. When my partner and I decided to have a commitment service right here in Mississippi, our priest (of the Episcopal kind) wanted to preside. She asked permission of our bishop. She could say prayers, offer the Eucharist, anything but confer a blessing. I went to see him. I asked why the church would bless houses and boats, animals and motorcycles, but not two people who love each other. He had no real answer. So, our priest did the things she was allowed to do. And, lo and behold, a dear friend from college, who happens to be a Baptist minister in another state, came to Mississippi and presided over our service. It was amazing. Of course, our partnership is not a legal one, but perhaps someday … Please keep writing. From one wordsmith to another, you rock. And we need you in our corner.

  127. I’m certain if coffee doesn’t already have antioxidants in it, someone will find a way to artificially add them, along with calcium, vitamin D, and something to make your hair and nails grow long and strong. (Ew, that sounded a little like some of the e-mails that end up in the spam folder. Sorry.)

  128. SO. Haven, because you used the word GAY in your title, this PARTICULAR POST has been blocked for me at school.

    When my brother married his husband in Montreal, I was his best man.

    Amber and I have this argument all the time with people we love dearly, who do not get it. Haven, thank you for articulating it.


    (that bold was for you vanessa. sarah taught me!!)

  129. Coffee has the most antioxidants!

    I’m glad to hear that, because I had a coupon for a free McCafe with the purchase of a sandwich. I rest easy knowing the nutritional value of an Iced Mocha cancels out my Big Mac.

    God, I am weak. But don’t judge me. Yesterday we all had yogurt smoothies with fruit and spinach and freshly ground flaxseed and some weird voodoo fiber powder.

  130. Hmm. The first line sounded accusatory, and I guess it is. But of course, I was trying to direct it at school, not dear Haven.

  131. Dear sweet Haven. Sock is shortened from “Mr. Sock, that’s not logical” which your adolescent mind came up with and found quite the hysterical bon mot (?) Kind of akin to “Crotch” getting her nickname while we all watched “The Blue Lagoon” with the rolling on the beach scene.

    That said, the only thing I can add to the debate that if marriage is a such a sacred matter, then why aren’t marriage license issued by churches? Yeah, exactly.

  132. Leslie, a Baptist minister in Mississippi dared walk where an Episcopalian would not tred?!? The times they have done CHANGE. My daughter was born in Biloxi, and I’ve spent the past twenty years back and forth from New Orleans. John and I had a little pied a terre there for years. I miss it.

    All I can say is you are as married as I am. But then I’m probably considered an enemy of the state. You’re also a writer? Have we met?

  133. Haven, I am emailing it to Sher and will ask her to forward to you, yes?

    –Mary Lou Got Married (snort!)

  134. I thought Peggy Sue Got Married and Mary Lou had a gun in her handbag. Or was that Betty Lou?

  135. Peggy Sue Did Get Married, Sock.

    I am off on the email hook-up . . .

  136. Hello, Mary Lou! Goodbye Heart! Sweet Mary Lou I’m so in love with you!

  137. Kate, GOD, thank you. I asked my band of criminals and misfits what 1950’s song I was trying to remember containing the name Mary Lou, and Obadiah shouted, “Mary Lou, ROCK!”

  138. You know what else? I’m tired of people using “precedent” as an excuse. “If you open marriage up to same-sex, then what about polyamoraty groups? And what about girls who fall in love with their fathers and want to marry them? How can you deny THEM if you’ve given it to those gays?”

    ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!? That’s like saying blacks should never have been given the votes because then….Hispanics might want it too!

  139. I just said to Don “What else have I failed to do that I need to do?”

    He snorted.

  140. i just ordered claire her own CD audio of Zippy and a hardback book of it because – she has absconded with mine. today we were literally fighting over Zippy.

    I have to say her vocabulary is increasing: this week:

    mafia (she still wants to know if you ‘quit’, Haven!)

    mangy (the foster children)

    She also said that her classmates didn’t ‘get’ the chapter about Hair, but that they liked it when she screamed “THEY’RE MY ACTUAL FEET” . . . but they thought Zippy’s feet turned into pink ovals and not blue slippers . . .I actually had to demonstrate how this could be. I am wore out.

  141. Sher, you are HILARIOUS. I cannot wait to meet you and Linda next month.

    Are you wearing the new nightgown?

  142. no – just preparing my toes . . . . donny is sleeping . . . but after the concert Saturday . . . he better be awake!

  143. can you tell I am trying to recapture my state of ‘preparedness’ . . . I told Kate I have been making efforts like actually putting on makeup before going to bed and the like . . . I’m just bored, bored, bored!

  144. Molly, have you read Stephen Millhauser’s “A Visit”? It’s in his collection The Knife Thrower And Other Stories. For my money, he ended that conversation once and for all, and in the most inspired, highly antic, gorgeous, compassionate way.

  145. Molly – that is exactly what happened. The women were denied the vote for years . . . first the black MAN needed the vote . . . they would not pool their resources to include all citizens . . . poor Elizabeth Katy Stanton, they she got buried under the myth of Susan B. Anthony.


    Ok – so here is our ‘by-line’

    Same-sex-marriage is a CONSTITUTIONAL issue, not a religious or moral issue.

    I love one liners!

  146. Sher, tell that sweet Claire baby that every time I think I’m out they puuullll me back in.

  147. Weren’t the slippers a pink oval furry biscuit??

  148. your right . .. . a biscuit . . . definately oval ….

    just playing mahjong….

    but, the pink wasn’t fuzzy, the blue was fuzzy and the pink was the biscuit . . . this discussion went on far too long.

    with claire I mean . . .

    she’ll love to hear about the mafia and she still thinks there was a tail removed at birth

  149. Absolutely brilliant Haven, but I always think you’re absolutely brilliant. I posted a link on facebook, and I’m about to Tweet Rachel Maddow and Ellen. 🙂

  150. I just consulted the sacred ZIPPY text and I do not find a mention of blue slippers.

  151. Oooooo, Dee is about to Tweet Ellen and Rachel!!

  152. what – I thought that the slippers given to haven by Melinda were blue fuzzies . . . i can’t even check because claire is in possession of my copy . . .

    my brain is toasted . . . toasted. I need wine and sugar cookies.

  153. Wait, I TWEET and I don’t even know what that means.

    I tried to call it TWIT but it never caught on. And I was an early adopter.

  154. kate – you could create a “Zippy” Quiz on Facebook . . . we could have levels of ‘fanism’ or something . . .

    I haven’t been facebooking due to stalking, but I’m just saying

  155. I missed a whole slew of comments, I’m way to tired to read them all.

    Exciting news: Leaving Saturday night to take a road trip out to Montana to see my older sister, financed by my younger sister. 🙂 YAY!

  156. the best kind of trip – those financed by others.

    that is how Don and I did Italy . . . thanks Uncle Bob and Aunt Barbara!

  157. Stalking????

    Hahaha…Zippy Quiz…I like it.

  158. Haven:

    I was up in bed trying to sleep, but couldn’t & thought I would come down & take a look at how the conversation ended & it’s still going! Marathon. I don’t feel very good about my comment about “magical underwear” and wanted to apologize.

    That said, I will leave you all to save the world. Good night.

  159. Tara – I liked magical underwear!

  160. It’s a reference to Mormons.

  161. Anyone who has a Facebook go look at the link I posted on my page. I don’t understand the picture that posted with it, i ean where it came from. ????

  162. Scrolling through the comments, it turns out the picture is Molly’s butt. Does Molly have a raccoon tail? gawd i’m tired. lol

  163. Tara, there wasn’t a thing in the world wrong with “magical underwear”! I caught your tone, I’m pretty sure, and I laughed.

    The only rule of this community is if a commenter hurts another of my Blog Babies, they’ll take one between the eyes. You are NOT that kind of person, trust me. We’ve seen them all by now. And even with the worst of our offenders, I generally said, “You have one chance to back that truck up, so don’t blow it.” They always blow it. You seem blessedly civilized.

  164. I am civilized or at least I like to think so. I truly love your writing & am a young writer myself and have always looked up to you. My comment was snide for me & left me uncomfortable.

  165. Dee, it is a LEMUR tail. 🙂

  166. If it’s any consolation I didn’t feel it that way. I’m not sure how to measure the arc of an arrow that missed, but at least no one is bleeding. Please don’t worry about it, at least as far as this group is concerned. If there’s something you need to learn from it, I understand.

    May I ask what you write?

  167. Can I say I LOVE MORMONS??? Seriously. Napoleon Dynamite? Brandon FREAKING Flowers?????

  168. guilt is forcing me to go decorate Lauren’s cake . . . wah!

    will see if you all are still partying later . . .

  169. Kate;

    You are making me laugh. A good, hearty laugh. Thank you.

  170. Right now I’m working on a piece about my great-grandmother. She was married 7 times and was a Ziegfield Follies girl. She was a crazy chick, but full of life. Thanks for being so kind.

  171. Seriously, whenever I read an interview with Brandon Flowers I was like, omg how can a guy be that SEXY and that moral??? MY FAVORITE. AAAAAH!

  172. Tara, yesterday I was FROZEN on the bed in my study for nearly thirty minutes, because I had a structural question about the essay form, and the only person I knew to call was myself.

    Eventually I called Christopher, my agent, who’s brilliant. But WHOA those were a bleak thirty minutes.

  173. Kate, VERY SUBTLE. Cannot see it. I presume that’s an indication of profound hotness.

  174. I must admit, I am not published so there is absolutely no one to call on the Bat phone. I do my best.

  175. Everytime we pass the Mormon church which is just down the street, my husband sings the “dumb dumb dumb” Mormon song that was on the South Park episode. Can’t get it out of my head.

    There are not too many religions that I would disqualify based on mandatory garments, but that Mormon underwear is right up there. Close to a burqa.

    Also could not do the Church of God/Holiness beehive. (I know, not clothing but hairstyle is related). Work with me, people, I have to get up in the morning.

  176. Cannot see the link or the hotness of Brandon Flowers???

  177. For me it’s not the beehive, it’s the teddy bear sweatshirt, scrunchy, and long denim skirt with keds that the girls at the mall are forced to wear.

  178. The underwear is just a representation of promises we make to ourselves & God – to be kind, faithful to our spouses, willing to serve others. I know it must seem odd, but truly the media has done a fabulous job of turning it into something it is not. Just to clarify – I voted for Obama, I was a model in Boston and a ballet dancer. I am not living in a cult, wearing a bonnet & long dresses. But I can understand how it seems odd.

  179. For the record, I don’t care what kind of underwear y’all wear. It can’t be weirder than a thong. Do you guys KNOW how much bacteria those things drag up?

  180. Tara, really — BBs HELP ME HERE — you have no idea how odd this group is. I’m actually in tears, I’m laughing so hard. NOTHING anyone wears seems odd to me. I just told Kate I walked outside yesterday to stop Iorek from eating bamboo, and the yard next door was full of people. I was wearing cowboy pajama bottoms and a tiny gray t-shirt that says DAVIDSON, except the t-shirt was both inside-out and backward. I’ve got no room to judge.

  181. You are a riot.

  182. Molly, back me up. Brandon Flowers. YES?

    I hover between Miss Piggy and Bag Lady in my own personal fashion aesthetic. No judgement ovah heah.

  183. I also have two different t-shirts that say AMISH on the front, in gothic script. When asked, I say, “No, I’m not Amish.” Pause. “I am a Quaker, though.” You can see it every time, that flicker of, “But . . . aren’t they the . . . same?”

  184. At the first annual Blog Baby Rock-n-Roll Tabernacle Gathering, most of us had donned shirts with a taxidermied baby baboon on the front. So.

  185. I’ve decided to just tell everyone that Blade Hollister Taxidermy is a band. It’s just too hard to explain otherwise.

  186. As a design idea for the next t-shirt .. I think Cletus should be *wearing* the bonnet..

  187. Why a baboon? Well, not too long ago I walked into a local bakery with my kids and noticed that all the teenagers were looking at me odd. When I got home, my husband was mowing the lawn and as I passed him he started to holler. Turns out I had a HUGE hole in my pants. I can’t walk into my beloved bakery yet. I’m still trying to work up the courage.

  188. Tara…you have to go back and read the previous entries. In one of them Haven LOST her pants.


  190. Embarrassment makes for a good tale- once you can stop blushing during the telling.

  191. Ooohh. Shiny. 😀

  192. Kate is not being hyperbolic — my pants fell all the way down in the airport in Memphis. Goodbye, pants.

    Kittery, remember the entry where Cletus is dressed as the leader of the massive bodyguard gorilla pod I’m taking with me on my James Frey book tour?

  193. When I told my brother that I had concluded we both would have made great Blade Hollisters? He scoffed.

  194. Tara, and once I walked all over campus in too-tight capris that split up the back and…DA DA DUM…I WAS NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR.

    You are in good company.

  195. The Blade Hollister Twins.

    For some reason I picture you two as those obese twins from the Guinness Book. Riding your motorcycles.

  196. Haven, I thought I remembered something like that, but now I’m starting to think I have some rare hallucinatory form of Alzheimer’s. ‘Cause I went to find it and I couldn’t. :/

    Kate, *you* get a gold star.

  197. My sister’s friend who is–hmm–Eileen, took her kids to the West Hartford Country club pool in the morning and then had to run some errands and pick them up after lunch. When she got home from the pool she took off the wet bikini bottoms and put on a thong, because it was dry, put a wrap skirt on top of that, went on about the errands. Got back to the pool to pick up the kids, took off the tennis skirt to sunbathe by the pool and her 4-year-old looks up at her and screams, MOM! WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS?

    I think it was a good while before uh–Eileen felt she could go back to the Club.

  198. Country Clubs are just begging for those kind of shenanigans, Eileen.

  199. Kittery, let me look. If not I have all the photographs — they are ART, if I do say so.

  200. Kittery, it’s riiiight at the beginning.

  201. It’s in May, called “Straight Outta Compton.”

  202. I was just totally writing for my own amusement in those days.

  203. Everyone just needs to go back and re-read them…when I found this blog I was HOWLING with laughter, also slightly dazed. And when I read them now they are even funnier.

  204. One afternoon my dear Block Captain saw me wedging Cletus in the fork of a tree in order to photograph him, and BC just waved.

  205. Did you see where the BBs wished you a Happy Blog-i-versary???

  206. Thankee Haven and Kate; I went back and read it.
    :: happy sigh ::

  207. Goodnight, Loved Ones… *muah

  208. Goodnight, Kittery! Sweet dreams.

    No, I missed my anniversary! Where was I?

  209. It was a post or two back…we realized we missed it! Linda said I was the first commenter but I’m not sure that’s entirely accurate but hey, I’ll TAKE IT.

  210. Ok, the truth is I noted the blog anniversary prior to the Durham trip, but then I promptly forgot it because I thought we had celebrated early . . . and I didn’t get officially in the Blog Baby Gene Pool until August, and I do believe I have officially contaminated it . . . how many malformed heads do we have now????

    It is so delightfully mutant.

  211. note: I just decorated a chocolate, chocolate cake with Backyardigans decorations for a 15 year-old, THRILLER dancing daughter. I am vacillating between humor and horror.

    Um, humor wins.

  212. Sher, I do believe I am your parasitic twin. Or you are mine. Whatever.

  213. yep. and my favorite museum is the Mutter Museum in Philly – all sorts of mutants there.

  214. See, Sher, I love how you string all those non sequiturs together and still they make sense!

  215. When I was Lauren’s age I wore baby barrettes in my hair and I wore a child’s clear plastic backpack covered in daisies. It was VERY hip to be childish. Sounds like not much has changed.

  216. Just the name “mutter museum’ cracks me up.


    what did you say?


  217. carrie – darling! How are you???!!!!

  218. I am so very fine, your Sherness! — Did Lauren learn the whole dance?

  219. I have no leg to stand on – I sleep in Holly Hobbie sheets AND want a Holly Hobbie Birthday Cake this year . . .

  220. I adore the Mutter Museum, GAH.

    A commenter on Jezebel a few days ago reported she’d discovered a painful zit on her arm and couldn’t quit picking at it. Eventually she pulled out a tooth, which her doctor told her was an absorbed twin. The commenter felt some sibling guilt and tried to find the rest of her brother or sister but so far nothing.

  221. Hair. She should look for unexplained hair.

  222. Oh jeeeeesus, Haven, I have always wanted to find my parasitic twin . . . and, ta da, you were all hang out here – we are actually parasitic octuplets of Angelina Jolie

  223. The Mutter Museum is my idea of HEAVEN.

    Oh my God…if that happened to me?? I’m afraid I’d be succombbing to a feeling slightly akin to bliss. Is that wrong?

  224. ….
    in never had sex with my father (brad pitt)
    but I would have if I could have.


  225. WELL, Miss Carrie. A neighbor of mine — ten years ago or so — had a tumor removed and oh yes you guessed it. Hair, teeth, fingernails. I begged her to let me have it so I could name it LIL YAPPER.

  226. i have a particular DNA anomaly in my family . . . in the males, they have 2 additional ‘nipple’ like colorations about 3 inches below their actual nipples . . . not puffy and hard, but the coloration and it is exactly equal.

  227. Did you have to settle for the epitaph?

  228. do you know that my conversations with have gotten so much more interesting since the blog? He actually asks and looks forward to our ‘review’ of our topics from the night before?

    And when he calls at lunch, he ASKS how you all are doing!

  229. Haven, did I tell you I made my doctor put my ear puss in a tube so I could show it off?

    I would SO beg for a parasitic twin, but people are NO FUN.

  230. Sher, I think I just had a little strokelet from laughing.

  231. I always wonder about those “tumors.” Are the hair/teeth and/or fingernails in any particular … order?

  232. ok – next BB Bash – my house or the Mutter Museum. Note – my studio has some mutter-like objects.

    Whoa – we could all bring stuff and then make our own mutants in the studio . . . honky donkey that sounds fun!

  233. Carrie, I’m going to make a gravestone for the LIL YAPPER in the next few days. I’ll do it during Crafts but before Nap.

  234. Kate, you are just going to have to settle for your sunburn peelings in a vial around your neck.

  235. I am a big fan of any medical mystery/gross out show . . .

    born without a face

    the TREE man for god’s sake! My particular favorite!

  236. Are the hair/teeth/fingernails in ORDER? Carrie, that would make them MUPPETS.

  237. I like the Mutter, then your studio. I’ll bring my own hair. And teeth. And fingernails.


    If you use the liquid wart remover on your calluses, it turns them white and THEN YOU GET TO PEEL THEM OFF!!!

    I did this for weeks afterwards and my feet feel like a new born babies, I swan!

  239. Muppets! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

  240. I always come here for my beauty tips.

  241. I’ve seen the Mutter but I’ve never been to Sher’s. I want to spend a few hours in the heated indoor fur hammock, then head down to the basement to bowl a few games. Donnie can give us all B-12 shots, and in the evening we can put on a SHOW! After that, though, I plan to get serious about my art.

  242. My friend Jill was the tree man for Halloween. I don’t think I have EVER been so happy to see a person.

    SHER…when we get together let’s do the wart thing! YIPPPPPEEEEEEE!

  243. Fabulous plan!!!!

    Just tell me when . . . kate and hugh are here next Thursday . . .

  244. In many metropolitan areas, that agenda IS art.

  245. Hum, ‘workshop’ is in order . . . ‘art retreat’ . . . creativity rodeo? we’ll give certificates to those need permission slips from work!

  246. we could make an ARTUMENTARY out of it . . .

  247. maureen is voted as the film editor – she is getting good!

  248. I had a small wart on my thumb, right at the edge of my fingernail — this was when I was about ten. I studied on it a while, sitting on the edge of the front porch, then I took out my pocket knife and surgically removed it. My dad was impressed, in part because of the blood loss.

  249. Wouldn’t that require circumspect behavior? That is BEYOND ME.

  250. Were you able to work the pale and fragile look the blood loss gave you for at least a day?

  251. Oh – me too on the wart story.

    I had a huge growth like a horn on my right, big toe . . . it was mountainous. I dug in through the middle which appeared to have a crater . . . I loosened the edges . . . wouldn’t come off and we didn’t go to the doctor for that kind of stuff . . .

    finally (and I was 12) I fell off the loading dock of my step-dad’s TV Shop, because he had moved the stairs . . . we had the dryer in the shop and the washer in the falling down mobile, so we had to shuttle the clothes back and forth . . .

    anyways – I fell about 6 ft down onto gravel and limped in the house dragging blood through the snow . . .

    all it was was that my wart thing had fallen off in the fall.

    I was very happy.

    until I also realized a few days later I had broken my arm, too

  252. Back it up. Without so much as a local anesthesia? Or a sterile field? Your escapades with knives continue to awe.

  253. I had a wart on my foot. I did what the doctor wanted, which was burn it off with acid and soak and exfoliate. Eventually, there was a huge ring of dead skin around it. I started cutting it with scissors until there was just a WART stump. I then cut the whole thing off. In my doctor’s words “Well, that cleared up fast.” I didn’t tell him. I was 12.

  254. Would the . . . which part? Require circumspect behavior? Was that on our vocabulary sheet?

    I want a really good digital camera with a tilt lens so I can take the stills of our dioramas and shadowboxes. Civil War re-enactment is always highly aesthetic, and with a tilt lens I could make everyone look like little dolls.

  255. one time my brother bit into a snickers bar and it had maggots inside!

  256. Sher wins.

  257. The Artumentary. Requires circumspect behavior. I canna do it.

  258. My grandma brought brownies to my house that had a maggot or two in it.

  259. H – order some old lens from ebay . . . old magnigying, eye glasses, etc. . . . shoot the images through that for some cool effects.

  260. Sterile? Carrie, it’s ME, it’s me, Haven. You remember.

    Here’s the interesting part of that story: I cut all around the wart, pulled it out, no big deal. But for years after I had a recurring nightmare of attempting the same thing, except when I pulled, the wart was connected to a root that ran all the way through my body. The feeling of the root being pulled upon was GHASTLY.

  261. Can we make one of those camera’s out of oatmeal boxes?

  262. the gross out contest or the wart story . . .

    lauren once tied her tooth to a door with the cat leash and had Dylan slam the door . . . the tooth was not loose before this behavior . . . for the longest time we thought she would be a dentist.

  263. Haven – yes!!!!! the root connect thing – and my toe area is still slightly numb where the wart came off . . . I just think something had to be severed somewhere

  264. Sher, your wart story seems like a lot of trouble to remove a wart. Sort of like blowing up an atoll because you saw a spider.

  265. Are we in agreement about the definition of circumspect behavior? Would I know it if I saw it, for instance?

    Carrie, the artumentary is about YOU, it’s about freeing your inner . . . that one part that insists all the other parts suffer humiliation. We’ll call it STUJOOBITS!

  266. (I worry, you know.)

  267. you’re right Carrie . . . but I didn’t fall to REMOVE the wart . . . it was a gift that happened because of the fall. I’m sure there would have been better ways, but that would have involved some attention from a parental unit . . .

    now, kate you must tell your story about your fangs, because this is very similar. Our deformities were dismissed!

  268. Only if you know who you were looking at, and why they weren’t drinking limonade out of their doc martens.

  269. Sher’s vision is very expansive, Carrie — she’s not the type to silently cut out her wart on a rotting front porch in Mooreland, then go look for dead woodpeckers. I love a woman who can dislodge a wart and break her arm at the same time.

    You all seem to have missed the important part of the sentence, about how I want a really good new digital camera and a tilt lens part, not the area of interesting images produced by ingenuity and actual talent. That’s for suckers.

  270. STUJOOBITS, the Artumentary.

    Participants: Haven “The Blade” Hollister, Sher “The Lance” Fickle, Kate “The Cake” McKinney, Carrie “The Lava” -not sure if you want your last name on blog], Jim “The Sockmonkey”, Barnacless Nora, Girl “Gigi” from the Ghetto, Molly “The Lighting Bug”, oh, my it goes on and on . . .

    edited by Maureen “St Mo” Herder

    crap I am so hungry I could die

  271. It is, it is expansive — oh Sher, I did not mean to dismiss your deformity! It was an exciting story with a blockbuster ending.

  272. Limonade out of my Doc Martens sounds like a bootful of RIGHT.

  273. Sher, this happens in my kindergarten all the time. We’re doing great, everything’s all Basquiat before we knew better, and suddenly everyone is so hungry they start eating paste and chalkboard erasers.

    I wonder if there will be ear-removal via the sword at Sher’s. Sher, how close is the nearest brothel?

  274. Does it have to be digital? Freecycle’s full of the analog versions.

  275. Dunnit just?

  276. i believe a really good digital camera and tilt lens would be considered marketing expenses for your career . . . so get it ordered!

    i got a digital 12mp Canon EOS with super zoom on ebay for $700 LAST year, they are dropping in price . . .

  277. must be digital!!!

  278. I’m gonna be a MOVIE STAAAAR!

  279. no idea about brothels . . . although when I visit Don . . . 😉

    eh hem, what?

    just ate some string cheese and some more of the left over GIANT Hello Kitty cookies I made for Mother’s Day . . . I iced them with colored CHOCOLATE candies . . . they are evil and heaven in the same bite. I am determined to eat them all TONIGHT so that the temptation is gone.

  280. Is an analog camera the same as vinyl? Because I have super-intense bionic hearing capabilities and I do. not. miss. the records.

  281. in the old days of pot, hypnosis and channeling my spirit guides . . . my friend and I once ate a whole lemon meringue pie with our hands

  282. They’re Gonna Put me in the MOVIES!
    They’re Gonna Make a Big Star Outta Me!
    They’ll make a film about girl who cuts her warts off!
    And all I gotta do is…act naturally!

  283. I kept Abbey Road and tossed the rest. Miserable scratchy impossible things. (I miss the size of the artboard, tho.)

  284. in your Lucy Ricardo clothes and heels, of course!

  285. perhaps I will wear one of my Betsey Johnson outfits under my art smock . . . with my cowboy boot slippers

  286. I miss vinyl records. Pops, hisses and all.

  287. Kate has lucy shoes?

  288. also – I noticed that one boob is hanging slightly lower than the other, this is very annoying to me, can I loose weight in just one breast? If I do my junior high chest muscle exercises and only do 1 side? hum?

  289. I used to have an entire Lucy=esque wardrobe.

  290. the last vinyl record I bought –


    yes, the larger format is very MISSED . . . it is hard to practice my kissing on such a tiny CD fold out . . . not that I was practicing on Kate Bush, but John Cougar? Sean Cassidy? And, the ultimate – Andy Gibb!!!

  291. That’s why I had a huge poster of Joey McIntyre and Nelson in my room. MAKE OUT TIME!

  292. I just ate 3 more sugar cookies, but they were smaller – 2 very hungry caterpillars and 1 Elmer Elephant

  293. I am thoroughly bereft of iced baked goods, and I fear someone will pay.

    I’m practicing “Watch Closely Now” from A Star Is Born. I might be able to pull off both Barbra and Kris — certainly I have enough hair.

  294. Carrie said “blockbuster ending.” That was worth living for.

  295. Elmer Elephant? From…The Silly Symphony?

  296. Oh I think “STUJOOBITS ’09” has it.

    I’m still waiting for Kate’s “fang story.”

  297. Kate — there is a fang story. It must be told.

    In an earlier draft I tried AMERICAN STUJOOBITS X.

  298. kate – I probably have your fang story somewhere in my email?????

  299. but it is Kate’s story to tell, not mine

  300. Sher…which fang story?

  301. “Fang” was the nickname my parents gave me when I was a kid. Two sticky-out canines. I was a beauty.

  302. There’s more than one??!!!

  303. I had many issues with my canines.

  304. The way you all glossed over “Watch Closely Now” makes me think you might not be real homosexual men. I know no one knows the truth on the internet, but some things are a dead giveaway.

  305. AMERICAN STUJOOBITS X has an understated elegance about it. If we’re voting.

  306. Um, I guess it could be the lack of fang(s)????? you know Chapter 1 of the memoir???

  307. Is there an infinite number of issues one can have with the canine teeth?

  308. I knew that was a test.

  309. Carrie, I agree. AS-X has gravitas, it’s more than just entertainment.

  310. H – I got it, but this me – didn’t even THINK about any type of homosexual connection . . . that part/thing always flies right over my head

  311. There’ll be Helpful Tips! at the back of my new memoir, My Life As A Gay Man.

  312. Any chance of an abridged version for a coming post? I need to learn protocol, quick.

  313. I’m sorry, I only know about the Star is Born Mad Parody.

  314. Geesh, I wish we could have had tips in Iodine . . .I actually bought a fresh copy for which to begin the index . . .

    I am being completely serious. I want to know. before. i. die.

  315. two men could be entwined in front of me and I would have NO GAY-DAR arise, I’d just think, they are having a nice time . . .

  316. Short version:

    My canine teeth never descended so I had baby teeth, and my adult canines were lodged in the roof of my mouth, and I had to have oral surgery and braces. And when they finally were in place, two years later, VOILA! They were BACKWARDS. And they still are.

  317. Ow! Poor Kate.

  318. My gay-dar got very confused once by a very cute boy in wonderful doc maartens sitting closely by another cute, well-dressed boy. I became convinced my crush was gay. Not so. They were best friends, sitting closely because it was a loud bar. Both very hetero, but not for me, alas. But my crush later dated one of my best friends for three years.

  319. Shoot, my backwards canines are BITCHIN.

  320. The gay man thing flies right over your head — I wonder what THAT would feel like. I can’t go more than three or four hours without them, I get hives and start seeing Dick Cheney in my taxidermy. I couldn’t live in a world without the gays, and I prefer there be thousands of them and only a couple of me.

  321. kate – that was the most non-tear jerker version of that story . . . we want drama and embellishment . . . tell them what your mother said when you tried to tell her you still had baby teeth?

  322. Poor Kate NUTHIN — that is some Satan going on right there. And IMPRESSIVELY.

  323. She didn’t believe me.

  324. Haven, have you read this thing? I sent it to you. I want to tell it to the blog but I don’t want nobody stealing my life’s work.

  325. Naw, I meant the oral surgery. It hurts to read the words.

  326. Oh, no – I mean I LOVE Gays – but I don’t think about them BEING gay!

    They are just awesome people . . . but I also don’t think about people being male or female . . . or whatever color they happen to be . . .

    I’ve had the most fun at gay bars . . . with gays . . . but I think they are so awesome because they have had to fight to be what they were born as/to be . . . like me, so there is instant affinity, but I don’t have this thing in my head that thinks about whether or not they are gay when I meet them?

  327. Wait! Here’s a link!

  328. I recently told someone she was unable to conceal her seventeen rows of teeth.

  329. I can tell you what it feels like, Haven — the east side of Seattle after living in New York. About three quarters of the wit and most of the fabulous goes missing.

  330. Was she an attorney?

  331. I’ve worked on it since then…it’s a rough draft…and it’s no singular essay. It was the catalyst for the worst 2 years of my life.

    Haven, that story is no good without PICTURES.

  332. I once fell in love with a person that happened to be in a woman’s body, but I never expressed my love.

    But, I fell in love with her, not her body, and I never really wanted to do anything, but I could imagine living my life with her forever, every day.

    But to live without some chemistry, that hooha only has ever happened with men/for men.

    plus I think lots more people are bi-curious than they say. then they are forced to choose sides, which really isn’t fair, is it?

    Lots of animals are bi.

  333. Well, I see what you’re saying there, Ma Cher. However, people are people but gay men are not — they are far more valuable than the rest of our species. Think about it: they are MEN and they DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU. Right? Heavenly. When my New Orleans loves want to try on all my clothes I just go right ahead and take them all off, who cares, and also DAMN they can mix a cocktail.

  334. Carrie, the last time I was in Seattle I was walking down the street and thought, “Yep. Yep, sure would kill myself if I lived here.” Not being judgey of the place, just — yep. Dead.

  335. Oh, this is SO true! That is why it is so much fun to flirt with gay men! No danger.

    Straight men don’t really understand it.

    Also, when other women’s husbands start playing with my hair at parties? I just don’t know what to do. But if a gay did it, or a woman, I would just be – OK!

    I get it . . . I am just oblivious to the label, I guess – but the benefits! Oh yeah!

  336. seattle? you mean the rain????

  337. Carrie, I just saw, “Was she an attorney?” HAHAHA! No. But still, HAHAHA!

  338. No law you can’t use it twice, hmm?

  339. No, it’s not just the rain. There’s A LOT going on in that city, a stunning amount. I sort of get a sense that much of it is Under.

  340. The rain is enough for me. All that, and no thunderstorms???

  341. Having children – I am so aware of wanting to protect who they are going to become.

    for instance, is this good or bad?

    If I had been protected, I wouldn’t be who I am . . . so was that all meant to be and is it for the best?

    Not that I protect them from experiences and decision making, but from abuse as much as I can.

    Also, what would I be if I had been nurtured creatively?

    So all this is in my mind as I am watching my very “zippyish’ Claire and as Lauren turns 15 (and my god the things I had done and had been done to me by that age) . . . gads.

  342. NO thunderstorms. Or very few, and never sustained or spectacular like they are in the east or midwest. Really really bland weather. But then: no hurricanes, no tornadoes. Pays off eventually.

  343. And, oh? I knew you didn’t mean the rain. Not judgey, just the facts, ma’am.

  344. I can’t live without thunderstorms. They feed my soul.

  345. Carrie, I feel like we’re having an entirely silent conversation, not even any semaphore or weird facial expressions. I hear you, you hear me.

  346. I used to play at this club, and the bartender, an urbane and worldly sweetheart of a guy (my first gay crush) responded to my request for “something different” with, “I know. There’s this elegant restaurant on Lake Pontchartrain in New Orleans we were having cocktails at, window-side, with the french doors wide open to the night. There was a monster thunderstorm on the other side of the lake, slowly making its way across, with these surreal bolts of lightening walking across the lake. We were drinking Pimm’s Cups.”

    I can’t drink a Pimm’s Cup without thinking of the image he conjured.

  347. I wrote something about that dilemma, Sher, but I can’t remember what it was. The thesis was that by protecting our children from the threat of novelty, we deny them the richer aspects of their own narrative. I won’t stop doing it, however, because narrative shmarrative.

    Kate, I just tried to read the first paragraph of that teeth every which-a-way essay and it scared me so much I had to close it.

  348. Hmm. Is that a compliment??

  349. Haven, you take the empathic to Olympic levels. That’s what that is.

  350. And also, you miss NOTHING.

  351. Carrie, you can sit in the courtyard of the house built for Napoleon, a precise replica of his native home, and drink Pimm’s Cups until the darkest facts about life lose all power. Then you can eat the cucumber slices, because in New Orleans there are no rules. I’ve never been more at home anywhere, ever.

  352. my girls’ birthdays always bring up this type of pondering.

    but I’m glad Lauren still only has whether or not she gets texting for her birthday


    that Claire . . . well, she is still pure in all ways, I still don’t and will never understand how someone could damage that

    probably I should try to go to bed . . . I was praying for rain to come today so I wouldn’t have to do the Mom thing tomorrow for field day.

    no rain yet.

  353. My excuse for not attending field trips is written INSIDE, Sher. Try that. INSIDE.

    C., Henry James said it best: A writer is a person on whom nothing is lost. Of course I would treasure that description, because it grants value to what would otherwise be a useless superpower.

  354. I play that card as I often as I might . . . this end of the school year crap . . . my ‘I will do every 3rd or 4th thing’ – it is all out of hand during ‘ we have two more weeks of school, but damned if we are going to teach you anything ‘ – let’s harrass your moms on a daily basis so that they can feel like pieces of shit, let us brain wash you that it is IMPORTANT for you to bring in every 99 cent item from the Dollar Tree . . .

    I think next year I will write a monthly check for 20 dollars to some mother who has nothing else to do and let her do it . . .

  355. Useless? Not in poker. There’s your value right there.

    I’ve loved this about you from the start, this nothing-is-lostness. It raises the bar ge-o-metrically for those of us observing. Awareness is my foundation for that rich and ecstatic dailiness and the gratitude attendant.

  356. I’ve read your description of the lightning on Lake Pontchartrain ten times now. It’s just suffused with time.

  357. my popsicle passing out ass is going to bed.

    the freaking birds are already chirping, those cheeping bastards

  358. lovely party girls!

    nighty night!

  359. His description, you can imagine, was far more eloquent. He was spectacularly unique, an iconoclast, on whom nothing was lost. I loved that man, loved him.

  360. John and I were up at an unholy hour a couple weeks ago, with sick Baby G., and at one point I turned to him and said, “What is IN IT for that bird?”

  361. Night, cher Sher!

  362. amen.

  363. Procreation! Community! The opportunity to annoy those higher up on the food chain!

  364. Actually, I adore birdsong. This is likely why I’ve structured my life so I can see dawn at the end of my day more often than at the beginning.

  365. Night Sher! Thank you for the lovely night.

  366. epiphany with your ‘unholy hour’ phrase.

    i get to be in control of those unholy hours if I am awake. on alert.

  367. When Kat was five she looked up and said, “Oh look, all the birds are having a meeting!”

    Sher, THAT’S an interesting thing to say.

  368. i am giving up the ghost tonight . . . this morning . . . whatever . . . tomorrow is a day of conformity to the rest of the world . . . dang it.

    i’m working on that though . . . hope to be free of other’s clocks this time next year!


  369. Carrie, is the Lightning Man still there, in New Orleans? All the others are.

  370. Goodnight Sher!!!

  371. Look at what showed up on DIGG!

  372. This was actually in Seattle, some 25 years ago, and then I saw him maybe five years after, managing a restaurant on Capital Hill, here. He’d lived in New Orleans, for a relationship, and moved here subsequently. The way he talked about NOLA, I couldn’t understand why he left it. I wish I’d kept touch with him. You think everyone you meet, when you’re in your 20s, is singular (and are not always impressed when impression is what’s needed). Turns out, not everyone is. Not so much.

  373. The curious thing is that Seattle and New Orleans are irreconcilable, in an internal geography. It’s almost as if they’re both Romance languages but don’t share a single cognate.

  374. Kate, I foolhardedly clicked that link and now my spinal cord has wound itself up like a Slinky.

  375. I’ve never been to New Orleans. It literally grieves me that I didn’t go before Katrina. I’ll still go, but want to go for the jazz festival, and that’s better with two, and jazz is, as you may know, not a growth industry. Someday. — So I can’t say I understand your description, but having read it, I know something of what to expect.

  376. Carrie, go with me. My friend Dean, who was lived there nearly 25 years, says he loves it when I’m in town because he meets so many interesting people, almost as if he lived there. The first time I took Beth she said, “Twenty-four hours and you’ll know every person in this city.” I pshawed. “I don’t need that long.”

  377. I am there! I think we both approach newness the same way. — Have you been to the J&H Fest before?

  378. I have sure been to JazzFest — it’s a requirement. I’m pretty certain I laughed harder there than at any other time in my life. It’s a safe bet — right in the middle of Emmylou Harris’s set, when my friend Leslie’s chair folded up with her inside it. I lost all muscle control, ceased breathing, couldn’t help her. I wouldn’t have, of course, because it was a moment of unparalleled beauty. Periodically she’d say, “Do you see any way for me to get out of this?” And I’d collapse farther, weeping. “Think you could, you know?” Ow, ow, I’m in pain just typing it out.

  379. I want to go to NOLA. Yes I do.

  380. Hand to Og, this truly happened: one evening in New Orleans I got locked inside my courtyard — the lock on the gate was new, and had sprung an essential thing. I was trying to turn my key without harming the lock when I heard a voice say, “You trying to get in or out?” I told him there was mathematically no difference. Then the gate opened, and this gigantic shambolic man handed me his card with a bow. “At your service, locksmith and bail bondsman.” The whole event lasted about two minutes.

  381. For some reason, that reminds me of the time when I was sitting in a friend’s living room, and he wanted to put on Jimi Hendrix, and I said, oh, but I’m so enjoying the quiet. Right then, I put my stemmed crystal down and missed the mark. It made the most delightfully tinkly sound breaking into a billion shards. He laughed till he cried. Wedding crystal. He was separated.

  382. I know what you mean about newness, C. I let it lead at all times, just dance me in the direction you want to go, Novelty.

  383. Yup. Serendipitous Novelty. I knew you were Like That.

  384. You two and your imaginary trip…I’m happy just to watch.

  385. Carrie AUUUUUGGGHHHH!!!! That’s flawless.

  386. I, of course, was mortified. He begged, BEGGED ME not to ask him to not repeat it, that it was too good a story not to repeat. A month or so later, he felt moved to remind me of the story. When he finished, I said, you have told HUNDREDS of people that story, haven’t you!! He had the grace to look sheepish. He was right, of course, and he told it really well. How could I not snort.

  387. When I lived in Biloxi, the baby Kat and I made the trip home to Indiana and stayed with Mom. I left a thank you note inscribed with a line from Vonnegut: Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God. For 15 years it hung above her desk.

    I’d say it differently now, something more along the lines of how the acceptance of peculiar travel suggestions is a road directly into radiance, the fully realized potential of apprehendable reality. You know what I mean, I’m sure — the saturation of being itself. If I had to live a different way . . . well. I wouldn’t.

  388. Locksmith and BAIL BONDSMAN?? HAHAHA!!!

  389. YES!! Exactly, perfectly so! (Now on two postits, on my monitor.)

  390. But Katecake, it’s real! It’s really real!

  391. If I’d broken that glass I might have the story tattooed on my body.

    Yes, locksmith AND bail bondsman. He just appeared out of nowhere — that happens to me every place I go, all over the city. Was I trying to get in, or out? Good question.

    I’ll skip the details, but this also happened: I pushed past Trent Reznor’s bodyguard to talk to Reznor about contemporary poetry, and as soon as I was past the hulking guy I smiled and said, “You’re a terrible bodyguard.”

  392. I think it might just be a lack of resistance that allows flow to reach you.

  393. He probably quit that night. (But then, everyone should know when they are in their right place, occupationally speaking, shouldn’t they?)

  394. I was considering the idea of a lack of resistance, which seems entirely accurate on the surface. It’s true right up until I’m writing, and then I’m like two opposing magnetic poles in one cowboy suit.

    The bodyguard really needed to give his vocation a rethink. It’s not just about bulk, people — it’s about an impenetrable force field. Also I’d had turtle soup for dinner, was wearing a biker jacket, had lost my shoes. On the whole I couldn’t have been more suited to the conversation I had.

  395. I’d pay good money to see both the poles in the suit AND to have heard that conversation.

  396. Actually, I’d really have liked to have been behind you and seen the realization dawn in the bodyguard’s face.

  397. For poles they provide little in the way of support. At least once a day I tip over sideways, thinking, “Who would DO this? What kind of job IS THIS?” Olympic Curling Champions probably face the same crises.

    I wish I’d heard that conversation, too. No, I remember it, I think. There WERE witnesses, I’m pretty sure. He was very gracious, a nice man. Of course I’m also convinced that I’d love Marilyn Manson — he’d be my lone straight dude friend. We’d collect alarming artifacts and hop around like pogo sticks to odd music. Then trade lipsticks.

  398. I never say bitchy things like that (to strangers, I mean, DUH), and in fact there was no bitchiness in it — Reznor tipped his head back and laughed HARD. I said it more like, “That color is smashing on you.”

  399. Oh, I didn’t think it sounded bitchy. I meant I would have liked to have witnessed his realization that you were RIGHT.

  400. Sadly, I have packages to ready for the P.O. tomorrow a.m. and a morning phone meeting, so I must away. Are the birds singing yet?

    Sleep sweet, Haven dear Haven.

  401. The bodyguard would have been great as the man who carries very petite cocktail waitress through the crush of fratboys during Mardi Gras, at some place on Bourbon Street.

    Now THAT was pretty bitchy. But an important job!

  402. The birds have been rioting for hours here — they have no watches, apparently. Have a lovely day, Miss Carrie.

    I’m working on what we talked about . . . night before last. I’m re-writing the beginning, then off to you.


  403. And apparently an utter lack of propriety, too. — Thank you Haven — and twice that, back at you. xoxox C

  404. I wanted to clarify that Brandon Flowers is indeed hot. And the man can sing like nobody’s business.

    Haven–pretty sure I sent you an awesome song he wrote a while back…

    Kate–I loved the Mis Piggy line.

  405. Molly, did you send it to me with your mind, or through that string connecting our two soup cans? If you left it on my desk somewhere I might never know the loveliness of this man Flowers.

  406. HAHAHA!

    I sent it to you using the power of my mind via email. 🙂

  407. Here’s the video link to the Killers’ video. Sarah and I agree that somehow, even with the moustache, Brandon is still great…

    And actually, the mp3 I sent you was of a cover of this song. It’s fabulous. 🙂

  408. Where’s my best pre-school friend Maureen?

  409. Did I receive this mp3 of which you speak? I don’t think so. It’s hard to tell as music no longer has mass, but I’m forgetting of this, and once again the video is just a tease.

  410. hmm. Do you have my email address? You simply must here this song. Sarah (who is wonderful) turned me on to this band and I must share. If you use the gmail address you have for me, I will reply with the song AND the link.

  411. HANG ON. I’m going over to the mail screen.

  412. OH my gosh. The man who does the cover I like so much?!? Well, he does a cover of our beloved Leo Cohen’s Hallelujah. This man can sing.

  413. I’m hanging on tight. Cup of tea in one hand, getting dressed with the other.

  414. Molly, I’m now pretty sure I wrote to someone LIKE you, but only in the way of first names. Because you should have gotten my note 15 minutes ago.

    I wonder who that person is, the one I wrote to? Will we be friends?

  415. i am so late to this discussion as my GPA is ailing and we have been with him around the clock for the last 2 days. he is 89, has dementia and his body is basically shutting down. i know 89 is a VERY long life and he has definitely lived it to the fullest, but it is still so hard. i grew up 2 towns away from my grandparents and after my mom’s divorce especially, they were our rocks. he taught me so much. but watching a person’s mind slowly go is SO painful. it was like something kicked in right after my GMA passed. so i am sad.

    but on the gay marriage issue, i am MAD. it seems painfully obvious and haven, you wrote so well about it. that being said, i am infuriated. people are people and who they love can’t be legislated and should not be. “EQUAL RIGHTS” have become ironic, as they are “equal”, but only to whom the gov’t decides should get them. and my personal favorite WTF rant:

    well put, miss haven. all of this bullshit that DISCRIMINATES is outrageous. i am ashamed of this country and i know (thought, expected?) the US to do better. as you pointed out, we have been down this road many times in our history. i guess it does repeat itself. the “land of opportunity” should grant that same opportunity to everyone. that’s it. thanks for the post, for the honesty and for telling it like it is (but should NOT be)

  416. and for good golly miss molly: YOU ARE NOT WEAK (from the last post). as i said over there, i will say again: feelings are real and nobody should ever tell anyone else how to feel. if sending the response to that woman made you feel better, then that is the goal. i am mostly sorry she has the audacity to think you want to have contact with her. you are a good egg, and the anger/pain/frustration of this whole thing will pass, i promise. time is what it takes. please know that you are a strong, independent woman who really will live a better life having been “taught” all these unwelcome lessons. xoxo, steph

  417. Hi Molly –
    Sorry I missed Pre-School! I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad morning. Tasmanian to say the least. Argh ….. I will share with you later the school-related part because you will SO get it. Right now I have to scramble a lesson plan together…

  418. Mo, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day is one of my all time favorites. great book, for kids and adults alike 🙂

  419. Hi Steph –
    Hey, how close are you to the Northwest Corner of Connecticut, as in Salisbury?

  420. Good morning. Emma has her very last high school test of her life this morning- her second year of AP Latin – so I get to lounge a bit this morning before driving her in at 9:00. I feel like a queen.

    So, I just read the 3,987 comments that appeared over night. All I can say is:

    1. I have never been to New Orleans either
    2. I have never been to Seattle.
    3. I want to fly to Seattle to meet Carrie and then have Carrie fly with me down to NOLA to meet up with Haven at the fabulous B&B and live some damn life for a change!

  421. good morning maureen! i live in southern CT. grew up in clinton, which is a coastal town about equidistant between new london and new haven. i went to high school in new haven and it took about 30 mins to get there. i now live in killingworth which is one town inland from clinton. CT is small though–you can get anywhere in 2 hrs or less. what is your salisbury connection?

  422. Haven,

    You asked if we’d met. We have not. My sister, Beth, who visits your blog often, and I are large fans of your writing and YOU. I am not a wordsmith of your caliber. I am a lowly newspaper woman in Mississippi. Tupelo, to be exact. The birthplace of the king. Of rock and roll, that is. I’m the features editor and write a weekly column that’s published each Sunday. Been writing a column nearly 20 years now.
    In my first career, just out of college, I taught English to junior high kids in Biloxi. Lived on Front Beach in Ocean Springs in a cottage behind a fabulous house that met its fate during Katrina.
    Had no idea you once lived in Biloxi. And yes, a Baptist preacher did what an Episcopal priest was willing, but not allowed to do. He’s actually a Baptist preacher in Texas these days, but Baptist nonetheless.
    I am planning on sending your words on same-sex marriage to everyone I know.

  423. Leslie- being a writer for a newspaper in Tupelo is NOT lowly! It is fabulous.

  424. The birds woke Claire up right after I attempted to go to bed . . . she bounced off the walls while I dozed.

    I have struck a deal that i will attend only the 2nd half of field day . . .

    See, if I made the family’s living wage with my art, I would get the ‘get of jail’ free card. but unfortunately my deal is that I get a home studio and have to make, at the very least, overtures of being the offspring chauffeur, documentarian, cook, slave, etc.

    I’m waiting for the day I make the more money and Don can quit and be my do-pher, as opposed to gopher – I need a do-pher, If you do-pher me I will do-pher you.

    delirous . . . will try to nap and spare you the sticky parts.

  425. Good morning my dear Sher!

  426. Steph, I’m sorry about your grandpa. Doesn’t matter how old he is — loss is loss. If my grandmother were alive now (and very old) I’d still mourn her death. I never had a grandfather, not on either side of my family, so it’s a relationship I’ve always noticed for its absence. Baby G. is named (middle name) after my father’s father, who died 20 years before I was born. I wanted to say to Gus that the man in the distance was very real, he lived, we will never see the likes of him again.

  427. ‘Morning everyone.

    Haven: This is the most cogent, informed, credible, and comprehensive argument I have ever read in re: Gay marriage. I echo the desire of this group to have this piece submitted as an editorial within the forum of the mainstream media. My immediate desire was to send it out myself, but I do not know whether that would be in keeping with your own inclinations. At the same time, I am earnestly imploring you to give the go-ahead. You have created a masterful and powerful thing in writing this post, so much so that I feel there is a moral imperative to wield it.

    The post also inspires in me a rush of admiration and appreciation of you personally. I will expound at length at some point, but length is something I have trouble limiting here. I will save for later, perhaps when you need a reminder.

    This is an important piece of work. Thank you.

  428. Hey, when is that Particles of Saucy heading for the wild west to visit her sister??

  429. Jenny, thank you so much.

    My mom and I had an interesting conversation last night. I confessed to being disappointed in Obama for not simply telling the truth about the matter — speaking the truth doesn’t require that he steamroll over state’s rights. Delonda said, “He is dealing with what presses with the most urgency, and the legalization of same-sex marriage is inevitable. All he has to do is wait and watch, and in doing so he doesn’t alienate people he has to work with, he doesn’t alienate the American public, and right prevails nonetheless.” That’s how practical people think. Also wise. Me, not so much. I live in constant fear of perpetuating an injustice through inaction. I’d be the worst President in history.

  430. I haven’t caught up on comments yet, but Molly asked me to let you all know that she can’t comment due to school restrictions and it is driving her mad.

    But she can read everything that everyone is saying.

    I picture her bouncing in her desk chair in desperation to respond.

  431. Goodness, Haven, that’s one esoteric line. Hey, are you on? Would you like me to tell you how wonderful you are and what I love about you?

    Oh, nevermind, I think I will anyway. Give me a second.

  432. Leslie lives and works in Tupeloooooo, angel choir! Even very small angels are singing LALALALA! AMEN.

    Ocean Springs was one of my favorite places on the Gulf Coast; John and I were there a few months before Katrina, visiting the famous pottery studio. When my daughter was a baby I used to drive her over the Ocean Springs bridge just for the joy of it. Our car would be bobbing up/down as if on a wave, and all around us strangers would be bobbing up/down, and most seemed not to notice. This generated wild hysteria. In the baby, of course, GAH — I was busy thinking.

  433. OK- there are many things, but the thing this latest post immediately brings to mind is the astounding breadth of knowledge you bring to a conversation.

    I love your heart of course, but there are many good hearts who do not have the force of brilliance, knowledge, and determination that make you so unstoppable.

    You have a brilliant capacity to send out far-reaching tendrils into the relevant context, wrap them around what needs to be gathered, and pull them back in again to weave something clear and bright.

    And your knowledge base isn’t the kind that comes only from a line of study- it’s the kind that comes from a quick, independent mind that attaches to things in this real world and questions and wants to know more and wants to know what it matters in the first place. You have a mind that isn’t constrained by needing to behave itself or make sure your sneakers are white-white and your hair is neatly in place. You manage to be gorgeous, of course, but one gets the impression that that’s secondary to the force of your curiosity and passion about what’s happening out there.

    And it takes a special kind of smartness and aliveness to be funny, and you have that in spades. You have a roving, piercing, forceful way of paying attention to things that is a pleasure to experience. And it is combined with a lovely and tender and good heart, as do the remarkable women who gather here on this blog. This whole group has those very same qualities, and I am just so grateful to have arrived here for that very reason.

    That is just one small facet. There is more in the offing, but I’ll mete it out in portions along the way. I simply cannot manage to be concise.

  434. Sorry about the grammatical errors.

  435. Carrie-

    Have been thinking about the dilemma with this woman and have an observation which I am inclined to share. It is a neutral fact in its own right, but may change the way you think about this for good or for bad. I cannot, therefore, decide whether to make this observation. I will leave it up to you to say yay or nay.

    Also, was delighted to hear about your birds. Do you know the mnemonics for birdsong? Like how the Barred Owl says, “Who cooks for YOU? Who cooks for YOU all?” And the Tufted Titmouse says, “Peterpeterpeter!” And the White-throated Sparrow says, “Old Sam Peabody?” And the Towhee says, “Drink your tea! Drink your tea!” It adds so much to listening when the mnemonics are added, since it makes for funny little conversations.

    In re: odd body parts conversation thread: I once interviewed a woman in her 80’s who incidentally happened to have a fully-developed breast on the inside of her thight near her knee. It developed during puberty and she never had it removed. She went ahead and got married, had children, and lived a good, long life, never having it removed.

    Made it hard to buy pants, though. She was rather well-endowed.

    I also once met a blue lady, who came to be that way via a series of IV gold treatments for arthritis which she underwent in the 1940’s or 1950’s. And I mean BLUE. All over blue. God love her, it couldn’t have been easy.

  436. Mmm. Long, pregnant silence. Slinking away now…

  437. Ah, the Biloxi/Ocean Springs bridge! I, too, loved the ride and remember fondly the bouncy-bounce ride across it. I’d watched hours of coverage after Katrina and felt heartsick, but it was only when I saw an aerial shot of that bridge – completely gone – that I broke down. It’s back, I hear, and I wonder if the bounce will be back. Not sure when you lived in Biloxi, but wonder if you recall Rosetti’s, where they had shrimp and oyster poboys to die for. And their famous Vancleave special. Ah, a Rosetti’s poboy and a Barq’s Root Beer. Now that’s a heavenly thought. My family’s favorite restaurant on the Coast was Fisherman’s Wharf. It was destroyed by Camille and returned, survived some minor hurricanes, only to be swallowed up by the casinos. It must be lunchtime. My stomach is growling.

  438. Jenny –
    Slink on back here this instant!
    Lunch break finally, and I was THOROUGHLY enjoying the tales of the woman with the leg breast AND the blue lady. Just the thing for a bad Friday at the end of a crap week. Thank you.

    (Maureen, just keep telling yourself “YOU were an obnoxious brat as a high-school senior, too. YOU were an obnoxious brat as a high-school senior, too.”)

  439. And STOP saying to yourself, “If you taught college, you’d be DONE now. If you taught college, you’d be DONE now.”

  440. The only drink in the world I like is Pimm’s Cup that I discovered at a bar on St. Charles…maybe The Columns?

    We have a new sno-cone vendor in town and while buying my kids a treat it suddenly struck me that I used to love those things in NOLA and my sno-cone of choice was coconut with condensed milk. The nice lady said that was actually a popular flavor. I believe my feet are still calloused from walking barefoot all over NOLA getting sno-cones as a child.

    And Leslie–silences mean nothing. People come and go all day and sometimes just read the post then change the subject. I’m pretty sure it’s never anything personal!

    Somewhat on the subject: I just got an invitation to a shower honoring two of my daughter’s female teachers; one is marrying a man and one is marrying a woman. I love our liberal school.

  441. Maureen and Vanessa-

    Just sneaked back here to confirm that my feelings should be hurt, and you’ve now gone and ruined a perfectly good sulk.

    Maureen- your highschool Seniors are itching to be done with highschool once and for all. They are untamed beasts chomping at the ropes that bind and they cannot be controlled from now until graduation. That it is also Friday compounds things. These kids are the cows in your video minus Jill. Nothing to be done for it but endure.

    And since you enjoyed the oddities, I once asked the doctor next to me to come up with the weirdest thing he ever saw in an exam and he said he looked into a patients eyes to check his retinas and saw WORMS crawling in there! Can you imagine? What does one say in such a situation? Poor patient had trichinosis and was not long for this world.

    Also, FYI, the leading cause of seizures in Mexico is a parasitic brain worm picked up by wading in ponds. Most people who have them live with them for their whole lives with no complications.

    If I had a brainworm I couldn’t possibly live with it. I’d have to dig it out like a psychotic person trying to rid herself of ‘the computer chip.’

    OK, on to productive things. Hang in there.

  442. More grammar problems. My brain knows the difference but my fingers do not. I may have a worm somewhere between brain and fingers.

  443. I have never heard of Pimm’s Cup. And now that I have I realize it is something I am not going to be allowed to drink. What is it anyway?

  444. Linda! I was just about to look it up on google b/c I had no idea either.

  445. Google it? Oh, good idea, Amber.

    Let’s see. Yup. It is alcoholic, but I don’t see why I couldn’t have a virgin Pimm. 😉

  446. underwear tales of humilty:

    at pablo’s jewish naming ceremony (his jewish name is Chaim) i wore a diaphonous cream colored dress with lining. my parents taped the whole thing, ay the jewish temple. mark and i brought pablo up to the rabbi and he was given his jewish name and raised up to Yaweh. we were all in tears. Pablo belched into the rabbi’s face, but that just caused mirth.

    when i watched the video later, i realized that the lining of my dress was hiked up into the waistband. i was not wearing underwear. so everyone at the temple saw my butt. this just proves that the jews are the chosen ones, but the choice is often dubious.

    i have lately taken to wearing ONLY pajamas everywhere, because i am running a low grade depression that begins at my toes and goes straight up into my ninth chakra. the cashier at Lucky;s said to me :Your shirt is on inside out.

    I know, i said.

    Oh, she said. I thought you may not have known,

    Oh, I know, I said.

    today my ex-partner from work is coming over. i am not sure if i am going to be able to fit into my jeans, and i honestly wonder if it is worth trying. we’re in day 3 of our 30-day escrow on the house, and i am on a Demerol drip.

  447. Suzanne, you are beautiful and fabulous. Know that.

  448. Oh, painful bottom story, dear heart.

    Suzanne, do keep writing to keep us posted on how you are. This sounds like a time for BlogBabies.

    Also, if you are in you pajamas all day, please make sure you shower. When teetering on the depressive brink, the decision about whether or not to take a shower is often the tipping factor.

    Can you shower when on a Demerol drip? Why are you on a Demerol drip? Demerol can do weird things to a person’s emotional landscape.

    MUST stop checking in for a few hours, but want to hear from you and will check in on you personally soon.

  449. I am so very happy today. I have been tutoring/mentoring an 8 year old girl for the past 2 years and she asked me yesterday if I could buy her some chapter books because she is “ready for those now.” I tend to feed her book addiction like an over zealous junkie. She comes from a very low income family which is paired with religious parents that teach her to believe that Disney Princesses are works of the devil; as is Halloween. I am going tonight to buy her some books filled with my friends Ramona, Farley Drexel, and the Boxcar Children.

  450. Oh, the Boxcar Children! I had somehow completely forgotten about them. How is that possible?

    I loved those books…

  451. Jenny, thank you so much for your extraordinarily kind words. Alas, I’m really quite an idiot. About an hour ago I thought I’d take a nap, and during the time I came nowhere near napping I tried to imagine ways I’m not so much an idiot, and.. . . Nope, nothing. I’m best suited, probably, to run a bait shop. Why is that option never given to children? How many high schools afoul of which did I need run before SOMEONE said, “I see a dank and mealy bait shop in your future, young lady!” I may have missed my true calling but at least that fine wench, Fortuna, saw fit to lead me to the Land of the Nice People. Thank you again. Now pretend I’m not here or I’ll get shy.

  452. my demerol drip is only imaginary. but it is quite real in my mind. and jenny, your comment about showering is quite astute. i will bear it in mind. i once had a co-worker who was a chronic depressed person and a beautiful woman confess to me that she hadn’t bathed in nine days, and was fighting a terrible ennui. i bought her a dozen yellow roses and she seemed a bit better. then the rumor went round that we were lovers. ah, me.

    maureen! here’s a cow thought, from mark twain:
    “Probably there is nothing in the world so suggestive of serene contentment and perfect bliss as the spectacle of a calf chewing a dishrag.”


  454. Thank you, amy in ohio. i’m working on it. right now i’d KILL to run a bait shop. i might even volunteer to be the bait.

  455. Leslie, I adored Fisherman’s Wharf. It had the doomwash splashed all over it, though, even back in the mid-80’s. No physical structure that authentic can survive this species’ ruinous instincts — not unless it’s filled with toxic gasses and nutria. Nope, that wouldn’t stop the gambling interests, what am I THINKING? Even if it had been occupied by 7,000 squatting hippies, it would still have been less than a mile from a whole mess of fighter jets.

  456. Vanessa, I recently had a series of misadventures at The Columns too epic to relay. The lovely cup ‘o Pimm didn’t figure anywhere in the tale, sadly.

    SF, I really wanted to work an OH before Fortuna but that would have just drawn attention to wrong thing.

  457. wow. you guys have been busy.

  458. Jenny, how odd! This morning I asked my middle child if, whilst swimming in a local waterhole, he had felt any parasitic worms enter his sinuses. The question was precipitated by his thorough inability to recall whether he had brushed his teeth a mere 57 seconds earlier.

  459. Blog Babie Extraordinaire Carrie Link sent me Mary Beads. Sher Fick, Our Lady of Perpetual Grace And Art Alchemy sent me a prayer flag. And then when we got an offer but it was unspeakably low? Carrie lit a candle with the Mary Beads and a piece of paper with the number/offer i would need to sell this house and not lose my shirt. Within two days the buyer had voluntarily raised their price — this never happens, btw. Without a counter offer, they raised the offer. Now Carrie is burning the candle for another 13 days, until the Buyer lifts contingencies. Oh, and Carrie chose SPLIT A MEMOIR OF DIVORCE as a book club pick for a group she runs, and the big book talk thingy is tomorrow and she just emailed me :
    ” I’ll let you know how the big event goes – 40 women, many of them formerly dumped, all boozed up and talking about the book….”

    oh my god. the grace is just astounding. and yes, Haven would make a fine President or at least Speaker of the House. no one is more educated or articulated or big hearted. no one. xoxo sfc

  460. Shanna, don’t think I can’t hear your tone, young lady.

  461. Every time I move (living quarters), I spend the first week in existential crisis. Today is day TWO.

  462. haven: what’s an OH? god i’m stupid. idiots tower over me.

  463. That’s because you’ve heard it before. WTF?

  464. I am too delirious to add anything useful, but

    hello! out there!

  465. the thought of moving, unpacking, house sales, makes we want to crawl in bed, pop an ativan (or two) and sink into oblivion

  466. WTF Shanna? Could you be any funnier? If we saw each other often I would HOPE something pissed you off.

    SF: Just OH FORTUNA! Ignatius’s preferred structure, I think.

  467. ooh, Sher, look at your gravatar! adorable.

  468. the face is remarkable close, but it won’t let me widen the body to my real proportions, and there is not way to give yourself one droopier boob

  469. thus the scarf . . . in real life, virtual, pseudo existence.

  470. Sher, my clockworks were changed by “I never had sex with my father, Brad Pitt, but I would have if he’d allowed it.” I’ve laughed at sixteen inappropriate moments today.

  471. I thought that erudite phrase had been overlooked last night . . .

    happy to be of service, Madame!

  472. Sher, you could try an ambien and wake up with the house sold and unpacking complete.

    You’d be exhausted, but it would be done. 😉

  473. I was particularly proud of that and parasitic octuplets vision

  474. amber – my house isn’t for sale, I am not moving or packing, I’m just saying that the mere THOUGHT of going through that again . . .

    shiver me timbers . . . walk on my grave . . . literally, it would be over my dead body. I think I will take the ativan in sympathy of Suzanne and Shanna’s experiences . . .

    Ativans are so tiny and cute.

  475. Sher, I couldn’t get my cartoon avatar to accurately represent my ominous suspicion that the material world is about to make a hasty exit.

  476. Wait, Amber – you KNOW what happens to me on Ambien, right. Tell the people, it involved presidents and marshmellows.

  477. H – that is a very VALID fear. Stick with it.

  478. Sher, RIGHT?!? Why isn’t everyone going on about this in neurotic and self-indulgent ways? Why only me??

  479. I am in total agreement. I personally, already have issues with discerning my dream self from my ‘awake’ self, through in a virtual self and I am just stunted.

  480. Hee hee, I know you’re not moving. Jes’ a joke, cause I do know about you and Ambien and marshmallow presidents.

  481. it was a very good joke! It had me quaking in fear . . .

  482. SHANNA? you’ve already moved? BE MY STRENGTH. xoxoxooxoo

    ps how’s the new digs?

  483. SHANNA? you’ve already moved? BE MY STRENGTH. xoxoxooxoo

    ps how’s the new digs?

    pss it’s official: i’m brain dead. who will have the privilege of unplugging me from life support? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

    psss I SUSPICIONED it was a regular Oh but with everything in anagrams now i thought i’d missed a vital secret message; this would not be unprecedented…

  484. SFC, the house itself is ADORABLE. Less charming is the fact that it is right on the flight path to San Diego International; planes LITERALLY fly directly over my house on final approach. How I neglected to notice this when I viewed it is BEYOND me. There is much, much more to say about the personal encounters I’ve had with a couple of my neighbors, inappropriate for a public forum. Let’s leave it at…colorful. Bless their hearts.

  485. SHER: it is hell on earth. and you did it before the recession hit. IMAGINE what it’s like now. i am reduced to a jiggly pile of paranoia, ass-clown-itis, and addiction/obsession. ask Haven. i’ve become a fucking POD PERSON.


  486. Because of Haven, I am no longer the least bit afraid of appearing in my front yard wearing my jammies.
    Just Saying.
    I draw the line at wearing them to the grocery store, however.
    Yester day when I left this blog there were under 100 comments and now it has grown exponentially!!

  487. SHANNA! remember that scene in the film __________________ where the two best friends go to the airport, lie in an adjacent field, and then SCREAM IN A PRIMAL NATURE when the planes take off?

    WHAT IS THAT MOVIE? it may have been when someone was dying young. Beaches? fuck. my memory is SHOT. ALL i can think of is escrow escrow escrow escrow…..

  488. Haven,

    Christen (my ex from Bethany) shared this post with me and I’m so glad. I deeply appreciate the way you’ve framed and clarified the question at hand. I’m always looking for new insight into what unlocks stubborn controversies in peoples’ minds. I’m happy to have this to share with others, especially folks in my church.

    Sitting in on that constructive theology class in which I first heard your writing, I knew it would not be the last time.

    Yours, Ken (former housemate of Ben’s)

  489. You guys…

    I now have to take notes to remind myself about things that fly by here that I want to respond to…
    Your late/early sessions are like Popcorn Meetings(ask Haven), except that those are supposedly undesirable, and your lightening fast repartee certainly isn’t!

    Mormons: A timely topic for me, as my beloved son David, who some of you met at the Reading, is now the beloved of a (lapsed, but her family isn’t) Mormon, and one week ago moved to Salt Lake City. Also, two Mormons on bikes stopped by my porch yesterday afternoon while I was perched there with 5 toddlers…this did not deter them as I thought it might, and when I mumbled something about being Quakerish, they wanted to Talk About It. The Jehovah’s Witnesses never do, they just smile sweetly and hand over the pamphlet. And I watch Big Love on the dreaded television…

    I learned to drink Pimm’s Cups in Bath, England, but have never had one in America…Maybe this weekend.

    I have experienced the hurt feelings thing here too…There is someone who posts here, loved by all, who never responds to anything I say, even when it is personally and kindly directed to her…I have grown out of my childish feelings about it by sticking here instead of hiding out, and that has been a good thing about this place for me. (one of many)…

    Jenny, what is your due date? And I’m working on how we could have a virtual baby shower…

    George, I am loving Hunter’s Horn. The first thing that astounded me was the way the characters can HEAR everything around them, and immediately identify the source and location in their world in a way that doesn’t seem to exist in this one I live in. I’m going to see if that’s a skill that can be fostered. Practicing on the front porch in the evening. (chickens are too clucky in the backyard for this… they always want to chat)…

  490. I used to wear my pajamas to the Ivy. Just saying. This is not the first time I have shared this info and my boyfriend always points out that a normal person would probably not be proud of this fact, only when he says it, it sounds a lot more like “what the fuck is wrong with you?” At Popeye’s Chicken the other day–Easter, actually–there was a woman in a tomato red skirt suit, matching hat, stockings, and the most beatass pink fuzzy slippers EVER, and Chris turned to me without missing a beat and said “do you think she got lost on her way to the Ivy?” which is one of the many reasons that he has been my boyfriend for 10 years.

  491. The Ivy, btw, is a pretentious and overpriced restaurant on Robertson in LA, where celebrities flock to have their pictures accidentally taken by the paparazzi. In my previous life as a personal assistant I actually had to pick up to-go food from there for my boss to eat in her trailer on set, I’m pretty sure it was to prove the point that she wasn’t like all those OTHER actresses.

  492. SHANNA get those BOSE headphones that clock out all noise. you can play Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins, The Raconteers, Nike Drake, Johnny Cash, Neko Case, Gram Parsons, Rostapovich Plays Bach, Joni Mitchell, Tom Waits, Tommy Guerrerro, CATPOWER, Carmen MaCrae, Anita O’Day, John Coltrane, Bonnie Raait, Robert Johnson, Bob Dylan, Debussy, Puccini, and ANYTHING YOU WANT. you wont be able to hear anything.

  493. uh-oh, norabarnacle, I’m vain and myopic enough to think that you could possibly be talking about me, which makes me a little bit queasy. I can picture you so perfectly from Durham; I know we were introduced but oh-so-briefly and didn’t really get a chance to speak. I must confess to being a scanner here a lot of the time, and only responding to things that… wait, before I continue, I’d also like to say that if you’re not talking about me, then fuck that bitch. She clearly has an attitude problem.

  494. To Sher: This is completely random, but I just wanted to thank you for something you wrote yesterday afternoon about the fact that Jewish people must still swear on a KJV Bible in our courts. I don’t know why I never thought of that before, but the image has just stuck in my brain since I read what you wrote, and it makes me quite sad. At any rate, I just wanted to thank you for pointing that out.

  495. Shanna, I like you. You’re really funny.

  496. Thanks, Amy. It’s how I deflect attention from my gaping maw of narcissism. I’m like a fourth-rate magician lighting flash paper while I slide the watch off your wrist.

  497. Uh oh
    Sure didn’t mean to start a who can it be thread!
    But will confirm that it is NOT SHANNA!

    You see? It is just dumb (of me) to take it to heart…there is always an explanation that is not hurtful…

    and I’ve thought many times that I didn’t speak enough to you and others when we met, but am happy to be able to picture you all now … you were all Exactly your Same as here Selves…comforting and amazing!

    I did pretty well for someone who was quaking (ha) in her boots!

  498. Could not be productive as much as I tried and am slinking back.

    Norabarnacle: Thank you so much for asking! Due October 12. I’ve been wondering where you’d been keeping your twinkly self these days.

    Shanna in re: Nora:

    HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!!! Oh, I split a gut. (A worm came out). Yes, who is that woman? What a bitch she must be.

    Haven: next entry on why you are so wonderful will feature modesty/humility as the topic du jour.

  499. Laughing. Nora, I am EXACTLY the same way, except that I have this very thin veneer of bravado on top of the jiggle, so if you’re just passing by you might think I’m not socially retarded. Spend more than 2 minutes with me, however, and my neuroses reveal themselves like a polaroid picture. We are all of the same tribe here.

    Okay, I’m off to do new house-y things. There’s only SO long a girl can get away with stalling. xoxo bbs.

  500. KEN!! I’m so glad to hear from you, and thank you with my whole heart for what you’ve written here. I’ll use the admin function this evening and hijack your personal details (kidding!) (no, I will) and write you that way, unless I fall asleep. I’ve been up since Tuesday.

    I’m pretty sure Ben moved from Richmond with one of your David Wilcox CDs. Just wanted to get that on the table, since we’re all truthy and whatnot.

    Thank you for writing, and I’m looking forward to hearing about your life.

  501. Nora, just wanted to add that most of us tend to come smashing our way in here squalling like a bunch of hungry piglets, whereas you are gentle and understated. You hang back more, and some of us (me included) are so busy talking that we don’t hear a thing.

    You are special and unique here- one of those slow treasures that unfolds over time. Keep talking.

  502. Nora..I wish I could have met you all..the pictures really helped me, now at least I have visuals if not the real gesturing, audible human! know having one droopy boob usually is a spinal problem as I’m sure your Don knows being a physical therapist…where is he when you need him?
    OH FORTUNA! Does anybody else love listening to Carimina Burana that wonderful music?
    Gotta go look up Pimms Cup and have me one this weekend.
    Suzanne…Cheryl and I will burn a wish for you in our regularly scheduled 3:30 burn this afternoon. You might smell some kind of sage scent about that time.
    Hello Mo, at work!

  503. Jenny — see, I fail at humility, too. Not ONCE did I think Nora Barnacle of the North Carolina Nora Barnacles was talking about me. It didn’t enter my mind. And I completely vanish for weeks at a time!

  504. Nay, good Haven, you fail not, because the idea has clearly occurred to you.

  505. Hi Sherrill NoraB (waving) !!!

  506. Also, Haven, have you read Gilead? How did you like it? I adore the book so, adore the the preacher who speaks throughout, but always seem to get mired down in the middle. I feel guilty about it.

    I have Gilead quotes bookmarked on my computer for the sheer pleasure of them. The main character, although from Iowa, speaks with that same common-sense decency that Hoosiers embody. It really is a distinctive sort of voice.

  507. Jenny, I told my friend Rosenthal I’d save both GILEAD and HOME for the day I finish the Quaker book. They’re in the barn and I look at them every day. Then I tap my heels together three times and pray to find myself back at the pig lot (or the bait shop) with my three gray, sinister uncle/farmhands.

  508. Hi right back at you Linda.
    I love it here.
    Time to wake the younguns…

  509. It occurred to me that this is a book that might influence your thoughts on the Quaker undertaking, since the preacher character struggles so hard with issues of faith and what it means to be a thinker and a believer.

    It is a beautiful, beautiful book.

    One quote from this book seems relevant to events from your own recent life, so I will share it:

    (“I don’t know exactly what covetise is, but in my experience it is not so much desiring someone else’s virtue or happiness as rejecting it, taking offense at the beauty of it.”)

    Doesn’t that seem to capture things?

  510. Jenny –
    I loved both Gilead and Home (and Housekeeping), and I had the amazing opportunity to see Marilyn Robinson AT THE CALVIN FESTIVAL where I also discovered Haven (go immediately to This is a proposed Blog Baby convention for next April, so get ye on the e-mailing list and see if the list of speakers sounds alluring.

    I am suffering here writing letters of recommendation for many scholarships for my students but smelling lilacs fully in bloom outside my classroom window.

    I am just longing to get home and go “wimsy it up” down the road at my escape site. 😉

  511. Maureen, our similarities in bookish inclinations frighten me. My goodness, you are a lucky find!

    And a Calvin festival. An actual Calvin festival that people attend. Who would have thought such things existed? What a marvelous world.

  512. Look, our Favoritest Farmer said “wimsy it up.” I’m waiting for the day she rides the angry bronc in the MODEO!

    Wimsy it up. I would have sworn I was irritable, but now? Not so much!

  513. I Loved Housekeeping
    I don’t have any lilacs in my garden…poor me…(they suffer from powdery mildew here in The South)(no cow, and now, no lilacs…bummer)
    I really have to wake those babes

  514. Well, now, Jenny — that’s WRITING. And I am being sorely tempted by it, given that my subject matter for 36 hours has been The English Reformation.

  515. Nora, seriously? NO Lilacs? Blasphemy. 😦 Every time I walk in my room, I get a whiff of Lilacs and suddenly become happy(er). Then I realize it’s ’cause of the fragrance. 🙂

  516. ALL CREDIT FOR “WIMSY IT UP” GOES TO SHERRILL NORA BARNACLE. Maryanne Moore once offered Elizabeth Bishop $20 for the phrase “the bell boy with the buoy balls”. Nora, tell me if I owe you anything for that.

    Go to Nora’s facebook, look at her chicken coop, it is the manifestation of whimsy (which I misspelled)

    Kittery – You said something last night that slayed me (slew me?) I gotta scroll up and remind myself.

  517. Well, I dance when I see posts from Sherrill a/k/a NB . . . so I am NOT, in no way guilty. Shit – it might be the only thing of which I am NOT guilty.

    And I got 2 recognitions:

    Erin – thank you for noticing the Bible/Court comment. Do you know this occurred to me as I watched a jewish wife swear on the bible at the trial of her murdered husband – the look she gave her family was one of deep pain and consternation – it is only my guess that this could have been why. The first time I took part in a civil ceremony which included the bible (and I was in an anabaptist/atheistic mind bend then) – I thought, this means nothing to me because it has caused me so much sorrow (I know now it was the people interpreting and not the book, I’m being symbolic here) . . .

    Brenda – this crooked boob thing could be so true . . . but i think one really does hang lower than the other. Which is why I prefer to wear armour under my intimate wear. Note – nothing to do with comfort, but is all to do with illusion (of which I am in dire need of these days). Well, illusion or achohol (with deep regrets to our AA members). Because some nights I am afraid Don will think (when he sees my lumpy body): “SOBER – SonOfaBith,Everything’sREAL”.

  518. No (or at least not too many) Lilacs.

    But don’t feel too bad for me…the GARDENIAS will kick in soon! Talk about happy! and sultry…stick one behind your ear, and go out to conquer!

  519. Haven – “Modeo” hee. I just got that. Ever notice how PMS blocks brain function? I go all cotton-headed.

  520. A few nights ago I seriously considered sneaking into our old yard and digging up the lilac bushes and the confederate rose bushes and re-planting them here.

    In the last flood of the ol’ ‘crick – our blackberries and ornatmental grasses floated away. Don put on boots and went hiking after them – he retrieved the blackberry.

  521. OK the thought of Moving and PMS, makes we want an ativan.

  522. Kittery – Cletus in a bonnet!

  523. Yeah, see, I have no idea what you’re talking about.. For me, Gardenias conjure up some image of a big white flower .. beyond that – I got nothin’.. My grandparents would be utterly ashamed. They knew their flowers AND their birds. :: sigh ::
    But, you seem happy about them, so I assume they’re nice flowers to have. 😉

  524. Also Maureen’s last posting on her site – it nearly did me in.

    I wonder when we all (even our sensitive men BB’s) will get in sync with our cycles. That is when we will know we have reached real sisterhood.

  525. Hah! Glad you liked it Maureen.

  526. I don’t know anything about flowers either, kit. Well, I know lilacs and the big basics like tulips, daisies, roses, and iris (which I must know because they are the state flower of Tennessee and the official TN Iris Garden is just around the corner from my house. But like you said, other than that, I got nothin.

  527. sometimes i like to wimsy every old whichy way

    ” I tap my heels together three times and pray to find myself back at the pig lot (or the bait shop) with my three gray, sinister uncle/farmhands”

    oh my god. i want to do this so much, i’m breathing a bit faster.


    ps i just know Nora isn’t talking about me. probably.

  528. Sher – I am gearing up for three weeks straight of that Tasmanian business, after which I will lie down and weep.

    Nora, you’re always sultry, girlfriend!

  529. Maureen…
    Even steven on the phrase…
    One whimsy it up for one beloved cow video!

    I make everyone who crosses my threshold watch it (twice)

    I’ve been meaning to let you know how much a part of my everyday life my sherfickencausticmemorypresent has become…I attached it to my hand woven for me in Donegal Ireland baby basket, which looms over me from the top of my computer desk…I have only to glance up anytime to feel their powerful combined spell

  530. Suze, I’d go home to those filthy swine in a damn SECOND.

  531. Wait a minute…
    Tennessee is South
    I must be able to grow lilacs if you can
    Research tonight/garden shop tomorrow

    I really did wake the babies…I’m peeling clementines as we speak.

  532. Our lilacs have already bloomed and died.

  533. The lilacs not you all!
    I just realized without hearing me say that comment, it appears that I am angry and a bit trashy. I say that word with affection for those little purple beauties:)

  534. Sher — So, the image that’s stuck with me since reading your first post has now got a face, and that makes it all the more powerful.

    And I’m so sorry to hear that the Bible has been used to cause you pain. We don’t know one another, but honestly I was so sad to read that. Hope that doesn’t sound ridiculous or insincere. I guess ridiculous is okay, but insincere is not.

  535. Amy, I knew what you meant! I swear like a Mill-Worker’s Daughter (hmm .. which I am). I tone it down a lot here. So feel free to keep swearing, I like having company. 😉

  536. Erin and Sher,

    I share your concerns over forms of religious prejudice, but there is some legal protection for those who prefer to not swear an oath upon a Christian Bible.

    Some Christians cite James 5.12 in support of their refusal to swear an oath. The US constitution speaks of swearing or affirming to tell the truth. The following link offers a bit more information.

  537. Sher~
    I feel the same way about the word dad that you do about the bible.
    When my mom married my stepdad ( who is phenomonal) she said it would mean alot to him if I were to address as dad. I told her that I would prefer to continue to call him by his first because that first name to me is stronger than the word dad.

  538. Kittery, I now know it is not a coincidence that our female pets burp and fart.

  539. They are ladies just like us:)

  540. Ken, you can always skip right to Park Place by saying, “There are ways around swearing an oath on a Bible. See: Kimmel, Haven.” It works for almost anything if it’s preceded by the verb “skip,” the elusive “ways around,” and the all-purpose “swearing.”

  541. (Continuing after an interruption- hope I’m jumping in too bizarrely out of context)

    In re: Gilead: It PAINS ME that John Ames isn’t a real, actual person. I want to sit quietly next to him on a porch and make sure he’s comfortable and not lonely. He moves me so.

    Three quotes I love from this book (out of thousands):

    (“One interesting aspect of the whole experience was that I simply could not be honest with myself, and I couldn’t deceive myself, either.”)

    (“These people who can see right through you never quite do you justice, because they never give you credit for the effort you’re making to be better than you actually are, which is difficult and well meant and deserving of some little notice.”)

    (If you want to inform yourselves as to the nature of hell, don’t hold your hand in a candle flame, just ponder the meanest, most desolate place in your soul.”)

    Oh, John Ames is a wonderful character. I am sorry he is fictional.

  542. And so glad that you all are not.

    Hi, Sher.

  543. I got a directg hi from Jenny, too

    and Lovely input from erin and ken . . . re the bible thing.

    I am so over my abhorrence at this point in my life. as as matter of fact I consider it a great reference book, when used in a loving manner.

    I am over my abhorrence of humans at this point in my life, too. They are great when acting in a loving manner!

  544. Gilead sounds amazing . . . added it to my BB book recs.

  545. Oh, Mo and Kittery and Haven,
    may I please please please join your swearing and not swearing society?, ’cause I am already hanging about the edge.
    Jenny, we are going to a huge used bookstore in Flagstaff this weekend and I now have Gilead and Home and Housekeeping on my list of books to look for. Of course, I buy up any Haven Kimmels I see first thing. Last week I was lucky enough to pounce on a copy of Zippy at the thrift store and it didn’t even make it out of the store with me before it got given away. With Love.

  546. Hi, Dear Sher,

    Can I humbly beg you to please send me your list of BB book recs? It is only in retrospect that I realized I should have been compiling one of my own, and the time it would take to review 5 million posts is daunting.

    Pretty, pretty, pretty please???

    Also, that first Gilead quote I listed reminded me of something you’d say your very own self.

  547. OK, I have totally surrendered the day to the blog, but the duties in front of are tedious with a flexible time-frame, whereas you all are NOT tedious and grab my attention immediately. I never, ever in my life have been the type to set duty aside in lieu of frivolity. I am trying to change that, however, so time spent here is merely an exercise in self-discipline, correct?.

    Haven: you have not said yes or no regarding whether this post can be brought to the attention of large media conglomerates, in part because you are humble and good. I, umm, know a couple of people, if you know what I mean and would like to forward this link. However, if it became wildly popular, you might be cast into a spotlight that stresses you out. I will not make you answer but will assume that no news is acquiescence, OK?

    BB’s all: In the spirit of wasting time, I’d like to share with you one thing I hate:

    I hate people who obsessively rifle through each and every freaking olive and piece of baby spinach at salad bar, constructing the salad as very much in the same manner as a surgeon performs stereotactic surgery.

    You know who you are.

  548. OK, I have totally surrendered the day to the blog, but the duties in front of are tedious with a flexible time-frame, whereas you all are NOT tedious and grab my attention immediately. I never, ever in my life have been the type to set duty aside in lieu of frivolity. I am trying to change that, however, so time spent here is merely an exercise in self-discipline, correct?.

    Haven: you have not said yes or no regarding whether this post can be brought to the attention of large media conglomerates, in part because you are humble and good. I, umm, know a couple of people, if you know what I mean and would like to forward this link. However, if it became wildly popular, you might be cast into a spotlight that stresses you out. I will not make you answer but will assume that no news is acquiescence, OK?

    BB’s all: In the spirit of wasting time, I’d like to share with you one thing I hate:

    I hate people who obsessively rifle through each and every freaking olive and piece of baby spinach at salad bar, constructing the salad very much in the same manner as a surgeon performs stereotactic surgery.

    You know who you are.

  549. Jenny-oops, I responded to Leslie about not getting hurt feelings and it should have been to you. As Maureen said (hopefully it was Maureen): Everyone, slink on back to the blog pool. 🙂

    People who show ill-will or mean intentions risk getting run out on a rail…usually by none other than our blog mama HAVEN. Otherwise, it’s just one big happy family who sometimes inadvertently hurts someone’s feelings.

  550. I knew what you meant:)

    At least if the standing rule is that you’re in until you’re overtly run out, we can all rest easy!

  551. Jenny – yes on the rec. list, I have to find it, add all the written down ones, then will post it here.

    Amy/Ken/Erin/Haven/ALL – this whole personal archetype thing with the bible/word dad/or other symbols – very intriguing.

    Other things that make me queasy: safety pins, panty hose, culottes, men in short shirt sleeves and ties, trailers

    some of things I have gotten over: bibles, crosses, people with cars parked at church Sunday morning, sunday night, Wednesday night and any sign that says ‘revival’, the word ‘christian’

    all that baggage was just too much to carry around. I went from lugging around multiple steamer trunks to having only one carry on . . . and it fits in the overhead bin, too!

  552. Sherrill – I am deeply touched with your sacred placement of the little encaustic. That is just too awesome . . . I would love to see a pic of it in your abode, it is like seeing your babies in their new adopted homes . . . it is fabulous when they just fit right in.

    Maureen – the last weeks of May/school. Ativan. Double Celexa. Etc. It is painful. i feel this without the farm and a fulltime job . . . i will be praying for your perseverence.

  553. also – lauren was mad at me because I would not take her and her friends to memphis to go to a concert, pay for 2 hotel rooms, etc . . . I asked why they didn’t ask any other mothers and she said

    ‘they work’

    i almost committed helter skelter

  554. Sher- the above observations are yet more reasons for you to read Gilead. The book is written from the perspective of a preacher in his 70’s who has spent his entire life trying to separate the symbols of religion from religion itself, and it frustrates him to no end when he can’t convey the difference to his congregation.

    The quote about Hell is part of his effort to delineate the difference.

    Thank you so much for offering the BB list here. That’s a gift.

  555. Amy! Yes, they’re ladies .. just like us .. right. 😉
    Brenda, you need not ask permission. 🙂

  556. Could a sane member of the Commentariat run the show tonight? I’ve been up since Tuesday and suddenly I’m under the impression it would behoove me to go to bed. Wait, “a sane member of the Commentariat” is perfect evidence of the point I’ve reached. We’se all the same sane far as I can tell. What I meant was an AWAKE Blog Baby. There you go.

    Night, Chickens.

  557. After being tortured ALL DAY by your fabulous posts, I’m finally HERE!!!!

    Haven, I have so much fun here. Thanks for making it happen.

    Sher, you said about 80 million things in the past 2 days that made me smile, laugh and think. I can’t even begin to start. So instead I’ll sum it up:

    3. OOH, YES!!! PERFECT!!! I AGREE!!!

    Also, Shanna–I snorted a whole bunch of times today reading you, and one time Coke almost came out of my nose–and I didn’t even mind. Those who know me and know how much I love Coke, know what serious props this is to you.

    NoraB–I just love you.

    Jenny. I am so jealous that you got to put your work off today. My children were TERRIBLY BEHAVED!!!! The church is right next to the school of course, and we went outside to practice our scenes, wherein they proceeded to play around and poke one another with sticks.

    I herded us all back inside and then read them the riot act and threatened to take away Shakespeare.

    Sigh. I hate being like this but kindness Did. Not. Work.


    BUT I went with Amber to see Wolverine, and it was excellent. There was a whole lot of Hugh Jackman’s arms. 4 stars.

    Also, Amber and I had a very funny moment, and now I can’t remember what it was. Dammit.

  558. Hi guys. Nora, if it’s me, I get easily overwhelmed. See, right now I just read for about 15 minutes straight and it made my HEAD SPIN. I have nothing to contribute.

    But NB Sherrill, you are a sparkling diamond, it was gorgeous to meet you and your sweet daughter.

  559. I’m good with the back and forth…but when there is a party going on without me well, byeee! Plus, I’m SUPER oblivious. Ask Caryl. She once had to hunt me down because she wanted to send me something in the mail and I kept going “huh? what?”

  560. Molly Bug,

    Yes, but I have been here only because we have moved recently and nothing is working, and I can’t find anything amidst all the boxes, and I’m not unpacking because I’m only here for another 4 months. I have parts of everything I need to be productive, but none of it is currently mobile and none of it in the same room, and some of it isn’t even in the same county.

    ..So I am in a netherworld of aimlessness I can’t get anything done and because my primary goal is WAITING right now, anyway.

    You said some entirely wonderful thing recently that I wanted to comment on, and I’ve entirely forgotten it. I am sorry, you’ll have to come up with another.

    Also, was flicking through the channels last night and came across some 90-something year-old, clearly-post-stroke religious call-in commentator who said DEFINITIVELY that the Rapture will occur on May 21, 2011.

    Just thought you should know. You know, plan and stuff.

  561. Harold Camping. His name was Harold Camping. Yep, it’s the rapture, alright. Just ask ‘im.

  562. Jenny.

    They won’t take me in the Rapture.

    Ask anyone.

    I’se mean. Ask Amber. 🙂

  563. Hey y’all. I have no motivation whatsoever! My parents AND my sister and brother-in-law will be here tomorrow and I am sitting here eating a piece of pie while watching the former Cat Stevens (sigh) sing on the Colbert Report. What I should be doing includes but is not limited to:
    1. coloring my hair since the gray is taking over;
    2. cleaning the bathroom including the cat box that is in the bathroom;
    3. removing the piles of crap from the counter in the kitchen
    4. folding laundry

    GAH and BLAH !! Where is MY staff? No where to be found that is where.

  564. If they don’t take you, Molly, I ain’t a-goin’

  565. Ouch, Linda. I would be eating pie, too. It’s hard to put your energy into a home when your heart is on its way out the door, anyway.

    I am glad you’re here. Perhaps my 9,000 posts today may have tipped you off that I’m lonely.

  566. FYI, I DID once have a life that was bursting with people and I assume I will again once I move on out of the current situation. For now, though, I am rather isolated. I want someone to tell me a story.

  567. Oh, Linda. After the hellish week, I am now all sniffly in a good way!!!! I LOVE YOU!

  568. Molly, they WILL take you in the Rapture, I know it. And if they don’t, think how much easier rush hour will be for those of us who are left.

  569. Jenny, I will tell you a story! It is very short though.

    Student: Whoa, Mrs. T. You’re friends with ENGINEERS and that WRITER AND a guy who MAKES MOVIES! (shakes head) You know Awesome People.

    ME: Well, when YOU are awesome, you tend to attract awesome people. It’s a law of physics.

    Student (under his breath): I thought it was “opposites attract.”

    Or…were you here when this happened?

  570. Damn. I forgot to close the bold.

    Shit. Without Sarah to hold me steady, I go CRAZY with the bolding.

  571. Molly, don’t believe anything Amber says.

  572. I figure with all the Baptists gone, I can start using the drive through window at the liquor store…

  573. Oh, the sad truth, Jenny, is that Amber has known me forever, and as is the way of long friendships, SHE HAS DIRT on me.

    For instance, I called her the other day as I was walking through the mall. I said, in total disgust, “How is it that UGLY FAT STUPID people have boyfriends to hug and kiss them, and I am alone?”

    (Meaning of course, that I’m so far beyond gorgeous that it’s ridiculous that I don’t have a boyfriend and frequent sex.)

    (I am not counting Japan yet. I get too excited and lightheaded.)

  574. Maybe with all the Baptists gone you won’t even need liquor, Molly.

    Ooops, did I just say that? My B. (another saying- as in my bad)

  575. that is, another “Sam saying”

  576. 🙂

    A dear, sweet Baptist co-worker once invited me to her church’s Christmas pageant after weeks of trying to get me to accept Jesus as my Savior. After the Christmas play was over, the pastor paused in the midst of his sermon to ask if anyone wanted to ‘turn to Jesus right here and now in this holy place.’

    Then he just stopped and waited, for a long, long time. My coworker was looking at me expectantly, and the eyes of the congregation sort of traveled over my way. I was the only white person in a black baptist church, and I was clearly ON THE SPOT. I thought the preacher would never start up again!

  577. Hey kiddos!!!!
    I sincerely wish I could take the night shift for Haven but I go to bed at 11:00.

  578. I love Sam. He is an excellent guy.

  579. Molly, if I were 20 years younger and a guy I would be happy to have frequent sex with you. Just sayin’

  580. AmyO–I wanted to say something to you too about how awesome you are, and now I can’t remember. Dammit.

    Oh, maybe it was your “fuckers” comment. I knew EXACTLY what you meant.

    Nikki Sixx would have known too. 🙂

  581. Molly, stupid people have stupid boyfriends. If you wanted a stupid, ugly boyfriend you could have one, trust me.

  582. If you hadn’t been so irresponsible with your LAST stupid, ugly boyfriend, you wouldn’t be having this dilemma.

  583. Hey Jenny!
    I went to a Baptist Easter Service once with an ex boyfriend ( the Aspie) and never in my life have I fel more uncomfortable. First here was a skit- ON THE STAGE ( not altar) and then we were supposed to do altar calls which my Catholic self had never witnessed.

  584. Ha, ha Linda!

    Hi, Amy O. I, too, liked the ‘fuckers’ comment.

  585. Linda, you know just the thing to say to touch my heart. HAHAHAHAH!!!

    Oh, I know. I’m just sayin’ that’s the kind of mean I can be. It’s all about MEMEMEMEME. 🙂 There are days I think I shoulda been born a Leo.

  586. LINDA!!!! That was hilarious!
    Molls, I long for the day you and I will meet, kick back with drinks, and swear our heads off.

  587. Molly, it’s not mean when you say it privately to a friend, in exasperation. If Jimmy Carter can “sin in his heart,” it’s OK for you, too.

  588. Seriously, Linda. Can’t stop laughing.

  589. AMY–YES!!! I’m so jealous of everyone who’s gotten to meet you!

  590. Well Molly you should be, I am all kinds of awesome.

  591. I am a Leo. hahahaha

    Well, a Cancer/Leo cusp. And it is not about you Molly because it is all about ME. Just want to make sure we are clear about that young lady.

  592. Amy, the Christmas play I went to had a skit, too! It was really over the top and melodramatic, with a woman running up the center aisle, screaming, “Jesus, Jesus! SAAAAVE me, Jesus!” I thought it was just that particular congregation. Is it a Baptist thing?

  593. I think it was St. Peter would said if you think a sin in your heart then it’s as bad as if you already did it…(and I believe the sin was adultery. Or lust.)


  594. Ok. Amanda Clouds and her guy, Dave, are getting married this weekend. We need to do something for her. Someone with some talent needs to write a poem or a song or something. Not me, of course. Or, we could go to her blog and leave lots of huggy messages.

  595. AMY–altar calls! They feel crazy, don’t they?

    The first time I ever went to a church that wasn’t Catholic, I was 7 or 8, and it was Baptism night and everyone went up and got dunked. I wanted to go swimming too, and the lady I was with wouldn’t let me.

    I was mad.

  596. Well I’d have to take it up with St. Peter. It’s EASY to be good when you FEEL good, or when you WANT to be good. I think the true measure of someone’s character is whether or not they manage to be kind when it’s HARD.

    And I don’t mean being fake-nice, I mean being patient and gentle when you want to take someone’s fucking head off.

    I think sometimes behavioral control has to come first, and then you try to wrestle with your private demons later. Well, except for you, Molly.

  597. What are you talking about? I don’t have ANY private demons!!


  598. The Serenity Prayer works for me every time. And I promise I will be using it a lot this weekend as it is not only my parents who are coming in for the graduation but my ex-husband’s parents and sister. I love them, but both sets of grandparents at the same time. Sober. Well, me sober that is. They won’t be. Yeah, you know what I mean.

  599. None of us have any private demons any more after being a part of this glorious group. All of our demons are all out there in the open day light saying “here I am baby”

  600. Best, best of luck to Amanda Clouds tomorrow. I am sure she will be a beautiful bride.

  601. Linda, I’m sorry this is all going to be so stressful for you. 😦 I’d encourage you to eat more pie, but well. Maybe you’d feel better if you just went into a closet and screamed.

  602. Mmmph, Linda. You’ve got a situation on your hands, no joke. Which of your children is graduating?

  603. I was thinking more pie, too. Maybe alternating strategies- Scream/bite of pie. Scream/bite of pie. Repeat.

  604. My beautiful and brilliant daughter, Emma, will graduate on Tuesday night. She is going to attend Carleton College in Northfield, MN in the fall. Haven and the babies who were in Durham got to meet my precious son, Sam. He is 16. I am very very blessed in the area of children. They are the joys of my life.

  605. The COBBs (Children of Blog Babies) are all amazing actually. Every single one of them.

  606. One of the main reasons that I miss working in a restaurant is that I no longer have the cooler to retreat to and yell my head off. I always felt so much better.

    And if Molly is taken in the Rapture, I will be all alone.

    I can’t remember our funny moment either. That just makes me sad.

  607. Not surprising that your girl is beautiful and brilliant, Linda. Yes, you are blessed.

    Just found out that my baby is a boy, and Sam in the top 2 of names I’m considering (the other is Benjamin).

    What is it like to raise a boy? I was feeling pretty comfortable about a girl, but less sure how to approach the boy thing.

  608. Amber, I did not either tell Molly not to listen to anything you say.

    Don’t listen to anything Molly says.

  609. Oh wow Jenny! Congratulations!

    I know that if I were pregnant, I would heave a sigh of relief to find out it was a boy. But this is coming from someone who maintains they won’t have children and really knows jack about the whole thing. I guess I would just choose boy. I’ve never been very girly, so I would probably fail a girl.

  610. I only have one son so it is easy. You need to ask Mo who has 3. Haven, Caryl and Kate have 2. Sher also has one son but two daughters so whoo. That might actually be harder. LOL

  611. Jenny, I totally didn’t even see or read such a post.


  612. Well, I’m not very girly either, so I’ve got that going for me. I’m good at lots of girly things, but I’m not personally particularly girly. My mom IS girly and she tried to force it on me, but it didn’t take. According to her, I would go out to play in a crisp little dress and come home for lunch with one ponytail undone, skinned knees, and sweat rivulets making rivers through the dirt on my face. She nicknamed me Calamity Jenn!

  613. Well, Amber, that’s because IT NEVER HAPPENED.

  614. Samuel is a family name. Sam is a good name, I think. George has a Sam. Oh- I forgot to say that George has two sons. Dee has a daughter. Sock has an adorable daughter. Vanessa – how many youngins do you have? I know you have several too. Oh- gosh, almost forgot about Steph and her adorable red headed little guy. Who am I missing?

  615. Molly, that was a funny story! I do so love teenagers in small doses. How do you bold, anyway.

  616. I mean, “anyway?”

  617. Congrats on a little boy Jenny! I love the names Ben and Sam. Charlie and Jake are favorites as well:)

  618. [b]I’m attempting a bold [b]

    if that didn’t work, then you will be able to see my failed attempt and not try to emulate it later, lol

  619. *snort*


  620. Note how I retreated to capital letters? I can get those right.

  621. Kate has dreams about names. Maybe she will have a name dream for you, Jenny.

  622. Amber, Jenny, you have to use the brackets above the comma and period. Also, you have to put a slash (/) before the second b to turn it off.

    I’m just reading all this and laughing my ass off!

    Congrats Jenny on the boy, and Linda! Emma’s finally graduating! What changes afoot in the Carter household.

  623. Carrie is here!!!!

  624. humph, I was close….

    Thanks Carrie!!! It’s ok to fail in front of you all

  625. Carter is Sam’s middle name!

  626. Oh yes, SO close, Amber! (Also, you may want to read Jenny’s comment at 9:11pm today to make sense of 9:56 pm — I just lost it when I read that.)

  627. amber, didn’t you see my early attempts at bolding?

  628. Linda, I will be holding your virtual hand this weekend.

  629. hahahahahahaha

  630. Carrie, I think your bolding technique turned off my text entirely. Clever, clever girl. Diabolical, but someone needed to limit me today- I’m over the top on the blog.

  631. Hmm. That’s interesting. Carrie, are you the devil or some other sort of magic-wielding entity?

  632. Thank you, Carrie. It will be fine. It is just the middle child in me coming out. I never quite feel good enough. But, I have gotten pretty good about saying, what the hell. If they don’t know I am a bad housekeeper by now they have not been paying attention.

  633. HAHAHAHAHA Jenny! ME! Limit anyone! I, who have no internal editor! Oh, that is rich.

  634. See, now, Linda — this is where I get a bit impatient with our (still!) cultural expectations. Why, please, is it YOU that is the “bad housekeeper”? Are your husband’s fingers broken?

  635. Yes, Carrie, but I notice you pointedly avoiding the actual question.

  636. I hate to admit it but he has done a lot more around the house lately than I have. He did a ton of laundry today. But, then, he gets off early on Friday because he works for the state and once a certain number of hours is reached – ding dong – you are done.

  637. But Jenny, I do not believe in the devil (I do not even capitalize “devil”). An absence of Light, yes, but not Satan, per se.

    I do admit to having magic, however, as do we all.

  638. Still, the finger goes to you (or you think it does). This irks me in its patent unfairness.

  639. (Last one meant for Linda. I am not pointing the finger at you, Jenny.)

    Amber and Molly decided to have a phone-confab, and leave us to bold alone.

  640. No, Linda, no! You must reframe ‘not a good housekeeper’ to ‘a person whose home is adequately clean for the purposes of keeping my family safe and well, inhabited by a person who prefers to dwell in the realm of the spirit and the mind and who makes quality time for her children.’

    You have a finite amount of mental and emotional energy, and I imagine a good chunk goes toward keeping yourself sober, especially at times like this. You cannot MAKE more energy than you have, and if it takes everything you’ve got to keep yourself well then screw the house. No apologies.

  641. Molly is going to teach me the bold thing. I didn’t get the explanation above…I hope it’s not that difficult or I’ll just live with plain ‘ol text.

    Linda…I have two girls (9 & 11.) No idea what to do with boys but if you have questions about brilliant but hormonal girls I’m your man. So to speak.

    Fortunately, I am Jewish and we don’t believe in Hell. But I am married to a Catholic so you can imagine the rampant guilt in our house. At least the kids seem well-adjusted. Some of the time.

  642. My sister has an awesome house. She lives in Bucks County, PA, in a stone farmhouse that was built in the 1700s. With cool additions. A house you just love going into because it is so cozy and inviting and she is a culinary person and has chickens and she is thin and…

    It is all about me. Seriously. I know this. I have learned about it in AA. It is never them. It is us. And in this case I know it is me feeling badly about me.

  643. Uh-oh, hope I didn’t start a Molly/Amber fight. Back in the 60’s, someone (forget author) wrote a book called SCRIPTS PEOPLE LIVE, and one of the scripts was, “Let’s You and Him fight.’ It is not my script, I swear!

    Linda, Carrie’s right. Would your husband be feeling guilty if he came home to an immaculate house that you had cleaned? Would he feel bad about himself? Probably not.

  644. Well, my dears, I need to go to bed. Early morning with the guests and all and it looks like I will be coloring my hair in the morning since I did not do it tonight.

    Cause you know the line in the serenity prayer that says The Courage to Change the Things I Can. Well, I can get rid of the gray hair, damn it. 😉

    love you all

  645. Oh, Vanessa — double-dutch guilt. That is quite something.

    Okay, I’m going to try to make a picture without HTML rendering it invisible:


  646. Nope. But those are the brackets I’m talking about. They enclose the “b” (i.e. open bracket, b, close bracket) at the beginning of the bold, as well as after. You put a slash before the b in the second bracket set to stop the bolding.

    Oh, geez. I can be so pedantic.

  647. Goodnight, Linda. We love you.

    FYI, I was wrong about the old book- it was called ‘Games People Play.’ It had wonderful game titles, like “If it Weren’t For You” and “Look What You Made Me Do.”

    ‘Night, folks. Thanks for keeping me company all day.

    Hope you’re getting some rest, Haven.

  648. I’m with you, Linda. Off to bed and fortunately I’m washing the gray out of my hair tomorrow too! As I tell my family, I’ll dye til I die.


  649. Good night, Linda — sleep sweet!

    I’m off to work up a song to sing at tomorrow’s block party. Check in later!

  650. ‘Night Vanessa, ‘night Jenny.

  651. Linda, I am happy that your daughter is graduating but I am worried about you having to cope with the influx of grandparents. I’m thinking that is Too. Much. Family. Please tell us they are not all staying with you. I mean, I don’t care what color the toilet seat is, that’s too many people for one bathroom.

    I periodically threaten not to clean the house for inlaw visits, but I haven’t actually followed through.

    Jenny, congratulations on your baby boy news–my friends with boys say that boys are easier.

    My husband just read me a line from a local college website: “XYZ College Celebrity Faith-Based Golf Tournament” What the heck does that mean?!

    Is it the golf game or the celebrities who are faith-based? I am just morbidly fascinated by this phraseology.

  652. Jenny, I am digging on your housekeeper definition. I think I might frame it.

    So much to say. Boys are wonderful. Girls are wonderful. It really doesn’t matter what they are, as long as you love them, are patient and remember the time they are little is brief, brief, brief and give them tons of hugs. There will be battles, but I don’t have any specific advice other than that. Your child will be the love of your life!!

    Benjamin is a fabulous, under-used and classic name.

  653. Oh Amy … I guarantee you would blush if you saw the diatribe I just went on and (oh-so-cleverly) wrote down. You probably would never look at me the same. 😦
    Which brings me to why I’m here. Is anyone up? I sorely need to be distracted by nice people that don’t thrive on *miserableness* (ie, my “family”).

  654. I crashed before Haven this time?

    Anybody still left?

    Jenny – yes, your housekeeping creed – i think I will calligraphy it, decorate with used teabags and hang on the wall. It has taken me about 18 years to reach that state of grace regarding the house . . . I only do a freak out when I am having a major party . . . otherwise, I am mellow yellow . . . because all that cleaning takes away my ‘me/art’ time -or- worse ‘me/blog’ time!

    When I get antsy and no one is here to keep me company, I travel through everyone else’s blogs and get to know them better. It is lots and loads of fun.

    I somehow slept through 6 fifteen year-old girls eating pizza, opening presents, playing with giant punch balloons, watching horror flicks . . . etc.

    Linda, staying sober, that is so brave and I love you for it. I, myself, self-medicate around certain personalities. That I tend to go out of body and leave a shell behind. You being present, that is the best gift you can give your self and Emma and SAM.

    Jenny – I vote for Benjamin and along those lines, Nathaniel is also under utilized. In my experience the boy was easier, I don’t particularly like most girls/women (you BB’s are, of course, exemplars of the female gender, quite rare in my book) . . . and,

    Linda – naming the COBB’s – brilliance. You know I cover my gray with all manner of colors – why stick with nature – go with the rainbow, or the peacock feather I say.

    Amy – I adored your FUCKERS commentary . . . I thought it well-placed and apropos.

    I’m missing about 2 million other moments of brilliance and MOLLY, who else would it be about?

  655. mnemonically:

    less than
    less than

  656. that didn’t work either

    less than symbol
    type b
    greater than symbol
    less than symbol
    backslash symbol
    type b
    greater than symbol

    will appear: TEXT YOU WISH TO BOLD

  657. Kittery, I am here momentarily

  658. Hi Sher! I take it Lauren’s birthday went well?

  659. also to italicize, replace the above b with an i


    I do all my bold and italics with my right ring finger AND MY RIGHT MIDDLE FINGER on the bottom row . . . but I am odd so that mightn’t be proper finger placement


  660. THAT WAS meant in a joking matter, not a confronatational manner, see how the bold and capital letters can really add some zing.

    i think there is a rule against this many posts in a row . . .

    i thought everyone would be up and wild for the weekend . . .

  661. Right!

  662. Oohhh. I did it. 🙂

  663. Kittery – I guess it did – I did all the prep and then bowed out for a nap, can’t even hear them in the rec room

  664. hooray!

  665. kittery – I think you need to move hundreds of miles away from your family

  666. Sher, I’m sending you an email..

  667. Moving hundreds of miles away .. (and getting a new number) sage advice..

  668. CARYL is in las vegas. AMY IN OHIO cracked me up with her Fucking Lilacs story. oh and when CARYL and i speak it is like listening to two longshoremen with Tourettes syndrome. i think it was last night or the night before, we were looking for Carrie Link’s magical Mother Mary beads on the Internet and I actually said “I can;t find those fucking Mary beads on Google…” and then of course I knew I was the devil herself and i do not wear Prada. Caryl is not the devil because she would unscrew her arm and hand it to you if you were short one. Plus she is so wickedly honest as to put all of those who think we are honest to shame. WICKED HONEST. i TRY to out=honest her but she is always one step ahead of me. and BOSSY? OH MY GOD that caryl is bossy but she’s so lovely about it you just think My, what a perfectly organized will this beautiful woman has. because she’s always bossing something for someone’s GOOD.

  669. here is the site where the Mary Beads are sold:

  670. SHER:”kittery – I think you need to move hundreds of miles away from your family.”
    CROWN TO SHER. you kill me.

  671. i’m not catholic but i bought beads made out of rose petals, which had been blessed by a priest, while at the vatican gift shop.

    i can use all the help i can get.

  672. hey – i know what works! limited access!

  673. i miss Caryl . . . wah wah!

    whenever I use my glass boot cup (which came from caryl), I think – somebody listened to the tiniest thing I said and remembered me . . . it touches my heart, my mind, and all the way down to my toes.

  674. as a sometimes decisive person myself, I love to be bossed around – especially by Caryl . . . it takes away so much pressure.

  675. I want Caryl to adopt me next. And she can pay her kids to not tell me I’m fat, and I’ll never notice the difference!

  676. cursing is so invigorating. I particularly enjoy “bitch ass clown” “scum sucking motherfucker’

  677. kittery – I am bad at balancing email and blogging simultaneously . . . are you coming back???

    Kate!!!! what do you and Hugh want to eat Thursday night??? go out or can I COOKK??????

  678. my dream job – besides being myself – is to be an employee of Duff, the Ace of Cakes guy.

  679. I’m still here Sher – I replied.
    Scum-sucking motherfucker! OH! I wish I’d had that when I was trying to write my blood pressure back down to a somewhat healthy level…

  680. i’m ba-a-a-ck

  681. Let’s discuss our mottos/goals . . . say, if you had a motto, what is it, and if you have a goal for your epitaph, what would it be?

    My thoughts: I would like my motto to be “quite contrary” . no. that doesn’t work, it sounds too obstinate.

    ok….too tired to think straight . . . nevermind

  682. E’s new show: Fake or Real?


  683. I’m a fan of Anne Boleyn’s motto that she had for a short time before her marriage to Henry VIII: Ainsi sera groigne qui groigne. This is the way it is, grumble all you like.

  684. that is an interesting motto – and certainly women had less choice of self-determination back then.

    Here’s kind of my motto – if you’re not happy at home, you’re not happy anywhere else. angie harmon

  685. Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels.

    that is incredibly true. i am always so ashamed of myself in a quarrel. discussions are fine. but if i can refrain from lobbing insults, I feel I have maintained my integrity.

    i think integrity is probably my main goal.

  686. Hmm, how appropriate. I wonder why that one floated to the top of your mind? 😉

    Anne’s motto wasn’t about her so much, as all the Katherine supporters that didn’t want Anne to marry Henry.. It was a giant FU to half the Court, lol.

    Yep, Sher. Tonight I rolled around in the mud. 😦 I think that’s part of what bothered me so much. I wasn’t just angry, I was nasty. Nasty and viciously sarcastic. And so was she.

  687. Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.
    Harvey Fierstein

  688. it is so hard not to fight back in the manner you are attacked. that is natural and understandable.

    to move the issue forward though, you must stay above or below the emotion.

    see, it is like working with the ocean instead of against . . . jump over the incoming wave or dive below it . . . you cover more ground that way, otherwise you are constantly being thrown backwards, fighting a force that is greater than you . . . avoid the wave, then swim forward or float, deal with the next wave . . . eventually you reach calm sea and the waves rock you instead of drown you . . . there are still sharks to be aware of, but you get to catch your breath.

  689. Good god. How did you become this person Sher? You’re made of Genius.

  690. i don’t know. i still fail all the time, but practicing, making an effort after the next mistake, not ever, ever giving up . . . it is almost inevitable that I learned a few things along the way

    also, visualizing human issues with nature always seems to help me out?

  691. k – sent you my sage of emotional abuse via email, it is quite entertaining, if nothing else. I was turning 40 before I finally accepted that I was 1) dealing with an ill person, and 2) I didn’t have to deal with it

  692. um ‘ meant ‘saga’ . . . but hopefully it is sage, as well!

    I am sleeping again.

  693. Good morning BBs! I’m off to work at this ridiculous hour, after three blissful days off.

    Grumble, grumble.

    I hope everyone has a marvelous day!

  694. Good morning!
    Amber – Shoot! I’ve been up since 4:30 and I KNEW I should have logged on earlier (I resort to caps, too). Then I could have said Happy work to you.

    You know how people can hold only seven things in short-term memory? I think I went over that as I read all last night’s comments preparing to comment back. So, here are the couple of burrs that actually stuck to my brain:

    Molly – You are FIRST UP in the Rapture! In fact you are my gauge. If I suspect it has occurred, I am going to call you and if I can’t reach you, I know I’m in trouble and I’m stuck down here for all the bad stuff.

    Brenda – I am honored to have been included in the swearing club. I think it comes from living on a farm – or perhaps with an Aspergian with no mouth filter. It took me YEARS to be able to swear. I remember when I was seven, I sneaked quietly into the garage and whispered “shit” into an empty refrigerator box – and I got in trouble!!! (Evil older brother found out – actually, I probably told him I had done it to win his approval). My current swear, which I really try to say only under my breath, is “Fuck a duckling”, which is horrid, but that’s how it comes out. It evolved from “Fuck a duck.”

    Jenny – I am e-mailing you my Gilead anecdote from back in March. By the way, hey, we want a picture of you. Please? So we know what you look like? Congrats on the boy! Really, I think they are easier – messier, but very straight-forward.

    I’m running the farm again today, as Andy and Elliot are in a fishing tournament. So I am Taz-free, a blessing considering the PMS. I’ll be in and out.

  695. I for one cannot WAIT for the Rapture. I’m going to have my pick of houses and cars and abandoned dogs, and since it seems that the people who are most certain they’re going first all own many, many guns, I might find an entirely empty shooting range. I’ll adopt the shooting range, decorate it with abandoned taxidermy, install a pub along the southern England style and call it: The Glock and Rabbit. I’ll drive different trucks all day, let children ride in the bed and not even tell them to sit down! Because the worst already done happen and the four horsemen are about to crest the hill. “Make sure your magazines are full and the safeties are off, Chirrens, because we’s gonna go shoot ALL the windows out of the courthouse. WOOT!” What a time it shall be.

  696. Haven – Did you get some sleep?

    At the rapture, let’s all drive as fast as we can to wherever George Bush is. I just SO want to see the look on his face when he realizes he was Left Behind. You know that puzzled, monkey-like expression he makes?

  697. Or perhaps, cowboy that he is, he’ll have taken his mask off and be riding the red horse.


  699. It’s yours, girlfriend!

  700. Jenny – My e-mail to you bounced back? I’ll send it via the yahoo group.

  701. Haven–makes a good point. I’m all for being Left Behind. Think of all the book/liquor stores I can rob! OOOH and bank vaults!

    Although, if my friend Christy has it aright, pretty much, heaven’s going to be empty. Just not that many people are going to be sucked up into the cosmos.

    Ah well. I love the idea of a Haven-run pub.

    Haven could we have lots of sad music? And also some June Carter Jukebox Blues?

  702. Bugggy! Thanks for your e-mail. I’ll have to tell you about this annoying mom-of-student.

  703. The Glock and Rabbit … (smirky snicker)

  704. Oh, Jenny–

    Amber and I don’t fight. Ever. We are too sympatico–and if I could remember the fucking funny thing we did yesterday, it would perfectly illustrate it.

    I do remember that it had to do with us both saying the same funny line “wrong” to make it fit whatever we were seeing. I’m pretty sure it had to do with Wolverine. Or Hugh Jackman’s hothothot self. OR his arms. OR his great butt. Or how we’re (ok, I) am going to watch one scene in superslow mo just because…

    Sometimes we get a might snarky, but then we’re laugh so hard about it, it all goes away.

    I love little boys and dread having girls, unless she acts like Kat. I wouldn’t mind have a daughter who was kind and sweet like Kat. But otherwise? I don’t want the drama.

  705. I should take some photos of my current house-o’-three- boys. It’s truly Post-Apocalyptic.

  706. Good morning everyone. Whew. I feel a lot better. The gray is gone in my hair, the bathroom is clean (well, cleaner than it was – LOL), the living room is straightened up and I had a bowl of honey nut cheerios. So there you go.

    Mary Lou- my folks and my sister and brother-in-law are staying in a hotel up the street. They know that there is no room at this inn and hasn’t been since the kids got big enough to not want to abandon their rooms to relatives. Plus, my dad still has his martinis at night and my sister her red wine so it is best for them to return to their nice rooms and partake there. And at this stage, frankly, I think we ALL welcome the break from each other. It took me several years to get over the guilt of making my family pay to stay in a hotel when I always stay with them when I go visit. But when I allowed myself to remember that their houses are huge and they have actual guest rooms and numerous bathrooms, well, I used a big old can of guilt-be-gone.

  707. Maureen- I have a funny aspie story for you. Yesterday Emma and her friend, Watson (the awesome aspie), took the AP Latin exam. He is a Latin lover too. Emma said after the exam they looked at each other and said, “Now to the library to look up more Latin!” They wanted to make sure they had gotten some of the translations correct. I had to get Sam from running after work, but before I left I called Emma (who was still at the downtown library with Watson) to make sure he was still going to drive her home. When she answered her cell phone I said, “Is Watson still going to drive you home?” and in the background I heard him say, “No, we are going to get hookers and blow.”

    hahahahaha Emma just said, “don’t mind him.”

  708. Linda – Love it! I have found that most Aspies have a really funny sense of humor! I told my students that I wanted a T-shirt that says “Most of my favorite people are Aspies” because it’s true. Have you seen Augusten interviewing John Elder on his tractor?

  709. Molly, we will play HEARTRENDING music. We’ll build shrines to the entire Cash family. In fact, the only rule I would consider imposing it: No Crying And Firing At Once. It’s a recipe for ugly.

  710. Though, confession, Andy and Youngest are fishing, Eldest stayed at a friend’s house, so Middle and I are having a NeuroTypical morning and it is so mellow!

  711. The cows are heading out to pasture. Gotta go check that the fence is OK and then take Middle to town for his viola adjudication.

    I will then be ALONE in my HOUSE! Yeeha! Think I’ll throw on some pointy-toe boots, unlock the gun cabinet, and git on down to the Glock and Rabbit.

  712. Enjoy that precious alone time, Mo. I am headed out to the airport to meet up with sis and bro-in-law. It is raining again but the forecast is good for the rest of their visit. Time to be a tourist in my hometown!

  713. Thanks, Ken, for that info! Very interesting. On the one hand, I’m glad we have the option to affirm rather than swear on the Bible, but I would personally feel awkward to have to do it–I’d wonder whether the court would have a negative reaction to that. (As the article points out, people may see this as a reason to doubt the testimony, etc.)

    So, bottom line for me–it’s better than nothing, but less than ideal.

  714. If only Loretta had had this ….

  715. Morning responses from one who went to bed earlyish to start reading the Little House books straight through for the first time in years…

    Jenny…I go with Kate’s opinion that they are first and foremost just People, and that dictates what you will get more than gender (I have one of each, totally different from each other, and equally but differently dear to me…) That said, and given all the scores of children I have co-raised over the years (family daycare home here) there are many gender based differences that Do exist, despite the beliefs held dear to us old hippies that we could actually raise children that had None. I agree that boys are, for example, generally more straight forward…BUT, it will be a joyful relationship because you belong to each other, not because you are better at understanding one gender more than the other…Really.

    Amanda…Happy Happy Happy Day!!!

    Kittery…If you would move to Durham, I would be your Mom away from Mom…(thanks to Maureen for the phrase)…I could give you a Gardenia bush!

    Linda…where can I order the canned Guilt-be-Gone? By the case.

    Hair dye yes or no?
    I go back and forth on this one, as I am a few years further down the road of grayness, and can never decide when it”s time to give in…

    In the caps vs. bolding decision, Sarah has released me from angst by reminding me of the Charles Dickens connection…I now embrace my caps, while enjoying the bolding of others!

    And the last word on my “someone here doesn’t pay enough attention to me” whine…Seriously, I meant to take responsibility for my own insecurities and crazy thoughts, to make the others who mentioned theirs feel Not Alone…You are all precious people who are teaching me SO MUCH good stuff on a daily basis, sometimes it’s hard to fall asleep!

  716. Jenny, I totally didn’t even see or read such a post.


  717. thanks

  718. NoraBlogicle, I’ll skip all the meaningful replies on gender (I’m in complete agreement with you, by the way — we can as easily say there is no difference between genders as we can say there is no difference between individuals) and go straight to hair dye. In the past, let’s say, six months, I’ve discovered this is a topic about which much passion is aroused. Who knew? And every time I’ve confessed that the last time a chemical met my head was in 1987 — a temporary color, at that — and that I can’t imagine dyeing my hair as a grown grown-up, I get the same response, “Of course you will.” There have been variations, such as, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Mind you, not only was I not expressing an opinion on what anyone else does, I don’t HAVE ONE. Imagine: I give less thought to the hair of others than I do to my own, and I don’t own a comb. So it wasn’t judginess that provoked ire, it was the opposite. One particular person (she’s always mad at me about something or other, ’tis true) said, “Yuk. Then just keep your gray hair away from me and the rest of civilization, because it’s rude not to maintain your appearance.” I thought about it, and said, “Okay.” I write this from my living room, where I’m currently wearing a long thermal shirt imprinted with a New Orleans manhole cover; a pair of men’s boxer shorts; and a pair of furry striped socks with non-skid rubber dots on the bottom — Jodi sent them to me. I still have neither dyed nor combed my hair, and thus have absented myself from civilization in the interests of humanity. Thank you, Internet, for allowing me to talk to NB in this way, isolated as we are by HAIR.

    That is not meant to be construed as an opinion about your own decision, whatever it may be — you’ll look the same to me either way.

  719. Haven, that sounds comfy. 🙂

    Nora, THANK YOU! 🙂 ❤

  720. hair is the farthest thing from my mind, as well as the closest. people who tell people to dye their hair should die by hair, as in shaved by an old fashioned razor strap until they bleed. live by the comb, die by the blade!

  721. Suzanne, that was just a top-shelf response. You should consider a new career in Twain-style epigrams. He left fewer than 300, and we’ll use them until we cease to employ an alphabet. The field is wide open for you!

  722. Haven-
    I’m a few days late on this, and just realized that I haven’t commented in wow, months, (but have been reading!) and just have to say: Amen, sister. If I understood the world of Twitter, it would be tweeted. As it is, I plan to try to figure out how to link it on Facebook.
    Ps: I listened to She Got Up Off the Couch on a solitary road trip last month and found myself in tears in more than one location between Ohio and Philly. (There was laughter too, of course.) Thanks for the amazingly crafted words.

  723. at last! a wide open field!

    i always think COUCH is my favorite kimmel book, until i think of SOLACE and SRLAS and TUW and Zippy and then…well, i get all balled up. my ability to make even the smallest decision has become disabled. i am have inadvertantly stumbled into the sensory deprivation tank. it’s not half bad in here. i await further operating instructions from the gods. i’ve developed patience, finally, andi don’t really like it. i can see why it was the last of the virtues i chose to adopt. it’s a lemonade stand in the mohave.

  724. i Twittered once. it was like spitting in the wind, and having one’s spit carried farther by other people who were also spitting into the wind. MOST unsatisfactory.

  725. OH! OH! I just remembered poetry. thank god.your remark about the Field jogged the memory of a marvelous Mark Strand poem which seems to articulate everything in my life now. i’ll go git it….

    naturally in my MATERIAL POSSESSIONS PURGEFOR THE MOVE, i have not lost my mind completely; i saved all my slim volumes of poetry….


    In a field
    I am the absence
    of field.
    This is
    always the case.
    Wherever I am
    I am what is missing.

    When I walk
    I part the air
    and always
    the air moves in
    to fill the spaces
    where my body’s been.

    We all have reasons
    for moving.
    I move
    to keep things whole.

    –Mark Strand
    Pultizer Prize Winner
    From “New Selected Poems”

  727. And the coloured girls say

    Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
    Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
    Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
    Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo

  728. POEM

    He sneaks in the backdoor,
    tiptoes through the kitchen,
    the living room, the hall,
    climbs the stairs and enters
    the bedroom. He leans
    over my bed and say he has come
    to kill me. The job
    will be done in stages.

    First, my toenails
    will be clipped, then my toes
    and so on until
    nothing is left of me.
    He takes a small instrument
    from his keychain and begins.
    I hear Swan Lake being played
    on a neighbor’s hifi and start to hum.

    How much time passes,
    I cannot tell. But when I come to
    I hear him say he has reached my neck
    and will not be able to continue
    because he is tired. I tell him
    that he has done enough,
    that he should go home and rest.
    He thanks me and leaves.

    I am always amazed at
    how easily satisfied
    some people are.

    – Mark Strand

  729. I am always amazed at
    how easily satisfied
    some people are.

    I WANT THIS TATTOOED ON MY ARM. Or at least on my tombstone.

    It may actually replace my current favorite:

    I wish I was like you, easily amused.

  730. there’s more Mark Strand on my blog. click my name above and you’ll find it. he is the reason i wrote poetry for so long, he is the reason i fell in love forever with words.

    and then in college i was taught by phil levine — another giant/Pultizer prize dude? and one day in class i asked Levine if he knew Mark Strand. he smiled his crooked teeth great man smile and said, with obvious relish:”He’s my best friend.”


  731. CARYL just called from vegas. she’s having a great time. and she was sunning her bad ass self at the HUGE, enormous hotel pool and struck up a conversation with the couple next to her. turns out the man was from Mooreland, and he was haven’s boyfriend in fifth grade.

    the world is round, to quote gertrude stein. and the blog has a frightening, delightful magnetic forcefield that is otherworldly.


  732. Hey kids…

    Spent most of the day yesterday in the air above the U.S. My flight went from Vegas to New York City, NYC to DC. I spent the whole flight watching Nevada give way to Utah and the Rockies flatten out by the plains of Kansas and suburbs of Chicago give way to burbs of NYC reaching clear out to Scranton.

    And my thoughts…most of them, were so earthbound.

    How am I ever going to catch up with the posts?

  733. Just went out to check out my car, which was parked outside and unlocked, I am sorry to say. Of course, it was ransacked (not that a normal person could tell because of the general disarray of my car’s interior.) What was stolen amounted to a GPS handheld that was worth maybe 25 dollars on Ebay. What they missed is my bitchin’ vintage 1960ish Ray Bans with the 18k wide gold rims and the green optical glass lenses worth about $300.

    I think they also got some change that I generally fling in the passenger seat as I pay tolls and parking meters.

    My thief was an idiot.

    My thief also wasn’t a golfer. I had my set of Ping irons — worth around $700 and a couple of Calloway woods, worth around $500.

    May all our thieves — material and spiritual robbers — be stupid to what is truly valuable.

  734. Hey George. Welcome home.

  735. Haven, I’m leaving tonight for Montana. YAY! I’m so excited I haven’t seem my older sister and her boys in almost 10 years. I’m going to squeeze a couple of your books into my bag so my sister can read them. 🙂

  736. Suzanne: Caryl just called you from Vegas…tell her I got home yesterday and said, :}

  737. I dye my hair for one reason and one reason only. To make it the color that God FORGOT to make it. I probably won’t go grey until I am at least 50, and then I am going to RUN WITH IT. HELLS YES. Unless I keep dying it black, then I will make sure I have a bitchin’ grey streak down the middle. HUZZAH.

    Nora/Sherrill, don’t you change a THING.

    Is that story about Caryl by the pool TRUE????? Good Lord ABOVE.

  738. George- did you and Caryl get to meet?

  739. All you twitter haters? I have three words for you. Hot. Amish. Chick.

  740. HAVEN:” You should consider a new career in Twain-style epigrams.”

    i’m afraid there will be many of my perversely sound epigrams, aka Finnagrams, not nearly so good as Twain’s, in my next book, written for men , entitled

    The Little Black Book of Sexual Semaphores
    52 Signal That She Wants To Have Sex. With You.

    my brilliant friend Scott Johnson, of the LBJ Johnson lineage only way cooler, conceived it for me after i’d deciphered some signals women were tossing his way. he was confused. i believe it’s the natural state between the sexes, to be befuddled.

    so, it’s going to have a black moleskin cover and be not tiny but hand sized —-and it will be indexed from A – Z, just like a man’s little back book. i’ll write two Signals/Sexual Semaphores for each letter of the alphabet — SMALL PARAGRAPHS. and some simple pen ank ink illustrations.

    i have 12 pages done. 50 pages left. and 14 days to finish it. i am a lazy good for nothing single mom who can only do one thing at a time — like an infant. and that one thing is selling this abortion of a house. 26 days until escrow closes. and oh how slow the days pass now. the cock is like



    have mercy.


    I confess that when i started to date again 5 years after my divorce, I marched myself into a stationery store and purchased a little black book. it was an act of glee and greed and i carry it in my purse, still. Now i have insights from those dating years, which i always refer to as my NYMPHOMANIA 05 and NYMPHONIA 06 Tour.

    also? i thought it would be an interesting exercise to write to a specifically male audience. oh my god men just love the concept of this book. oddly enough, so do the women i know. they want to peruse it for accuracy and amusement.

  741. I forgot to say I am the ONLY WOMAN in my family who has ever put color on her hair. All the ladies prefer to grow old gracefully and normally. Again, I dye my hair simply because I am a weirdo.

  742. I’ll buy it Suzannne. And gift-wrap it, and give it to my friend Brian.

  743. Suzanne- Freudian slip 🙂

    the “cock” is like…

    Sex on the mind, hmmmm? Yeah, well, me too.

  744. Suzanne: I was going to point that slip out to you, but you beat me to it…

    Linda: Did Caryl and I meet in Vegas? You know that old adage…let’s put it this way: we caught up.

  745. I am counting on being left behind.

    i will cook for the Glock & ))))))), can’t remember . . .

    also, we will overtake flea market and antique malls and turn them into art installation centers . . . oh, fun . . .

    we can have bonfires. I love bonfires. a/k/a wienie roasts. I have a few wienies I’d love to roast.

    am off to beautiful my colored hair in preparation for the dining out with my hunky hubby and to see Elton John and Billy Joel, together. And then I hope to utilize the new Betsey Johnson sleepwear . . .

    It is rainting elephants and whales here in TN . . .

    shibitz. don and I still prefer the “fuck me!” cursing and then the other will say “ok!” or “When!” or “don’t you remember last night!”

    we attempt to restrain ourselves aroundst Claire . . . but the teens, we attempt to completely mortify them. the longer they are disgusted by the idea of sex, the better.

    we each have our own dream worlds.

  746. dagnabbit – it is hailing now.

  747. ok…back to my madcap life: i am vaccuuming a week’s worth of dog and cat hair from the carpets….then, if I have time, might do some weed whacking (and not how I might have weed whacked in 1974)

    finally, nora, glad you like Hunters Horn. I just truly, madly and deeply love Harriet Arnow.

    I am reading Richard Wright these days…when I can’t take it…I switch off to Alice Hoffman (reading my way through both of them.)

  748. oh

    just started Kim Edwards’ “The Secrets of the Fire King” . . . which I am enjoying (each chapter is a short story).

    here is her dedication, which I love

    To Tom,
    who built me a room of my own



    re: COCK

    i’ve been slipping around Freud CONSTANTLY lately. it’s become the way i speak.

  750. This is actually Molly.

    I’ve been at graduations/school all day. Woot!

    If you would, please pray for Aiden. Megan had to rush him to the hospital today. He couldn’t stand up and was in a lot of pain. Fast forward several hours, they have no idea what’s wrong. Xrays/blood work came back fine, so that’s good. But still.


  751. I hope he’s okay Molly. :: hugs ::

  752. Oh, Molly. I will certainly pray for Aiden. Keep us updated.

  753. Oh, Aiden! Sweetness child! Thinking of him.

    Just finished Home Safe. Pulled some more branches out of the pond at the hermitage site. Went to Salvation Army with los hermanos Ramos and found The Pickup by Nadine Gordimer and Secret Self, an anthology of short stories by women.

    My house is still God awful, but Andy’s fish is currently first on the leader board of the Scottsdale Lake Cayuga challenge. Hoot! Hoot!

    Best wishes to Emma: Salve, discipula!
    Best wishes to Amanda Almost Clouds, now married?

    Molly – keep us posted.

  754. Hello all of my loves. I just woke up from a 2 hour nap and knowing me, I will probably be back asleep by midnight. I think I need more iron.
    I was at the mall today and I found myself in a store named Forever 21. It made me realize I am 1. Not 21, 2. Have no intention of wanting to be 21 forever and 3. Am not a stripper.
    Thinking of Molly and her family.
    Nora~ I have a feeling I will coloring my hair until I roll on out of this world.

  755. Kit~
    I was just watching Harry Potter on tv and I thought of you and the Weasley Twins comment with your cell phone. Oh how I giggled:)
    And I LOVED the Anne Boleyn comment above. I have a slight obsession with the Tudor family.

  756. Amy…
    I’m wondering what form your Tudor obsession takes…
    I ask because I loathe and detest the (almost)entire Tudor gene pool. I’ve been studying British history for almost my whole life, and they are the ones who never fail to make my toes curl…

    Do you watch the TV series that’s on now?
    I do, because it’s beautiful to look at, and confirms all of my opinions about them!

    If you love them, I hope you won’t lose all respect for me!

  757. You know Nora it’s funny, I was never a fan of British Lit in college ( to me Harry Potter is Bristish Literature at it’s finest!!ha!) and only stumbled upon the whole Tudor family from reading the “fictionalized” Phillipa Gregory stories. I wanted to know more ( ie. the truth) and have found myself searching and reading about them when I should be um, well working:)
    I just find it so fascinating! I have’t watched the series. I tried to find it on HBO the other day but apparently that is the only series they don’t have back episodes of. I love that you hate them! I haven’t figured out my position yet:)

  758. Oh, I love the whole Tudor thing. They are indeed very dastardly. I just find the whole thing so fascinating. I read biographies, reference material, and yes, the Phillipa Gregory.

    I adore the show! I’m glad that doesn’t make you think less of me Nora!

    Amy, the show is on Showtime… I think it’s worth a watch. It is very beautiful. And Harry is just starting to really crack. It’s just creepy to watch.

  759. Well Amber that would explain why I couldn’t find it. Lord, it’s amazing I can even tie my own shoes.
    Have you heard from Molly?

  760. So I have a funny to share with you. Amber’s going to tell it her way later but MY WAY IS JUST AS TRUE!

    I was driving us downtown to go have dinner and drinks with a friend (NOTE: Amber hates driving). I was on the phone with my bro-in-law, getting more details about Aiden (on crutches, “woe-is-me” but mostly ok…they have an appointment Monday for more detailed stuff), and I turned a block early. I was confused by my whereabouts (mostly, “why the fuck I did I turn THERE?”), so I decided to turn left on 1st to get back to where I “should” be. So I turn left.

    Into the “oncoming” traffic side of the median split road.


    But Sweet Baby Jesus, Amber makes it sound like I took us 300 mph, the wrong way on the the Indy 500 track DURING the Indy 500.

    All I’m saying is that THERE WERE NO CARS COMING.

    And also this:

    The woman who is giving me hell 🙂 about this itty bitty incident on an empty road is the same one who directed me (by her silence) NORTH on I-95 across the GEORGE WASHINGTON BRIDGE at 5.30 p.m. when she should have said “NO, STUPID!!! WE WANT SOUTH!!! NOT MANHATTAN!!! SOUTH!!! DAMN YOU, SOUTH!!!” I believe it cost us $20 and 2 hours to get find our way out again.

    So. Amber? You may tell your side of the story now. 🙂

  761. hugs to molly and family.

    i have highlighted my hair a couple of times, long ago. since then, no hair dye for me. i am not opposed, i am just lazy and can’t afford the upkeep. psssssttttt: little secret: i have not shaved my legs in over 15 yrs–maybe more, i stopped counting. i said i was lazy. to be fair, my leg hair is basically invisible, unless you catch it just right in the sun. i feel it in the wind, too. i can say for sure, that i will never shave my legs again. EVER. and i am pissed that stupid puberty made me do it at all. i do shave the pits. ok, done giving out personal info that crosses privacy and comfort lines.

  762. Thank you for the love, blog babies; I am so grateful.

    I was very afraid waiting for the blood test results, but those were fine. They think Aiden’s problem could be related to separated growth plates, but that’s usually in really overweight children, and Aiden is very thin and wiry–kinda fairy-ish in his build (and his sweet little EARS). So basically, they gave him MOTRIN and sent him home.

    Megan will see a pediatrician on Monday, and in her own words, “And he may not know it yet, but he IS referring us to an orthopedic surgeon.” Doug has promised to brandish his taser (remember, he’s a bad ass US Marshal) at the doc until we get our referral. I said his gun would be scarier, but he said a doctor would know how much more painful the taser would be. Then Doug told me I should lick an electrical socket.

    That was about the time I made the wrong turn and ended up in Albuquerqe. (Or however the fudge you actually spell it.)

  763. Shanna, wherever you are, dear, I second your motion for needing “staff.” I am WICKED tired of doing it all myself.

  764. I am home! What happened in Vegas with George will forver stay in Vegas, but suffise to say we did catch up.
    I really did sit next to a couple at the pool, who live in Indianapolis, and we went from there to the fact that he grew up in Mooreland and knows our Ms. Haven quite well. The rest is for my unauthorized biography of her sweetness.
    Missed you all, and Molly I will keep Aiden in my thoughts and prayers. Best wishes to Amanda, cannot wait to hear all about it. Kate, you always have a bossy bit of love here in Ca. and a poolside room to sleep in. Sher, I always hear you.
    Do I have time to catch up on the rest of this post, before you all start over again? I doubt it so I will leave with a big muah kiss.

  765. CARYL! HI!

  766. aS WE have verily confirmed beforehand, I am unlike most people. in that sense, I am a deviant.

    so, awesome dinner with Donny at J. Alexander’s in Nashville. I ate dead cow, it was delicious.

    then on to the concert . . . Billy Joel and Elton John.

    It rocked in all ways. Of course, during “River of Dreams” I am holding my hands up and open as if I am in a charismatic church service . . . that song brings me to my knees every time.

    River of Dreams Lyrics
    Artist(Band):Billy Joel

    In the middle of the night
    I go walking in my sleep
    From the mountains of faith
    To the river so deep
    I must be lookin’ for something
    Something sacred I lost
    But the river is wide
    And it’s too hard to cross
    even though I know the river is wide
    I walk down every evening and stand on the shore
    I try to cross to the opposite side
    So I can finally find what I’ve been looking for
    In the middle of the night
    I go walking in my sleep
    Through the valley of fear
    To a river so deep
    I’ve been searching for something
    Taken out of my soul
    Something I’d never lose
    Something somebody stole
    I don’t know why I go walking at night
    But now I’m tired and I don’t want to walk anymore
    I hope it doesn’t take the rest of my life
    Until I find what it is I’ve been looking for
    (Three beat Pause)
    In the middle of the night
    I go walking in my sleep
    Through the jungle of doubt
    To the river so deep
    I know I’m searching for something
    Something so undefined
    That it can only be seen
    By the eyes of the blind
    In the middle of the night (break)

    I’m not sure about a life after this
    God knows I’ve never been a spiritual man
    Baptized by the fire, I wade into the river
    That is runnin’ through the promised land
    (Long Five beat Pause)

    In the middle of the night
    I go walking in my sleep
    Through the desert of truth
    To the river so deep
    We all end in the ocean
    We all start in the streams
    We’re all carried along
    By the river of dreams
    In the middle of the night

    jeez us christ. kills me. slays me. just like u2’s ‘still haven’t found what I’m looking for” and dixie chicks’ “wide open spaces” . . .

    anyways, let’s just say a good night was had by ALL, and now, post-betsey johnson sleepwear, I am wide-the-fuck-awake.

    so am going to work on some paintings and hopefully sleep in the early morn.

    missed you all and that of you all this evening.

    Note: to Richard/Erin. This is interesting about the alternative to the swearing on the ‘bible’ – but I don’t think I, either, should have to make an issue of it . . . . and I know baptist family members who would never believe a person who refused to swear on their version of the bible.

    I would swear on the Tao. The Rumiate (sp?) I’m slightly buzzed, too . . .

  767. Nora, I like the Tudors ’cause they were so interesting. Not because they were fine, upstanding people and we should all strive to be like them. 😉

    Amy, I was going to watch HP&TGOF! But I looked at the clock yesterday and realized that it had started an hour and a half earlier. 😦
    I’m thinking when it comes to all the important things (Harry Potter and the Tudors,
    not religion and politics), we are twins. 😉

  768. Ugh. Stupid italics

  769. Caryl: I’m a wee bit jealous but I’ll try to soldier on. I guess we all have to share George but I don’t like it.

    Kittery: we have all the HP movies and The Goblet of Fire rocks.

    Sher: It’s a treat to see two legends at one time. I just loved that concert.

    Busy, busy weekend with sleepovers, family wedding, community service and a new school orientation.

    Have a great day.

  770. This is a post I will be referring people to. You know, those people I encounter everyday who are so tied to their own prejudices, they can’t see the forest for the trees.

    I’m very much ‘a live and let live’ kinda girl. I was raised by a gay man who lived during a period in our history where it was dangerous to be openly gay. As a young girl I found myself hopeful that my father would find that special someone, and fearful that if he did, the ramifications could be severe.

    It’s very hard to debate gay marriage from a strictly moral standpoint. I find that prejudice is almost always grounded in either ignornance or self righteousness, and those roots run far too deep to mine up. Your post presents gay marriage from a position that any American should be able to digest.

    Everyone seems to be so afraid of what they will be losing by allowing same sex couples to marry. I fear much more for what all of us are losing when we don’t allow it.

  771. Sher~
    J Alexander’s is my favorite. Um, their honey butter covered coissants? My own personal demon.
    I have never seen Billy Joel but have seen Elton John and I cannot imagine the magic they create.
    Caryl is home!!!!

  772. Oh and Wide Open Spaces makes me cry everytime I listen to it.

  773. Have- when I first saw your post I thought it said “Haven – the tee shirt” Kind of like- Chitty Chitty Bang Bang – The Movie… kind of thing. I thought, OOOH another tee shirt. Yippee. But you are “Have the T-Shirt” LOL Welcome!

    Good morning babies. I will not ask anymore about Caryl and George’s catching up. I am just glad you had the opportunity to do whatever it was you did or did not do. 🙂

    Glad you had a good time at the concert, Sher!

    My side of the family arrived safely yesterday. We went to O’Charleys for dinner. Everyone had beer and wine except for Sam (choc. milkshake) and me (water) The waitress acted like there was something wrong with me as I was the last to order. When I said, just water, she said, oooh going all out tonight are we? hardy har har

    But, it was fine. Emma actually skipped the dinner to be with her friends downtown which I think was smart of her. She will get a big ‘ol dose of the fam today starting with church to which I must go in about 15 minutes. So, I will see you all later.

    Have a wonderful day!

  774. I am still a bit wigged out by seeing Amber’s gravitar with a message starting, “This is actually Molly.” My brain continues to hiccup over that one.

    I wanted to start this post, “This is actually Molly,” but given that 1) this isn’t actually Molly and 2) the subject Molly was posting about under Amber’s gravitarious gaze was serious (Aiden, and the fear and uncertainty a situation of that sort engenders), I decided not to play.

    Also, in order to pull it off, at some point I would have had to start writing in bold, meaning to end the bold after “bold,” but neglecting to close the bracket when I meant to and ending up with something possibly awkward to read, if easy to understand. Or… so I’ve read.

    That, and I don’t know all the Best Swears. Nope, no one can do Molly like Molly.

    That there’s a compliment, Toots.

    Mary Lou,

    Your pictures are great! I love how you so definitely look out from your eyes through the years (not everyone does), at least, that’s the impression I have from the pictures you posted. I’d be interested to hear why you chose the pictures you did, and how you and Santa Claus got on through the years after what looked to be an uncertain beginning. I was hoping there would be one last picture of you standing in front of a yacht, to provide closure to the early promise of the blue boat pose, but I guess I’ll have to wait.


    Did you have any success with your attempt to photograph your local owls? Love them, I do.


    I once saw a woman attempt to unscrew her arm and give it to someone else, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Caryl.

    ~ S.

  775. Sarah, there are not words for how much I adore you. You can impersonate me any time. I know my odds of getting Sucked Up during the Rapture would be greatly increased if you did.

    Though Amber and I decided if one doesn’t go, the other doesn’t want to either. I say, “Fuck that shit” in my best Rob impersonation.

    OH–we remembered our funny moment from the movie the other night, and SO SAD, it actually didn’t have anything to do with Hugh Jackman’s arms.

    I bought a frozen Coke because I was almost on fire with heat, and Ambie and I got to discussing whether frozen Coke was a solid or a liquid, and I said, “Solid, but it melts in your mouth.” Then, I noticed that where my hand was on the cup was also liquid, I said, “And in my hand.” And then Amber burst out laughing because she was about to say the EXACT SAME THING.

    (ha! see, Sarah? I did it RIGHT this time. 🙂 )

  776. I think Caryl would unscrew/give away her arm if she could.

  777. Local Sunday paper articles that call out to be forwarded to blog babies…

    for maureen and all Little House lovers:

    for George, and any golf lovers (are there any? just kidding!…the description actually got me interested)

    Hair dye update
    I’ve formulated my Policy:

    Dyeing to achieve a color for the purposes of personality or mood matching…yes

    Dyeing to pretend time isn’t marching on…no

    These are not black and white (HA) issues of course… plenty of room for gray (again, HA) areas and overlapping individual interpretations…

    I kind of worship Red Hair…When I saw a picture of Caryl’s Red Haired Boy, I was pretty much a puddle of envy…In my twenties, I dyed my hair with many shades of henna on a regular basis trying so hard to get back the slight redness that shows up in my childhood pictures, but what I got was hair so dry it became a reddish haystack, and I gave up. My daughter sweet Kate also tried to be a redhead, I think feeling that although she is secure that she is loved by me, red hair would certainly seal the deal…She eventually gave up too.

    Now I just tear up when I’m in line behind Red Haired Children at Target…

    And my Policy applies just to me…No Judging Others!

  778. Nora,

    I have read through your Hair Thoughts, and am left with an important question:

    Do you really have a hedgehog, or am I thinking of somebody else?

    ~ S.

  779. Hedgehog:
    I really do…
    African Pigmy,

  780. NoraB–I dye my hair and I love doing it!!!

  781. Nora how did you come to be in possession of a hedgehog (more importantly, how can I get one)? 😉 Help me here .. can you pat hedgehogs? The only thing I know about them is Mrs. Piggle Wiggle was one.

    Molly, did you decide you like the color it is now or are you changing it? Like you said right after?

  782. Kittery,

    Hedgehog alert (Yahoo pictures), in Animals We Love.

    ~ S.

  783. Sarah! Ahhh! 🙂

  784. I have never understood why people want to deny any gay of their rights to normalcy. I met my first gay couple when I was ten annd I was the babysitter. It was kind of normal to me that two woman had a child and were openly gay. I had a house full of gay men live down the street from us all my life, and all the neighbor ladies would go down and drink pina coladas with them. It was so normal. A friend on the next block had two moms, too, but she hid it from us but we all still knew. I didn’t care then and certainly don’t now. I am just tired of all this bullshit people have to go through, just because they are in LOVE. I love that your wrote this post Haven, LOVE IT!

  785. My hedgehog, Brillo, was given to me by my friend Betsy the Animal Woman, who teaches at Carolina Friend”s School where my kids went to school. She is rather aged (Brillo, not Betsy), and we are grateful everyday when she emerges from her box..The picture you put up is a baby, and makes me remember Brillo from years ago! Now she is rather sedate, but was lively and playful in her youth.

    You can pet their little tummies, and under their chin…pretty prickly elsewhere though…

    They actually make a perfect ball of themselves. and can be rolled down the hall like a bowling ball…gently of course! This sound like animal abuse, but it’s more like a game if not overdone…

    Mrs. Piggle Wiggle was a proper British hedgehog…Large, and entirely startling to come across in an English garden.

    I would check to see if there are any breeders near you…

    Here is a sample link to a mail order (!!) breeder…

  786. This shows how much my brain is turning to mush. I had a urgent question for someone to give me our yahoo group link because I have lost it but I just posted the question in the last thread where no one will see it. Ugh. What is the link? My head hurts. thank you.


  788. Bless you, Ms. Kit

  789. Nora: if you were not a tar heel, you’d be a georgia peach! thanks for that link going to the James Dobson book. At the risk of making the rest of you upchuck, there’s been some fine literature written about golf — the best of it by John Updike. Then, there is Robert Warren Wind, a fine writer, and Bernard Darwin, the brother of Charles, who actually stole his theories of evolution from Bernard, who had discovered them on golf courses in England and Scotland. Not many people are aware of that. Bernard’s discoveries are chronicled in the work, Voyage of the Eagle or How I Shot Under Par with a Swing that Adapted to Nature. He followed that up with The True Story of Natural Club Selection.

    Caryl: Well, what can I say?

    Vanessa: Sharing is caring and there’s plenty of me to go around.

    Sher: I swear, the more I you write, the smarter you become.

    Linda: After this weekend, meet me at the Glock and Cock for a coffee and tart.

    Suzanne: Gaak, that Mark Strand guy can write!

    Finally this, two stories that happened in Vegas but won’t stay in Vegas.

    One night, I was working late so I ordered room service.

    The waiter that came in, an older guy, came in the room, set the tray down and removed the plate cover, and just without prompting said he wanted to share a story with me.

    He said he recently discovered a Honus Wagner baseball card among his deceased grandfather’s things. Such a card is a rarity among people who collect these things and can fetch easily a million dollars or more.

    So, I said, “Wow…you are one of two things. A potentially rich man or someone who owns a Honus Wagner card.”

    He said, “I put it in a safety deposit box and am going to give it to my son.”

    Then, he gave me my bill for $22.36, I tipped him three dollars and we told each other good night.

    I was just amazed by his story and how the universe arranged for him to deliver it to me.


    On the taxi, heading to Vegas. I get in and the driver is obviously Middle Eastern. I said, “How you doin?”

    Not so good, my stomach is in knots.

    Did you catch swine flu or something from all these people who get in your cab?

    No, I am worried about my family, money, religion.

    Then, he asked me what my religion was.

    I was hard pressed, but I said, I’m a Christian, but I believe in a really, really, really big God.

    He then told me he had a hard time praying five times a day and was feeling guilty about it.

    I thought for a second and I said:

    “I think God is more interested in someone who would love him 24 hours a day than someone who would only pray five times a day.”

    We didn’t talk for the rest of the ride.

    When I got out, he told me the fare, I gave him the money, plus a tip. As I turned to leave, he took my hand in both of his and said, “Thank you.”

    All I can say is I try to be a good tipper. Twenty percent is my usual number.


    Good to be back to the blog.

  790. …the $3 I tipped the waiter was on TOP of the automatic 18 percent gratuity (just in case any of you were doing the math.)

  791. George, some of my best conversations have been with cab drivers. It’s the old adage that behind every man is a story.
    I am glad you got home safe.

  792. George–what a perfect thing to say to him.

  793. Hey all~
    I am trying to get a playlist together for my wedding and I am having a hard time choosing the song I will be walking down the aisle to. It is between these 2 songs. It will be these exact versions and I honestly, only respect the opinions of my blog babies:)


  794. Amy, unless I miss my mark, Hallelujah is a sad song…I’d go for the other one…both are beautiful though.

  795. Amy, Songbird reminds me of Love Actually. That one. 🙂

  796. am here.

    vote for Songbird, too.

    i am grumpy. so i will spare you all my descent into familial reality – wish I could dwell in the afterglow of a day/night with my husband and the magic of the concert and Betsey Johnson . . . but, know, I had to wake up today.

    fuck that.

  797. Amen, Sher.

    Say it with me, dear: Fuck that shit.

  798. Hi Amy –
    I agree: I always get sad when I hear Hallelujah and I LOVE Songbird, even tracked down the Christie McVie version piano sheet music.

    I dragged large branches out of “my” pond today. I’ve got to learn to use the chainsaw.

  799. Amy, I vote for Songbird. And, sadly, I am not able to go meet Ed Norton and Robert Deniro. Have to work, don’t want to call in. Esp. since someone is going to get laid off soon. When is the wedding, by the way?

  800. God bless all of you for chiming in. I appreciate it. The wedding is 9/12.
    Ms. Kit, another drop in the bucket for us. Love Actually is one of my favorites:)
    Sometimes I tend to forget Hallelujah is sad because it moves me so much. Does that make sense?
    Sher, I am sorry you are a grumpy grumperson today. That sucks.
    Amy, I hate that you cannot go to see Edward Norton! And the hits just keep on coming for you!!! Blast!

  801. Linda, glad you checked in–glad you are surviving the big family weekend.

    Sher, what happened today? Ugh.

    Sarah, thanks for commenting on my photos on the Yahoo group. I tried to pick a few that showed some personality. Sadly, there is no yacht photo to follow up on the blue boat-shaped wading pool.

    I know Haven does not do Facebook, but those of you who do, will you friend me? I am Mary Lou Hutson in Charlotte.

  802. Yay!
    I’m the same way (Hallelujah). Molly said it was sad and I thought, ‘oh yeah. It is.’ 😉
    I blame you for what I’ve spent the past couple hours doing, Amy. Looking up wedding stuff!
    I’ve decided that I’m very cheap, lol. 😉

  803. I’ll friend you, Mary Lou, and then we can hook you up with everyone else.

  804. i am just having a day where I should be allowed to artistically be alone. this doesn’t jive with a large family, kids and teenagers, husbands, etc.

    a lot of art creatives need large chunks of uninterrupted time.

    i am not getting that . . . as the main contact for the kids, etc. even my hours in the studio are constantly interrupted by the cell

    i don’t make enough for don to take over with the kids, and I can’t make more because I can only work so much because of the kids, sometimes, like to today, it just makes me grumpy. also when something goes incredibly wrong (like a piece being destroyed) it just makes me sick at all the time I lost.

    basically I wish I could go away for a month to work in a cabin or that everybody else would leave, that I could disconnect the phones and just work.

    and this is all impossible so I feel I should shut up and quit complainging!

  805. Ok, Kittery–I’m going to wait before I leave to do my hair again. I don’t want to fry it, and it’s mellowed some…See facebook for examples. 🙂

  806. Amy-in-Ohio: not to throw a wrench in things but I went to a wedding last night and they walked down the aisle to the Hawaiian version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo’Ole. It was fabulous. Here’s the link on YouTube:

    Otherwise, I’d vote for Songbird.

  807. Hey, is anybody awake who has Sarah’s address?

  808. haven,

    let me email you….

  809. i’m still up . . . doing retail therapy via ebay!

  810. Hi guys!

    Sher, I realized that what I REALLY want is to buy this entire property down the road MYSELF and have the little hermitage for me and the cottage for whoever needs a place to BE for awhile, a kind of artistic House of Hospitality or refuge. I am actually plotting how I could do this. If you look at the pix I put on the group site, you’ll get the concept pretty quickly.

  811. […] 20, 2009 by andyb1015 Here’s a link to a post by Haven Kimmel. It talks about the 14th amendment and ensuring equal rights for everyone. Below is a sample. And […]

  812. From a long ago comment here, Haven. We overlapped at ESR in your last year there. My ex-husband, Ken Rieman, roomed with Ben and our paths crossed there.


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